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KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.

act three.

(chapter sixty-six, everything true and fake)

district thirteen?, 75 ADD.

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DISTRICT THIRTEEN. 

LUCY STEVENS had to explain it over and over for it to finally be engraved in Juniper Hale's head. She was in District Thirteen, the vanquished district, and with the rebels. She wasn't in the Capitol. She was rescued. And she was in Thirteen. She was safe. But was she? 

She was still detained to her bed, both wrists attached to the sides of the frame with some type of zip-ties. There were bandages littered across her skin. She had wires going into her. A morphling drip. A drug that seemed to make her brain go slower than it usually did. A sedative was on the bedside table if needed. And the curtains were drawn shut beside her. It was like she was in a much more comfier prison than what the Capitol had given her. 

Lucy visited occasionally, trying to tell her what was going on, but it never seemed to reach Juniper's brain. Whatever she was saying, it was muffled and fuzzy. She normally gave up after an hour. She was the only person that had visited. Juniper supposed the mentor was the only one allowed to come see her. That was until Haymitch Abernathy, Beetee, and Plutarch Heavensbee came into her sight, a nurse behind them.

"Ah, Juniper." Plutarch smiled. 

Whilst rage should have filled Juniper at the sight of the man, she couldn't help but stare at Beetee. The man, like everyone else, looked terrible. Exhausted. But he was in a wheelchair. Why was he in a wheelchair? 

"Why the hell are you in a wheelchair, Beetee?" Juniper questioned with a raised brow. 

"I tire so quickly, it's the easiest way for me to get around," Beetee told her. Haymitch and Plutarch went to go stand at her bedside. "Complications of the arena, of course."

And as Plutarch did, Juniper eyed him. That man was supposed to get her out of the arena. He was to retrieve her from it after she protected Katniss. But he didn't. This man was the main source of betrayal for Juniper before she realised she wasn't the only one in the Capitol. And it took him a month to rescue her and the others. 

"Plutarch." Juniper sneered. 

"Juniper," he repeated. "First things first, I am so glad you're finally here. I do apologise for what happened." 

"Wow, I'm touched."

"Juniper," Haymitch said as he sat down in the plastic chair. The man looked slightly yellow and seemed to have lost a lot of weight. He looked exhausted and not at all drunk. "How are you feeling?"

"My ribs hurt," Juniper told him. "And so do my wrists... are these zip-ties necessary?" 

"Yes, they are," Plutarch said too quickly. "You slashed your father's face open with your nails. It's necessary." 

"I had every right to," Juniper snapped. The anger would have risen within her if it wasn't for the drugs pumped into her system. "He... he knew and did nothing." 

"Yeah, he explained it to everyone after you went under. Let's say, Finnick and Lucy weren't that pleased." Haymitch scoffed as he folded his arms, leaning into the chair. "And about your ribs... the morphling should be helping with that." 

"Yes, they're pretty badly fractured—" 

"Which is why she shouldn't have any visitors!" The nurse behind them snapped. "Let her rest, for heaven's sake. She just got out of that wretched place." 

"Just give us a minute." Plutarch waved the woman off, but she remained standing in her position. "We just need to talk to her." 

"Is this about Peeta?" Juniper asked. 

"Has Lucy explained it to you?" Beetee questioned as he rolled himself to be beside her. 

"She said he's hijacked, that they injected tracker jacker venom in him," Juniper recalled. "That they changed his memories of Katniss to make her seem life-threatening." 

"That's the most amateur way to put it." Beetee sighed. "But yes... that is what happened... and it's very severe. But we have some of the best mental health and military professionals working on a counterattack." 

"Counterattack." Juniper scoffed as all three men raised their brows.  "That's a good one, Beetee... counterattack." 

"I beg your pardon?" Beetee murmured. 

"You didn't see him in there. You can't counterattack that." Juniper sneered. "He... he's not the same." 

"And what did happen in there, Juniper?" Plutarch questioned her. 

But before Juniper could even open her mouth, the nurse looked appalled as she pushed her way past the man, scolding him as she said, "You can't ask her that! She's just got back, Mr. Heavensbee. She needs to rest. She needs to eat. You only got her just two days ago." 

"If we are to figure out what happened to Peeta, we—" 

"Isn't she important as well?" The nurse scoffed. "Mr. Mellark wasn't the only one in there, Mr. Heavensbee. Who knows what Miss Hale underwent? You can't ask her to relive that!" 

