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KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.

act three.

(chapter seventy, what was wrong with her?)

hospital ward, 75 ADD.

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KATNISS EVERDEEN'S MORPHLING WAS not helping. Juniper Hale and Johanna Mason took turns in attaching themselves to her morphling bag when the coast was clear for the next two days, avoiding the nurses and Katniss's cousin, who turned out to be named Gale. But the little amount of the strong drug was not helping Juniper. 

Her ribs were getting better, yes, but her mind was still crowded with thoughts, emotions she didn't want to have. She had a hard time keeping them under the covers with tears brimming her eyes that she would have to quickly brush away before anyone saw or utter rage that she had to control unless she wanted to be zip-tied again. Dr. Aurelius didn't help with his constant presence either. 

"You haven't slept in days," he would say. "You're going to pass out at any moment."

And it was true. The lack of sleep, the fear of the darkness was causing rings to circle deeply around Juniper's eyes and there were times where her head nearly lolled down, but she would snap up soon after. She still had enough sanity from the continuous meals she was eating and from the small doses of the strong morphling that Katniss was being admitted, but there were times where she couldn't even snap open her curtain because of how tired she was. 

But she couldn't sleep. She didn't want to. She was too scared. Juniper could see the tendrils of the darkness crawling across the tiled floors, aching to get towards her. And she feared that if she closed her eyes, she would be back in the cell. She didn't want to be back in the Capitol, she wanted to be here in Thirteen. But it was only two weeks and a bit since their rescue. Nothing was set in stone. 

But Juniper Hale needed more morphing to dispel those thoughts and emotions and so when the nurses put all the lights out and the other anonymous patients settled down, the woman waited for the door to close, for the nurses to bumble down the hallway. And then she stayed for another moment before quietly swinging her legs over her bed frame, trying to ignore the stab in her ribs as she got up. 

She unhooked her morphling bag off of the stand and carried it, detaching herself from the monitor that beeped to her heart rate. It went quiet and Juniper breathed slowly as she began to walk, feeling the coldness of the ward infect her being. Her legs were trembling as she did, cradling her ribs as she walked past Johanna. The woman's eyes were shut and Juniper rolled her own. She'd probably bump into the Victor from Seven in the hallways. 

Juniper made her way to the end of the long ward, reaching out to the handle of the door and pushing it open. Once she did, she was greeted with another long hallway that was lined up with doors, all labelled. All of them were patient rooms or wards and Juniper clenched her jaw as she felt her ribs ache. 

Where would the supply cupboard be? The Hale woman figured that the hospital itself in Thirteen would be very big and didn't know where the supplies would be. Because of this, Juniper began to walk down to her left, entering the reception area, which was a circular room that had screens littered around, showing up with patients' faces and where they were. Juniper clenched her jaw as she looked around. There were no doctors or nurses around with the lights dimmed. 

The Hale woman looked at the different signs that hung from the ceilings and that were plastered on the walls, but all of them showed room numbers, not anything to do with supply cupboards. No wonder Johanna couldn't find it. But Juniper was fuelled by the pain of her ribs, by the thoughts swirling around her head, and by the emotions that were coursing through her veins. 

"June?" 

Juniper turned around slowly to see the figure of Finnick Odair staring at her. He looked slightly better than what he did before. His bronze hair was neatly done and he looked to have gotten some sleep. Juniper was sure he looked to be more put together than she did. 

"Finn!" Juniper smiled slightly as she watched him walk over to her, confusion and concern settled in his features. "What are you doing here?" 

"What are you doing here?" Finnick hissed as he laid a hand on the woman's shoulder, looking into her eyes. "You should be in bed—"

"So should you—" 

"I'm not the one in the hospital," he stated firmly. "What are you doing up?"

Juniper glanced around the reception before replying, "I'm trying to find the supply cupboard. Do you know where it is?"

Utter perplexity washed over Finnick as he knitted his brows together, saying, "Why do you need the supply cupboard?"

"I... can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll tell the nurses." Juniper shrugged. "You'll get all concerned and tell them and Dr. Aurelius."

"I'm already concerned that you're walking through the night!" Finnick whispered, eyeing around the reception as if a nurse might walk in. He kept a firm hold on Juniper's shoulder. "Just tell me... oh... are you getting more morphling?"

"What?" Juniper scoffed. "No."

"You are, aren't you?" Finnick questioned. "For crying out loud, June."

"What?" Juniper hissed. "They lowered my dose, okay? My ribs hurt."

"Then lay down."

