Growing Up

//Jerry//

I'd stated before. Growing up was pretty harsh for me. I've never remembered having gone to school, make a close group of friends . Any sort of thing among those lines. It's always been me and my father.

As a little kid. I used to think this was normal , like everyone lived their lives this way. My father was all I had, my mother wasn't here. I don't think I had one to start with...well either that or I can't remember meeting her.

One of my most memorable memories...was a time when my father caught me a small white rabbit with long ears and blue eyes. I loved that little guy so much...but..then one night. Father asked me to do something. Something that I , in my 8 year old brain...knew was very wrong.

"I want ya to stab it."

He asked me as he handed his knife to me. I shook my head and held it close to my chest. Father growled and yanked it away from me. He held it down and then restated.

"Stab it."

He shouted and I jumped. I lifted the knife and walked to the small trembling animal in my fathers grasp. I raised the knife and then I stopped as I seen it...the fear and the betrayal in it's eyes.

"I can't...do..it.."

My shaky voice wavered as I dropped the blade and began to cry hard. I could not kill it..the rabbit done nothing to me...so why should I take it's life away?

I heard my father growl and in the next minute, he broke the rabbits neck. My eyes were wide with terror. He looked deranged and wild...I felt my lower end growing warm and wet..I'd pissed myself.

"I said, stab it. You didn't, so I broke it's god damned neck. In life. You have to hunt the weak, or you'll be eaten alive. If you can't be strong, then I don't see why I shouldn't treat you like that animal. Don't ever, disobey my word again. Now, stop sniffling and clean it up. That's your dinner tonight."

---

After that...I learned to stop crying. I had also learnt, that my father was not a patient man..if anything, he was a wolf...and I was a helpless lamb. If I'd wanted to make him proud..I'd have to become a wolf like him.

"Father..."

I'd asked one night. I rarely ever spoke to him about things but I'd been feeling brave that night. Braver than I had most of the nights that I knew he'd be drinking. But I had to ask this... For my own peace of mind.

"What."

He replied as he put down his vodka.

"Thought I told ya not to come out when I am drinking."

My father said with an irritated glance. I took a gulp and I stared dead on.

"What happened to your face."

...I think that was the first time in my life that I'd ever seen my father genuinely perplexed , what shocked me even more was the phrase he uttered next.

"Ya wanna know...how I got this smile?"

He was quoting that film that I'd liked and I ended up going into hysteric laughter at it. My father did too for a while. But he never did tell me how he got that scar..maybe I'll ask again at some point but for now.

I got to see a rare side that night, a side that I'd not thought possible in my dad.

I got to see his calm side.

---
End
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Well here was a nice memory chapter, sort of.
It's fun writing this.

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