Genuine question here: Do y'all actually want Patton dead?

Remy opened the door to their apartment after getting back from work. There was loud music and much quieter humming coming from inside. Remus was jumping around and banging his head while flapping his arms around to the absolute banger.

The enby sneaked up behind him and carefully placed their hands on his shoulders. He screamed and jumped back but relaxed when he saw it was just them. Remy took his hands in theirs and began to dance with him.

He hesitantly followed along and let them lead. Remy suddenly let go of one of his hands and instead spun him around before janking him close to their chest. Remus started to giggle while stumbling back from their embrace.

"Sup gal" They finally greeted "Good day?"

He nodded and went to turn the music off just as the singer sang 'Two trucks having sex, my muscles my muscles involuntarily flex'

"Nice. My day was like soo mehhh. Or well it's like 3 pm can't exactly say an entire day has gone by" They thought for a moment before continuing "Hey wanna go out? Bitch I dunno if you've even seen the sun in like a week"

He shrugged. He pointed at his teeth and hissed.

"Ah a fellow vampire I see" Remy nodded as if that was very important information "So walk?"

Remus held up his sketchbook and titled his head.

"Yeah sure you can take that with you"

He nodded with a grin as he threw down the book and a few pens into a bag before taking on his jacket.

While Remy locked the door behind them they said "Picani, y'know Picani" He nodded "Yeah he always says that arts and other creative shit is like suuuper important for mental health shit. I never do anything creative and I'm doing fucking great"

Remus looked at them skeptically.

"You're right I'm dying on the inside"

'Torture must count as something creative coming up with new torture ways is very creative' The duke wrote into the text to speech app.

Remy chuckled "What? Does it look like my hobby is torturing people"

He swung his arm around them and leaned his head on their shoulder which made it kind of hard to walk normally but it was worth it since he could lick their cheek while letting the emotionless voice of the app say

'Babe you can torture me anytime'

"You're a fucking disaster and you disgust me" They laughed out.

'chop of a finger or two for later use if you get me hun hun' He continued while moving his eyebrows up and down.

"I wish I could kick you out of my apartment right now but we're already outside" Remy was so happy he was acting like his normal Remus self for once.

He laughed as well but his laughter was suddenly cut off when the thought of what Patton would have done if he'd heard him crossed his mind. He could pretty much feel the ropes around his wrists and his swollen cheeks and bruised ribs. Oh god what if Remy wasn't joking what if they were actually disgusted by him what if he'd ruined everything again. Agh he'd nearly become someone worthy of affection instead of pain and now he'd destroyed it all agai-

"Hey hey gal" Remy interrupted while snapping their fingers in front of his face "You zoned out or something"

Remus forced back a smile while shoving the phone down his pocket. He didn't need it. He didn't need to speak.

During the next half hour Remy filled the silence with stories about annoying customers at their job. They didn't notice their crush's sudden silence since he was mostly quiet either way. They did notice how he kept his distance while they walked and how obvious his fake smile was.

When they reached out to nudge his shoulder he immediately flinched away. His eyes got wide and his gaze darted around before he sunk his head down to stare into the ground while reaching his wrists out.

"Giirl" They were disappointed but not surprised "Get those hands down, I won't do anything unless that anything is like a hug"

He looked up and hesitantly nodded. Remy pulled him into a loose hug while leaning their chin against the top of his head. They had to stand on their toes to do that but it was worth it.

"Better?" They asked when they finally let go of him. He nodded once again. "Good" They cupped his cheeks and brought their foreheads together "I hope you know that I just want you to be healthy and happy and I know that it's not easy to be either of those"

Remus pointed at his smile while nodding.

"I know you're not actually happy" They replied while they began to walk once more "But that's okay, you don't have to be"

He crossed his arms  and pouted while thinking that maybe he would be happy if they'd let him stay with his lovely boyfriend but of course he didn't say that.

They continued over a bridge that went over a road where cars where speeding by. Remus tugged at their jacket to make his friend stop. He pointed down at the road before pointing at his sketchbook. Remy leaned against the railing to show that they were waiting for him.

He started to draw with his left hand while slightly flapping his right hand. He let out a wince when his broken wrist hurt from moving.

