(060) stop thinking everything is your fault
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KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.
act three.
(chapter sixty, stop thinking everything is your fault)
the cells / a room, 75 ADD.
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JUNIPER QUICKLY WOKE WITH a pained gasp that sent shooting agony to her ribs. She was coated in sweat, her flesh slick with it. Her heart was beating so harshly that she was sure it would fly out of her chest. Everything was on fire as she looked around the cells quickly, but her vision was blurry as sweat dropped down into her eyes. And as she panted and panted, only one thing entered her mind.
The phone calls.
It was her fault. She made the phone calls. She asked. She made the phone calls in some feeble attempt to make herself feel better about her situation. She didn't even think once about how the Capitol could have been tapping into their phones, listening to their conversations. Juniper Hale did not think about that because she wanted a distraction. But because of her thirst to distract herself from current events, phoning Finnick Odair, she was now facing the consequences.
Annie Cresta was in the Capitol because of Juniper Hale.
Annie.
Juniper snapped her head to the side to look at the woman. She was curled into a ball in the corner of her cell, dark hair tangled with her sea green eyes shut tightly. There were abrasions on her wrists, which were brought together by the handcuffs. As Juniper looked down at her own, she realised it was the same. The same scrapes were present on her wrists and did not look good. Especially not with how skinny her arms were.
But she tried to ignore her handcuffed wrists as she looked back at Annie. The Capitol hadn't hurt her. There was no point in hurting her. They took Annie from District Four to obliterate Finnick. There was no point in harming her because simply taking the woman away from him was enough. It would destroy him. And it was all because of their phone calls.
It was all Juniper's fault.
("And it's your fault her voice was used and why she's here," Clampitt said. "Because you made the phone calls. The minute you found out about them, we found out. The minute you found out how important they were to each other, we found out. And it's because of you making those phone calls and having Mr. Odair tell you, Annie Cresta is here. It's because of you Mr. Odair is traumatised from the jabberjays.")
("... okay, look... I'm only going to tell you this because I trust you, but you can't tell anyone. If the Capitol finds out—")
Finnick had trusted her with the information of him and Annie and he made her swear that she would not tell anyone. And she hadn't. But the Capitol had found out. They were tapping in on their phones. They knew the minute Juniper knew. And all because she asked. If she had kept her mouth shut about the woman in the background, then Finnick never would have told her. Annie wouldn't be here. She would be with the rebels. It was all Juniper's fault.
"Oh, you're awake."
The Hale woman turned to see Johanna Mason looking back at her. Juniper took that moment to survey her. She was dripping with water, tremors rippling through her body. Her flesh was still covered in old and new bruises, oozing scabs littering her skin with her head shaved. She still had the paper robe that hung on her skeletal frame, aged with yellow. But there was no fire in her eyes. When Juniper first saw her in the cell, she was still determined. She still had the flames within her. But now, she looked exhausted. Defeated. Destroyed.
"How long was I out for?" Juniper asked timidly as she moved to lean herself against the wall. She looked over to see Peeta not in his cell. It must have been afternoon then. But if it was afternoon, why was Johanna still soaking in water?
"A day," she murmured before letting out a hacking cough that nearly destroyed her rib cage. "Again."
Juniper sighed as she leaned her head against the wall, closing her eyes. If she was out for a day, then it was nearly six weeks. It would be six weeks in a few days. Six weeks. That was forty-two days. It was nearly forty-two days and yet no rescue mission. No attempt. No rebels.
"What's happened?" Juniper questioned, opening her eyes to look at Johanna's tired face.
"They've had baker's boy do another interview," Johanna explained as she copied Juniper's position, leaning against the cell wall. "They aired it yesterday."
"And did he call for another cease-fire?"
"No." Johanna shook her head. "But from what the Peacekeepers' have been yapping on about, he's saying that the rebels are using Everdeen, that she doesn't know what's really going on. That they've turned her into a weapon."
"And he — what? — asked her to know what's truly going on?"
"Oh, he did." Johanna scoffed. "But the rebels... whatever the Capitol is doing, they're fighting back... I heard there was bombing in District Eight, ordered by Snow. Killed a hospital of injured people—"
"That doesn't put him in a good light, does it?"
