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KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.

act three.

(chapter eighty-five, i thought we were starting to like each other)

presidential mansion / train station, 75 ADD.

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THE ROOM WAS A MESS. Scraps of ripped material sprinkled the area like confetti. The water had seeped into the floorboards. The tables and chairs were still laying on their tops. The torn blankets were squashed into a ball on the wood. And one Juniper Hale stood in the middle of the mess.

The sun's rays waltzed around the room to a mute song. It highlighted the destruction, the light oozing into all the wrecked furniture and accessories. But despite the warmness of the sun that barely scratched at the surface, it was freezing within the room. A chill cascaded up and down Juniper's spine.

A searing pain fled throughout her being. Her shattered heart was tensing and tensing, her airways contracting as she panted for breath. Her hollow mind was filled with agonising thoughts of the day prior, all cramming inside her head, pushing against the wall of her skull. Tremors rippled through her body as her fingers twitched, as every limb and muscle started to cramp up.

(But, as always, the rage resulted with the Victor of the Seventy-Second falling into a heap of tears)

In. Out.

In. Out.

In. Out.

Juniper tried to breathe as she swallowed the lump in her throat, nearly choking at how tight her airways were. All the rage that had made her destroy the room had disappeared when she stumbled onto the bare bed, which only had its mattress and a singular pillow considering everything else was ripped, and closed her eyes.

In a nightmare-filled sleep, the anger seeped out of her being and now, she was just a hollow, pained, ghost of a soul as she stood amongst the wreckage, as thoughts and voices echoed around her fractured mind. Why didn't Katniss kill Snow? Why didn't Juniper say anything to Peeta? Why didn't she mutter a word to Annie?

(The porcelain shattered on the floorboards, the flowers flying everywhere as the water within the vase splashed into a huge mess)

The Hale woman balled her palms into fists, hissing slightly when her fingernails dug themselves into the open wounds in her flesh. The cuts weren't big, but deep as if some of the pieces from the broken vase had flown into her hands. There was blood dried up in her skin and, despite the tightness of her throat and airways, she gulped.

(They were tiny, but deep. Somehow, the porcelain bits from the smashed plates and cups managed to dig their way into the palm of Juniper's hands, some on her arms, and a good majority on the soles of her feet)

(Juniper Hale could never really like Katniss Everdeen for that long anyway)

Unclenching her fists, Juniper continued looking around the room. The flowers were starting to become shrivelled on the floor. The porcelain pieces of the shattered vase remained on the wood. There was frost covering the window, shielding the morning view of the greenery.

("Okay. Well..." Lucy began to say before looking up at Haymitch. "I can book the train back to Ten. If I'm lucky, we can leave tomorrow. Is that all right?")

("Not yet." Johanna smirked before subtly winking. "Why? You gonna miss me, Hale?")

("Believe it or not... I'm in a better state than I was before." Annie swallowed a lump in her throat. "Well... I'll be off. I need to book a train... I just want to go home now.")

("They are." Beetee nodded. "But I must catch up on my inventions. Though I enjoyed the hacking I did for the war, my heart lies with those.")

("It's in my DNA." Enobaria smirked before sighing, making her way to the door. "I'd say don't be strangers... but please do. I don't have any pleasant memories with any of you.")

In. In. Out. Out.

In. In. Out. Out.

In. In. Out. Out.

Gasping slightly, Juniper clenched her jaw as she tried to take deep breaths. She couldn't stay in the room. Its destruction, the consequence of her rage. The darkness. Juniper couldn't stay in the room any longer and so, body in pain, she stumbled over to where her boots were, slipping them on, and opened the door.

(Without any further questions, Juniper Hale began to walk down the corridor towards her room, but as she did, the anger in her stomach began to boil, bubbling up into her throat)

The Victor from Ten ran her cut hand down her face as she leaned against the wall, closing the door to her room. Why couldn't Katniss just kill Snow? Why did she always have to make things so difficult?

("Oh, but we can't have that, can we?" Clampitt tried to sit up from her ball, but Juniper swore she could hear her bones cracking and popping. "No. You need your closure, don't you? You need Snow to die today and you need to see it—")

(Juniper Hale could never really like Katniss Everdeen for that long anyway)

Before she knew it, her legs began to move towards her right absentmindedly. Her hollow mind was too busy fighting the crammed thoughts in her head to notice and her shattered heart was too fractured on the ground to care and so, her legs turned every corner and went down every hallway. Juniper's eyes didn't even glance up at the intricate, finely-brushed paintings that hung from the walls or the crystal chandeliers that descended down from the roofs, swaying with the breeze from an open window nearby. She didn't seem to notice anything that she went by.

