'i want to unfold. i don't want to stay folded anywhere, because where i am folded, there i am a lie.' rainer maria rilke.

season 1, episode 1
wolf moon

Dusk peaked as the Degrace girl sat on her porch with only the dim porch light illuminating above her. Shadows overtook the neighborhood. Not a soul was out. No one was there to notice the mental battle Neviah fought.

Betrayal. Mal ditched her. Malikai Alexander ditched Neviah. Fifteen minutes before he was supposed to pick her up, he texted her saying he wasn't going to the party anymore. After spamming him with questions to explain, he gave a vague answer of: "Something came up." Thirteen missed calls and about two hundred text messages later, not a single word was communicated back.

Neviah exhaled, watching the air become visible and then disappear. She sat in the cold with a zip-up jacket being her shield from the weather. Her legs were left undefended due to her dark blue dress being mid-thigh length. Lydia texted her saying Jackson and her were only a few minutes away—that was ten minutes ago. Seemed like everyone was unable to tell the time.

It only added to Neviah's souring mood. She didn't even want to go to the stupid party. She would have much preferred to do work or do Stiles if he was available. However, her emotions weren't quite reflected physically. She curled the thin jacket closer, finding a growing lump in her throat. She let out a shaky exhale and closed her eyes. Her jaw pressed up on her teeth.

Neviah was mad, it boiled her core, keeping her insides warm against the cold. The feeling radiated outward, shifting into something she could only label as sadness. It all could be sourced back to disappointment—an emotion she knew all too well. She opened her eyes, inhaled, and forced everything back.

Tracing the source distracted her mind from furthering into a dwindling rut. When you find the cause of your issues, it is easier to deal with them. You could understand it better and best it, taking control and snuffing it out.

But how does one stop being disappointed by others?

Disappointment festered into anger. Mixing with her thoughts to conjure their own ideas led to sadness. She knew one way to snuff it out. She just needed to wait, and those emotions would fade with the help of liquor. They would drown and never surface again. Any other attempt to find catharsis would result in another situation like the one with Stiles. Only no sex, just a heated argument.

Two bright lights illuminate the street. A Porsche pulled up as the passenger side window rolled down. "Let's go, Nav!" Lydia said with annoyance dripping from her voice. And there stood the reason she was going to the party.

Lydia begged her a few days earlier to go, saying it would be fun. She mostly convinced Neviah to go so she would have a reason whenever she wanted to get away from Jackson. She needed a few drinks in her before she started to appreciate Neviah's presence.

Just a few minutes, she told herself with another inhale. She stood up, flattening her dress. "Don't be a bitch, Lyds."

Lydia stepped out, refusing to make eye contact but Neviah knew it would be a hard glare if she had. Neviah lived twenty minutes away from her and the party was ten minutes away from her house. She was pissed she had her extra thirty minutes taken from her that she could've used to get ready, despite having the perfect outfit. She didn't say anything.

Muttering a greeting to Jackson as she crawled into the back seat. She almost choked on the tension. Her sudden call wasn't the cause. Whatever was going on between Lydia and Jackson was starting to annoy her. They made rooms tense and awkward, constantly walking on glass shards. They continued to invite her to ease the mood, forgetting how it soured hers.

Neviah observed their changes. Lydia spared more frequent glances at other guys and that would spark flames in Jackson, yet the impulsive jock never acted. She stopped pushing to find the truth, mostly because she didn't care much about their relationship. It occurred over a party during the summer, she didn't think it would ever last long. She barely thought it would last as long as it had. Jackson would be a senior next year, there was no way he would wait for Lydia while in college—if he ever made it that far.

She huffed, leaning back into the seat. Jackson stared at her through the rearview mirror, as if she was a piece of meat. He salivated like a dog. He eyed the slit of her dress. Lydia pressed her lips flat. "You look nice, Nav."

"It's Neviah to you, Jackson," she responded plainly, not missing that Lydia tensed her shoulders when Jackson spoke then dropped them at Neviah's response. She had morals when it came to her friends' relationships—not that Lydia knew what those were.

"Right."

Crowded, restless air. Pre-party moments were supposed to be fun. Filled with gossip, hyping each other up, and pre-gaming. But no, Neviah was left to have her thoughts being the only solution to the silence. She should've walked, that definitely would have been more fun than this.

Her phone buzzed. Greenburg. How he got her number was beyond her, Neviah had given up trying to figure him out a long time ago. He sent a photo of him and his cousin, both holding Neviah's two favorite drinks.

unknown

hurry ur ass up before its gone

neviah

text me the drinks i missed

so i can catch up when i get there

unknown

ur down 3!

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Bitterness ran down her throat, scratching her throat in a painfully good way. Neviah's nose scrunched as she swallowed. A 'Woo' escaped her as she opened her eyes again. The small group of popular kids cheered with her, downing their red solo cups as she did. She had caught up with them and more at this point of the night. Her throat burned but she had grown used to the sensation.

"That was the last one!" Neviah told the group with an aching smile. Her mouth numbed after some time, maybe between the fifth and seventh drink.

Greenburg groaned, throwing his head back. "It's barely eleven, Neviah! At least two more."