"No, no it doesn't." Johanna tried to chuckle. "But they're making these propos. It's all rumours, obviously, but it seems like something Plutarch would do."
They were enveloped in silence for a good minute before Juniper then asked, "Where is Peeta? It can't be afternoon."
"It isn't," Johanna replied. "They took him hours ago, but to another facility. Probably in Snow's mansion, that's where they do the interviews."
"How do you know these things?"
"The Peacekeepers' aren't that quiet." Johanna smiled a toothy grin and Juniper wasn't surprised to see some of them cracked. She was sure some of hers were chipped and split as well.
But as Juniper closed her eyes again, she couldn't help but think of Peeta. He was only a boy. The entire time she had hated him, he was just a kid. He was sixteen when he won, seventeen now. And she had wished for his brutal death. They still had families. They were still children. But Juniper was so consumed in her own grief she didn't even consider that. She just considered killing them with some feeble attempt to avenge Justice, to kill for him, but Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen were just kids. They didn't ask for this.
And it was Juniper's fault for Peeta being in the Capitol. She never should have left him out of her sight that night.
"So... what did Clampitt show you before you went out of it?"
"Clampitt didn't show me anything this time."
"Oh, come on, Hale!" Johanna groaned croakily. "Like I said, your business is everyone's business in here so just spit it out."
"I'm being serious, she didn't show me anything," Juniper told her. "She... she let me listen to some audios. It doesn't really—"
"What was it?"
Juniper looked at Johanna and saw that there was a war in her mind. What did the woman think it was? Whatever Johanna Mason thought it was, she nearly blanched. But Juniper didn't question it.
"It was... recordings from my phone calls with Finnick..."
"Oh." Johanna sighed. "That makes sense."
"What?"
"Well, all phones are tapped so they can record it," Johanna said like she knew all along. "That's why I destroyed mine years ago. Everything you say is on record... didn't you know that?"
"No," Juniper snapped.
"All right... well, what did Clampitt say about them?" Johanna asked. "There's got to be a reason why she would... oh."
"Yeah. Oh."
"They're about Annie, aren't they?" Johanna winced.
"Yep."
"And Clampitt said it's your fault she's in here because of the phone calls."
"Yep."
Johanna shrugged as she murmured to herself, "Well, it makes sense how they found out—"
"You're not helping!" Juniper hissed. "It's my fault. I should have known the phones were tapped."
"Finnick didn't know they were tapped, either," Johanna pointed out with a huff. "That's probably why he told you over the phone... ah, don't beat yourself up about it, Hale."
"She's in here because of me!"
"So?" Johanna laughed. "Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. No point in moping about something you can't change."
"But I could have—"
"Hale, I'm going to hit you through these bars if you don't agree with me and shut up."
Then a silence washed over them as Annie awoke with a cry, tears running freely down her cheeks. Juniper didn't agree with Johanna. She could have changed it. She should have known the phones were tapped. And if she never called Finnick and questioned the woman in the background, Annie wouldn't be in the Capitol. But she was and it was because of Juniper, despite what Johanna thought.
Afternoon came a few hours later and the metal doors blew open, two Peacekeepers's coming in. They were dragging the limp body of Peeta Mellark, whose eyes were wide open, and it made Juniper blanch at how worse he had gotten. Sweat was beaded on his forehead. His eyes had an angry yet unfocused look. This was not Peeta Mellark. The darkness was close to nearly submerging him.
"He looks worse..." Juniper whispered as the two Peacekeepers' swiftly left, the metal door slamming behind them as Peeta began to moan in pain.
"Yeah..." Johanna nodded. "Whatever they're injecting him with, they've given him a bigger dose. He thought he saw Katniss in the opposite cell yesterday."
"And what did he do?"
"I don't know..." Johanna said. "He looked torn between choking her and kissing her, I think... bastards."
"They're doing something with his head, I think," Juniper commented as she looked at Peeta's sprawled out position. He was not moving, but he was alive. "Messing with him."
"You sound upset about that." Johanna scoffed as she looked over at the woman. "Don't tell me you actually like him now."
"I'm not going to hate someone who is in pain, Mason." Juniper sneered at her. "That is cruel."
"I think you have every right to hate them." Johanna sighed as she closed her eyes. "I mean — I hate Everdeen and she's probably in pain."
