When He's In Love

Written by Riley Avery - RileyAvery

When he's broken

Sometimes we didn't get answers from our thousand questions. Healing would be letting the wound open for a long time until it would close on its own.

"Overtime, Doc?" my assistant nurse asked. I didn't notice that it was already past my duty hours.

I shook my head. I decided to go home early. Nasanay akong nag-o-overtime kaya hindi ko namalayan ang oras.

Lumakad ako sa hallway ng ospital. The corridor was quiet, some visitors were waiting outside the ward and nurses were assisting their patients. Tumango ako sa clerk nang ngumiti ito sa akin bago ako mag-time-out.

Patungo ako sa exit pero tumabi ako dahil sa isang kumusyon. I heard a sob as nurses attend to a patient on the stretcher.

Abala ang paramedic sa pag-explain ng kondisyon ng pasyente habang itinutulak ang stretcher. Mabilis namang tumawag ang isang nurse ng emergency. Nasulyapan ko ang pasyente habang dumadaan sa harapan ko.

Batang babaeng duguan.

Mabilis akong lumapit at tumulong sa pagtulak patungong ER.

"Please, hang on there. M-Mommy is here."

Basag ang boses na iyon pero hindi ako puwedeng magkamali.

Bago ko malingon ay bumukas ang ER. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang mabilis itong inasikaso ng doctor at nurses na naghihintay.

Napatitig ako sa pinto ng ER.

Kawawa naman ang bata. Mukhang nasa edad siyam or sampu ito. Lumingon ako nang marinig ulit ang iyak ng babae. Nakaupo siya sa gilid. Nakatakip sa mukha ang mga palad habang umaalog ang balikat.

Umupo ako sa dulo upang bigyan siya ng privacy. Pagkaraan ng ilang minutong pag-iyak ay tumayo siya. Natulos ako sa kinauupuan nang makilala siya. Her hair was messy in a tight ponytail, her cheeks and nose were a bit red, but I couldn't be mistaken. I knew her very well that even in this distance I could recognize her.

"Maia," I whispered.

She stopped and turned. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

I stood and took a step closer. I couldn't blink even for once. Natatakot akong mawala siya sa paningin ko.

Today I finally accepted that she was the only love of my life but not in this lifetime. I wanted to move on. It had been ten years but today I was again trapped in a dream of her. I decided to bury our memories but my eyes betrayed me. Umiling ako. Maybe it was an illusion. Maybe I wasn't ready to let go but she seemed too real.

Ipinilig niya ang ulo niya.

"Maia," ulit ko.

"Do I know you?" she asked. Her forehead knotted and her brows furrowed.

Napatigil ako ilang hakbang sa kinatatayuan niya. I miss her soft voice and those almond deep eyes but then, I realized what she asked.

Lumapit ang isang nurse sa kaniya kaya nabaling ang atensyon niya rito.

"Ma'am, are you her family?" tanong nito.

"Yes, I'm her mother," she said while looking at me. Nagtama ang paningin namin.

She didn't know me? But she didn't deny her name.

"This way, Ma'am," anang nurse at iginiya siya patungo sa reception.

Gulong-gulo ako pero sumunod ako sa kanila. I couldn't lose her. I waited. She read some documents and gave her personal information.

"Maia Cedes Madrigal," the clerk said while typing on the keyboard.

Napatitig ako sa kaniya. How come she didn't recognize me?

For the past ten years all I did was to search for her. I believed she was alive however evidence said otherwise. She met an accident. Her car was found in the sea and her bag and jacket were found on a shore months after. I was losing hope but I couldn't give up. They didn't find her body yet. It was the drive to find her pushed me to thrive. I didn't have the means to pay for investigators and all I could do was to search on my own. I went to places where her things were found and even the places nearby.

I realized that I needed professionals to help me. I continued my study in med school as a scholar. For five years I exhausted myself in school and look for her in my free days.

Her family declared her death when I graduated in med school. I felt devastated and frustrated. The faintest hope I had was fading but my treacherous heart kept on believing. They didn't find her body. Maybe, she was alive somewhere calling for help. Maybe she was afraid to show up. Maybe...

"Anak, tumigil ka na sa paghahanap. Patay na siya. Nagluluksa na ang pamilya niya. Ano pa bang patunay ang hinahanap mo. Patay na siya!" umiiyak at nagmamakaawang sigaw ni Nanay pero hindi nito maababago ang paniniwala ko.

