"When things are difficult, I try to remind myself that giving up won't improve the situation."
― Fuad Alakbarov

This chapter is dedicated to someone I really look up to, a wonderful writer who is also so kind. @F3th3rA - check out her book. The Art of her. Its a great read and a really good book.

They say that fear cuts deeper than a sword, that hope is the only thing that is stronger than fear.

Where does that leave me? Betrayal is defined as the breaking of someone's trust. Quite honestly, it's much deeper than just that. It feels like a knife has been taken and stubbed in my heart. Over and over.

Katy was my friend since I could remember, goddess, she was one of my best friends. Never in a million years, would I have suspected her to be such a person, a hunter. Fuck, I did not even know she knew about 'our world'. Let alone be able to torture someone.

Thinking about her, made my heart feel like it's left up in the air. Vulnerable, Useless.

I suddenly felt a pull within me, like someone was waking me up, drawing my soul back to my body. You know that expression of bringing something back to life? That's how it feels.

I've been alone, I don't know for how long, but Ella was the only one by my side. I don't know how long we have been in this darkness. It was consuming me, in a dark hurricane of nothing.

Memories of my life flashed before my eyes, from the first time I met Nicola, until the very last moment I could remember, Alexander, saving me. I felt like a floating blob of nothing. Like air was taken from my body, squeezing the life out of me. Waiting for the last drip of sanity to leave my mind. 

Then I felt whole.

Complete and I knew I was back, back within myself. My eyes flashed open, the bright light in the room burned my eyes and I closed them again, trying to readjust my sight, from darkness to light. 

I should be happy than I am back? Shouldn't I? But no... I was not. I was only afraid, alone, and consumed by the memories of my past. Memories that haunted me in the darkness. I've hidden everything so well, I've worked fucken years on myself, and now its all back. 

He is still out there, along with his wife.

After trying to conceal my feelings and being quite good at it, I snapped out of my daydream. I looked around the room, I could smell them, my 'mate' and Lily. Still, I was, I am alone.

It took me a while to focus on my surroundings. I was surrounded by machines, beeping away like its the norm. Well for a machine it must be normal.

I don't know why, but I wanted to just leave. Leave this place. I was scared. I have not thought about my parents' abuse in years. Even though some of it happened weeks ago? I always tried to forget it, I just pretended that it did not happen. Never giving in to the sure torture and hell.

I just locked it away, because if I think about it, it hurts me, on the inside.... it's worse than living with it. I just hid it behind walls in my mind. 

Now they have unleashed what I tried my best to keep locked away.

I ripped the cords from my arms and chest and stepped out of the bed. My legs were useless, like jelly. FUCK!!!

Mentally battling myself I remembered that I shifted in the forest. So I decided to shift. Ella is much stronger than I am.

"What about Mate?" she asked me.

"I just want to get out of this place, Ella." 

"Mate saved us, Mate sat here with you the entire time! Mate loves us! He will worry." she said growling at me.

I did not reply to her. I knew what she said was true. I just don't have the energy to fight with her, not now. 

I closed my eyes and focused on my shift. I still wanted control of my wolf form, just until I'm out of here. Ella did not fight me, or me being in control. I guess she knew I needed this.

Getting out of this place is going to be much more of a pain in my ass than I thought. So I did the one thing anyone would do. 

I walked out of the room, there was no one in sight. By the goddess will and pure luck, the fire alarm was just outside my room. So... I did the logical thing.

I jumped up, on two paws, and pressed the button with my nose. 

Once I pressed that darn button, the ear-piercing sound of the alarm filled the hospital. Everyone went nuts, like wolf-stir-crazy. I saw an opening and immediately ran with the groups of people stumbling over each other to get outside of the hospital.

Once I reached the outside of the building, I took my chance to run, I don't know where but I just ran. As fast as I could.

After a short run, I stopped and noticed where my paws have led me. The last place I thought I would end up. Even after everything that happened I still ended up here. The front door was closed and so I needed to shift back. 

Standing bare naked I managed to open the door, I rushed through the house and headed to find some clothes. 

I opened the door and took in the smell of my mate... I grabbed one of his shirts and pulled it over my head. His sent was barely even picked up by me but, it was enough to calm myself. For a moment I wondered why his sent was... almost gone? I don't know but, I only heard Ella say "he was in the hospital with us." which explained it.

I crawled into his bed and pulled his covers over my body. Even though I just woke up, I was exhausted.

I drifted off to sleep again, to a different kind of darkness. 

---

"where the hell have you been bitch?" daddy asked, his words hard, cold and dripping with anger. Why? 

"I went to buy more beer, like you asked, daddy" 

"Give it here, Go to the kitchen and clean it! Spotless."