Juniper chucked slightly before furrowing her brows, asking, "Why do you hate Everdeen?"
"Jealousy is somewhat involved," Johanna said, taking a breath. "But she's also a little hard to swallow with her tacky romantic drama and her defender-of-the-helpless act—"
"Only it isn't an act anymore—"
"Which makes it more unbearable."
Both Juniper and Johanna coughed out laughs, which nearly startled Annie and Peeta. And as the Hale woman chuckled, trying to ignore the pain in her ribs, she realised that her and the Victor from Seven were the only semi-sane people within the cells. They both could talk without muttering nonsense and they had some idea of what was going on. Annie and Peeta couldn't and didn't.
"Now..." Johanna sighed. "Why do you hate me?"
"What?"
"We hate each other, Hale." Johanna scoffed. "And I know why I hate you, but I want to know why you hate me."
Juniper Hale hated Johanna Mason because the two women were, regrettably, too much alike. Both fuelled by anger and rage. Both murderers. And since Juniper Hale hated herself, she hated Johanna Mason.
"Because..."
"Don't be shy. I can take insults."
"Because I'm too much like you and you're too much like me," Juniper said. "No-one likes you, no-one likes me. No-one trusts you, no-one trusts me... and we're both angry all the time. That's why I hate you. Because we're too alike."
"Huh." Johanna hummed.
"What?"
"I'd say that's the reason why I hate you," she murmured. "I hate myself so I hate you... and you're also a little hard to swallow."
"As are you."
"Thank you." Johanna smiled. "But as I was saying... you're hard to swallow... but I also feel bad for you and I never feel bad so that's probably another reason."
"You feel bad for me?"
"Don't be so mean." Johanna scoffed. "I did feel bad for you and I still do... and that pisses me off."
Juniper blinked once, and then twice, and then for a third time before muttering, "Well... I feel bad for you... slightly."
"Oh, wow," Johanna said nonchalantly with a dead-panned expression. "My heartstrings... how they are tugging."
"Yeah, very funny." Juniper sneered. "But I do. Slightly."
"Why do you of all people feel bad for me?"
"I don't know." Juniper shrugged. "I guess being locked up in cells can make you feel bad for someone."
"Huh, I guess," Johanna said. "But it's nice to know that someone feels bad for me... when they don't have to."
"Same here..."
Hours passed and an odd silence washed over them and Juniper kept thinking about her and Johanna's conversation. The woman felt bad for her and she felt bad for the woman. And that was partially true. Juniper did feel bad for Johanna, mostly because of her torture and how she was alone in the cells for a week before Peeta came. And she felt bad because she was noticing how the fire in her eyes was slowly diminishing, showing how truly tired and exhausted she was.
But why did Johanna feel bad for Juniper?
Did she feel bad about what happened in her Games? Or did she feel bad about how Raymond Carmine was so close to victory, but yet still died? Or did she feel bad in general for Juniper Hale? The Victor from Ten wouldn't know and didn't think she ever would. Johanna Mason was a temperamental and mysterious person and Juniper didn't think she would have a conversation with her like they just had ever again. She was very private and kept to herself. Until now. Until their captivity.
Whatever it was that made Johanna feel bad for Juniper, it tormented her brain, even as the metal doors blew open and two Peacekeepers' entered. It had to be evening as they walked past Peeta and Johanna, stopping at Juniper's cell as one fished in his pocket for the golden, shiny key. Once found, it was inserted into the lock and they opened the cell door, grabbing ahold of her biceps as they launched her up. She could feel her heart thud as they dragged her towards the metal doors.
When they entered the lab, Juniper saw that it was buzzing again. It was packed with doctors, but they all looked calm this time. There were scientists everywhere, some pouring liquids into vials, others scanning computer screens, and few jotting down some notes. It was full with technicians, but as Juniper scanned it for Clampitt, the dark-haired doctor was not to be found.
But whilst this confused Juniper, what perplexed her more was that the Peacekeepers' didn't push her to the ground where the drain and water bucket were. They kept walking through the laboratory and it had Juniper filled with anxiety. Where were they taking her?