Remy sipped from the extra coffee they've taken with them while looking at the pen flying across the paper. After a few minutes he held up the book so they could see. It was a drawing of 2 cars violently crashing into one another. Body parts could be seen flying out the window.

"Girl that looks great" They said which made him shine up into a grin.

He took out his phone while looking giddy and typed into the text to speech app. 'Wanna hear an idea I had?' The robotic voice asked. Remus will ask if anyone else is gonna have constant mood swings or just him and then not wait for an answer.

"Course I want"

"It's kind of gorey please don't be mad'

"I won't. I like when you get like gory, it makes your charming in your weird demented dribble way" Remy assured.

'Promise no getting mad even after I've said it?'

"Promise"

Remus couldn't stop his leg from bouncing out of excitement as he started to write it all down. He quickly found out there was a word limit of 50 so he had to split it up in small parts.

'So basically have you ever thought about bugs crawling into your ear and planting themselves in your stomach and then growing really large while they're in your stomach? Because I have-' 

They continued to walk while he 'talked'. Remy tried to show as often as possible that they were enjoying it because they could tell their crush was really anxious. He hadn't 'spoken' this much in weeks.

Right as the idea ended in a giant ball of murder they stopped near an apartment complex.

"You have the energy to meet people today?" They asked to which he shrugged.

Remus got an uneasy feeling as he recognized the door as the door to Logan's apartment. He was half zoned out in daydream land so it was fuzzy but the nerd came and opened the door and he and Remy chatted and suddenly Rem was standing in the hallway and he'd taken his jacket off.

He slammed his forehead into the wall to get back his focus but it didn't help. What did help was seeing Janus leaning against the wall while talking to his friends. His complete focus went onto him.

He quickly stepped in front of Remy and started to growl. If he even dared to take a step forward he would scratch his eyes out.

"Sorry Deecy but omg he thinks I'm worth protecting, that's adorable" Remy giggled while hugging their crush from behind.

Remus eyes darted around the apartment. When he saw Logan he took Remy's hand. He forced them to follow him past Janus and towards the nerd. He hugged Lo before moving his limbs around and staring at every part of his skin he could.

"If I may ask, what are you doing?" He asked while Remus held out his arm to check it.

He pointed at his broken wrist before pointing at his skin.

"You're checking for injuries?" He nodded "Well thank you but I can assure you I am safe even if I  am living with Janus" His heart warmed over his friend worrying this much about him.

"In return for this" He began when Remus had finally stopped checking since he couldn't find any bruises "Can you let me check on the wound on your neck?" Logan asked to which he got whining in response "I know but it's for the best so it doesn't get worse"

He made a show off pouting and rolling his eyes before nodding with a sigh. Logan moved to take off the collar but Remus growled and fought back.

"It would make it a lot easier if you would just take it off" He bit off to which the duke crossed his arms and looked away. "Fine"

He carefully unwrapped the bandages while trying to avoid it getting stuck in the collar. He turned the metal plate on the collar around so he at least didn't have to see who 'owned' Remus. The wound which had been gaping wide for several days after the injury happened had finally started to heal. It was like a large purple line that got wider in the middle. If he ran his finger over it he could feel it being like a bump. It would definitely leave a scar.

Instead of putting bandages around his neck again he thought a band aid would suffice. Lo patted his shoulder as if to say that he was done. Remus quickly moved away from him and leaned onto Remy. He gripped onto their arm while keeping his gaze fixated on Janus.

The snake tried to ignore the pure hatred that was pretty much radiating from Remus. He relaxed when he felt Logan wrap his arms around his shoulders and slightly lean onto him.

"So you want anything?" The nerd asked.

"Girl you know I need me some coffee" Remy replied while doing finger guns. Remus nodded along.

"I asked you as well" Logan murmured before pressing a quick kiss to Janus cheek. He could barely hold back a giggle as his cheeks heated up from blushing. His obvious embarrassment made Lo press another kiss to his neck.

"Alright alright I would absolutely despise some tea" Talking nearly made the giggliness inside of him escape out. He took off his hat and hid his now rosy face behind it.

"Good" Logan went off into the kitchen to make the drinks.

Janus was left with Remy who had lowered their sunglasses so they could move their eyebrows up and down while sending him a shit eating grin. He rolled his eyes before slumping down in the sofa. He crossed his legs to look proper because he's a gentleman.

