Recap: So... Jeff tried to confess his undying love to you and said he was gay and whatnot and... Wait... He's gay?! OH MY GOD, GUYS, HE FINALLY ADMITTED IT! Umm... I mean, he was in a lot of pain and HE STABBED YOU WITH A FUCKING SYRINGE but hey, no biggie :P You still have Lamaqui :)

~Y~

You woke up in your room and screamed the fuck out.

"WHERE THE HELL AM I, YOU SICK BASTARDS?! I'M NOT GONNA BE SOLD TO SOME DUMBASS SHIT-LORD!" you yelled.

Your door creaked open and some random fuck-boy walked in.

"Yo, chill," he said. "Just go with the... FLOW." He grinned and giggled.

"The fuck's wrong with you?" you asked, sitting up.

"Hahahaha... What?" he dazed.

You reluctantly looked into his eyes and saw red caving in towards his pupils.

You laughed, "Well, you're just a little fuck-tard, aren't cha?!"

"What is... that?" he questioned after snapping out a la-la land. "I'm just a boy... Not a killer or... Wha..."

"Oh, shit, dude. If you're some fricken' murderer on crack, imma shoot yo ass," you remarked. "Damn bro, you're like... out of it."

"What?" he asked.

"No, no, no, no... Sit down," you said, trying to pull on his arm and make him get his butt away from your face.

He finally slammed his ass down on the bed and shrugged. You stood up and poked his chest.

"Just lie down and stay here while I go find out where the fuck I am," you said.

You stormed out of the room and ran down the stairs. You were in a house... A fricken' house.

"Gosh, darnit," you muttered with a tear on the edge of your eye. "I wish I was in one of those crazy kidnapping shows where I get to kill the murderer and escape." You sighed in sadness, "Better luck next time..."

After some exploring, you went back into the room you woke up in.

"Wake up, you little brat," you demanded, shoving the door open.

The brown haired boy shot his eyes open and stared at you. He sat up and asked, "Why was I just sleeping?"

"You were high as hell," you said. "Don't even try."

"But you were... Oh, yeah..."

"Mhm," you mocked. "Now, tell me who you are?"

"Oh, uh," he trailed off as he glanced in the distance and started to sweat. "I... I'm your... boyfriend! Yeah... Your boyfriend!"

He was blushing a lot.

"I don't even know who I am," you said. "Mind catching me up?"

"Oh, you're (y/n), and I'm Je- Edward. My name is Edward."

You raised an eyebrow and confirmed, "Okay...?"

"Yeah," he said as he got up out of the bed. "And I'm a vampire, but don't tell anyone."

You started laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"You think I'm a dumbass motherfucker?" you questioned. "I've seen twilight, you idiot."

"Fuck..." he mumbled, looking away.

"Now, tell me who you really are or I swear to the heavenly gods of the holy spaghetti monster, I will-"

"Jeff!" he yelled.

You puffed and stood on one hip.

"And why are you, Mr. Twilight Fanboy, keeping me as a hostage in this ratchet hell-hole?" you asked as nicely as you could.

"This is your house," he said.

"Oh," you mumbled. "But what are those?!"

Jeff turned his head around in confusion and asked, "What's what?"

You pointed to his shoes and shook your head. "Sketchers? Really, bro?!"

He twitched his eye and muttered, "This is a lot more aggravating than I thought it would be."

"You did this to me?!" you screamed. "YOU TOOK AWAY MY MEMORIES, YOU SON OF AN ASSHOLE!"

"I didn't do-"

"Go to hell!" you cried. "And tell all the screaming Mexican boys to come back!"

"Oh my god," Jeff said. "You're one of those people."

"One of what people?!" you asked.

"Oh, nothing," he sighed.

"Wait a minute," you quivered quietly. "You know about how I stalk people and always break their blinds trying to get in through the window?"

"No, what even-?"

"YOU STALKER!" you screamed.

"You just called yourself a stalker and now you're calling me one?!" he yelled back. "You know what?!"

"What, pervert?"

"You're just an overly-dramatic teenager with no life!" he declared. "Oh, and you're so pathetic that you read fanfictions all day and get strange dreams about having sex with hot boys that don't even exist!"

You started to tear up.

"You're so stupid that yo mama even got a higher IQ than you!" he cried. "You let a killer stay in your house and erase all your-!"

You let out the longest, loudest scream you had ever made in the highest pitch possible.

When you finally stopped, Jeff peeped, "You're like a fucking hyena!"

"Damn right I am!" you retaliated at him.

He shook his head violently and stormed past you on his way out of the room.

Maybe you were a little harsh on him... You didn't exactly hear his side of the story. Oh, well... He wasn't the psycho killer you dreamed about anyways, so it's not like you needed him.

Running after him, you started to come up with the best insult ever. You dashed down the stairs and into the living room to find him watching a video aND OH GOD IT'S THE RING.

"Don't watch that, you idiot!" you spit out.

Jeff had his eyes locked on it. "But it's so pretty."

Was he starting to cry?

"THE THING IS GONNA COME OUT THE TV AND BE LIKE WHAT UP TIME TO DIE!" you screamed.

"I like death," the boy muttered.

"And I like pasta, but this is not the time!" you retaliated. You stomped over to the TV and pulled the plug.

Jeff snapped his head in your direction and laid his eyes on yours.

"You shouldn't have done that," he said.

"Oh, shut up, Ben," you mumbled.

"But I love you," he declared.

"And I love me too," you said. "So you need to freckle frackle on outta here."

With a sigh, Jeff reached into his pocket and pulled out a small device.

"Woah," you muttered. "Is that my phone?"

"Uh... No...?"

"That's my phone!" you yelled. "Oh, honey, you 'bout to go to hell."

The boy gave you a confused look and asked, "What else do you remember? 'Cause you aren't supposed to know this is yours."

"Oh, plenty," you said sarcastically. "I know that you stole my memories and toOK MY PHONE FROM ME YOU PERVERT!"

"Dammit!" he yelled as he held it up to his ear. "Hold on, lemme use it to call for a refund."

"The fuck?"

"Smiley?" he questioned. "Yeah, just one problem."

You stood with your mouth dropped, absolutely not believing he just used your phone to call someone. Like, who calls people anymore? He was wasting your minutes!

"YOU TOLD ME THAT THIS BITCH WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING AFTER THAT SHIT, YO! DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULL- I AM NEVER EVER GOING BACK TO YOU AGAIN!"

And with that, he threw your phone on the ground and started crushing it with his feet, jumping up and down to kill it.

You started twitching your eye.

"You okay?" he asked. "Sorry that the memory stuff didn't work fully... Damn."

He shook his head and brushed off his hands.

You growled.

"What's wrong?" he questioned.

"Give me a moment to go call Hitler and I'll be back with you shortly," you muttered.

"Oh, shit..."

You pledged war on that son of a donkey.