She didn't struggle as she feared the consequences, but she watched as the Peacekeepers' neared a door that was across the room, one of the soldiers fishing into their pocket for a card, holding it up to a device on the wall. It flashed green and the doors opened.
And Juniper suddenly remembered the white room of hell. This was the way to the white room of hell. Were they putting her back into it? Had Clampitt decided that the cells weren't good enough? Juniper could feel herself being worked up, heaving for air as they walked her down the corridors.
Just like last time, they were winding, all white and tiled. Peacekeepers' were stationed everywhere, watching as Juniper got dragged by with the handcuffs still on, tightening their weapons. And it was cold. But, just like the lab, there were doctors everywhere. They wore lab coats with some having gloves and masks one, others just holding simple clipboards. None of them stared at her.
But Juniper didn't care. She was trying to remember where the white room of hell was located, but she didn't pay attention when she was being dragged out of it. Was it a sharp right or a sharp left? She had no idea, but felt herself nearly puke once they stopped outside of a door. It looked so much like the one that led into the white room of hell and if Juniper didn't fear the consequences of misbehaving and her ribs aching, she would have tried to kick herself out of the Peacekeepers' grasp.
One brought the card back out and flashed it to the device, waiting for it to beep and flare green. When it did, the door opened automatically and they pushed Juniper into it. The room was completely identical to the white room of hell, but it lacked the bed and table and there was a drain in the centre with another door located across the room. There were Peacekeepers' keeping guard. Six in total, counting the ones that took her into the room.
"Where's Clampitt?" Juniper croaked out as she felt one of the soldiers let go of her biceps.
No-one answered.
"What is this?"
The Peacekeeper that remained ahold of her groaned slightly as he suddenly put both hands on her shoulders, pushing her to the ground slightly to kneel on the tiles. A pain flashed through her ribs as her heart rate began to quicken. But all of that subsided as suddenly, the door across the room opened with a beep and two more Peacekeepers' came in, both escorting women that were half-naked, bruised, and shackled at the wrists.
And Juniper furrowed her brows as she tried to see who it was, but both had their heads hung down low. But one looked up with a pained moan escaping her lips and Juniper immediately saw the orange locks, which were now faint in colour, as well as her exceptionally high cheekbones that looked as if the bones were raised, and her lips looking to be inflated.
And then the other woman looked up as well. Her height was maintained with her hair still a lovely blonde with ruffled curls. And even though her face was clean of any makeup, Juniper could still remember who it was. Who they both were.
Nadine Groves and Yara Give.
Juniper felt herself become sick as she watched, appalled, the two soldiers holding them push them to the ground, making them kneel on the tiles as they copied Juniper's stance. And as both Yara and Nadine looked up to see who else was in the room, realisation flashed across their faces.
"Juniper?" Yara whispered, her voice filled with pain and terror. "What are you doing here?"
"Yara? Nadine?" Juniper nearly cried. Both women would have looked unrecognisable to any normal individual, but the Victor knew these two. She had seen them for years. She knew exactly who they were despite the obvious punishment they've endured. "What are you doing here?"
"What's happened?" Nadine cried out. She was already weeping. "Juniper, what's happened?"
"Rebellion has happened, Mrs. Groves," a voice said and Juniper peered over her shoulder to see Clampitt walking into the room. Mrs? Juniper didn't even know Nadine was married and if she did, she wouldn't have remembered it. "Rebellion."
"But we aren't part of that!" Nadine sobbed. Juniper felt herself become sick. What were they doing here? "We didn't do anything!"
"She's right." Yara nodded viciously. "For once, she's actually right."
"But Miss Hale did do something," Clampitt murmured as she walked to be in the view of all three women. "No, Miss Hale is the reason you're here."
"Juniper?" Yara asked.
But the Hale woman couldn't answer. She was in a state of shock as she looked at Yara and Nadine, her stylist and escort. They shouldn't have been here. Were they here all this time? Juniper would have expected Lucy to do something about them, to save them from the hands of death, but they were here and by the looks of them, for a long time. But why?
Why?
"Miss Hale was part of the rebellion. As was Miss Stevens," Clampitt explained. "Did you not tell them about the rebels, Miss Hale?"
"They have nothing to do with this," Juniper tried to snap, but her voice broke. "Let them go, Clampitt."