The enby was about to sit down beside him but Remus pretty much threw himself between them and tugged at Remy to get them to move farther away. He growled out at the snake but Remy simply shoved him down onto the floor so that he would stop being in the way.

He continued to tug at their shirt. He had to warn them of the danger. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it in his ears. All they did was ignore him while continuing to talk with that horrible horrible horrible snake. He gave up and instead stayed sat by the sofa, he stayed tensed up in case he had to protect his friend.

"Soooo like gal honey girl niiiceee shirt" Remy teased while slightly dragging in the sleeve of the short sleeved black shirt the other man was wearing. It was actually Logan's.

"I just like stealing his clothes, it's nothing" He muttered back. 

"Well with like the first 2 buttons open like that it legit looks like you're waiting for a vampire to come and bite you" They chuckled while moving their hand towards his neck to pretend to be a vampire.

Janus grabbed their wrist mid air "If you even touch my neck I will probably have a panic attack so sure please do I hate being in the present" He lied at the last part.

"Oh right sensitive neck, sorry like forgot" Their expression turned even smugger "But you had no complaints when specs smooched all over it like 2 minutes ago"

He looked like he was 1 step away from throwing a chair at them "Well he's" He waved his hands around as if to show the obvious explanation he had for it "He's Logan okay, I trust him as a friend"

"Rrrrright" They rolled their eyes before looking around "Hey didn't there use to be like a sleeping bag on the floor like right here?" They asked while moving their foot over the floor next to the couch.

"Lo only drags it out when he's about to sleep" He lied while looking away.

Truth is Janus and Logan had started to share the couch. Usually Lo went to sleep first and then a few hours later Janus would lay down with his head against his roommate's chest. He would feel his chest rise and lower or listen to him snore till he feel asleep.

Bonus was that whenever Jan woke up from horrible nightmares that were really just traumatic memories replaying Logan was immediately there to wrap his arms around him and whisper that everything would be okay before kissing his forehead to calm him down. 

the nerd came back in with the drinks and sat them down on the table before sitting down next to Remy. They immediately laid down like a starfish over the couch with their head in Lo's lap. They started to talk about gossip and Logan admittedly enjoyed gossip so he listened closely while combing through their hair.

After a few minutes of going between hissing at Deceit and growling Remus gave up on getting the other two to notice him. He walked out into the kitchen and hid down behind the kitchen counter. His gaze got caught on the knifes.

(Tw: Self harm mention during the intrusive thoughts here)

'Cut up your arms. Maybe then you'll get them to listen. You have to cut up your arms until you're bleeding out so they'll notice. You have to protect them or else you're completely useless and worthless and rotten and a monster and-' His intrusive thoughts rambled on.

He ignored it and started to draw in his sketchbook instead. Hopefully his stress levels went down if he did it. He bit on his pen as the thought of his friends talking to an abuser right in this moment made his blood boil once more. If it wasn't for the fact that his friends would be mad at him for it he would have destroyed Janus by now.

As if on cue that exact person sat down next to him. He made sure to keep his distance. Of course Remus first reaction was to leap forward and try to bite him but Dee smoothly moved his head so the duke fell down on the floor face first.

"If you hurt me you are just as bad Pa...as me" Janus smoothly lied "And you don't want that do you"

Remus let out a muttering sound as he moved away and continued to draw.

"What are you making?" He asked while leaning forward.

The duke surprisingly showed off the page. It was a drawing of Janus being stabbed over and over by Remus.

"How pretty" He said dryly, it would have hurt more if it had been drawn by anyone else. Seeing bloody drawings depicting murder from him was kind of normal.

Remus went back to drawing while Janus talked about good memories in his most gentle voice. All he wanted was his friend back. Maybe the drawing itself didn't hurt but the fact that Patton had been able to turn his dear friend against him made him ache. It was an ache that hurt for every conversation they could have had if nothing bad had happened.

"Want to know a secret?" He asked to no answer "Want to by any chance know how my face became scarred? Because it sure didn't come from a tiger"

Remus' eyes widened but he quickly tried to hide it.

The snake moved the hair away from his face so his scars could clearly be seen. "One time he, Patton I mean said I wasn't allowed to go outside the apartment for that day but I sneaked out to meet you and when-"

He stopped to take a deep breath so he wouldn't get a flashback.