"No, that's boring," Juniper told him. She also needed the morphing to make her mind go hollow, so she wouldn't be able to feel anything. "I need a stronger dose and Dr. Aurelius ordered my drug intake to be lowered."

"I wonder why." Finnick sneered before running his palm down his face with his free hand. "Just go back to bed, June. You look like you haven't slept in weeks." 

"Because I haven't." Juniper chuckled, but when she saw the man's face, she added, "Just show me where the supply cupboard is."

"No." 

"Why not?"

"I'm not going to help your morphling addiction." 

Juniper rolled her eyes as she said, "I don't have an addiction. I am in pain... so, are you going to help or not?" 

"Obviously not," he told her. "And anyway, if I did show you where the cupboard is, you can't get the morphling. It's locked away."

"So? I'll pick the lock." 

"You don't understand, June." Finnick chuckled slightly. "They're really strict here. They forced Haymitch into sobriety because they don't allow alcohol. They've even locked away the rubbing alcohol." 

"But you can't drink rubbing alcohol." 

"Exactly," Finnick told her. "June, just go back to bed and try to sleep. You need rest." 

Juniper felt her patience withering at the sudden realisation that they locked up all consumable substances as she responded, "That's the thing. I can't."

"Then ask the nurses to give you some sleeping pills," Finnick said. 

"I don't want sleeping pills or sedatives!" Juniper hissed slightly. "I don't want to sleep. I'm fine. I just need the morphling for my ribs."

Finnick looked at her, eyes riddled with sorrow and something else Juniper couldn't identify in the dim lights, but whatever it was, it caused her to shift uncomfortably as he asked, "Is it just for the ribs? Or is it for something else?" 

"It's just for the ribs," Juniper lied. 

"Look, June, Dr. Aurelius can help you—" 

"I don't want a head doctor!" Juniper told Finnick. "I don't want to sleep. I don't want sleeping pills. I don't want sedatives." 

The man from Four stared at her for a moment as Juniper felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She needed a stronger dose of morphling. Thoughts were running wild, emotions were coursing through her heart and veins. She needed the drug, she needed to stop them. She needed the voices to stop. She needed Clampitt to stop.

("It was psychological torture... and, oh, did it work.")

("Oh, no, it was all your fault." Clampitt scoffed slightly. "Of course it was all your fault... I just merely showed you and made you realise. But you already knew... you just needed someone to shove you in the right direction.")

("Look, I don't know what she says to you, but none of it is actually true." Johanna shook her head, looking away. Only if she knew. "By the sounds of it, she's trying to get into your head. She is a head doctor, after all.")

"June," Finnick said as he cradled the woman's cheeks in his hands. "You are exhausted. You are in pain. You are not well. You need to sleep. You need to talk to Dr. Aurelius—"

"I'm not talking to him." Juniper shook her head. She felt the man wipe away her tear. "I don't want a head doctor." 

"You need to talk to someone about it," Finnick told her. "I don't pretend to know what happened and neither does Lucy, but you need to talk to someone. You need to tell Dr. Aurelius... you need to let him do his job." 

"You don't understand." Juniper gritted her teeth. "I don't want to talk to him. I can't." 

"Why not?" 

Clampitt.

It was because of Clampitt that Juniper didn't want to speak to Aurelius. She couldn't stand another head doctor. Dr. Aurelius, when it came to it, would just show her another clip, put everything on her. And even if he was right, even if the blame was indeed on her, Juniper wouldn't be able to stand it. Clampitt, she could. Aurelius, she couldn't.

But as Juniper was about to open her mouth, another voice echoed around, saying, "Hale, the number one rule of sneaking out is to not get caught." 

"Johanna?" Finnick swivelled around and Juniper craned her neck to see the woman from Seven with her morphing bag in her hand. "You're here to find the supply cupboard as well?" 

"What can I say?" Johanna shrugged. "They lowered our dose. We've been taking Everdeen's." 

A look of shock crossed Finnick's face, but he quickly shook it off as he grabbed ahold of Juniper's shoulder, taking Johanna's as well as he said, "You two are going back to your room." 

"Ow!" Johanna hissed. "Okay, fine, quite it." 

Finnick let the woman go, but kept ahold of Juniper as they all began to walk out of the reception and down the hallway, stopping at the door that led into their ward. Then he let her go, sighing as he shook his head. 

"Don't walk around at night again."

"Yes, father... for crying out loud." Johanna scoffed as she began to walk back to her bed. 

But as Juniper began to follow her, Finnick disappearing into the night, tears began to brim her eyes. What was wrong with her? She was never a morphling addict. She never purposely went to go find the drug. What was wrong with her? She never had to rely on morphling. She never craved it. She had used it before, yes, but it was never a need.