And the nurse was right. Plutarch Heavensbee had no right to ask Juniper what happened in the Capitol. And even if the woman didn't respond, she could still remember everything. 

Nadine. Yara. The clips. Snow. Orion. Clampitt. Cells. Beatings. Screams. 

She could remember everything and it all came flooding back. Six weeks she was in there. Six weeks and Plutarch expected her to be pouring with information. 

"She's right, Plutarch," Haymitch murmured. "You can't go harassing her like that."

Juniper clenched her jaw as she stared up at the man, "Six weeks, Plutarch... that's well over a month... you don't know what happened in there and it's better if you don't." 

The man lowered his head slightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose before saying, "You're the only one awake and sane, Juniper. Johanna is sedated. Annie can't seem to detach herself from Finnick. And Peeta... well—" 

"Then maybe you should have gotten us sooner." 

Plutarch seemed to notice the defensiveness in her tone and nodded, excusing himself. The nurse looked pointedly at both Haymitch and Beetee, but when she realised they weren't leaving, she hurried away in a huff. Juniper closed her eyes as she listened to the beeps of the monitor. 

"He... doesn't know how to react to this," Haymitch said, making Juniper look at him. "He's helpless... what you four experienced... he doesn't know how to help." 

"I don't want his help," Juniper told him. "He left us in the arena. He let us be taken." 

"That wasn't all his fault," Beetee pointed out. "Once the force field blew, I was told it was havoc. They could only get the tributes that surrounded Katniss. Me and Finnick. The rest of you... you were too far away."

Juniper took a deep breath. She was no longer in the Capitol. She was with the rebels. She was safe. She wasn't in the cell. No-one could hurt her. Juniper had to keep reminding herself of that as she opened her eyes. 

"How are we in Thirteen?" Juniper asked. "Lucy tried to explain it, but everything she says just goes into one ear and out the other..."

"Thirteen and the Capitol struck a deal back when the First Rebellion was finishing," Haymitch began to explain. "Both had nuclear weapons that could have easily destroyed the other. So, Thirteen called for a ceasefire and since a nuclear war could wipe out the entire country, the Capitol agreed. They destroyed everything above ground and Thirteen has been an independent district ever since, underground." 

"And they just watched us get carted off to the Games?" 

"Yeah, there's some bitterness in the air still about that." Haymitch chuckled slightly. "But it's a pretty good place... strict." 

"They're going to be, however," Beetee reminded. "They are military." 

"If I wasn't jacked on drugs, I wouldn't believe a word you're saying." 

Haymitch shook his head with a grin before letting it droop slightly, saying, "We should leave you, then. We just wanted to check up on you... get some rest, kid." 

The man smiled at her briefly before nodding at Beetee, who patted her shoulder. And then they both disappeared, leaving Juniper alone as she laid back down properly. But thoughts were running wild in her head. 

She wasn't in the Capitol. She was with the rebels. This wasn't a dream. She was safe. The woman had to keep reminding herself that. Juniper was in Thirteen with the rebels. She was with Lucy and Finnick, who had not yet visited her. Juniper wasn't with the Peacekeepers' and Clampitt. The rebels actually came.

(But the sigh of relief turned into one of confusion as she walked further into the makeshift house, seeing her father sat in a small chair next to a boarded window, peering through the cracks gently as a piece of paper was crumpled up in his grasp)

(His grip on the paper became tighter, but the girl didn't question it)

("June, no," her father told her harshly, lifting up her head and grasping her cheeks with his big hands. "Don't you dare apologise... this is Snow's fault. This is my fault.")

(But he was riddled with guilt and regret)

(He couldn't look at Juniper without wincing. Every time he looked at her, he felt nauseous. He had to look away whenever he glanced at her eyes)

("Can we agree to not lie to each other, Miss Hale? If I do not lie, you do not lie. It will make things much simpler and much more understandable.")

But her father had betrayed her. He knew the entire time about the Reaping being rigged and yet he did nothing. He had the letter, which was the piece of paper he held so tightly that morning three-years-ago, and yet did nothing. He watched them be carted off to the arena. And he was part of the rebel cell years ago. If he was here, if he was part of a small rebellion when Juniper was small, did that mean he knew about the plan? What else was he keeping from her? 