(Juniper fidgeted with her fingers as Justice pushed himself off of the wall, heading towards his older sister as he slung an arm over her shoulder, muttering, "Thank you, I know. It's my hair, isn't it—?")

("We all forget soon enough." Gloss grunted. "Just like how everyone forgot about poor Loony Lucy...")

("Juniper!" Blight called out. The girl looked over her shoulder to see him rapidly climbing the stairs to reach her. "Juniper, wait!")

(The stylist narrowed her eyes at the Victor as she pursed her inflated lips, saying, "And why do you think that, Juniper? District Ten specialises in animals. Feathers are part of animals.")

("Clampitt. Dr. Clampitt.")

("What?" Raymond questioned and as he looked down, he let out a groan. "Stupid shoes... falling apart.")

("Let me come with you," she whispered)

("Because I just do," she said. "Orion Hale does not blame you for anything, Juniper. He has no reason to—")

(Juniper could hear the crackles of Finnick's breaths as he responded, "Gloss tries to intimidate. He does it to every new Victor. He tries to find a way in, scare you.")

("I know... I know..." Orion sighed. "I love you both... like I said... no matter what anyone says... no matter what happens. I love you both. Never forget that.")

In. Out.

In. Out.

In. Out.

"Juniper?"

Jolting back, the Hale woman blinked once and then twice before her eyes settled on the dishevelled figure of Haymitch Abernathy, who stared at her with a bewildered expression. 

"Haymitch?" 

"Fuck, what are you smoking?" Haymitch asked as he took a step forwards. His skin looked more yellow than it usually did. 

Juniper's lips parted slightly, letting his words process through her head before answering, "Nothing?" 

"Well, you seem out of it," the man mumbled. "Anyway, Lucy wanted me to come tell you that she's booked the earliest train back to Ten. It leaves in an hour or so. Is that okay?" 

"I don't care." 

But she did. Going back to District Ten seemed more like a nightmare than a dream, more like a fear than a relief. The idea of walking through the thick mud that seemed to taint everything. The thought of trudging past the Barn of Death or the Milking Station. The mere notion of living in that part of the district in that house and what she had to do to get it. All of it seemed like hell and whilst Juniper Hale was already going there, this particular hell wasn't something she was looking forward to going to. 

"Right. Well." Haymitch nodded slightly as if he was unsure of what to say next. "Lucy is down at the lobby. And if I were you, I'd sober up. She's not in the mood to deal with you high." 

"I'm not high." 

"Keep telling yourself that. Come on, kid." 

With that, the man took ahold of Juniper's bicep and began to lead her out of the hallway she was currently standing in, taking her through numerous corridors that all looked the same. But Juniper didn't take any notice, didn't even struggle at the tightness of Haymitch's grasp. 

District Ten. 

What would she do there? How could she even go back there? There was a gaping hole in Juniper's being and retreating back to that district wasn't going to mend it. It would, perhaps, make it bigger and bigger until there was nothing left of her. She couldn't stay in District Ten. She couldn't even bear the thought of returning.  

But where else would she go? 

"Got her." 

Juniper found herself standing in the lobby of the presidential manor, still in Haymitch's grip and facing an exhausted Lucy Stevens. She held two passes in her hands and yet, no luggage. Juniper could see more wrinkles caressing her skin. 

"Oh, good." Lucy tried to smile, but it made her look older than what she actually was. "I was going to wake you, but I needed to sort these out."

She gestured to the two passes she held in her grasp and Juniper raised a brow, asking, "What are they?"

"Something to do with security. They're keeping an eye on everyone who's leaving the Capitol," Lucy responded before clenching her jaw, adding, "Are you high?" 

"I already asked her that." Haymitch shrugged. 

"No. I am not high." 

"You look it," Lucy grumbled. "Or maybe you're just tired. Did you sleep well last night?" 

(And as the voices filled her head, as everything flashed by her eyes, Juniper Hale couldn't seem to handle it anymore, hands tugging at her hair in attempts to rip it out)

(The curtains on her windows became her next victim, the woman ripping them off their hooks as she threw the material onto the ground. And then the armchairs that tumbled to the floor)

"Yeah. I slept fine." Lie. 