The other four teenagers agreed as Greenburg poured another round of shots. They had already gone through three rounds and a few larger doses. They looked to Neviah for an answer, begging with their eyes for her to say yes. They followed her lead. She couldn't upset her people. A tolerated King should know when to give her people what they want and know when not to.

She took her cup and tapped it on the counter. She downed it quickly and raised it. "Another!"

They cheered, and another became two more, then three, then beer pong. The teenagers drank the bitter-sweet poison, allowing it to taint their minds with a mist that seduced them like a lover into loosening their control. It was quite convincing. A little devil on their shoulder told them they would get what they wanted if they listened.

And they did.

They drank, and they danced. They flirted, and they had sex. They forced everything down with liquid that couldn't be frozen, only for it all and more to rise again the following day. Dealing with the devil came with side effects.

Neviah, however, had a regular discount with the devil and his deals. It forced the side effects to be enacted slower, giving Neviah time and a tad more control than the others (from an outsider's point of view, she could have easily been seen as incredibly drunk). But the discount came with its own side effects.

The heightened desire for more.

Her fingers laced in the raven locks of a girl a few inches shorter than her. Her name was Delphina. Her doe eyes were enchanting. They called for Neviah across the room, spilling every want that she wanted that her mouth would never let her express. They reminded her of someone else's eyes. Only they lacked flacks of green.

Neviah knew Delphina from school. The half-Japanese girl with hard-working parents and a twin with his own set of problems. She followed Neviah's clique, always ready at Lydia's beck and call. She even hosted this party because Greenburg's parents suddenly came home. All because she wanted to be popular. Well, to be seen was what she really wanted. And Neviah could see her perfectly tonight, she just exactly wasn't who Neviah wanted. She would have to do.

Her eyes fluttered as Neviah pulled back from the heated kiss. Lust overwhelmed her eyes, fueling her body. The closeness of their bodies let Neviah know how that feeling impacted her heart. The organ pounded on her ribs. It almost had the capability of shaking her whole body.

They met eyes and Neviah's inebriated mind wished to lean in again. It wanted her to do whatever Delphina would allow. The desire for more. She found the taste of her lips interesting. Peppermint and vodka. Peppermint always reminded her of the winter holidays, her favorite and least favorite time of the year. And vodka was always favored year-round.

But, before she could go for another taste, an obnoxious sound stopped them.

"Neviah," Lydia shouted over the music. The redhead crossed her arms, glaring daggers at Delphina. She was drunk, but no matter how much alcohol was in her system, she was still scared of Lydia. She scurried away, off to hide herself from further embarrassment.

Neviah pouted, waving goodbye. She turned back to Lydia, still pouting. "You didn't have to send her away, Lyds!"

"Do you know how many drinks you've had?" Lydia asked, tilting her head. Her attitude from earlier still lingered and projected onto Neviah. It tainted the mood.

Neviah opened her mouth to answer, she looked up, racking her brain for the number. Somewhere between one and one hundred. "Nooo, but that doesn't mean you send away a nice girl!" She smiled widely, taking a sip of her drink. "Like, incredibly nice."

"You're drunk," Lydia whisper-shouted, snatching away Neviah's drink. She whined, reaching for the cup. Lydia handed it off to some guy, who cheered at the free drink. She grabbed Neviah's hand. "Come on, I'll have Jackson take you home."

Neviah pulled back, still holding Lydia's hand. "I'm not...going home," she said, stretching her speech out. Sitting in her empty house was all she ever did. The silence rang. She hated it. "I came here to have fun. Maybe, you should try it for once, having fun."

Hurt darkened in Lydia's brown eyes. Neviah knew all the buttons to press for her to break. She never needed to use them, nor wished to. But being inebriated makes one forget reason.

"You're just embarrassing yourself, Neviah. Letting people see you like this is going to go bad."

Her words didn't penetrate Neviah's mind. Her walls rose and stayed sturdy as they were hit with demeaning words. She smiled. "We're at a party, no one here gives a fuck if we're drunk and dancing."

The Only Girl in the World by Rihanna sounded, followed by cheers and teenagers getting recharged to dance their hearts out. Neviah looked down at Lydia with excitement. "Dance with me."

Before a response could leave her mouth, Neviah led them closer to the speakers and started to dance. After a few pleading looks from Neviah, the music took over the two girls. They danced, screaming the lyrics in the other's face. As it did for the other teenagers in the room. Their bodies yielded to the music, allowing each beat to conquer their developing minds. Pure teenage excitement exploded in every one of them. In loopy, wide smiles, freedom expressed its cause. A single night of fun erased the multitude of bad days.

And then, it was just them. It was just Neviah and Lydia. It must have been the alcohol. How easy it warped her mind. Neviah tilted her head down to Lydia, forgetting who she was. She bit her lip, flickering to the eyes that stared intensely into hers. Curiosity.

Neviah stepped back as the song ended. She smirked as Lydia continued to gaze at her. "I knew you had it in you to have fun. We should try it again—" she gasped as an idea came to mind—"after I get another drink!"