Juniper tried to swallow a lump in her throat, but it wouldn't go down. Her head wouldn't stop pounding. She could feel herself being worked up. She wasn't in the Capitol. Everything about her father had been a lie. She was with the rebels.

And suddenly, she couldn't breathe. Whether it was because of her ribs or because one moment she was in the Capitol, the next with the rebels, she didn't know, but all she knew was that once the monitor began to bleep too rapidly, a nurse came rushing in. And then a needle was injected into her. The sedative on the bedside table. 

But the sedative did not make her go into a fuzzy, dull, aching misery. It caused her eyes to snap shut, making every pain in her body numb. It was like she was trapped in the darkness, but she didn't want to be in the darkness. She didn't want to go anywhere near it. Juniper could still feel its tendrils sneaking towards her, threatening to grasp her at any moment. 

The sedative, or whatever drug they had given her, did not calm her. She was frightened. Petrified. She didn't want to be submerged into the darkness. She wanted her eyes to be open, to see everything that was going on. She was in the Capitol one moment and when she closed her eyes, Thirteen the next. What if, when the sedative wore off, she was back in the cell? 

Juniper didn't want to be back in the cell, or the white room of hell, or the secluded room. She wanted to be with the rebels. She wanted to be with Lucy. She wanted to be with Finnick. She had to stay here. She needed to stay here. She couldn't go back. She didn't think she could bear it. 

("... how did you find out about that?")

("Oh, no, it was all your fault." Clampitt scoffed slightly. "Of course it was all your fault... I just merely showed you and made you realise. But you already knew... you just needed someone to shove you in the right direction.")

A guttural whimper was building up in her throat as she felt herself fall deep into the darkness. Everything was her fault. Peeta was hijacked, a monster, because Juniper had allowed him to run away. And then Johanna was still unconscious because she had let her run away. And Nadine and Yara were dead. Justice was dead. Cedar and Ash were dead. Wing and Hermes were dead. Leona and Rayon were dead. Dallas was dead. Gloss was dead. Cashmere Nicholo was dead. Blight was dead. The four tributes she had mentored were dead. 

They were all dead and defeated because of her. Because she didn't try hard enough. She deserved every ounce of pain she got. Maybe she even deserved to be back in that cell. She wished she was the only one in the Capitol. If she was, then Peeta's hijacking wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have attacked Katniss. And if she was the only one in the Capitol, Annie could have been with Finnick this entire time. They wouldn't need to have a reunion. 

Slowly, the darkness was diminishing and the low lights of the hospital room were coming back into focus. And as they did, Juniper felt like she could finally breathe, the fear washing away. There was a numbness to her pain and she couldn't feel her ribs except for a certain twang here and there.

"Miss Hale," a voice echoed around in her ears and she looked up to see the nurse from before, the woman. "You're awake... how are you feeling?" 

"Never give me a sedative," Juniper immediately said. Her heart was still racing, thoughts wild. "Don't give me something to sleep... or whatever that was." 

"Miss Hale, we had to," the nurse assured her. "You were getting yourself worked up. We had to calm you." 

"Don't give me that type of drug..." Juniper croaked out. She didn't want to see the darkness again. She didn't want to succumb to it. 

And the nurse seemed to notice the pain and urgency in the woman's voice because she nodded before saying, "I'll speak to the doctor for you... for now, eat up, drink up. Go slow and don't rush." 

With that, the nurse disappeared behind the curtains as she went to go help the patient to Juniper's left. But the Victor wasn't concerned with that as she realised there was a plate of hospital food that the woman couldn't quite determine. And whilst it didn't smell appetising, it was still food and she was starved. And there was a cup of water.

As she went to go lean over to grab the plate, she realised that her hands were free from the zip-ties, gauze dressings over her wrists. There was a strong smell of antibiotic cream and Juniper figured it was because of the abrasions from the metal handcuffs. Had they turned into lacerations? Were they infected?

But Juniper didn't fret as she, trying to ignore the twanging in her ribs, leaned over to grab the plate. She got the plastic fork and balanced the meal in her lap. She had to go slow, the nurse said, but she had been starved. And so, with her stomach growling hungrily, the Hale woman nearly scoffed down the entire meal and downed the cup of water. She sighed in relief. There was no more milk and potatoes. 