"Right. Well..." Lucy drawled before looking at Haymitch. "We better be off to the station. Train leaves in an hour and I don't want to spend another minute here." 

"I—" 

"Are you leaving already, Hale?"

Juniper slowly turned around to see the silhouette of Johanna Mason heading towards them. Her skin was ghastly pale with rings around her eyes, signifying she did not sleep well that night. Her green eyes were squinted as she stopped in-front of Juniper.

"In an hour," she responded. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she stared at the woman. "You?" 

"This afternoon," Johanna told her. "It was the earliest train going to Seven..." 

"Right..." 

("Well... um... thanks," Johanna muttered as a sense of awkwardness washed over them. "That was... nice?"

"Yeah... well... goodnight.") 

The same awkwardness that had washed over them during their first night sharing a compartment enveloped them now. Juniper was fidgety as she tried hard to not dig her fingernails in the cuts that littered her flesh, bouncing from one heel to another. And Johanna was staring at her, then at Lucy, then at Haymitch, and then back at her. 

"You know..." Johanna started to say. "This is probably the last time we'll see each other." 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

"What?" Juniper murmured. 

"This is the last time we'll see each other," she repeated, clenching her jaw. "It's like what Beetee said... I'm sure neither of us want to see each other again." 

("The last time we'll see each other," the Victor from Three stated simply. "I am certain none of us want to see each other again... well, perhaps except Lucy, you, and Peeta.")

The idea of never seeing Johanna Mason again didn't terrify Juniper Hale, but it didn't feel right. Hadn't the two women gone through too much together? They knew things about each other that no-one else knew about them. They had opened, even partially, their hearts to the other, a side no-one else would dare to see. And now, they weren't going to see each other again? After everything?

"I suppose it's right." Juniper tried to smile slightly. Lie. "To never see each other again... we never really liked each other anyway." 

(And as Juniper felt her heart race when she saw two tall kids walk onto the stage, she eyed the newest Victor. Johanna Mason)

(Staggering back, still maintaining a grasp on her robe, she was about to scoff at the person, but when she focused her vision on who it was, Juniper blanched. Johanna Mason)

(At the thought of Johanna Mason, Juniper scoffed and quickly walked out of the bathroom, into her bedroom)

(And that rage, that anger nearly bubbled to an extreme heat as the person who had bumped into Juniper swivelled around, revealing it to be Johanna Mason. "Do you have a problem, Hale?")

("Hale," Johanna replied, clenching her jaw. "What the hell are you doing at the wrestling station? Shouldn't you be playing with your swords?")

("Just sit there!" Johanna snapped as she stood up properly. Her eyes narrowed to see the sight of Juniper, but softened when she saw Blight. "He's losing blood. Fucking Enobaria.")

("Well, if he's on the brink of being unconscious then that means you can carry him," Johanna spat before walking past her, disappearing into the darkness of the jungle)

("You have got to be kidding me! Hale?")

("Thank you." Johanna smiled. "But as I was saying... you're hard to swallow... but I also feel bad for you and I never feel bad so that's probably another reason.")

(Juniper blinked once, and then twice, and then for a third time before muttering, "Well... I feel bad for you... slightly.")

"... I thought we were starting to like each other..." Johanna whispered, her smirk faltering slightly as she stared at Juniper. 

(And as the Mason woman became focused on the gushing sound of the waterfall, fixated on the stream, Juniper closed her eyes and allowed her head to fall onto the other woman's shoulder)

(And she too dropped her head down onto Juniper's)

(She was holding Juniper's hand gingerly, the look on her face twisted with uncertainty as if it was the wrong thing to do)

Juniper let her lips part slightly as she continued staring at the woman, her hollow head cramped with thoughts and her shattered heart throbbing on the ground.

("... I thought we were starting to like each other..." Johanna whispered, her smirk faltering slightly as she stared at Juniper)

"Juniper," Lucy said. "We really have to go." 

"I..." Juniper stared at Johanna, licking her lips wet as she tried to take deep breaths. "Right. Well..." 

"Goodbye, Hale," Johanna said simply. She looked nearly sad. 

"Goodbye... Johanna." 

At the use of her first name, the Mason woman tensed slightly, but tried to relax as a slight smirk ghosted her lips, saying, "Well... I suppose I should wish you a good life." 

"I suppose I should do the same..." 