But she did need it. As of now, she needed it. Juniper didn't want to hear the thoughts running wild around her head, she didn't want to have the strong emotions. They wouldn't go away. They wouldn't quiet, even as Juniper buried herself within her blankets, shivering. 

She could manage the pain in her ribs. Physical pain was something she could deal with, but not mentally. Not emotionally. Juniper didn't know how to make them go away without the morphling. She needed the drug. It wasn't a want, it was a need. 

What was wrong with her?

("It was psychological torture... and, oh, did it work.")

(No-one prepared for her to lurch forward, rage emitting off of her in waves as she raked her nails down his face)

("You sick bastard!" Juniper screeched. Blood was gushing down Orion Hale's face as he stumbled backwards, holding his eye)

("... how did you find out about that?")

("Yes, your punishment. Miss Mason's was being electrocuted in water. Mr. Mellark's... well, you'll find out eventually. And Miss Cresta's was being away from Mr. Odair," Clampitt explained. "But yours... my task, your punishment, was to break you.")

(And Juniper could feel her heart rate skyrocket as she felt the Peacekeeper take ahold of her bicep roughly, grasping her)

("So?" Johanna laughed. "Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. No point in moping about something you can't change.")

(But the sigh of relief turned into one of confusion as she walked further into the makeshift house, seeing her father sat in a small chair next to a boarded window, peering through the cracks gently as a piece of paper was crumpled up in his grasp)

(His grip on the paper became tighter, but the girl didn't question it)

("June, no," her father told her harshly, lifting up her head and grasping her cheeks with his big hands. "Don't you dare apologise... this is Snow's fault. This is my fault.")

(But he was riddled with guilt and regret)

(He couldn't look at Juniper without wincing. Every time he looked at her, he felt nauseous. He had to look away whenever he glanced at her eyes)

("Can we agree to not lie to each other, Miss Hale? If I do not lie, you do not lie. It will make things much simpler and much more understandable.")

She hadn't slept in weeks. She hadn't closed her eyes in weeks. And she was exhausted. Juniper Hale was tired, but she couldn't sleep. She didn't want the darkness taking ahold of her. But as the Victor from Ten laid beneath the quilts, there was a funny feeling in that Juniper feared the tendrils had already gotten ahold of her, that Clampitt still had her claws in her. 

("It was psychological torture... and, oh, did it work.")

Johanna and Juniper continued feeding off of Katniss Everdeen's morphling supply, sharing it when the coast was clear, avoiding the nurses and Finnick Odair, who seemed to appear more often with the new revelation that his two friends were becoming drug addicts. Johanna always waved him off, but Juniper couldn't seem to look him in the eye. What was wrong with her?

But Katniss finally woke up after days of being sedated and Juniper only found out when she heard voices coming from behind the curtain to her left. She and the woman from Seven only took Katniss's morphling at the same time to make sure neither one took more than the other, but when Juniper heard Johanna's voice, she let out a slight groan as she slowly tried to get out of bed. 

She was exhausted. 

"They've got this head doctor who comes around every day. Supposed to be helping me recover. Like some guy who's spent his life in this rabbit warren's going to fix me up. Complete idiot. At least twenty times a session he reminds that I'm totally safe," Johanna was saying as Juniper unhooked her morphling bag, getting up with a sigh. "How about you, Mockingjay? You feel totally safe?" 

"Oh, yeah. Right up until I got shot." 

"Please." Johanna scoffed. "That bullet never even touched you. Cinna saw to that." 

"Broken ribs?"

Juniper mustered enough energy and ripped away the curtain, revealing Johanna sitting on Katniss's bed with the drip attached to the socket taped to her arm. And as the Hale woman appeared, the Victor from Twelve jumped and her eyes went wide, looking as if she was threatened by Juniper until she tried to relax herself.

"Huh, barely." Juniper chuckled as she walked towards the two, plopping herself down by Katniss's legs. "What happened to sharing, Mason?"

"I presumed you were asleep." Johanna shrugged. "But Hale is right. You've got bruised ribs. The impact ruptured your spleen. They couldn't repair it. Don't worry, you don't need one. And if you did, they'd find you one, wouldn't they? It's everybody's job to keep you alive." 

Detecting the harshness in Johanna's voice, Katniss asked, "Is that why you two hate me?" 

"Partly," Johanna stated. "Jealousy is certainly involved. I also think you're a little hard to swallow. With your tacky romantic drama and your defender-of-the-helpless act. Only it isn't an act, which makes you more unbearable. Please feel free to take this personally." 