But as Juniper licked her lips clean, she began to eye the curtains to her left and right. The only Victors' she had seen since their rescue was Annie and she soon disappeared. Peeta was probably handcuffed to a bed somewhere for bruising The Mockingjay's larynx. And then Lucy had said Johanna was on the other side of the curtain with the others saying she was sedated. 

Sighing, Juniper began to swing her legs over the frame of the bed, planting her soles onto the cold tiles of the floor. There was more than just a twinge in her ribs now, more like a continuous poke, but Juniper tried to ignore it as she got up, shaking. Her entire body felt weak, but she mustered enough energy to rip away the curtain. 

And then there she was. 

Laying in the bed with the sheets all the way up to her chin, Johanna Mason was there. The bruises still littered her skin. Bandages covered some of the oozing scabs with the smell of antibiotic cream more stronger on her. There was a morphling drip attached to her arm, a monitor beeping to her heart rate. It was slow as Juniper stared at her. She was asleep and her face was twisted with a sense of pain and torture. 

The others said Johanna was sedated. She must have woken up, then. She probably had a fit seeing she wasn't in the Capitol. Would she believe that the rebels had rescued them? Even Juniper still didn't believe it. They both spent over a month in the Capitol. That was all they knew for over a month. And yet, in a split-second, here they were. In Thirteen. With the rebels. 

Juniper studied Johanna for a few more minutes before sighing, snapping the curtain shut and returning to her own bed. She needed someone to be awake, anyone. She didn't want to talk to the nurse, who was bustling away behind the curtain to Juniper's left. And the Hale woman didn't want to keep talking to Lucy, or to Haymitch, or to Beetee, or to Plutarch. None of them understood. None of them knew what happened, what they all went through. The minute Juniper became sane, Plutarch asked what had happened in the Capitol. 

The only person who could possibly understand a sliver of what Juniper was going through was Johanna. She would understand. She would know. She would be harsh about it, but the Hale woman wouldn't mind because at least they were in it together. They were the only sane ones in the cells. Peeta and Annie were always muttering nonsense, rocking themselves. But Juniper and Johanna. They were the only ones who had a vague idea of what was happening, who could string together sensible sentences. Johanna Mason was the only person who could possibly know what Juniper was feeling, even if it was just a sliver. 

The day progressed with the nurse coming over to check on the Hale woman a couple times. Haymitch, Plutarch, and Beetee never came back and it was only when lunch arrived that Lucy came to visit her. She brought updates about Peeta, saying that they were trying something new on him. They were set on bringing someone from his childhood to speak to him. Of course, it ended up with Katniss being shipped off to Two. 

"Why was it hard to find someone from his childhood?" Juniper murmured as she scoffed down her lunch. "Just get someone from Twelve." 

"You don't know?" Lucy asked.

"I've been pumped with morphling and weird sedatives, of course I don't." Juniper scoffed. "What happened?" 

"Twelve is destroyed," Lucy told her. "After the Quell, the Capitol sent firebombs. There's barely anyone left because of it." 

Juniper set her fork down slightly as she took in Lucy's words. Twelve was destroyed. The Capitol sent firebombs. There was barely anyone left. It didn't mean much to Juniper, but she felt for both Peeta and Katniss. Their home was destroyed. But that had nothing to do with her and so, Juniper resumed eating. 

"And Katniss is in Two... I don't know how long, but she's there to rile up the troops, I suppose." Lucy shrugged. "And then Annie is well. She's still in the ward, but Finnick never leaves her side... he's been begging the nurses to let him see you, but they won't allow it. They barely let me through here." 

"Well... thank you for visiting me." Juniper winced. She tried to sigh at the feeling of the morphling running through her system, but she just couldn't. 

But Lucy didn't say anything for a long time, a pained look on her face before she said, "I'm so sorry... you didn't deserve any of this... whatever they did to you, you didn't deserve it."

But Juniper Hale did deserve it. She deserved every bit of pain she got. She deserved to see the clips and to hear the audio recordings Clampitt made her watch and listen to. Everything was her fault and it was about time she acknowledged that. Everyone was dead and destroyed because of her, even if Lucy Stevens or Johanna Mason couldn't see it. 

("Oh, no, it was all your fault." Clampitt scoffed slightly. "Of course it was all your fault... I just merely showed you and made you realise. But you already knew... you just needed someone to shove you in the right direction.")

("It was psychological torture... and, oh, did it work.")