("Well... um... thanks," Johanna muttered as a sense of awkwardness washed over them. "That was... nice?"

"Yeah... well... goodnight.")

"Um..." Johanna mumbled. "It was... good knowing you, Juniper." 

"Right... it was — uh — good knowing you too, Johanna." 

When Lucy called out her name again, Juniper had no choice but to swiftly turn around and walk over to her, leaving the Victor from Seven. The Hale woman watched as Haymitch Abernathy caressed Lucy Stevens cheek, but didn't have enough room in her head to process it because as Juniper looked over her shoulder, Johanna Mason had already disappeared. 

The ride to the train station didn't take long, but was filled with silence as neither Victor from Ten spoke to each other. Lucy had her eyes trained on the passing scenery of the war-torn Capitol and Juniper couldn't bear to look at it, rather staring down at her government-issued boots from Thirteen. 

Once they had arrived, they found the station to be completely empty, Lucy mumbling under her breath that Plutarch must have caused it to be. And so, without any luggage in their hands, the two women walked into the train station, exhausted with their bodies hurting. 

"Boarding pass," a dishevelled, injured man instructed once they reached the gates to the platform. He must have been a rebel due to his tattered and thrown-together clothing. His head was wrapped in a bandage.

"Right..." Lucy whispered as she handed the security clearing over, fingers fidgety as she waited for the man to approve them. 

But as they waited, Juniper raised a brow when she suddenly heard rapid footsteps nearing them, the panting of a man echoing around. When she turned around, the Hale woman was slightly surprised to see Dr. Aurelius heaving in-front of her, bending down as he placed his palms on his knees. 

"Aurelius?" 

The head doctor was not wearing his lab coat, but rather a brown coat and black slacks, loathers on his feet. And whilst Juniper's eyes squinted at the man's casual clothing, she realised he still looked the same. Exhausted. Middle-aged. Rings around his eyes. 

"Miss Hale." Aurelius panted as he tried to take in deep breaths before walking towards her. Lucy was still waiting for the man to check the security passes. "I was hoping to catch you before you leave." 

"Right..." Juniper drawled. "You look odd without your lab coat." 

"Um... thank you?" Aurelius tried to say, looking at the woman deep in the eyes. 

But the Victor from Ten sighed as she ran a hand down her face, hissing at the feeling of her cuts as she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you off," he responded. 

"What are you really doing here?" Juniper questioned.

The middle-aged man blinked numerous times before letting his shoulders drop, eyes drooping down as he told her, "I don't think you should go back to District Ten." 

"What?" 

"I don't think you should go back to District Ten—" 

"No, I heard you," Juniper interrupted him. "But what do you mean?" 

"In order to accept what has happened, going back to Ten isn't going to fix that," Aurelius muttered. "And you need to accept what happened... it will kill you if you don't." 

Juniper stared into the eyes of the head doctor and realised how truly worn out he was. She knew the man to be exhausted, but in that moment, he looked drained. He looked finished. 

("Until one wins..." Aurelius nodded. "But really, does one ever win in war?")

"I don't have anywhere else to go," Juniper reminded him. 

"You have so many places to go, Miss Hale," he said. "Panem is a free country now. You can go anywhere you want... just don't go to Ten." 

Juniper looked into Aurelius's pleading eyes, letting his words process in her cramped yet hollow head. Accept. Closure. Both were laughable topics. How could Juniper Hale ever get the closure she yearned for now? And without that closure, how could she possibly accept what has happened? 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Prim was dead. Prim was dead. Prim was dead.

"Prim is dead," Juniper croaked out. Aurelius flinched slightly. "Finnick is dead. My father betrayed me. My brother is dead. I've killed too many people to count... how can I accept that?" 

"By going anywhere but Ten." 

(Therefore, one morning when Juniper was slowly eating breakfast under the watchful eye of one of the hospital staff, a man appeared at the foot of her bed with a clipboard and a pen)

("The first step to overcoming that blame and guilt does not involve constantly brooding over it, killing yourself over it. Not sleeping because of it," the doctor continued. "You need to accept that mistake, whatever you made, without any rationalisation. What is done, is done. Mistakes are made to learn from them and if you don't, then you will continue to suffer until you make the corrections. Do you understand what I'm saying?")

("Yes." Aurelius nodded. "Obsessed is the wrong word and so is infatuation. Whatever it is, he can't get you out of his head. It's like he needs to speak to you or tell you something.")