"They have everything to do with this." Clampitt shook her head. "They're here to teach you a lesson, Miss Hale."
The Victor felt herself become sick.
"What happened in the Quell, Juniper?" Yara asked with a quiet voice. "Why are they doing this? What happened?"
"Yara, they..." Juniper couldn't seem to find the right words. "I'm sorry... this was my fault."
"Yes, it is," Clampitt agreed. "And partially Miss Stevens since she never attempted to rescue the stylist and escort. She didn't even think twice about you two."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Nadine cried at Juniper. "Why didn't you tell us about the rebellion? You could have warned us!"
("Oh, and, Miss Hale?" Plutarch said. "Do not discuss this with anyone and especially not with Miss Everdeen or Mr. Mellark. We cannot have them jeopardise this plan. It's best to keep them in the dark.")
"Nadine, I..." Juniper could feel herself choking up. Why were they here? Why was the Capitol punishing them? "Clampitt, they didn't know about the plan or the rebels. They just thought it was another Hunger Games. Let them go, please!"
"Why do you care about them?" Clampitt murmured. "You should hate Mrs. Groves for picking your name twice. You should hate Miss Give for styling you up just to get slaughtered—"
"We were just doing what we were told!" Yara defended. "You think I wanted to do that?"
"Me too—!"
"Oh, shut up, Nadine!"
Clampitt furrowed her brows at the bickering of the stylist and escort before focusing back on Juniper, saying, "I know why... you think they're some dumb, brainwashed animals. They didn't know what they were doing, right? They've grown up with this. They wouldn't know what's right and wrong."
"Let them go, Clampitt," Juniper said, narrowing her eyes at the woman. "They have done nothing. They aren't involved with the rebels. Let them go."
"I know they haven't done anything to do with the rebels. I figured you and Miss Stevens were smart enough to not tell them." Clampitt scoffed. "But like I said. They are here to teach you a lesson."
"What lesson?" Juniper asked, her vision blurring from the tears that were building up. "I don't need a lesson... whatever it is, I'll tell you. Whatever you want, I'll do it... just don't hurt them, please."
Clampitt smiled as she said, "I am quite pleased at this... yes, very pleased. You shouldn't care about them, but you do... oh, it's working—"
"Let us go, please!" Nadine nearly screeched. But it wasn't a screech of disgust like she normally did. It was a screech of pain. "Me and Yara haven't done anything! We didn't know anything."
Yara nodded her head as she looked towards Juniper, tears running down her face, "You're an idiot, I hope you know that. You should have stayed with Odair, then you wouldn't be here."
"Yara." Juniper sighed. Tears ran down her face freely. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... you shouldn't be here—"
"But they are," Clampitt interrupted. "I think we've had enough time to talk... Miss Hale, pay close attention to this. Today's lesson is just how powerful the Capitol is. Do it."
Juniper tried to struggle out of the soldier's grasp as she watched Clampitt nod to the two Peacekeepers' behind Nadine and Yara. She then walked out, the white door slamming after her. Juniper felt herself choke on tears and thin air as she looked back to the stylist and escort.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry—"
"Don't," Yara warned. She was trying to take deep breaths. "Don't say anything, you'll make it more worse than it is."
"I—"
"Juniper, shut up!" Yara snapped. "Just be quiet... let them do it. Juniper, just let them—"
As she was speaking, the two Peacekeepers' behind her and Nadine grabbed their handguns out of their holsters. And Juniper, quite frankly, had no idea what was going on, even as the two explosions that echoed around the white room made her flinch, even as the two bullets lodged right into the heads of Nadine Groves and Yara Give, even as they dropped to the ground as bits of brain, skin, and blood splattered everywhere.
But then, as she stared at the two corpses, trying to process what happened, it hit her. Nadine Groves and Yara Give were dead. They were dead. Nadine was dead. Yara was dead. They were shot by the orders of Clampitt. And it was right in-front of Juniper.
As the soldier behind her picked her up by the armpits, it hit her like a freight train and it was then that she tried to struggle to get out of his grasp, thrashing around as tears began to sprint down her cheeks rapidly.
Nadine and Yara were dead.
"You bastards!" Juniper screamed. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the two bodies. "You monsters! They did nothing! They were innocent, you idiots!"