She was alive. Everyone believed that she died but I couldn't fail her. I must find her. I hired investigators and paid men when I earned, but it didn't do much. We had leads but every time I confirm and see for myself, I was again disappointed.

I wasn't a prayerful person but I prayed hard. I even compromised just to see her again. Even if she had someone else and happy. I would be in pain but let me see her. Even if she had forgotten me, let me have a glance of her face. Let me see her smile once again. Let me take a look at her eyes.

Just once.

But never did I imagined for us to meet like this. I followed her when she went back outside the emergency room. I silently sat on the far end chair. Nakatingin lamang siya sa emergency room at minsan tumutulo ang mga luha. I wanted to wipe those tears and hugged her but it might scare her.

I remained on my seat when the doctor got out of the ER to talk to Maia. Doc Salvador glanced and nodded at me before giving his attention to Maia.

"She's already out of critical condition but she needed blood transfusion," he said.

"Then, do it Doc," Maia immediately said.

"The problem is that she is AB negative. We currently don't have a reserve on our blood bank. Are you AB negative?"

Nawalan ng kulay ang mukha ni Maia at tila matutumba kaya mabilis akong tumayo.

"I'm not," she whispered.

"I'm AB negative, Doc," I said.

Tumingala sa akin si Maia kaya ngumiti ako.

"Then, come with me, Doctor Seo."

Pinaupo ko muna si Maia. "Wait here. This will be quick."

Nakatitig siya sa mukha ko kaya nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I followed Doctor Salvador.

"Who is she?" he asked.

Umiling ako.

"Don't tell me she's the girl you are searching for," he said and smiled like it was impossible.

Doctor Salvador was my closest friend. He knew why I decided to have my residency in this hospital. It was very far from Manila but it was the nearest area where they found Maia's things.

I pursed my lips and didn't answer.

"She is?!" he realized.

I strode past him and went to the designated room.

I considered my life wasted when I finally accepted that she wasn't coming back. I was living but I didn't have the courage to really live. I was like floating on the sea water, waiting for a big wave to hit me and drowned myself to death to meet her. At some point when everything was dark my faith was shaken but then I saw her in my dreams. It was when hope found me again.

She wanted me to be successful. I did but how could I be truly successful when the person I dedicated my success wasn't with me. They say feelings would eventually fade but that wasn't the case for me. I stayed where she left me, after ten long years.

I smiled. I finally found her. May bumara sa lalamunan ko habang pinagmamasdan ko siyang nakaupo habang natutulog sa tabi ni Ricollete, ang anak niya. Nailipat na ito sa isang private room pero hindi pa rin nagigising.

I lifted my hand to brush away the strands of hair on Maia's face but I stopped mid-way when she opened her eyes. Tumikhim ako at tumayo nang tuwid.

"Uh, you're here." Her eyes locked on mine and I couldn't take my eyes away from his gaze.

It was always like this. I visit them after my duty. She was alone. May pinapadala siyang kasambahay tuwing umaga hanggang sa pumalit siya sa hapon galing trabaho pero bukod doon ay wala na.

"I brought us food," sabi ko at pumihit paharap sa lamesita.

"Nakakahiya naman, Doctor Seo. Ako na." Sa isang iglap ay nasa tabi ko siya kaya napaatras ako.

My heart leaped because of our distance. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. I didn't know where her husband and why he wasn't visiting. Maybe, they have a long-distance relationship but I remember her surname was the same. She wasn't married, yet.

I smirked.

What were you planning, huh?

I talked to her parents and they weren't aware that she was alive. They were hesitant to believe but when I sent photos they were convinced. They wanted to see her but we decided to take it slow. Maia didn't know her past but she knew her name. I have yet to find out but the only thing for sure was she found a family. It had been a long time and I was scared that she totally forgot about me but I hoped not.

I noticed that most of the time she would look at me differently but she wasn't saying anything. She let me help her and I was glad.

"I didn't see your family," I said while eating.

"My Mama died two years ago. I'm alone now," she said. I was aiming for her husband but I couldn't bring it up.

"How about your father?"

"I was adopted. She didn't have a husband." She really was clueless about her real family.

She didn't mention about Ricollete's father and I didn't dwell much to ask about it. It would be too personal and I wanted her to be comfortable with me.

Matuling dumaan ang mga araw. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakatagal ng isang linggo na wala akong sinasabi sa kaniya. I asked for investigators to know her background. She was found on the shore a day after the accident. A rich widow took care of her and when she died, she left all her properties to Maia.

It was such a relief that she was in good hands and maybe that made her contented with her life. She didn't long for her family because she had one.

