Stella finished wrapping her waist length hair into the pink hot curlers. Twenty large loops were pinned to her head in preparation for the night's dinner. She was extremely pensive with her heavy heart.

Thinking and writing to Dean had made her reflect on her own relationship with Jin.

All the ups and all the downs. The memories that wouldn't dare leave.

It was causing her mind to reel with the possibility of tonight.

The first time she and Jin had met, it was nothing short of pure lust. The attraction was there but that was it. There was nothing genuine.

Just another college romp in the sheets.

That is, that's what it might've been had Stella fully transitioned. As fate would have it, though, her bottom surgery hadn't been completed. Even though she felt like a girl, she still wanted her next moment of intimacy to be one where she was completely a girl.

Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Three of those had been achieved.

But, that pesky dick was still hanging around.

So, no sex.

Which actually saved them from being another fling to be forgotten the next morning. No sex allowed Stella and Jin to form something necessary: a real relationship.

Stella remembered coming back from spring break to find Jin hanging around her dorm more. His lies of wanting to see Fleur were seen as exactly that. Lies.

Fleur was the one that told Stella about Jin's little "tells." Things she'd noticed about her big brother when they were growing up. She now understood them better now that she was a Psych major.

When Jin lied, his bottom lip twitched. When Jin was flustered, he tapped his pointer fingers together. When Jin was genuinely happy, all three of his deep dimples emerged.

And, when Jin had a crush, he became an absolute idiot.

Like when he dropped by to see Fleur in hopes of getting a glimpse of Stella. He'd gotten so flustered at the sight of Stella wearing only a towel that he'd tripped over his own two left feet. Thus, sending Beebo, their new fish, crashing to the ground and floundering in the air.

Beebo had been saved that day by a quick thinking Fleur. Jin's ego, however, took a big hit and he didn't come around for a whole three days.

Three days later he returned with carnations to apologize for almost killing Beebo. The flowers he gave to Fleur. Which was ironic because it was Stella who's favorite flower were red carnations.

Stella was slow witted. Obviously. But, when she saw his finger tapping combined with the sight of her favorite flowers, she knew.

She knew.

There was a little something more than lust going on between them.

She saw this blooming of something as months of Jin's visiting dragged on. There were days where he brought coffee to them early in the morning.  Sometimes he brought chocolates and cookies. Always claiming to have gotten too much for himself. Other days he brought Stella's favorite treats to herself instead of using Fleur as a bridge.

Those were Stella's favorite days.

She remembered the summer before her second year when Jin finally asked her out. By then they'd entered that stage of being good friends. Good friends that texted everyday, always studied together, and had many movie nights. Good friends that both knew there was more than friendship between them.

Fleur had told Jin about Stella from the very beginning. He knew who she was. He knew what she was. And, he didn't care.

He never saw Samuel when looking at Stella. He never thought of Samuel when thinking of Stella. He never saw her as anything but what she truly was.

And that was Stella.

Just, Stella.

So with the promise of prolonged intimacy, Stella accepted Jin's offer to date.

With the hectic schedule of work, family, and college it took Stella a year and a half to fully transition. Meaning this was a year and half of Jin proving he was in this for the long haul.

This was a year and a half of Jin and Fleur helping Stella with therapy and fluctuating medicine dosages. A year and a half of Stella coming to terms with the fact that not everyone would accept her for who she was. Jin worked with her through everything. There was never a day that passed without gentle kisses and the tightest of hand holdings. Sweet nights spent only holding each other in their arms.

Stella hadn't realized it until now, but she'd fallen in love with him long before they first made love.

When her tired eyes opened after her surgery to see Jin's worried eyes peering into her own she knew. One year and a half later she knew that she was in love.

I love you.

Stella was finally there as a girl. She was mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually a girl.

No, a woman.

I love you.

And when Jin didn't even hesitate to say it back, she'd known then that she made the right choice.

Stella finished lining her eyes with the black ink and smiled. Neutral eyeshadow and golden highlight. Bright red to draw attention to her lips. A light dewy look to finish it all off.

She knew Jin was going to propose tonight.

Last week they'd had their first and worst argument yet.

Children.

It was bound to come up eventually. No matter how much Jin had pushed it off for a later time of discussion. Stella couldn't let it go. They'd been together for three years with no signs of quitting anytime soon. The kid talk was bound to happen sooner or later.

Stella chose sooner.

It was a large insecurity of hers that she could never give Jin a child of their own. Her belly would never grow round with life. She would never be able to fill the role of mother by breastfeeding her child or going through the woes of labor. She'd read a lot of hurtful comments regarding people's opinions on motherhood.

Women who adopted weren't considered to be real mother's by some because that child wasn't technically "theirs." Women who had C-sections were seen as those who'd taken the easy way out since they didn't have a natural birth. Women who didn't breastfeed and relied on the bottle were slammed for not doing a good enough job.

It seemed that no matter what women did, they could never win.

Especially not in the role of motherhood.

Thus, their fight. Their stupid, long fight of insecurities that Jin ended by saying he didn't care how they had kids. He would prove just how much he loved Stella.

Jin was going to propose.

She knew it. 

Even writing to Mark next couldn't stop the flipping of Stella's giddy stomach.

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