The door slammed shut as the Peacekeeper hurriedly dragged her down the hallways. But Juniper didn't focus on her surroundings. She clawed and clawed, thrashed and thrashed, and fought and fought as she screamed, sobbed, howled.
Nadine Groves and Yara Give were dead. They were killed right in-front of her.
"No!" Juniper cried. "No! Let go of me!"
The pain in her ribs was excruciating as she tried to kick and tear her way out. But the hold the Peacekeeper had on her was too tight and Juniper was too weak with her fractured ribs to keep going. And so, by the time they reached the lab once more, she resorted to strangled sobs and cries. Her heart ached.
They were dead.
"Who the hell was that?"
The metal doors to the cells had opened and Juniper could barely see the blurry outline of Johanna Mason standing up, eyebrows knitted together. But Juniper didn't care as she cried and cried. Sobbed and sobbed. Howled and howled. She didn't even register that she was thrown back into her cell until she felt the coldness of the tiles creep into her bones.
"You monsters!" Juniper shouted as tried to get back up, but her ribs restricted her from doing so. And so, she only got a glimpse of the Peacekeeper leaving the area, metal doors slamming behind him. "Monsters..."
"Hale," the stern voice of Johanna said. "Hale, who was that?"
Juniper felt herself panting as she tried to focus on her surroundings, trying to focus on her breathing. She could see Annie weeping in the corner as she stared at the Victor from Ten. Johanna was crouched at the bars, looking at her intently. Peeta was hitting himself in the head with his hands.
"Hale!" Johanna said, smacking the bars to get Juniper to focus on her. "Who was that? Who did those shots belong to?"
"They... they..." Juniper tried to say as she hurriedly tried to get rid of the tears that kept rushing down. As she did, bringing her fingertips back, they were stained with splotches of blood — their blood. "It was... it was..."
"It was who?" Johanna demanded. "Who, Hale? Who was it?"
"I... they... she..."
"Juniper, for crying out loud, who was it?"
At the sudden echo of Johanna using her first name, all tears suddenly stopped as Juniper stared at her with wide eyes. Johanna had never used her first name. Why would she? They hated each other. But as Juniper looked up at her, laying on the tiles, some sense was pushed into her.
"Nadine and Yara..." Juniper managed to choke out. "It was Nadine and Yara... they were... in-front of me."
"Nadine and Yara?" Johanna asked. "Who the hell are...? Oh... your stylist and escort."
The woman nodded her head rapidly.
"Juniper, I'm..." Johanna didn't know what to say as she ran a hand over her bald head. Juniper could slightly see better with the tears running out, but she was still hiccupping from her sobs. "I'm sorry."
"They were innocent," Juniper tried to tell her. "They didn't do anything wrong!"
"I know..."
"But Clampitt still gave the order!" Juniper croaked out. "Why? They weren't part of the plan!"
"I know... just calm down—"
"They're dead. I should have tried harder. That Peacekeeper was weak. If I just had—"
"Juniper, stop it!" Johanna snapped. "That's not your fault so stop thinking it is. Those two didn't die because of you, aye? Clampitt gave the order, not you. She killed them, not you. Stop thinking everything is your fault."
Stop thinking everything is your fault.
"Just... lay down, yeah?" Johanna said. Her voice trembled slightly. "Just calm down, relax... it's okay."
"But they're—"
"I know," Johanna interrupted her. "But just relax, okay? Whatever happened, it isn't your fault... okay? So just calm down... take some deep breaths"
For whatever reason, Juniper obliged as she curled herself up into a ball, holding herself tight as she tried to ignore the agony in her ribs. She tried to calm, tried to take some deep breaths. She tried to close her eyes to block out the brightness of the light above, but as she did, the explosions rattled her brain. Their bodies thudding onto the floor were stained into the darkness of her closed eyes.
When there was a certain tug of her hand, she nearly jumped, but when she opened her eyes, she saw that Johanna had managed to squeeze her skinny arm through the bars. She was holding Juniper's hand gingerly, the look on her face twisted with uncertainty as if it was the wrong thing to do.
"It'll be okay..."
⇢ ˗ˏˋ matz 🎧 !
— ik something u don't knoww 🤭
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