"Anak, please wake up already. Mommy is waiting," kausap niya kay Ricollete habang nakahawak sa kamay nito.

I dragged a chair beside her.

"Can she call me tito when she wake up?" I asked Maia.

"That would be nice. See Collete? You have a tito now."

"How about this, Collete. Your Mom said that you wanted to play house but she's too busy. I can play with you." I looked at Collete's face. Kamukhang-kamukha nito si Maia, only that her hair was straight and Maia had loose curly locks.

Ibinaba ni Maia ang kamay ni Collete at tatayo sana nang gumalaw ang daliri nito. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko, agad akong nagtawag ng doctor.

Maingat na ch-in-eck ni Doctor Salvador ang vitals nito. Habang naglilista ay gumalaw ulit ang mga daliri nito kasunod ang dahan-dahang pagbubukas ng mga mata.

"Collete!" tawag ni Maia at hinawakan ito sa kamay.

I was in shock when her eyes darted on me. She had the same hazel eyes as mine.

"Collete," I whispered. She smiled at me before turning to Maia.

Naestatwa ako. It was such a wonderful feeling to see that smile.

Doctor Salvador tapped my shoulder. I nodded and went with him outside.

"The kid got your eyes and smile," he playfully said. "I have to go."

Pumikit ako nang mariin at umawang ang labi ko. Umupo ako at tumingala.

"What should I do?"

Tumayo ako pero umupo rin agad. Ginulo ko ang buhok ko. Sumilip ako kalaunan at nakitang nakangiting nakikinig si Collete kay Maia. I smiled and decided to give this time for them.

The next morning, I filed my leave. Dumaan ako sa isang flower shop bago tumuloy sa ospital. My smile was plastered on my face as I stared at the bouquet of red roses–her favorite flower–and fruits on my hand. I advanced on the hallway of the hospital and my heart thumped erratically when I knocked on Collete's room. Bubuksan ko sana pero naunahan ako ni Maia.

"Hi! Good morning," bati ko.

Ngumiti siya pero napawi iyon nang dumapo ang paningin niya sa dala kong bulaklak.

"Let's talk," she said calmly.

Kinabahan ako sa tono niya. Isinara niya ang pinto at sumunod ako sa kaniya sa walang taong waiting area. Umupo siya kaya ganoon din ang ginawa ko. Katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming dalawa.

"I have to tell you something—"

"Alam mo—"

Nagkatinginan kami. "You go first," sabi ko.

Huminga siya nang malalim. "Maayos na ang buhay naming mag-ina. Sana huwag mo na kaming guluhin pa. Huwag ka na sanang magpapakita pa kay Collete, pakiusap," diretsong sabi niya.

Parang naibalik ako sa nakaraan. Ganito rin ang sinabi niya sa akin noon nang nakipaghiwalay siya sa akin. Huwag na akong magpapakita sa kaniya. It hurts so much thinking that when she was my strength, I was her destruction.

Inilapit ko sa kaniya ang basket ng prutas. "C-Can you give this to Collete? I-I'm sorry kung nagugulo ko kayo," dahan-dahang sabi ko kahit parang pinipiraso ang puso ko sa bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig ko.

Humahapdi ang gilid ng mga mata ko kaya bago niya makita ang ekspresyon ko'y tumayo ako at tumalikod. Pagkaraan ng maraming taon ay ganito rin pala ang kahihinatnan.

Natigil ako nang maalala ang bulaklak na hindi ko nadala. I shut my eyes tight and willed myself to step forward.

When he's in love

In this life, I learned that we create our own chances and we decide to take action on that chance or let it pass.

Ilang beses kong inayos ang palumpon ng bulaklak na hawak ko. It had been a month after the last time I saw them. Hinayaan ko siya pero hindi ko sila pinakawalan.

"Sino—"

Nabitin sa ere ang sasabihin ni Maia nang mapagbuksan ako ng pinto. Kinakabahan akong tumayo nang tuwid.

"Sinabi ko nang layuan mo na kami," she said but tears pooled in her eyes. She didn't close her door so I took a step towards her. She stepped back.

"Hindi mo ako utusan," sa wakas ay nasabi ko.

Hindi ko inasahan ang sumunod na ginawa niya. Kinuha niya ang bouquet sa kamay ko. "Is this for me?" she asked.

Gulat pa ako kaya hindi ako nakapagsalita. She smirked but tears rolled down her cheeks as she tiptoed.

She pressed a soft kiss on my lips.

"I'm glad you came back to us, Doc Ravi," she whispered.