("I can never get anything past you..." Aurelius grumbled under his breath. "I'm meant to ask you something... well, not something. A series of questions.")

("Until one wins..." Aurelius nodded. "But really, does one ever win in war?")

(The minute Juniper Hale started to weep, Aurelius lost all professionalism as he bundled the woman up, holding her in his arms as she cried horribly)

("Give her the letter," Aurelius said quietly. "She'll understand then.")

("Miss Hale..." Aurelius murmured as he bent closer to Juniper. "No apologies could ever fix this. Nothing can fix this... but I am so, so sorry.")

(He muttered something about getting her lunch and swiftly left, door shutting quietly behind him)

(The man looked up before simply stating, "I am Dr. Aurelius. I've been called in due to some... concerns.")

"You know, Aurelius..." Juniper said slowly, staring up at his dark, caring eyes. "I was never going to tell you what happened in the Capitol." 

The man faltered slightly, but nodded, whispering, "I know... though I have an idea of what happened." 

"But not the full story. No-one has the full story and no-one is going to get the full story," she said. "Unless Clampitt told you..."

"You know that I saw her?" Aurelius questioned, but he knew the answer. "No. She didn't tell me anything and nor did I ask."

"I gathered." Juniper nodded. The rebel soldier was just about to give Lucy the security passes back. "She said you wanted to see who she really was... that your personal feelings got in the way of things." 

Aurelius stared at the woman, eyes squinted before taking in a deep breath, saying softly, "Miss Hale... I am honoured to know you. It is a pleasure to have had your company. And I will cherish that." 

"Likewise, Aurelius." 

"Perhaps, down the road, we may see each other again," he said. "I would hate it for this to be the last time we speak." 

"Of course." Juniper nodded. She could feel tears building up, but tried to swallow them down. 

"Juniper, come on," Lucy called. She was already walking to the platform with the passes in her hand, the soldier nodding. "The train is going to be there." 

"I'm coming," she replied before turning back to the man, adding, "Goodbye, Aurelius." 

"Goodbye, Miss Hale." Aurelius placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Don't be a stranger... and Miss Hale?" 

"What?" 

"Live freely," the man whispered into her ear. "Live contentedly... live peacefully... you, out of all people, deserve to feel such things." 

"Aren't you supposed to say live happy?" 

"No." Aurelius shook his head as he dropped his hand. "Live freely. Live contentedly. And live peacefully... that's all I ask of you... happiness is something you must find yourself. Something I mustn't ask of you. Something you must ask and find."

Juniper gazed at the man with parted lips before nodding, feeling her shattered heart squeeze tightly on the floor. And with that, she turned around and followed Lucy onto the platform, leaving Dr. Aurelius standing by the rebel soldier. 

Juniper did not look back over her shoulder. 

The train looked to be the exact same on the Hale woman had ridden on as a two-time tribute and mentor with its extravagant and beautiful designs and materials. But Juniper wasn't mesmerised by its appearance. Not anymore. 

The swirling crystals of the chandeliers that hung from the ceiling didn't cause the woman to be put into a trance. The intricate details of the wallpaper did not cause Juniper's eyes to be stuck on the designs for hours. The velvet material did not cause the Victor's fingertips to graze over them.  

Instead, everything seemed horrible. Everything was horrible. Dreadful. Sorrowful. Hideous.

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Prim was dead. Prim was dead. Prim was dead.

("... I thought we were starting to like each other..." Johanna whispered, her smirk faltering slightly as she stared at Juniper)

("Goodbye, Miss Hale." Aurelius placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Don't be a stranger...)

With a jerk, the train lurched forwards as they began to roll out of the station. But as they began to leave the Capitol, Juniper felt her shattered heart twinge. Should she be leaving Aurelius? Should she have gone back to say something to Peeta and Annie? 

Should she have left Johanna? 

(At the use of her first name, the Mason woman tensed slightly, but tried to relax as a slight smirk ghosted her lips, saying, "Well... I suppose I should wish you a good life.")

Johanna Mason. 

("... I thought we were starting to like each other..." Johanna whispered, her smirk faltering slightly as she stared at Juniper)

Her words echoed around the Hale woman's hollow head as if it was a sinful thought, an evil mantra. I thought we were starting to like each other. 

⇢ ˗ˏˋ matz 🎧 !

— THEY GET TOGETHER I PROMISE