Chapter 28
THE RESOUNDING SLAM of the bedroom door echoed through their safe haven. Devora had just stepped out of the shower, a towel still wrapped around her body when Nathan returned to their room. Grabbing another towel, she wrapped up her wet hair, tucking each strand into the soft fabric before trudging out to greet her roommate.
He hadn't noticed her so far. In fact, Nathan looked too tired to care about anything else other than closing his eyes for a quick nap. Yet, in Devora's eyes, Nathan's exhaustion didn't seem like it was one from his physical body but rather his mind and soul. He looked as though he had run out of fuel to continue fighting on.
When Devora had hopped into the shower, she hadn't thought that Nathan would be back so quickly. Most of her clothes were still on her side of the room, folded neatly on the edge of her bed. Underneath her towel, she only had her undergarments on, the mere bare minimum. That meant that she had to make her presence known, to get Nathan out so that she could get herself dressed.
However, her roommate was on the bed, sprawled over the soft mattress with the back of his hands covering his eyes. Devora thought of the possibility of simply sneaking past him, grabbing her items, before dashing back into the bathroom. However, Nathan wasn't an ordinary civilian. Even a needle dropping to the floor could probably get caught by his trained ears.
Clearing her throat to get his attention, Devora gripped her towel tightly, praying it wouldn't fall off by some stroke of bad luck. The sound she made caused Nathan to sit up immediately, most likely because he hadn't thought there was anyone else there in the room with him. The very second he noticed Devora was standing there with nothing but that flimsy towel covering her figure, his cheeks flushed. Scarlet bloomed across his skin as he hurried to look away, quickly turning his gaze to the floor instead.
"Sorry," he apologized, coughing slightly in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness. "I didn't know that you were in the room." He scratched the back of his neck in discomfort.
"Don't worry about it," Devora murmured. Scurrying across the carpeted floor, she reached for her clothing. "I didn't think you would be back so soon either."
As soon as her fingers made contact with her clothes, Devora made a mad dash for the bathroom, slamming the door shut before her cheeks could betray her. Red was already starting to color the exposed areas of her skin, though she wasn't sure if it was because of the hot water from her shower or embarrassment.
She got dressed quickly, pulling on her shirt and pants with haste before stepping out of the bathroom once more. This time, Nathan had already moved from his bed and was now standing right in front of the large windows, looking out. His arms were folded, head leaning against the glass panels as if deep in thought.
"Do you want to use the shower?" With the words tumbling out of her lips unsurely, Devora gestured to their shared bathroom.
The air was thick with tension, almost suffocating her. She forced down the uneasiness, keeping her gaze steady despite having Candice's prior words flooding her mind.
'It's so obvious that he will move mountains for you,' Candice had said. However, Devora had yet to know how true those words were. For now, it was nothing but a mere assumption, something she couldn't depend on. Hence, there was no use getting flustered over speculations.
"No... Uh... I'm good. I'll go later." Nathan barely even turned around when he spoke. Instead, his eyes found hers through the reflection shown on the glass windows.
His voice sounded so raspy that Devora theorized that he had probably cried — or was close to it — before returning to their room. Only he himself knew what Julius Cain had said to him that could've caused such a reaction. Of course, Devora had a guess. It wasn't one she dared to lightly bring up considering how it nearly crumbled their budding friendship previously.
It was a subconscious action for Devora to tuck her hair behind her ears. She often did that whenever she got nervous, not that she realized it herself. Licking her dry lips, she took a step closer to Nathan, a thousand different ways to apologize filtering through her mind. Nathan had been the bigger man and had apologized before their mission. However, Devora hadn't done her part yet. She still owed him that.
"Listen... Nathan, I...I want to apologize for the way I treated you in the last few months. You said your apologies in the cafeteria I've yet to say mine. I still owe you that. It wasn't right for me to be so petty and emotional. I didn't think in your shoes. I'm sorry."
Silence ensued. Small beads of perspiration began its way down the sides of Devora's forehead as the quietness dragged on. She started to worry, to fret over whether her apology had been enough. After all, even though Nathan had been the one to initiate conversations between both of them, he could've gotten tired of trying. It wasn't that hard to fathom such a possibility.
Had Devora been too late?
