'reality doesn't impress me. i only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, i escape, one way or another. no more walls.' anaïs nin.

season 1, episode 3
pack mentality

The ocean is a vast area that has yet to be fully discovered. Wonders and terrors resided in the murky water, lurking or resting, ready to attack or be attacked. Much like the land dwellers, the creatures of the sea had customs caused by their environment. Whether they were warm or cold-blooded, predators or prey, they were creatures fated the same as humans.

To live and inevitably die.

Neviah's fourteenth birthday wish was for the ocean to take her away one day. She would stand in the lapping waves. The sand wadding over her toes. The sun would be setting, casting the sky to shift colors for only an hour. Then, she would disappear. She wouldn't feel anything. It would all be over.

Quite an odd wish for a fourteen-year-old to desire. Luckily, wishes weren't meant to be shared, or else her dream would have been crushed sooner.

Still, knowing it would never happen, Neviah longed for that ending. A gentle end if only death could be kind to her.

She laid in her messy bed, staring at the ceiling that once had glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on it—the imprints stayed there when the stars were long gone—with her mind lost at sea. Her recently installed Ariel red wig sprawled out around her. That ending would allow her to slip out of the light and be lost in a void. It would be an escape.

Until then, she would have to find other means of release.

"Are you okay?" Stiles questioned as he tugged on his pants before he sat at the edge of Neviah's bed. He contorted his body to gaze at her, inspecting her as her guard was half down. There but not really.

Neviah pursed her lips, mind-twisting to the shadowy forest instead of a tranquil beach. Her gut twisted inside of her. Using Stiles as a distraction worked in the beginning. She could separate how she viewed him in public and in private. She could hope that he found the division like her. But she knew better. His need to be around her grew similarly to her need to be a distraction. His hunger hidden within seeped out when they would kiss. His breath hitched against her lips, basking in her need for him. A minuscule desire in the grand scheme of things, but she needed him. That's what mattered.

Guilt found her as the result of her realization. Their mutual deal began to feel parasitic. She couldn't decipher who was the parasite between them; she was used to determining it as herself, at least then she could rip herself from the host before they were unsalvageable. Yet now, with him, the idea became distasteful.

She hummed, "Yeah." She forced herself to move, gathering her sheets to her chest, and rose, locking eyes with him. A devilish smirk appeared. "And how are you?"

Stiles chuckled, seeing through her lies but chose to keep it in. "I'm fantastic."

She hummed again, reaching for the nearest shirt, which happened to be his. At this point, she had to have at least five of his items. Everything she would remind him to take it back, he would pretend he didn't hear and leave. Not that she minded, for such an ugly taste Stiles' clothes were comfortable. They were nothing more than a shirt to sleep in before she discarded them to the depths of her closet.

Refilled plastic bottles under her vanity caught her gaze. Seven bottles for the week were laid out for her picking. Her fingers itched to grab one, to undo the cap and drink her numbing "medication."

Instead, she curled her fingers around her bed and glanced at herself in her full-body mirror.

"I have a question," Stiles started with a reluctant sigh. Neviah resisted rolling her eyes. His questions always followed after their fun. He had no other time to ask her. He failed to see how it became poor aftercare. Her brows rose, igniting him to continue. "How do you know Derek?"

If there's one thing Neviah should have known, was that Stiles would do anything for knowledge. He was his father's son and a natural detective. At least he knew how to play her game. Give her what she wants and seek answers in her bliss.

Her fingers tighten. She looked over her shoulder for a moment, observing his attentive behavior. She looked back at the bottles. "Grew up with him and his family, before the fire."

No one knew what truly happened during the fire, the public barely knew who was there thanks to Damian. The public only knew how many had died. Nine. No names, just nine bodies. No identities to the burned bodies. Nothing. Those who connected the dots when certain people never returned to school or work, kept their mouths quiet.

"Haven't seen him since then. Until yesterday," Neviah confessed, standing up and putting on underwear and shorts. She walked towards her closet, scanning the infinite amount of clothes to pick from for school. Her dad hadn't been home since yesterday morning. He claimed to have some business to take care of. Business meant Derek. She didn't want to be involved in his mess. Her dad most likely felt as if he owed it to Talia Hale to help her last living child.

Silence barely settled before Stiles spoke. "So, how do you know he's not...a bad person?"

Peering out, Neviah shrugged, scrunching her eyebrows. "He could be a mass murderer for all I know, Mieczysław."