Spinning on her heels, Neviah maneuvered towards the liquor. Lydia called out for her to stop, but her voice drowned under the music. Her path was disturbed by two odd teenagers with worry and fear being their only emotional state.

"Have you seen Scott?" Stiles asked, shouting over the music. She eyed his lips.

"Why would I know where Scott is?" Neviah giggled, gaining Harley's attention. "Maybe, he's with Allison. Having lots of fun...naked."

Stiles grimaced, contemplating something. He turned to Harley. "If he hasn't caused a scene yet, he must be fine." Harley hesitantly nodded with a frown.

"Well, if you two nerds are done, you're in my way of trying a bourbon and vodka mix, so," Neviah hummed, waving her hands for them to part and let her pass. Stiles listened like a puppy, while Harley crossed her arms and stepped in front of her.

"You're drunk, you don't need to drink anymore."

Cute, Neviah thought. "Didn't know you were my mother. Where've you been the last six years?" she asked, trembling her bottom lip. Harley narrowed her eyes. Neviah's games were never fun enough for her. "Oh, right... Now, move."

Reluctantly, Harley did. Neviah found herself back where it all started; with a drink in hand, silencing her thoughts as music and inebriated teenagers were tuned out.

She noticed someone through the window, standing in the backyard like a creep. The douche in the leather jacket. He watched the teenagers dancing some feet away, where Neviah couldn't see. This time he was close enough for her to get a better look. Pale face, dark eyes, and light eyes. She knew those eyes. Neviah jerked in confusion.

In a blink, he was gone.

She pushed the plastic cup, letting pops send her into a trance. Was that really D-

"God, I hope not. You gonna tell him you've been seeing his little sister," a voice mused beside Neviah. A condescending laugh echoed, stinging Neviah's chest. No.

She pushed the plastic cup again. Pop. Pop. Pop.

"Hm? Are you ignoring me? It's not nice to ignore people."

The cup squeaked as Neviah's grip tightened. Music and inebriated teenagers quieted, yet it appeared as if everything was the same. They danced, speakers vibrated, lights flashed. The world continued. They didn't see what she did. They wouldn't understand if they did. She grew used to revelation.

"I bet Harley wouldn't be ignoring me."

Liquid fell onto Neviah. Her hand forced the blue cup to succumb under her control. The voice giggled as it faded and everything around her increased again.

Neviah huffed, tossing the broken cup into the trash and grabbing a paper towel. Her clothes were dark; she didn't care if there was a stain, only that it looked like her breasts were leaking under the flashing lights.

She faced away from the crowd and rubbed the area. The more she did, the more it spread. Like everything else in the world, it annoyed her. She pushed harder with another paper towel.

Then, everything shifted. The stain wasn't an alcohol stain anymore. Mud smudged her chest. Her hands were caked with dirt. Smoke thickened in her lungs. Clouds congregated over the trees. Rain fell like bullets. Each droplet slammed into the Earth, making a musical piece. It wasn't real.

Neviah squeezed her eyes. Cups scattered around the granite counters. Stains from the drinks and meal preparations were embedded into the counters. Her hands smeared the mud. Music blared and color-changing lights flashed. This was real.

Right?

"Hey, Nav." A hand was placed on her shoulder, turning her slightly. She jolted. Malikai stood beside her wearing a hoodie, and dull eyes. He looked as if he was the personification of tiredness.

"Lookie, it's the liar!" Cora's voice stated with a child-like tone, returning beside Neviah. 'Liar' was muttered repeatedly by multiple voices. She ignored them. It wasn't her.

The girl flinched. "What're you doing here?"

He glanced at Harley, who stood at the island, watching them. How long was she standing here? "Harley called me. Let's go home, okay?" He kept a steady eye contact with her, moving his hand to hold hers. He did it to keep her focused on him.

"I, um, have to get the stain," she explained, reaching for the paper towel.

Mal grabbed her other hand. "There's no stain, Neviah." She looked down. Her clothes were spotless. Her hands were clean. Her breath picked up. He slipped his hands over hers. He squeezed them, gaining her attention again. "Let's go home."

"No," the voice started. There wasn't a playful tone in their words anymore. "You don't have a home, remember? It's gone. You did it."

Neviah looked at the spot the voice came from. There was no one there, yet she knew the person who would've stood there. She could imagine her as clear as day. But she wasn't there, and Neviah knew that. She looked back at Mal.

"Okay."

༻❁༺

and again, for such a short chapter, so much happened.

ive always wondered what my fics are like to readers because i already know what's gonna happen and sometimes it still shocks me.

anyway, about this chapter. if the last part was confusing, neviah does have psychosis. which, if you dont know, is a mental disorder characterized by a disconnection from reality. straight from google.

ive done a lot of research of psychosis, but that doesnt mean im an expert, so please if I put something in my fic that is wrong or straight up harmful, tell me. i will 100% fix it.

also please refrain from calling neviah crazy in moments like the one at the end. thats super harmful.

okay, thats all. please leave your thoughts, ideas, theories or random comments so i know if you guys like the fic so far.

thank you for reading, we are finally out of episode 1.

Edited: 11/13/2024