"Nathan, p—"
"You're right," Nathan cut in-between her sentence. "I got to bypass the rule."
His cryptic statement caused Devora to blink rapidly in confusion. She couldn't remember what he was talking about, not until he continued to speak. When he did, a chill ran down her spine even though she already guessed beforehand. Nathan was merely confirming her old suspicions, theories that she no longer cared about.
"I'm not a dead man to my family. They know I'm alive. Out of all the agents in this building, my family is the only one other than Julius Cain's to know that the assassin lives. Only... they don't know. They don't know what my job entails."
The poor boy looked dreadfully conflicted. He ran a hand through his hair, spinning around to show a look painted with guilt. His face was pale, eyebrows furrowed and lips nearly bleeding from how hard he bit down.
Nathan continued, "I apologized first not because I wanted you to apologize as well. Rather, I was trying to atone for my sins in some way. I... I was the one that brought you here, with orders or not. You had to suffer through the last few months, forced to do things you wouldn't have done as an average civilian. And it was all because of me."
"I don't blame you," Devora said, taking a step closer. "Well... Not anymore, at least."
The look Nathan sent her reminded her of the same appearance of a kicked puppy. His eyes were wide, round, and glassy with unleaked tears. It was precious.
"I admit that I was angry at the fact that I wasn't given a choice to say 'no' in joining this organization. I was also infuriated at the fact that I couldn't contact my family and at least tell them I'm well. However..." She paused, chewing on her bottom lip as she thought of how to phrase her next few words. "However, I'm also thankful. I'm grateful to have met you people and made such great friends. I have a shelter over my head, delicious food in my stomach, and lovely friends as company despite the things we do. It's... It's not that bad. So I don't blame you. Not anymore."
"Really?" Hope glimmered in Nathan's eyes.
"Cross my heart," Devora replied. Then, her smile drooped. "But... How is it that you got to convince Julius Cain not to fake your death? I thought it was a compulsory rule for every agent?"
"My initiation was different from most of the other agents that were dragged here," Nathan confessed.
"How so?"
"I don't know if Candice had told you this when you had classes with her but most of the agents — the young ones, at least — were pulled off the streets as children. Kidnapped, basically, once they've been reviewed, approved, and then registered by the government to work for Julius Cain. Once they reach the agency, they'll be offered the choice of joining or dying. The other way of recruitment for the older members in our agency is that they're originally government agents that were already dabbling in the same line of work. They are then transferred to work here for a more orderly system. It's also easier for the higher-ups to pass down assignments to Cain before he distributes it to the agents rather than go around to every small and separate company."
"So they're gathered here as one larger group?"
Nathan nodded.
"What about you, then?" Devora asked. "Since you said you're different."
"I was never presented the choice because I joined on my own accord. Willingly. I approached Julius Cain before he approached me, if he was ever going to."
"But why?" At that moment, Devora had never been more dumbfounded in her entire life. Her head was spinning, thumping and throbbing as Nathan revealed this little piece of information. She couldn't grasp the reason why Nathan would willingly offer himself up. "Why would you willingly become a killer? You joined long ago, didn't you? You couldn't have been more than a pre-teen, a child!"
"We're still children," Nathan muttered with a sad smile. "Just without a childhood. That's what life is like for Travis and Leah. That's what life was like... for me."
Walking across the room, Nathan plopped himself down on the ground right by Devora's bed, his arm slung lazily over his knee, the other leg stretched out straight. Following him, Devora headed for her bed, sitting down right at the edge of it so that she was close to him.
Nathan continued to reminisce. Memories of his past that he had tried hard to bury were coming afloat, drifting back to his lips as they tumbled out in a tale. He spun the story of his life into a woven cloth, presenting it to Devora, praying it wouldn't make her see him any differently.
He didn't need pity. That wasn't why he was recounting his past.
"I came from a poor family. We weren't just below-average. We were barely making ends meet. I have three younger siblings, much younger than I am. They needed the money to grow up healthy and strong, money that my parents couldn't earn fast enough. For some reason, we were always unlucky. Jobs that were found by either of my parents would be lost as quickly as they came. In the end, we lived on a few hundred dollars every month for a family with six mouths to feed and rent to pay. It's difficult. I knew I had to do something."
