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KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.

act three.

(chapter eighty-seven, she deserves this, you know that)

victor's village / train platform, 76 ADD.

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JUNIPER HALE HAD NOT booked a train for District Twelve. In fact, the thought hadn't even crossed her mind and the intention to do such a thing never came. Lucy Stevens was an idiot for thinking the Victor of the Seventy-Second would ever step foot into Twelve. 

("Right. Well, good." Lucy smiled. "Um... get your stuff then. The train leaves this afternoon... wow, I didn't actually think you would agree.")

A week had passed since Lucy Stevens left the district. Juniper had been standing at the platform with her hands dug into the pockets of her jacket, lies passing by her lips as she promised the other woman she would see her tomorrow. But as the redhead got onto the train with a small suitcase, a smile dancing upon her mouth, Juniper knew it would be the last time she ever saw Lucy. 

But with the absence of Lucy Stevens, the Hale woman couldn't seem to get the voices and thoughts out of her hollow yet cramped head. She was alone. She was completely, utterly alone. She had no-one she cared about in Ten anymore and if she even thought of leaving the Village to go for a walk or a stride in the main part of the district, the citizens would scatter before she could even get close to them. Juniper Hale was alone. Sorrowful. Depressed. Hollow. 

She couldn't seem to move from the couch. The rest of the house loomed empty, cold, and dark as the curtains were snapped shut and the doors were bolted so no light or warm air could enter. Juniper Hale was the ghost of who she once was as she curled into a ball, feeling every ache and pain her body caused her. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Prim was dead. Prim was dead. Prim was dead.

Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone.

(This woman looked to be a skeleton, clothes hanging off of her with nearly every bone in view. Her flesh was a sickly, pale green with her eyes deep into their sockets. Her cheeks were sunken and her hair looked to be a mess, knotted beyond repair) 

The phone rang and rang sometimes. The shrill sound bounced off the thin walls of the house and right into the sensitive eardrums of Juniper Hale, but she never picked it up. She didn't have the energy nor the inkling of who it was to do such a thing. There was always a beep. Someone always left a message. But Juniper Hale didn't have the focus to wonder. 

Her eyes were hazy. Her hollow head was too heavy with thoughts and voices to lift up. Her joints ached and groaned. Her healing cuts hissed. Her shattered heart throbbed on the carpet. A headache appeared. The scratchiness of her throat never left. Her hair was matted. The only sense of comfort she got was from the material of the couch and the cushion she wrapped herself around. 

In. 

In. 

In. 

Finnick was dead. Annie was pregnant. Juniper left Johanna and Aurelius. Prim was dead. Katniss had betrayed her. Orion Hale was a traitor. Lucy left. Juniper was a murderer. 

Out. 

Out. 

Out. 

It was like she deserved this. It was like she deserved to spend the rest of her life curled up in a small ball on the couch, wincing with pain as she tried hard to fight off the thoughts and voices that consumed her. She was a murderer. She had taken lives with her bare hands. Blood was all over her flesh. She deserved this. 

("Oh, no, it was all your fault." Clampitt scoffed slightly. "Of course it was all your fault... I just merely showed you and made you realise. But you already knew... you just needed someone to shove you in the right direction.")

She deserved this. She deserved this. She deserved this. 

("You're a killer, Miss Hale." Clampitt got up after retrieving the tape from the player. A Peacekeeper came in and wheeled the television out as the doctor followed him. "That's all you are... like you said, there is no scientific or intricate reasoning behind it. You are simply just a killer.")

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Prim was dead. Prim was dead. Prim was dead.

Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone.

She deserved this. She deserved this. She deserved this. 

The five statements were the loudest thoughts of them all and they were the truest because, to be quite clear, Juniper Hale didn't know what was true or fake anymore. The notion of something being right or wrong. The idea of something being real and fake. That awareness had left Juniper Hale months — years — ago. But the five statements that ran around her hollow head, they were real. They were right. Juniper knew they were and if she knew, then they were. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Prim was dead. Prim was dead. Prim was dead.

Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone.

She deserved this. She deserved this. She deserved this. 

A week turned into a month and a month turned into months. Plural. And yet, the only time Juniper got up from the couch was to eat something from the fridge. Not all of the food was off, but they were nearing it. Expiry dates were looming, but it didn't stop Juniper. It wasn't like she ate much anyway. And if she did, it was small portions that were enough to keep her going for the rest of the day. 

But every time she did, every time Juniper got up to retrieve soon-to-be-expired food, she caught a glance of herself in the mirror. And she looked worse, if that was even possible. 

Her hair was longer and matted with knots everywhere. Grease could be seen stuck in the strands. Her cheeks were more sunken, face thinner, smaller. Her eyes seemed to have their own caves, retreating back into her head. Her flesh was a sort of greenish-yellowish sickly colour and she was shaking like a leaf. In the darkness of her house, she looked like a ghost. 

What had happened to her? 

(Hisses and whispers were hidden amongst their panting and the animals as the pair continued their journey)

("... that's incredibly stupid." Juniper shrugged. "... let's do it.")

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Prim was dead. Prim was dead. Prim was dead.

Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone.

She deserved this. She deserved this. She deserved this.

Juniper must have slept sometimes because there were holes in her memory. Days were filled with gaps. She would be wide awake, seeing some sort of light be seen through the minuscular holes in the curtains and then she would jolt and she would be consumed by darkness, owls hooting outside. And she must have been sleeping because nightmares still tormented her. Vivid, torturous dreams that were filled with darkness. That was the only other evidence that she was sleeping. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Prim was dead. Prim was dead. Prim was dead.

Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone.

She deserved this. She deserved this. She deserved this.

("I'm always on your side, June," Finnick said, clutching her hand tighter. "Always.")

("I will." Finnick smiled softly before kissing her right cheek, her left cheek, and her forehead. "I love you. I love you. I love you.")

She deserved this. She deserved this. She deserved this. 

Thoughts and voices consuming her were a daily occurrence, but suddenly, as Juniper was curled into a tight ball on the couch, they all disappeared when a grunting sound came from outside. And whilst noises were common, the groan of a person was not.

With her hollow head a little lighter, Juniper lifted it up as she repositioned herself. It had been months since she had spoken or seen someone and that last person was Lucy. Could she have come back? Did she realise, after months, that maybe Juniper never booked that train ride to Twelve? 

The Hale woman's fingers twitched as she watched down the entrance hall, seeing the knob on the door turn and twist with every passing minute. Someone was trying to get into the house. They obviously had the key as Juniper could hear the scraping of the potted plant being moved. 

Was it Lucy? Had she come back? What would Juniper say to her? Lies and deception had passed her lips. She had broken her promise. She had completely disregarded her. Why did it take Lucy Stevens months to come back to Ten? Was it even Lucy? 

Juniper could feel her soul become heavy with anxiety and weakness as she watched the door slowly creak open, a large, tall figure trudging through the house, carrying nothing but the golden keys that tinkled with every movement. They ran a hand through their hair and sighed, making Juniper conclude that it wasn't Lucy. It was a man. 

Was it Aurelius? Had he come to Ten to see if she was still there or not? But how would he know what house was hers? How would he know where the key was? And the man had too much of a hunched figure to even be Dr. Aurelius. 

Who was it?

Juniper wetted her lips before managing to croak out, "Who's there?" 

The silhouette of the person halted, as if frozen by her voice. It took a moment for them to recover before they, hesitantly, took a step further into the entrance hall. And then another. And another. But even as they crossed into the living room, the woman could barely see the man due to the darkness. It was only when he spoke that a cold sense of realisation washed over her. 

"June?" 