"When I came back he thought I had left him or broken up with him and he got so mad. Sometime during that he threw I think it was a glass bowl at my face and the pieces stuck. There was so much blood and I begged him to drive me to a doctor but he said he would be nice and take out the pieces himself. It was pure luck that nothing came in my eye or else I would have been half blind"

A small part of Remus started to wonder if he really was lying.

"I screamed and screamed and he kept messing up when he took the pieces out so the wounds became deeper and then he banadged me up and told me I could never tell anyone or everyone would think I was lying and Patton hurt me in self defense and that I was the monster. The scars never left. They will never leave"

The duke inched closer while Janus shook his head to shake the memories away. Suddenly his cheek was burning up with pain as if it had never stopped hurting. The walls around him started to drip away and form into the walls of his old apartment instead. He tried to ignore it and kept going.

"Remember that? Remember when we were still friends and you still spoke? Or well I like to think we're still friends"

Remus wanted to agree but he couldn't. The last time he even accidentally implied that Deceit wasn't a monster he'd ended up with ribs discolored from bruises.

"It's alright. I get it, fear is a powerful thing" Janus said while smiling at him.

He took out his phone and opened the text to speech app. 'Sorry he did that, that's kind of' He couldn't write it out 'Bad word'

"Oh I'm aware...or well I'm trying to accept that it was abuse is probably a better way to say it"

Remus pulled him into a hug as the robot voice repeated 'sorry' He thought for a moment before writing 'friends?'

"Of course" He replied while hugging him back "I'm glad you can accept that Patton hurt you. It's the first part of healing"

He quickly moved back and shook his head. He pointed at Dee and nodded before pointing at himself and shaking his head again. His hands dragged in the collar.

"You think he only hurt me but he loved you?" Remus nodded at this "Darling you're wrist is literally broken because of him. Hell you're not even speaking because of him"

He shook his head. He wanted to show that Patton loved him but his hands stopped working so he couldn't type. All his motions were in what felt like slow motion. There was too much panic. His heart stung. 

No!No!No! Patton never hurt him! He refused to believe it! Janus was lying! He was loved! He wasn't completely unlovable as long as he had the collar to remind him! The pain had been his fault! He had deserved it so it didn't count!

He shook his head again and looked away. One hand kept squeezing the collar while the other took the pen and started to draw. Drawing wasn't the best word. All he did was move the pen around. The page slowly turned black from coal.

"Excuse me that probably was too blunt a way to say it" Janus said while moving closer.

The pen strokes became faster just like his breathing.

"I didn't want to accept it either and even after I began to accept it I still stayed with him"

He closed his eyes to shut out the tears.

"All I want is to help you I promise"

The page was more grey than white at this point. His brain felt like a storm of greys and blacks and whites. It should be easy to see the obvious but all the colors bleed into one another.

"I can assure you that everything will turn out well even if you accept it"

He tried to shut his stupid talking out. It was fine.

"Heh it must be hard to believe since I'm Deceit and all but really everything will be okay"

It was fineIt was fineIt was fineIt was fineIt was fineIt was fineIt was fineIt was fineIt wa-

"Take all the time you need"

He pushed down onto the page too hard and the pen broke. No more color would come from it. It was broken forever. It's only use had been taken away.

Remus trembled as tears went down his cheeks. He felt warm hands encapsulate him in a hug. He pressed his face into the purple fabric and was for a moment scared over getting it wet but he couldn't stop the tears.

The collar felt like hot iron. It was like he'd been marked for life by his boyfriend...by his ex boyfriend...by his abuser.

The tears turned into sobs. Reality hurt. He wanted to stay in the muddled and hazy mindset where Patton loved him and he deserved the pain. As long as he did what he was supposed to do he would be safe.

There were steps coming towards him. They felt far away. He catched a glimpse of Remy and Logan sitting down next to them and a few words were exchanged between them and Janus. None of the words connected. It was like tv static flowing through the air.

More warm hands moved around him. In the distance he could hear Remy mumbling something reassuring. In the distance he could feel Janus stroking through his hair. In the distance Logan was hugging him.

In the distance he wasn't alone but in his mind he was trapped like a prey trapped with a rope around its neck. He was waiting for the fox to come and eat him even though he wasn't in danger anymore.

When the rabbit cries out the fox comes but never to help.