She found the perfect outfit for the day. A black long sleeve under a black and white houndstooth patterned sleeveless dress, matched with pearl earrings. Neviah smiled to herself. She stepped out, locking eyes with a fully clothed Stiles.

"Like I said, I haven't seen him in five years. I don't know if he's a good person anymore, and I don't really care. He'll leave like before and everything will go back to normal."

Making her way back into the closet to change, Stiles winced, scratching the back of his neck as her nerves tangled. "Yeah, back to normal..."

He remained quiet for a moment. One small moment to let his thoughts run before opening his mouth. "Did Malikai hang around Derek back then? 'Cause they are together a lot."

He obviously didn't think thoroughly.

Neviah paused. Malikai disliked Derek, he wouldn't hang around him. Especially not without telling her...well, maybe that was false—not that Neviah thought about it. He lied. Malikai always lied. He taught her how to do it when they were younger. Secrets kept them close, only for them to drive them apart now.

She refused to be bitter over it. She knew how jealousy and anxiety drove stakes through friendships. Tiptoeing around the other for the bomb to drop, she only hoped it didn't end the same. Losing Lilith was one thing, but losing Malikai? Neviah could only imagine the aftermath that would ensue.

She shrugged, adding to her vocal act despite Stiles not being able to see it. "No, but what Mal does is his business."

"Okay, but—"

"Why are you asking me these questions? Hm?" Neviah inquired, hoping he would feel her annoyance through the cracked door. "Your best friend went through everything I went through with the Hale's, so why don't you ask her?"

"Wait what?" Stiles whispered as he stood up in confusion.

Neviah stepped out, adorning the layered dresses. She added sheer leggings beneath. Spring reemerged slowly but appeared with warmth on random days. She exited with a twirl. Stiles's mouth gaped in awe, forgetting his previous thoughts. His reaction nearly lit something within her. For once, she made no attempt to snuff it out.

"I'm guessing I look good," Neviah teased, walking towards her vanity to grab her pearl earrings. They were her favorite ones. She received them as a gift for her tenth birthday, along with a pearl necklace. She lost the necklace at Malikai's house the following summer, and since then she refused to lose the earrings. One of the few things her mother left her.

Stiles blushed, tracking her intently. "When do you not?"

Stuffing down the urge to end his antics, Neviah gasped, inserting the second earring. "Who knew you could be a flirt, Mieczysław? Try that with Lydia and maybe she'll see you for once. Or is that breaking Bro Code?"

"Technically, no, since Harley has no ties to her, but morally, yes."

"How does that work, huh? Both of you liking her?"

He laughed, whether it was finding her words humorous or self-deprecation, he still laughed. She found it confusing. She had no intention of being funny. Stiles calmed before his eyes lit up. He went into his bag and pulled out two books. The Odyssey and one Neviah hadn't recognized.

He handed it to her, which she took into her own hands. "You think your dad noticed the book was gone?"

Singular. Not plural.

Neviah made no physical signs of confusion—she was good at that. Instead, she gave a flat smile. "If he did, you would be dead. So, no."

He let out a sigh of relief. He grabbed his bag, throwing it over his shoulder. "Thank god, because that book had a lot of information that I needed."

A hum was Neviah's only response. Her eyes focused on the book. Lycanthropy. The word clicked in her brain, gearing churning with no care that she did not want this.

"You should go," Neviah stated, lolling her head to the side towards the door. "Malikai is going to be here soon."

Stiles nodded, taking his leave. Neviah watched over from the rail on the second floor, making sure he was gone. Not a moment later, she marched into her room, heading towards her bed. She kneeled, tugging out an old luggage she kept there. She unzipped it and pulled out a box that rattled.

The gears moved, despite her not knowing why. She didn't understand and that scared her. There was no memory of the box or its importance to be hidden. But some part of her knew.

Instinctively, she opened it, finding multiple pieces of paper with various writings on them. She recognized names and words, but her brain commanded her not to focus on them. It forced her to take a sticky note and write two names and a word.

Scott, Stiles

Werewolves??

༻❁༺

"Okay, but what if the killer hung their guts like Christmas decorations? You're telling me that wouldn't be interesting," Malikai inquired genuinely, furrowing his brows with confusion at the dark-skinned girl in front of him. For the last half an hour, he had been obsessed with the mangled bus. Blood splattered inside and the emergency back door broken. The police surrounded it before students came to school.