The memories of a 6-year-old girl flashed, she was alone scared. Her cheeks red, bloody and the burses from yesterday had turned a deep purple on her neck. She ran to the kitchen, almost tripping over one of his beer cans. "pick that up!" daddy said pointing to the beer cans.

I  cleaned the kitchen like he asked and then mommy came into the room. "You really are worthless, we should have left your stinky ass outside the door the night they dripped your sorry ass here. You cant even do a simple task of cleaning the kitchen."

My eyes started to burn, I cried, but I knew I had to quickly hide it. I don't want to be put in the barrel again.. no.. daddy said next time he would put me there for a week. No.. No.. No..

--

I shot up in bed, wide awake from the nightmare of my past. "FUCK!!!" I screamed, pulling my hair, I have not had a nightmare about all this crap in two years. I have gotten good at just concealing my feelings. Hiding everything away.

Sweat was dripping from my face, or was it tears? I felt the shirt cling to my body, suffocating me. I tried to calm my heart as the anxiety tried to take a hold on me. That's when I heard it.. a faint sobbing sound.

Goddess, it was me.

It took me some time to realize I was not completely alone in the room anymore. He was here.. He found me. Again
____

Alexander POV

"What the fuck do you mean she is gone?" I hissed at them. 

"She pulled the fire alarm and ran." Dr. Green said. 

I did not bother to say anything else to them. I picked up Lily and walked out of the hospital. Once I reached the outside of the hospital, I saw William running towards us. He only reached the hospital just now. 

"Shift and take Lily for a moment, Please. I need to find her." I mind linked William.

After shifting and putting on some clothes William took Lily from me. "Keep her safe. I need to find Monica." I told him.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Let's just say, I am surrounded by a bunch of idiots, William."

-

I smelled my mate, finally picking up a decent sent, I followed it. I can't believe that of all the places she could go she would go back to our home. 

"Mate scared" Zane popped up in my head like he never left. As much as I am pissed as hell at him I also felt that something was off. Something was not in place.

I checked her room, she was not there. The next stop was... my room. Why would she...

I slowly opened the door. She was still sleeping but having what seems like a nightmare... I did not know she had nightmares.. of what? Why?

"You really are stupid. Huh? Recent events maybe?!" Zane snapped in my head again.

Suddenly she shot up in bed, she started to cry, her body shaking with fear as she tried to wipe the tears from her face. It took her a few moments to realize I was here. 

I slowly stepped forward, making sure not to scare her. Once I reached the bed, I slowly sat next to her. She flinched a bit, which made Zane whine in my head like a lost puppy.  Her hands were shaking uncontrollably, I took her hands in mine, ignoring the sparks from my mate.

She jumped towards me, which I did not see coming. Her arms wrapped around my waist and her head berried in my chest as she takes in my scent. She started to cry, uncontrollably the tears fell from her face. Her body having its way with her as, she let out all of the emotions she must have had locked away, for too long.

I put my arms around her, kissing her forehead. "Your Okay, shhh, I'm here, your okay. No one is going to hurt you again. I promise ill protect you with my life" I said to her softly, trying yo comfort her.

"I'm sorry," she said finally, loosening her grip around my waist. 

"Nothing to be sorry for my love. Just rest." 

"I.... is, is that... you... Alexander?" she asked. At first, I did not realize what she was talking about. Until it hit me in the face. Like oil to a flame, it hit me hard and made me feel shame once again.

"Its all me, Monica. No more of that. I accept you as my mate. If you will still have me. I have messed up so badly. I don't know how I can fix this. I want to start over. I want to be better, I want a redo. I've been a dick, an asshole and Zane agrees. I cannot for the life of me, for everything that is King Alexander, I cannot lose you not af-"

Then she cut me off  "Thank you for saving me... I... I know it was you and Zane who saved me, but I don't want a do-over, Alexander." 

My heart clenched in my chest as she spoke those words. Was she going to reject me? I suddenly became very nervous. I can't lose her. No, I cant.

She gave me a small smile before continuing. "If I get a do-over, that means that I have to do it over again. This is how it's supposed to be Alex, this was our path. If we pretend it did not happen, who would we be? Where? Life is a journey to create yourself. It may not be pretty, but at least what we have is real and not some fake version... I care too much for you to just start over and force myself to forget the feelings I have, even after everything that happened." 

I pulled her closer, she hugged me again and I hugged her back as if my life depended on that hug. "We need to talk about this," I said, "What happened to you, and what went on here."

She nodded her head and laid her head on my chest. 

It only took her a few seconds to once again fall asleep.

Hi All. Hope this chapter was not too bad. 

Please if you have time remember to vote and comment. 

Please stay safe

M

*****

Copyright © 2020 by @wildfiremockingjay
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