At the sound of Orion Hale's gruff voice and the use of her old name, despite her weakness that enveloped her, Juniper was quick to stand up. And as she did, she dug her bare feet into the carpet for support as her eyes suddenly became blocked with blackness and stars. The figure of her father was shaking, but Juniper tried hard to swallow the lump in her throat as she felt her insides burn at the sight of him. Though, however, the rage wasn't as fiery as it once used to be. 

"What are you doing here?" Juniper tried to demand, but she ended up in a coughing fit that caused her ribs to shake. 

The man was silent for a moment, debating something, but he shook his head as he reached over to the wall, flicking the switch that resided on it. And suddenly, a bright, blaring light that originated from the chandelier above filled the room, allowing the furniture to be soaked in the rays of the blaze that had been absent for so long. But Juniper staggered back at the sudden gleam, shielding her eyes as she winced.

"June..." Orion whispered. She could hear him take a step forwards towards her as she slumped down to the couch, the heels of her palms digging into her sunken eye sockets. "What happened to you...?" 

"What are you doing here?" Juniper groaned as she blinked once, twice, and then three times. It was like the light from the chandelier was burning her skin, the hissing noise echoing around the room. 

"I... I just got back from the Capitol..." Orion muttered. A sense of disbelief was heard in his voice. "June, what happened to you?"

"Go away!" Juniper murmured as she attempted to curl herself back into a ball on the couch, smushing her face into the cushion to block the brightness of the room. "I don't want to talk to you or see you." 

"June." The floorboards creaked as Orion went to go lean over the couch, holding the armrest as he peered at her. "What have you been doing to yourself? Where's Lucy?" 

"Gone," Juniper responded as she winced. Her joints and bones were aching. "She left for Twelve." 

"And she just left you here?" 

"Don't act like you care." Juniper scoffed as she moved up from her ball, palms digging into her eyes as she scooted away from her father. "I don't want you here. Go away. Go back to the Capitol." 

"Despite what happened, you're still my daughter," Orion persisted. "I'm still going to take care of you, June... you need to eat—" 

"Despite what happened?" Juniper opened her eyes, jaw clenched as she started to blink. The figure of her father was coming into view. "Despite what happened?" 

"June—" 

"Stop calling me that," the woman said as she stood up, legs shaking.

And as she did, going face-to-face with her father, she realised that the past few months had not been kind to him. His hair was nearly entirely grey with just a few streaks of black left and his skin was harassed and tortured with wrinkles, the slight scars of Juniper's nails being hidden amongst his age. He looked horrible. Old. Sorrowful. Empty. But Juniper was sure she looked worse. 

"I don't want you here," she told him. 

"Juniper—" 

"I don't want you here," she repeated. "Not after what you've done." 

"We've already spoken about this," Orion pleaded. 

Juniper let her sunken eyes go wide and allowed her lips to part as she responded, "Okay? Does that change anything?" 

Orion stayed silent. 

"Get out," Juniper told him. "I don't want to see your face, or hear your voice, or even be near you, you monster." 

"Monster?" 

"You knew, Orion!" Juniper cried, taking a step towards him. She could feel her bones rattle. "You knew! You knew about the Reaping and you didn't do anything! Your kids were going to die and you didn't care. And then you came up with the idea of another Hunger Games—" 

"That's a poor argument considering you agreed to it." 

("It was mine and Orion's," Coin said. "It seemed to balance the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes.")

("Actions have consequences, don't they?" Juniper said. "Why not let them face their consequences? I vote yes.")

"I had every reason to!" Juniper snapped. "But you didn't. You didn't have to come up with the idea of another Hunger Games. Or do you just like killing little kids—?" 

"Juniper!" Orion interrupted her. "Sit down or you're going to faint."

"Well, if I do, pick me up because I have some things to say, you sick bastard." 

Orion clenched his jaw. 

"You're a fucking hideous monster for what you did," Juniper told him. "You knew about your children's Reaping and you didn't do anything. What kind of father does that make you? And then you have the audacity to lie about it? You wouldn't even look at me after I won... and I seriously thought you hated me because of it, not because you were drowned by your own guilt!" 