Harley hung her head to the side, disturbed. "Shut up, that's so disgusting." She turned forward, writing down a few notes.

Malikai rolled his eyes, twirling his pen. He had no care for the lesson they were supposed to be reading. "It's human parts, Harley, it's not supposed to be confetti."

"It was an animal, obviously. So, no mass murderer with special tactics like those documentaries you watch," Harley muttered, eyeing Mr. Harris as he moved around the room. When he turned to answer a question for Jessica, Harley turned. "Beacon Hills isn't that special."

He scoffed, refusing to let his small dream of an epic case in Beacon Hills die. Leaning over the table, he poked Neviah in the back, interrupting her reading. "What do you think did that to the bus?"

Malikai's antics were formed from boredom—they were in Mr. Harris' class, it was expected—and he couldn't keep his thoughts to himself. He craved attention.

A sigh left her lips as she reorganized her finished notes. "Animal by damage on the bus, but the struggle had to have come from another person. Only something human could do that."

"Final answer?" he said singsongy, drumming with his fingers.

Neviah looked back, arching a brow. "Werewolf."

Malikai glared. "Funny."

"I try."

A book slammed down on Neviah and Harley's shared counter. Neviah made no reaction, only facing the cause, while Harley and Malikai jumped, fixing themselves. Harris glared at the three.

"Less talking, more working."

Neviah smiled politely, hiding the poison on her tongue. "Sorry sir, Malikai needed help finding a section for one of the questions."

Mr. Harris' glare continued. He had no reason to hate Neviah, she had good grades, didn't cause him trouble, and pretended to care about the class better than her peers. However, she just always knew what to say to push his buttons.

"Mr. Alexander is very capable of finding his own answers, Ms. Degrace," Harris argued, picking the book up, and turning towards his desk.

Neviah smirked at Harley, who stifled a laugh. She composed her face, filling it with fake concern. "So, you would rather me let my peers fail than help them? That would mean they would have to retake your class, and seeing as if they didn't understand the first time, how would they handle the second? Third? Fourth?"

Mr. Harris's eye twitched. His mouth opened, but not a sound came out. Instead, Harley shouted, "Hey, I think they found something!"

Everyone launched up and over to the window, curious as if something happened on the bus. Neviah stayed in her seat. She could barely stand the sight of the bus, she rather not see the remains of the poor soul who got attacked.

Malikai groaned in defeat as someone screamed. Harley smacked his arm for being insensitive. Neviah snorted a chuckle. She noticed Scott and Stiles whisper something to each other. Fear was as clear as day on Scott's face. Interesting.

༻❁༺

"I would rather shoot myself in the face with a shotgun," Neviah exclaimed to Lydia, clenching her jaw.

"At least do it in private, we don't need to see that," Jackson joined, giving a mocking stare to Neviah. She didn't spare him a glance, only rolled her eyes for Lydia to see.

Lydia sighed, unwrapping her arm with Neviah's to stand in front of her. "Allison and Scott are dating now, which means we have to get to know him. Sitting with him at lunch is the perfect opportunity."

"I never forced you to get to know anyone I was dating," Neviah argued.

"You've never dated anyone," Jackson added as he picked up a fry.

Neviah jerked, pointing her hand toward him. "Who is talking to you right now? No one. Now, shut up." She looked back to Lydia, who gave her a disappointed look. "Allison is perfectly capable of sitting with her boyfriend and his weird friends by herself."

Lydia huffed, reluctantly agreeing. They sat down at their normal table for a few minutes before Allison appeared with a worried smile. Lydia gave one look to Neviah, saying 'you sure now?'

"Fine!"

Malikai laughed as Lydia told the table they were sitting at with Scott and his friends. He didn't think it was serious until Neviah stood up and picked up her tray.

"You're for real?"

Neviah inhaled deeply, weighing the pros and cons, and outcome of this inconvenience. Ultimately, she found the pros of weighing more. "Yeah, now get up, I'm not doing this without you."

"-We'll figure it out," Stiles said to Scott, elbowing Harley, who wasn't interested in the conversation, to agree. She hadn't fully forgiven the two for getting Derek arrested. Neviah heard Scott apologized by playing music from a boombox like a rom-com. David nearly ran him off, saying something along the lines of Scott could never be good enough for Harley. It was enough for her to forgive him, but she most certainly didn't forget what they did.

