nine, ":("

Richard walked over to the oven, humming to himself as he slid on oven mitts. "So?" Wally asked.

"So what?"

"You know why I came in here," He brushed his hand through his fiery hair, sighing. He didn't want to have this conversation. But they needed to.

"To help me get the food?"

"No."

"Well, that's too bad." Richard pulled out the jelly roll pan, placing it on the oven. He slid off his mitts carefully, placing them back into the drawer.

"Richard," Wally bit his lip, and Richard turned at the use of his real name. Wally hadn't called him that in years, he'd always been so adamant on the use of nicknames.

"Wallace," Richard busied himself in arranging the utensils, not wanting to look at the other.

Wally sat down at the counter, laying his head on the cool marble. He knew this was going to be difficult. But if Bruce wasn't going to do it, someone had to. "Please, you know we need to talk. Let's just get it over with now, ok?"

Richard finally turned, walking towards the redhead. "I know. I'm sorry. We can't do it here though, you know my brothers. Let's go upstairs while this cools."

Wally brought his head up, meeting their eyes. Standing up, he and Richard interlaced hands, exiting the back kitchen door, and headed upstairs.

-

And with that, he jumped... again.

But this time, Superman didn't rush down to catch him. Whether it was shock, grief, sadness, or just acceptance, he didn't save him. He didn't try.

But one person did.

The rush of yellow lightning streaked up the building, faster than even the Flash. The figure slammed into him, catching him, embracing him.

Wally ran him up to the roof, placing him as far from the edges as possible. He pulled off his cowl, revealing puffy red eyes, still the glistening green Richard had fallen in love with.

He set Richard down carefully, as if scared he would shatter. They were both crying heavily, one with fear and grief and the other with sadness and the feeling of uselessness.

"I'm sorry," Richard whispered.

Wally opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by the ebony. "Don't say anything. Please. Just... let's go home."

The redhead nodded solemnly, slowing lifting up the other and holding him bridal-style, preparing to run home.

-

Richard huffed, holding the door open for Wally. The redhead stepped in, gawking at the somewhat empty room, filled with only a few monitors and chairs. "What is this? I thought I've seen every room in this house?"

Richard laughed, though it was cut short. "Welcome to my office, or at least what I use as an office for any kind of digital mission stuff. Everywhere in this house my brothers are, and I can't really go anywhere else."

The room had been hidden in one of the storage closets, easily accessible behind a rack of old clothes. It was a wonder no one had found it beforehand. It was also a wonder that the Wayne mansion had so many secret rooms.

Richard slid down the wall, squishing his small body into the corner. Wally sat beside him, though neither made eye contact.

"I thought we had a deal," Wally finally muttered after a few minutes. "You tell me if this stuff happens. You're supposed to tell me if you're feeling suicidal again."

Richard closed his eyes and layed his head on his knees, it seemed easier. "It's hard."

"I thought you said cutting didn't mean you want to die?" Wally's tone was surprisingly even, though he was filled with so many emotions he was finding it hard to breathe. "You stopped, Dick. You were clean for two years."

"I just... sometimes I get so overwhelmed. It's like I can't control my emotions, like I'm a visitor in my mind," The ebony paused, collecting himself. "And I need to release a breath I've been holding in."

Wally closed his eyes, covering his face with his hands as his boyfriend continued. "When it happened, it was like I wasn't even there. Someone else was piloting the ship. I was so, so... miserable and messed up, all I could think about was my parents, and how I failed to save them. How I failed at everything, even fucking ending it all."

"I know I don't understand how you feel, but please," Wally's voice broke, "Always call. I don't give a shit about whatever else is going on, just tell me if anything like this is happening."

Wally squinted his eyes shut as much as they could, knowing if he cried, they both would. "Especially if you feel like that again. If you break our promise."

Wally shut his mouth, his breaths becoming uneven. He and Richard had always had three promises, three rules.

1) Never harm yourself intentionally
2) Never go to bed mad
3) Never keep a secret for more than three days

Richard hugged the other tightly, and they stayed like that for what felt like years, though it was only a few minutes.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I promise I'll tell you. I just get so wrapped up in my own head, I don't want to fuck you up with me," Richard gulped, shaking.

"I just want to know you're alright," Wally held the other tightly, as if afraid he would disappear.

"I'm not alright," Richard shook, tears coming heavily and all at once. "I don't know if I will be. My parents are dead and I'm so fucking messed up in the head and I'm supposed to take these medications but what's really the point? Everyone will die anyway so why not just kill myself? And then I fail at that THREE FUCKING TIMES. And there's you, who I don't want to get wrapped up in all this shit because you can't go back."

Richard unlatched himself from Wally, cradling his knees and covering his face. He rocked back and forth, trying to calm himself down. This is what he was talking about, getting so overwhelmed and not being in control.

If Wally wasn't there he'd probably have shot himself in the head.