("I think you have every right to hate them." Johanna sighed as she closed her eyes. "I mean — I hate Everdeen and she's probably in pain.")

(Juniper chucked slightly before furrowing her brows, asking, "Why do you hate Everdeen?")

"One of you should have been The Mockingjay," Katniss told Johanna, making Juniper snort. "No-one would've had to feed you two lines." 

"True." Johanna tried to smile. "But no-one likes us." 

"They trusted you two, though. To get me out," Katniss said. "And they're afraid of you." 

"Here, maybe. In the Capitol, you're the one they're scared of now." Katniss's cousin, Gale, appeared in the doorway and Johanna neatly unhooked herself, reattaching the morphling drip to the woman. "Your cousin's not afraid of me. Are you, gorgeous?"

Johanna scooted off of the bed and crossed to the door, nudging Gale's leg with her hip as she passed him. Her laughter echoed off the walls as she disappeared down the hall, presumably going to search for morphling without bumping into Finnick. 

"And why do you hate me?" Katniss mumbled as she watched Juniper detach the drip from her arm, plugging into the socket taped into the crook of her own. 

And as Katniss asked that question, Juniper clenched her jaw as she sighed at the feeling of the drug entering her system, slowly answering, "I try and not hate people who are in pain. That's a tad cruel." 

"But why did you hate me and Peeta in the arena?" Katniss pressed. "Is it for the same reason as Johanna?"

"No." Juniper scoffed. "I hated you and Peeta for a selfish reason, but then I realised it wasn't your fault. You both just wanted to survive." 

Confusion washed over the pained Katniss until, after a minute, her lips parted and she let out a sigh, murmuring, "There were two Victors'."

"There were two Victors'." Juniper nodded. "But what can you do about it? Anyway, I'll leave you and your cousin." 

The woman unhooked herself from the drip and reattached Katniss, her lips going into a thin line as she quickly disappeared behind the curtain, feeling the urge to puke. She could feel it rising as she settled down in her bed. 

She needed more than just a few dips into Katniss's morphing supply. The pain in her ribs was slowly diminishing, but her head was crowded. It wasn't hollow or empty. Thoughts were whizzing by, some quickly disappearing whilst some never left. Everything and everyone appeared in Juniper's mind and she needed something to stop that. 

("It was psychological torture... and, oh, did it work.")

(No-one prepared for her to lurch forward, rage emitting off of her in waves as she raked her nails down his face)

("You sick bastard!" Juniper screeched. Blood was gushing down Orion Hale's face as he stumbled backwards, holding his eye)

("... how did you find out about that?")

("Yes, your punishment. Miss Mason's was being electrocuted in water. Mr. Mellark's... well, you'll find out eventually. And Miss Cresta's was being away from Mr. Odair," Clampitt explained. "But yours... my task, your punishment, was to break you.")

(And Juniper could feel her heart rate skyrocket as she felt the Peacekeeper take ahold of her bicep roughly, grasping her)

("So?" Johanna laughed. "Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. No point in moping about something you can't change.")

(But the sigh of relief turned into one of confusion as she walked further into the makeshift house, seeing her father sat in a small chair next to a boarded window, peering through the cracks gently as a piece of paper was crumpled up in his grasp)

(His grip on the paper became tighter, but the girl didn't question it)

("June, no," her father told her harshly, lifting up her head and grasping her cheeks with his big hands. "Don't you dare apologise... this is Snow's fault. This is my fault.")

(But he was riddled with guilt and regret)

(He couldn't look at Juniper without wincing. Every time he looked at her, he felt nauseous. He had to look away whenever he glanced at her eyes)

("Can we agree to not lie to each other, Miss Hale? If I do not lie, you do not lie. It will make things much simpler and much more understandable.")

Juniper couldn't stop the thoughts from entering her mind. It was like a continuous leak of a tap, memories and ideas dripping into her mind. She couldn't have that. She needed to not have that. The Hale woman wasn't in the Capitol anymore, she was safe with the rebels so why was she still thinking about everything Clampitt had told her?

She needed morphling to quiet them and not just a few seconds of Katniss's strong dose. Juniper needed a bag of it, all to herself that she didn't need to share with Johanna Mason. The Hale woman just needed the morphling to stop her mind from whizzing. She needed it to become hollow, empty again. She didn't want to feel. 

(And there wasn't a single complaint as she stood there, not a single writhe from the pain, merely because Juniper Hale loved hot showers. It provided her with the fact that she could feel)

What was wrong with her?