"June—" 

"Don't call me that," Juniper warned. "You know, I've had a lot of time to think these past few months, to think about everything that happened... and I always blamed myself for him being dead. I am the one who slit his throat after all, but... it's you." 

"What?" 

"You're the reason Justice is dead." Juniper felt a trail of moisture run down her oily, spotty cheek. "He's dead because of you. Clampitt said it was because of me and she was... partially correct... but you're the reason why we were in that damn arena in the first place. It's because of you I was in the Quell. It was because of you I was tortured—" 

"Juniper—" Orion tried to interrupt. Tears were glossed over his eyes. 

"I know I've made mistakes... I know that most things are my fault..." Juniper said softly. She could feel her airways constricting. "But... you killed him. It's your fault he was in there when he shouldn't have been... he could still be alive. I wouldn't never have become what I became if you just ran. How hard is it to run, Orion?" 

"Don't call me Orion—" 

"Am I supposed to call you Pa?" Juniper scoffed. "No... you're Orion to me as I am Juniper to you... you're not my father... I am not your daughter." 

("Don't sweat it, Pa." Justice gave him a lousy smile. "We'll be all right. We always are.")

"You don't understand..." Orion said. "You just don't understand... if I knew Snow was telling the truth, I would have ran—" 

"He killed your wife in-front of you. How can you not guess he was telling the truth?"

("Avoid?" Orion had cried out, voice filled with pain. It sounded so much like it did now. "You just... Ols... avoid?")

"Juniper..." Orion sighed as he ran a hand down his face. "I can't change your point of view on this... but... I love you. You're my daughter, despite what you say, and you always will be. I told you years ago that despite what happens, despite what anyone says, I'll always love you—" 

"That doesn't mean anything to me anymore," Juniper interrupted. "You don't mean anything to me anymore... so get out. I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear your voice. I don't want to even be near you... get out and leave." 

But Orion stood his ground and shook his head, responding, "I can't do that, Juniper. Take a look at yourself. You're sick. You're not well. When was the last time you even had a shower?" 

The Hale woman closed her eyes momentarily before opening them again, muttering, "I don't need you to take care of me... not like you've done a good job anyway." 

Orion flinched. 

"Get out." 

"No." 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

"Orion." Juniper took a step forward. "Get out." 

"I can't do that." 

Another trail of wetness went down Juniper's other cheek as she tried to breathe, but her mouth spewed open as she mumbled, "Just get out. Please... just get out... I don't want you here. I don't want anyone here... you can't help me. I don't want you to help me." 

"But you need it." Orion gasped for air. "You need help. You're not well. You're alone and you're upset... it's understandable—" 

"Get out!" Juniper shouted. Her voice cracked as her joints popped. "Just get out! Don't you understand? You can't fix me! I don't want you here. Get out!" 

"No!" Orion raised his voice. His daughter didn't even flinch. "You're grieving, Juniper. I know what that feeling is like. I can't leave you like this. I might have messed up, but I can still redeem myself. I'm not going to leave you." 

"Fine!" Juniper cried as she pushed herself past him, wiping away the tears that fell down her flesh. "If you're not going to leave, then I am." 

There were boots near the door and a jacket hanging on the rack and without even thinking about changing out of her pyjamas, Juniper threw them on. She was sure the coat was inside out and that the laces weren't tied, but she didn't care. If Orion Hale wasn't going to leave, then she was. 

"Juniper!" Orion called from the living room. "June, wait!"

The door was unlocked from when the man had entered and so, Juniper yanked it open and ran out, slamming it behind her. She could feel every muscle, joint, bone, and fibre in her being be lit on fire as she began to sprint away from the house. She could hear the door open and her father start yelling, but her hollow head started to become cramped with voices and thoughts to even consider what he was saying. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Prim was dead. Prim was dead. Prim was dead.

Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone. Lucy was gone.

She deserved this. She deserved this. She deserved this.

("I'm always on your side, June," Finnick said, clutching her hand tighter. "Always.")

("I will." Finnick smiled softly before kissing her right cheek, her left cheek, and her forehead. "I love you. I love you. I love you.")

Mud flicked up onto her boots and onto her pyjama bottoms as Juniper raced through the sludge, lungs and heart burning as she did. It was afternoon in Ten with the sun shining and the sky painted with a baby blue and people were out and about in the district. But at the sight of the mad woman coming running out of Victors' Village, they all gaped at her sobbing state, immediately backing away.

("You're funny, June." Juniper smiled faintly at the distant sound of Finnick Odair. "I'm just checking up on a friend.")

("Dickhead," Finnick spat. "If I weren't such a civil man, I'd kill him.")

(Finnick was in the Games. He was a tribute)

("Fuck, you punched him proper good, June," Finnick said, forgetting about the conversation they were having moments ago. "I thought it was just the television that made it look bad, but damn.")

("Are you terrorising the lad?")

(And suddenly, when their bodies clashed into each other, arms wrapping quickly around, Juniper smiled tiredly)

("It could be true. I don't know..." he replied. "Could they do that, Beetee? Take someone's regular voice and make it...?")

(And so, with that, Juniper took one more look at Finnick before her and the other two went down the slope, disappearing through the foliage)

("... okay, look... I'm only going to tell you this because I trust you, but you can't tell anyone. If the Capitol finds out—")

("I asked Annie to marry me," Finnick repeated. "And she said yes.")

("I'm always on your side, June," Finnick said, clutching her hand tighter. "Always.")

("I will." Finnick smiled softly before kissing her right cheek, her left cheek, and her forehead. "I love you. I love you. I love you.")

Tears fell rapidly down Juniper's face as she clumsily ran, arms pumping as thoughts of Finnick Odair filled her head. Why did he have to die? Why did he have to leave? If he hadn't of left, would Juniper be like this now? A sobbing, loony, skeletal mess who wore an inside-out jacket, whose laces were flying everywhere as she sprinted away from her only living family member and Victors' Village?

("Until one wins..." Aurelius nodded. "But really, does one ever win in war?")

(The minute Juniper Hale started to weep, Aurelius lost all professionalism as he bundled the woman up, holding her in his arms as she cried horribly)

("Give her the letter," Aurelius said quietly. "She'll understand then.")

Aurelius. Aurelius. Aurelius.

Suddenly, Juniper's legs stopped as if they had overheated and she found herself to be on the tiles of the platform where she had left Lucy Stevens months ago. She whipped her head around to see some newcomers and passers who stared at with quizzical looks, but she tried to ignore them as she felt her chest squeeze, her hollow head throbbing. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

("No." Aurelius shook his head as he dropped his hand. "Live freely. Live contentedly. And live peacefully... that's all I ask of you... happiness is something you must find yourself. Something I mustn't ask of you. Something you must ask and find.")

("... I thought we were starting to like each other..." Johanna whispered, her smirk faltering slightly as she stared at Juniper)

Juniper couldn't stay here in Ten. Aurelius was right. Lucy was right. The Hale woman would be dead by next week if she stayed any longer, but where would she go? None of the other Victors' would ever let her set foot in their homes and she sure couldn't go to Four to Annie and especially not to Twelve after lying to Lucy. She wouldn't even consider going to the Capitol to see Aurelius. 

Where would she go? 

("... I thought we were starting to like each other..." Johanna whispered, her smirk faltering slightly as she stared at Juniper)

And then something flicked in her head and more tears rolled down her cheeks. 

⇢ ˗ˏˋ matz 🎧 !

— the line "well, if i do, pick me up because i have some things to say," is 100% taken from frances mcdormand's oscar speech bc im an actor gurly

anyway here's a meme.