okay i'm gonna tell lil something about me;
i have social anxiety.

and some people i know, do not fucking understand that. it's very hard for me to talk to people, whether it be over text or in real life. i've met some wonderful people on here that i want to be friends with, but i just so much anxiety coursing through me, because i can't come up with a good topic to talk about.

i always tell my mom;

"mom, i don't know how to make a conversation."
she's like "go up to someone and talk about spider-man."

i'm sorry, what

and i have told my mother multiple times i can't talk to someone without overthinking everything. again, she still doesn't get it. my mother is a very sociable person, same goes with my sister and brother.

but not me

nope, not one single bit. i'm much like my dad. who only answers a question if his asked and then doesn't turn it into a conversation, unlike my sister and mother. making me, the odd duckling out of the three of my siblings.

i don't know how to make a conversation. because, what if you like, go up to someone and ask "so, do like marvel?" and if they say no, it becomes really awkward. i don't want to make people uncomfortable!

they always tell me;
"if you become more talkative, it'll help you."

i'm so sorry that confidence is not part of my fucking personality.

and i would love to make new friends, i really would. it's really hard for me to get out there. if you knew on a personal level, i'm pretty friendly.
(that's sounds really narcissistic i'm sorry)

i also apologize a lot.
lmao

but that's it for today.
moral of the story is;

i'm a social anxiety filled person that really wants friends and is trying really hard to make friends.

sincerely,
a very lonely person