"Figure what out?" Lydia asked, setting her tray down beside Scott.

Neviah swiftly went to the other side to sit next to Harley. The girl moved quicker, sliding over to force the girl in between her and Stiles. She had not forgiven them. Or maybe, she enjoyed messing with Neviah. It was probably both knowing her.

Neviah tightened her hold on her tray, holding her annoyance down. She reminded herself of the extra bottle she brought by accident. She sat down, ignoring Stiles like always. The boy gasped at Lydia and Neviah joining them.

"Uh, just homework," Scott answered nervously.

Malikai sat in front of her, next to Allison. He gave Neviah a look, saying he didn't like this. She returned it, but he already knew how she felt about it. Her friend's happiness outweighed her ego. The rest of their usual table members filled in.

Stiles and Harley added a 'yeah' to prove Scott's answer. Stiles leaned towards Scott, whispering something along the lines of 'why are they sitting here?' Neviah turned her head towards him, narrowing her eyes. He straightened his posture, keeping his head forward.

Jackson made it to the table last, after all the seats were filled. He looked at Brian and said, "Get up."

"How come you never ask Danny to get up?" he complained.

"Because I don't stare at his girlfriend's coin slot," Danny Mahealani responded with a mocking smile. Neviah cocked her head in annoyance.

Jackson pushed Brian away. The brunette attempted to go towards the end near Neviah. She cocked her head once more, this time with a glare. She never liked him and his creepy stares. "Find another table, dipshit."

"So, I hear they're saying it's some type of animal attack," Danny gossiped before biting into his green apple. "Probably a cougar?"

"I heard mountain lion," Jackson claimed.

He's an idiot, Neviah thought. She widened her eyes sarcastically as if his idiotic mind was a surprise.

"A cougar is a mountain lion," Lydia interjected. Neviah smirked. Lydia rarely let her intelligence show to save Jackson's masculinity or whatever her excuse was.

Seeing as he shot her a look of confusion, she backed down. "Isn't it?"

Neviah would never wish their relationship on anyone. Well, only if it was reversed. Jackson deserved it.

"Who cares?" Jackson countered like the egotistical jackass he was. "The guy's probably some homeless tweaker who's gonna die anyway."

Harley scoffed, "Aren't you so empathic?"

Jackson jeered at her.

Neviah and Malikai locked eyes, both despising every moment of this. Neviah picked at her food, not finding any of it appetizing. She took a sip from her bottle and noticed Scott staring at it.

"You want some, Scott?" she teased, shaking the bottle towards him.

Allison tilted her head in disappointment. Both that she was drinking and that she offered it to Scott, who didn't know better. "Neviah!"

"I'm joking," Neviah defended, dragging her words. "He's an innocent boy."

Stiles perked up, looking from his phone. "Actually, I just found out who it is." He presented his phone for the rest of the table to see. "Check it out."

Neviah had no choice but to look as curiosity grew thick in her. It was a video of Noah at the scene with a voice-over, explaining the situation. They said the victim, Garrison Meyers, survived the attack.

"I knew that guy," Scott stuttered, staring straight at his best friend.

"You do?" Neviah questioned. Beacon Hills was small, but not entirely small to know everyone.

"Yeah, when I used to take the bus back when I lived with my dad," he explained. Those who knew about Rafael McCall gave not-so subtle reactions to the mention of the man. "He was the driver."

Neviah knew the whole story of Rafael and his disappearance. The Degrace heard arguing then a scream during the night. Damian rushed over and Neviah, curious as ever, followed.

She stabbed her fork into her fries.

"Can we talk about something slightly more fun, please?" Lydia pleaded. "Like, oh, where are we going tomorrow night?"

Multiple eyebrows rose at her question. It was a Monday, no one planned anything as a group until the weekend. With sports, school, and the majority of the friendships in the friend group being fake, no one hung out during the week.

Lydia looked at a confused Allison. "You said you and Scott were hanging out tomorrow night, right?"

Allison swallowed the food in her mouth as she realized what Lydia was doing. Malikai stifled a laugh. "Um, we were thinking of what we were gonna do."

"Well, I am not sitting home again, watching lacrosse videos, so, if the eight of us are hanging out, we are doing something fun."

Neviah jerked, pausing for a second before turning her head to her red-headed friend. "Eight of us? I'm not going anywhere tomorrow."

Malikai raised his hand like a child. "I, second that."