Fingers twiddling, Nathan was far too absorbed in his trip down memory lane. He hadn't even noticed Devora staring at him so intensely that she could've burned a hole right through the back of his neck.
"One night, I coincidentally happened upon an agent kidnapping a girl about Leah's age. I thought it was a normal kidnapping until just two months later, I saw her again. This time, she had life in her cheeks and looked much healthier than she did when she was taken off the streets. I made a guess. I theorized that those men offered her a chance to turn her life around. I stuck around and trailed after them only to see a mission in motion. That was the first time I saw someone die right in front of my eyes."
Devora's breath was held, her lungs burning but she took no care. She was too entranced by Nathan's recount, anticipating to know more.
"I was small and frail enough. When they returned to their van, I somehow managed to get in as well without getting caught. Now, I only remember thinking at that time that I wanted to know how that girl got from skinny, thin, and sickly-looking to bursting vibrancy, pink of health. When we reached the company's doors, Julius Cain himself came down to welcome them back on a job well done. He was on his way out and hence decided to check up on them before leaving. When he caught me and realized I evaded his agents and made it in so easily, he offered me a position. I agreed before he could tell me the consequences of rejecting. Our consensus was that three-quarters of my pay was to be sent to my family each month, along with the reassurance that they'll be protected and safe. Things turned around for the better after that. Both my parents got jobs that earned a respectable amount and my siblings are in school. But..."
"But?"
Nathan sighed, shaking his head. "Things went well until they decided to look for their missing son that made an unbelievably large amount of money each month from his mysterious job."
"That's why Cain wanted to speak with you earlier today, isn't it? Because of your family? They were looking for you."
Just like that, the dots finally connected themselves as if they were stars forming constellations in the night sky. She finally realized why the decision was made for her. If she had insisted on her family knowing her status, it could mean the same for them. She could've been in Nathan's shoes.
Devora's face was filled with sympathy, an expression Nathan hated. It made him feel as though he was a weakling that needed to be saved.
"Julius Cain was threatening your family," Devora deduced.
Bile was rising in Nathan's throat, a feeling that couldn't be forced down no matter how hard he tried. He had accepted — no, sought out — this job for his family. However, years down the road, Nathan was now threatened with the lives of the same people he had worked so hard for, people that simply missed their son and brother. Human curiosity wasn't something that could be easily curbed. Nathan should've known better but he was, too, but a child back then.
"Nathan, why do you let him control you like that?"
To this question, Nathan couldn't help but scoff underneath his breath.
"He's controlling all of us, Devora. We live under his roof, we're fed by him, clothed by him, and trained by him. We obey his rules to survive because we are in his world right now. He's the king, the ruler, the dictator of this realm," said Nathan, exasperated. "But..." he hesitated, "But if I have to do it again, I still will. I'll still seek out this job just to get my family back on their feet. This is the only way that's quick and efficient enough to give them a happy and peaceful worry-free life."
The two sat in silence, a wave of understanding settling in the air as the awkward tension from before dissipated into nothingness. Gently, Nathan could feel a hand pressed on his shoulders, rubbing soothing circles over it. When he looked up, his gaze clashed with Devora's. Her kind eyes seemed to be staring straight into his soul, examining every fiber in his mind and cracking every code which his secrets hid behind.
No one ever really looked at him the way Devora Evans did. Nathan had seen many types of expressions; some pitiful, some empathetic, but never once did it hold the warmth that the girl that sat before him showed. Just one look from her and his heart was set aflutter.
"You're very selfless," she stated firmly. "Selfless, brave, kind, and all sorts of compassionate. The things I thought about you... the things I've said... they were all horribly wrong."
"Then forget about them," Nathan replied. He shrugged, causing Devora's hand to fall from his shoulders. Standing up to his feet, he perched himself on Devora's bed as well, smiling gently with all the golden glory that came from a rising sun. "A clean slate. Let us start over."
"While keeping the good?" Devora asked.
Nathan nodded.
"While keeping the good," he confirmed.
"Then I think it sounds wonderful." The grin on Devora's face now matched Nathan's.
The two sat like a pair of silly, sun-filled twins, smiling from ear to ear. All the bad memories and bad blood had been erased, deleted, eradicated. Their lives were to start afresh on a new white page, an untainted piece of paper that will soon be filled with some of the best memories of their entire life.
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