"The strongest hearts have the most scars."

Dedicated to hafsaatif22 , liasteashop, jaszthewayyoulikeit ,  F3th3rA , Crownsangel67 and awakened_dreams

I highly recommend listening to "Angel by the Wings" by Sia in this chapter, while reading.

The sunrise felt like it came earlier today like it wanted to warm me from inside.  The light reflected on the table, sending the rays towards the bedroom door. The sun was bright, as it crept through the curtains, signaling that another day has started. I clenched onto the fluffy blanket, as the memories of that day played through my mind. 

Was there something I could have done differently? 

A week. That's how long I had to stay in that room. That room with the white walls, choking the life out of me. That depressing room, the host of the darkness.

"You have to rest," they said.  Why would I need rest if I already feel dead inside?

"You have to eat. Your losing weight," they said. They all looked at me like I was a broken piece of glass.

"Do you want to meet them," he asked. The question is, would I want to meet the family who left me? The family who had a life, without me?  The answer is not an easy one, Yes. I want to know why they did not want me, why they wanted my brother and not me. Then again, No. I had a life, without them, I had parents, darn shitty ones, but I had it and it led me to Alexander. 

Why would I want to risk that? For what? For who? 

Tears were welling up in my eyes as I tried to hold them back. Why do I want to cry? 

My thoughts drifted back to Nicola. They say bad things happen in pairs.... so what's next? I could not help but wonder, what bad thing is going to happen next?

I could not understand why Nicola had to die, she was the kindest and only real friend I ever had. She always looked out for me, she would always be there and help me when I had no one. She was more like a sister to me than anything else. The only real family I have ever known. 

I couldn't control it anymore, the tears were streaming down my face, my eyes burned as I clenched them together. I just need this to stop.

'Ella.' I whispered.

'Yeah.' she said back

'Were we... you know?' I asked, unsure. I did not know if I were even pregnant when I was apparently injected. The Dr. explained to me that wolves conceive just after mating and because Alexander is an Alpha... But I don't know, I did not know.

'Yes.' she said back. I could hear the regret and sadness in her voice as she closed our connection. but why would she not tell Zane? If she did, Alexander should have known. The pain started to erupt from my stomach, brewing within me as it moved towards my heart. 

This is all my fault... 

Did Alexander even want pups with me? What if he doesn't? What if he does and hates me because this is my doing? Or maybe it's because I will never be a good mother. Maybe it's a sigh by the moon goddess to show me I am... worthless.

A loud crashing sound cut my thoughts off, the source... the bathroom. The sound traveled through the silent room, begging to be heard. 

Before I knew it, I was standing in the bathroom, staring at Alexander. His clenched fists hang next to his body, as he stared into the broken mirror. Blood was dripping from his fist, I could clearly see the cut. His skin crept closer together as it healed, but the blood stayed.

"Alec?" I asked softly.

His head snapped in my direction, what I saw broke me inside.

His eyes were bloodshot, filled with tears as his eyes flashed from blue to black and then gold. He was hurting, so badly. He kept control of his tears, not one of them escaped. 

I knew him better though, I knew he was hurting.

"I can feel your pain," he said, stepping towards me.

"I can feel your worry, your sadness, your clenching heart," he said, inches away from me.

"How?" I asked confused.

"The mate bond, I feel every single thing you feel, I know your thoughts, as I am your mate. So now I do know, that you were really expecting," he whispered. His voice held so much emotion as he kissed my forehead, ever so gently, pulling me into his chest. 

He placed his one hand on my stomach and the other under my chin, lifting my face. "I failed both of you. I am so sorry." he choked out.

"It's not your fault, Alexander! Just hold onto that little hope." I said, embracing him in a hug. What is hope really? Holding onto something that won't be? Clenching onto eternal misery? 

"Why can't I feel what your feeling?" I asked, I still have a lot to learn. I still need to learn how to mind link as well, the time was just never there.

"I have walls up, over everything. All of my emotions," he said back.

"Let them down," I whispered, taking in his scent. If there is one thing I won't allow, it's him hiding from me. "Please."

"I don't want-" 

"Don't you dare, Alexander! Don't you dare hide what you're feeling, from me." I cut him off, cupping his face between my hands. I stared into his blue eyes and saw something shift within him. My thumb slowly tracing his jawline as he closed his eyes, only for a second. I've never seen him so, vulnerable and open. 

The intense feelings started in my stomach. His emotions sweep through me as a multi-layered twist. 

At first, it felt like a pinch in my heart, but then it turned into a seething pain, clenching my heart, burning like fire. 

I felt broken, drowned in regret, and utter sadness as I tried to cope with all these feelings flowing within me. How can someone feel all of this and still function, normally?

My eyes stayed glued to his as he let his walls down.  The blood in my veins became cold, as I felt his bleeding heart. 

Even with all of these emotions, I could not help but admire my mate. He still held onto me, making sure I was okay. He was dealing with all of this, and he still cared enough to make sure, I can handle it.

The last layer of his walls came down and that is what hit me, straight into my stomach. I clenched a bit, as my legs started to give way under me. Alexander kept me up straight as he pulled me into his chest. His scent hit me straight in the gut, calming my racing heart.

"You sure you can handle this?" he whispered. "If there is any chance, I don't want to put unnecessary stre-" 

"I'm fine, love," I responded, using the same nickname as he has for me. It was only then that I realized, that I had his shirt clenched between my hands.

I buried my face in his chest, tears flew from my eyes as I cried for him. How could I have been this blind, he needs me. What I do know now is that my mate is hiding so much of his own pain away. That all he wants is to keep me safe. That he wants this pup more than anything and blames himself. That he loves me, more than he tells me. That there are days he does not know if he will ever be enough for me and that he would die for me.

"Alec," I whispered, holding onto him for dear life. "I love you, just as much and so much more."

"I know." he picked me up, bridal style, and carries me out of the bathroom.

"I'm sorry." I choked out.

He placed me, ever so gently on the bed, my legs were hanging from the side of the bed and he kneeled before me. This time he had to look up to me. He blocked me out again, leaving me feeling empty inside. I guess once you get to experience that feeling of intense emotions, nothing will ever feel the same.

My eyes drifted to the bedroom floor as I thought about what we may be loosing, what we may have already lost, most likely.

I felt the tears creek up on me again, I felt the emptiness of feeling Alexander's emotions, I felt so darn emotional and like my entire body was begging me just to, let go.

So, I did.

I let go of the torrent of tears, I felt them flow off my face, leaving a burning trace on my cheeks, as they fell silently to the ground.

Warm hands covered my face, lifting my head in another direction. My eyes met his once again, but something was different.

He too has let go of his tears. 

I pulled him closer, hugging him as he placed his head on my lap. It's true, I know now. That the strongest hearts hold the most scars. 

I loved writing this chapter so much. I hope you all liked it.

PS - please vote and comment <3

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