Tink was ready to do whatever it took to get out of this place and back to finding where her life was going to be. She agreed to give John Ravi her story, and in return he agreed to help her get back home. On her own two feet without having her parents swoop in to save her.

She wanted to put past three years behind her, ignore it forever and just show up with some sob story that matches the ones on tv. Wrong guy, bad timing. It would be embarrassing, but nothing compared to being the girl locked in a basement with the baby of a rapist.

John sat in the chair close to the bed,  his face still and his hands holding no pen or paper. One leg was casually crossed over the other and she noticed that the bottom was new, no scuffs of rough spots. His socks matched his tie, thin and pulled slightly to the side.  She thought about how long it had been since she'd worn shoes. Could she even imagine walking down hallways to the click of heels on her feet.

"What are you looking for, exactly?"

She couldn't stop the words sounding blunt and hard.  She didn't want anyone knowing what she'd been through, it was her story.  Anyone else knowing it meant someday it could get back to her baby, and that meant the baby would feel like it was a mistake. She wouldn't let that happen.

"I just want you to be able to talk to me Hope, without panic. Just you and me. I want to help you figure out where you were so you can leave here without it festering below the surface popping up in your future. Trauma can destroy you, and unless you deal with it I promise you, it will haunt you."

Tink thought about it. There was something more, she could feel it crawling across her skin. Something he wanted to hear or say but wasn't giving anything else up. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine someone wanting just that, just to see her  it live with Stash. She didn't believe it for a moment. But she could play as well as he did, all she had to do was tell him enough to get her out of here. 

"The day I left Dixon was amazing. The guy I was with was older, and he wasn't afraid to say things to make me feel good about myself. Nothing was a competition. When we stopped to eat he didn't look at a single girl, or talk to anyone without looking at me.  He made me feel like I was the only person on earth that mattered."

She remembered feeling the high of the way Stash saw her. Not as a used up failure who he saved on the side of the road, but as someone who was worth listening to, and someone interesting. He didn't act like he was saving her, or that she was pathetic, if he'd looked at her that way she would have bolted first thing.

"The first few nights we stayed in his house. He was tidy, and had a lot of rules about being keeping things in order. I remember that every day he made a list and put it on the fridge. Things I needed to do, things he had to get done, and it was fun. It was like being a grown up, tasks were easy and I loved doing things for him.  He was happy, and he hummed when he ate. We laughed watching television and I had my own room."

She remembered the weird parts too, how she wasn't allowed to shower unless he sat on the commode outside. Never pushing open the curtain, never looking at her, just being there. Listening and talking while she shaved and washed her hair. And how the food menu never changed, just rotated. Every day the meals were the same. Even the amount of salt and pepper had to match the recipe on the index card.

"A few days in I was about to start my period. I asked him if we could go to the store so I could get a few personal items. He agreed and we got into the truck. At the drugstore a guy bumped into me, some normal looking guy who asked if I knew anything about thermometers. I laughed and said just make sure they say oral."

Tink felt herself getting twitchy. She felt like she had been talking for hours. It had only been a few minutes and already she was feeling a need to be finished. Her mouth was dry and her skin was clammy. She yawned trying to get John to call it a day but he sat in the same chair, with the same expression he always had. He leaned back, uncrossed his legs and sat waiting for her to go on.

"The man I was with waited until the thermometer guy left and he grabbed me by the neck. He asked me if I wanted to get kidnapped, or if I was trying to get the guy to take me away. I was scared, I told him the guy had a sick kid and was tying to learn how to use a thermometer, he grabbed the package of pads from my arms, threw them on the shelf and put me in the truck."

It wasn't exactly how it went, but it was enough to keep John happy. She remembered him slapping her, the sting shocking and vibrating through the silence. She remembered seeing stars and realizing he wasn't who she thought he was. He dragged her out to the truck and punched her in the face. She didn't cry, she was too shocked. It was like someone else had flown into the picture and she couldn't imagine how things went so badly. What had she done to create so much anger?

He went back into the store and bought her pads, socks, and a brush. He gave them to her like nothing had happened at all and she would have believed it, if it weren't for her stinging cheek and bruised eye. When he got in he sang to the radio and they stopped for food. She was ready to be done and stopped at the payphone on her way to the bathroom. Stash grabbed her from behind and picked her up.

She screamed and kicked on the way out the door yelling kidnapper. When an older lady approached them threatening to call the police, Stash told the woman she was his daughter and that she had been caught using drugs and having sex in the bathroom. The woman looked disgusted and went into the diner.

"After the drugstore we didn't go back to his house. We drove to the woods. I thought he might kill me but he was acting so normal, so happy. He told me we were going to his cabin, to the one place he could relax and be himself and that I would love it there. He made it sound so great I actually wanted to go. Walking down that path was the last time I'd ever be outside. Well, until he dumped me."

Tink waited for John to say anything but he just nodded and waited. She had said enough. She rolled over and closed her eyes. If the guy wanted to watch her sleep, he was more than welcome. She had said enough.

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