I woke up with no clothing on and was confused. Then I looked around at the scene, saw dried up blood on the floor under me, and my ripped underwear, bra, and the rest of my night clothes and immediately got up and screamed.

Everything came back to me, every memory of last night, and I stopped screaming and let a tear escape then bit my lip hard.

Why did this have to happen to me?

I picked up my ripped underwear in horror. I loved this underwear....not to be weird. Why....? Why....?

I went upstairs to shower.

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I felt so weak after showering, or walking, a weak feeling I've never experienced. I wanted to lose my virginity to someone special, like Dan.
Not to some rapist prick. I want to kill myself.

I....I want to kill myself.

It sounded like a very good option. Nobody would have to know what's happened. Or have to ever care about me again.

"I want to kill myself." I say aloud, making everything feel more real as words left my mouth since last night.

Dan won't want me after this. I probably won't be worth it anyways. It's not like anyone had ever cared. Why should he? My dad hated me, my mom is gone, I've never had a true friend.

I'm living for no reason. Wait I take the best friend part back. I definitely had a best friend....

The thought numbed my head. Random thoughts of self hatred was running through my head a million miles an hour and I couldn't think straight.

I remember where I kept my old sharpest razor and went to that spot and pulled down my black skinnies, slit it deep, making a bunch of ungrateful lines on my skin. The physical pain was so intense though I didn't feel a thing. I went to my wrist but started crying right then and stopped myself.

I've never wanted anyone to know that I do this again. I threw the razor back into a drawer without washing and went to die on my bed.

That's when I remembered I had school. Fuck me.

^ (that contradiction tho)

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