"There's no way I'm letting the two of you sit at home, doing nothing tomorrow," Lydia exclaimed. "You two need a dating life."

"I won't be doing nothing tomorrow, I'll be doing someone," Neviah corrected, pointing her fork towards Lydia. "Besides, I've already told you, my dating life is mine for a reason."

Lydia shook her head with a smile. "Yet, you've done nothing with it. That's why you're going with what's his face—" she pointed at Stiles, making him jump— "and Mal is going with Barley."

A chorus of 'what' erupted at her pairings. Neviah and Harley both sounded defensive; Stiles and Malikai's were out of shock; Allison and Scott's were out of confusion. Jackson laughed.

"What?" Lydia asked, furrowing her brows as if she had no clue of what she had just done. She knew exactly what she was doing. She was terrible at acting.

Harley laughed, placing her hand over her chest. "Okay, first of all, pretty girl, the name's Harley. Secondly, there's no way in hell I'm going on a group date with any of you. Thirdly, I'd rather die than go on a date with Malikai—no offense."

"Major offense," Malikai grunted, crossing his arms. He pouted. "I'm a catch."

Lydia sighed, "Okay fine, then you two don't go."

"Me too," Neviah interjected quickly. "I'm not going on a date."

"Why not? It won't be that bad," Allison asked after talking with Scott about a group date. She was trying to see the good in the forced situation, and Neviah only saw the bad.

"I don't do dating," Neviah said dryly, returning to her drink. "Too much effort that I don't have time for."

"She's also never been in a serious relationship, so she has nowhere to start," Jackson added, smirking at Neviah's annoyance.

Malikai tilted his head in confusion, holding back a smirk. "Isn't Lydia your first girlfriend, though?"

Jackson glared, dropping his leg to lean closer to Malikai. Malikai only chuckled, taking a bite of his dry burger.

"Ugh, fine, don't go," Lydia groaned, admitting defeat. Neviah grinned. "I'm still going to find you someone to date before the year ends."

Malikai raised his water bottle. "Good luck to that."

Harley, Neviah, and Jackson raised their drinks.

"You guys have fun though," Neviah told the three, who would have to go on the group date.

"You know what else sounds fun?" Jackson asked. He picked up his fork. "Stabbing myself in the face with this fork."

Lydia slapped his hand down, rolling her eyes. Stiles also rolled his eyes, leaning back to connect his annoyance with Harley's. They spoke without words.

"At least do it in private, so we don't have to see it," Neviah told him, smiling smugly. Jackson scoffed a laugh. Only rare occasions could she stand Jackson.

Lydia gasped as an idea sparked. "How 'bout bowling? You love to bowl."

Neviah tuned out their conversation. While it was fun to watch Jackson be annoyed, Neviah simply didn't care. Instead, she focused on Stiles' annoyed actions, which were mocking Jackson any time he spoke.

"Someone's jealous Lydia doesn't want to take you out on a date," she teased, planting her elbow on the table and resting her head on her palm, keeping eye contact with Stiles. He had an adorably annoyed expression that contorted his features.

He scoffed, taking a sip of his water. "I'm not jealous." Neviah gave him a knowing look. "I'm not! He's an asshole," he muttered, sending a quick glare to the other boy.

"Uh-huh, sure."

Stiles sat up straight, trying to cover his emotions better. "Hey, why were you so quick to say no to a date with me? I'm not that bad."

"And I know that," she responded with a wink. His face flushed. "Don't take it to heart, Mieczy, I would have said no that quickly for anyone. Not the dating type, remember? I'm saving you."

Sometimes Neviah wished that wasn't true. 

༻❁༺

omg, Venus updates killshot baby??? crazy.

I'm trying to force my love for Neviah and Neviah and Stiles to make me update, so here you guys go! please give me your thoughts, it helps sm more than you think and inspires me to keep updating.

also, I'd like to say I cannot believe it's taken me this long to realize Neviah is on the aromatic spectrum. Like I was re-reading this chapter since I pre-wrote it like a month ago and the signs were loud and clear.

I don't exactly know where she lies on the spectrum because of course, she dates and is romantically involved with Stiles. I think the closest one would be greyromantic or demiromantic, but again I have no clue. I'll probably find out as I keep writing, if not, it honestly fit Neviah's character and the way she sees how she loves for her to not know exactly where she is on the spectrum.

Edited: 11/13/2024