C o l e

'How to know if you like someone'

I stared at the title of the article on my phone with great suspicion. I knew it wasn't always good to believe what you read on the Internet but right now it was my only source of advice. I found it far too awkward to ask anyone so researching in private was my best idea.

'You may often get a funny feeling in your stomach when being around them, like butterflies are fluttering inside'

So that's what that feeling was? I put a hand to my stomach as I remembered the times it would feel strange when Eros was around. It didn't happen every time but it's happened enough times for me to notice it.

'You also may start to notice the little things they do and you can't help but think it's endearing'

Well, I don't know if his inability to eat carrots was something I'd find endearing, but it made me want to laugh whenever I think about how someone so mature could have such a childish dislike. I guess it was...kind of cute.

'Wanting to be close isn't unusual and you might even begin to crave their touch; finding comfort in it'

Crave his touch?

As in like...holding his hand?

Looking at my hand, I opened it and closed it. I've held Eros' hand before, never thought much of it given that it was just a handshake but now I was curious.

Pausing, a thought occurred to me.

I've never actively sought out another's touch, it wasn't really something I wanted to do. Thinking about the times when I did...they weren't necessarily pleasant. I don't think I've ever wanted to hug my father or my brother. At first I wanted to be close with my mother (well, my father's wife) but she hated when I would talk to her or ask her to do anything and over time I stopped talking to her altogether.

I could remember wanting to celebrate her birthday and had made her a gift but she slapped it out of my hands and just glared at me as if my gift was dirt.

So yeah, with those people it was a hell no.

But with Eros, I don't think I would mind it that much. He's touched me before, and at first I may have been a little put off to the foreign touch but now that I've grown used to his presence I think it'd be okay.

Only one way to find out.

Walking out of my room, I noticed Eros wasn't in any of the main rooms of the condo so I went to his room and knocked on the door. When getting the okay to come in, I walked in.

"Eros" I called and Eros looked up at me from his laptop.

"Yes?" I took a seat on his bed and then asked him to sit with me.

Taking a quick breath and bracing myself, I looked him in the eye.

"I want you to touch me" I said.

The way Eros turned still as a statue made me a bit worried, maybe I was a bit too forward? I mean, it was only on the hand. But then again, I didn't specify that.

"What?" He said after a few moments.

"Can you touch my hand?" I asked specifically as I held my hand out.

A sigh fell from Eros as he put his hand to his chest and I couldn't help but wonder if I scared him with my request.

"God is trying to test me..." he muttered before grabbing my hand. Calloused and warm was the feeling I got and I gripped his bigger hand with my own. I did have to admit that just holding his hand made me a bit nervous, but I didn't hate it. It was warm...

"Is this enough?" Eros asked and I debated on it a bit.

Was it enough? I tried to remember what else that article said before deciding my next move.

'Eventually, wanting to do things like holding hands, hugging, and kissing become a regular desire. Just being friends isn't enough anymore'

Maybe...I should try...? Oh boy, what am I getting myself into?

"Uh...can you close your eyes?" I asked anyways.

"Cole, what's going on in that head of yours?" Eros said but despite saying that, he still closed his eyes as I asked.

"Please just bear with me for a second" I asked shakily and I knew Eros' confusion only grew deeper when my trembling hands reached out to touch his face.

The skin was surprisingly soft and still warm, just feeling it sort of calmed my nerves in a way but thinking about what I was going to do only raised them again.

I couldn't back down though, I had to know so I could give not only myself a proper answer, but also Eros. He deserved it after all, and I'd feel bad if I did nothing as he sat there with his feelings, having no closure from me to help him decide what he wants to do with those feelings. Maybe they would fade overtime if I did nothing but a part of me didn't want that.

I want him to know my feelings too.

I had to move closer since Eros was a bit taller than me, but not by too much, I was 5'9 whereas he was likely a little over 6 feet. Leaning in, I hesitated a bit before slowly pressing our lips together but nothing more and even though they were only touching, my lips felt so tingly and hot.

Was this supposed to happen?

I let my lips linger for a moment but the longer they stayed connected to Eros' the more my heart raced. Afraid that it would just explode in my chest, I parted from Eros and he opened his eyes. He looked at me, waiting for an explanation and I felt myself redden.

"Since that day...I couldn't stop thinking about what you said to me. It never fails to keep me awake or bother me when I'm least expecting it..." I trailed off.

This had to mean I liked Eros, there was no way in hell I would do this with anyone else. And everything from the heat in my chests, to trembling hands, and my racing heart only confirmed it further.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I did that because I like you too" I didn't want to beat around the bush anymore, so coming right out with it only felt right.

The entire time, Eros waited and listened as I tried to figure my words and feelings out. I couldn't be more appreciative for that, I don't think I'd be able to get through it if he rushed me.

"It's my turn now, right?" Eros asked. Seeing my confused look, Eros' hand reached up to my cheek and I found myself wanting to press myself into the warmth.

"Well, you could hardly call that little tap a kiss. I'm sure you're not just satisfied with that, so I want to show you what it really feels like to kiss me. May I?" He asked as he brought his face dangerously close to mine.

"...yeah" I said quietly.

"Good"

Eros lips were on mine within the blink of an eye and this one wasn't like my stiff and hesitant one. Eros knew what he wanted and I could tell by how he had managed to tangle himself around me in a matter of seconds after having my permission to kiss me.

I tried my best to keep up but for a starter like me, it was useless so I let Eros take the lead as it was what he was clearly used to. A noise left me when I felt something wet prodding my lips and I opened my eyes to see Eros' heated gaze looking back at me.

"Open your mouth" Eros muttered so I parted my lips as told.

When Eros' lips found mine again, it was also accompanied by his tongue that quickly sought to search throughout its new territory. A battle that I lost before I could even try had happened and it was as if Eros knew he would win as he deepened the kiss.

This was so much...how was I ever going to be able to keep up with him? His kisses were hot and passionate, almost like a burning frenzy that he'd been holding back for quite some time now.

The burning of my lungs brought me back to reality and I tapped on Eros' chest a bit. Getting the signal, Eros parted his lips from mine and while I was a panting mess, Eros simply licked his lips and grinned down at me.

"That's a lovely expression" he said, caressing my burning cheeks.

"You really threw me for a whirl back there you know?" Eros asked as trailed a hand down from my cheek and he let his fingers ghost the nape of neck, just the feathery touch made a shiver run down my spine.

"Sorry..." I murmured after finally regaining some control over myself.

"No it's alright. You're so straightforward and that's just another one of the things I like about you" Eros complimented which only made me turn away, unable to take the compliment well.

Why is it so easy for him to make my heart race?

"Does this mean..." Too embarrassed to ask I found myself cutting myself off as I looked at my hands nervously.

"Does this mean what? We're dating?" Eros asked as he lifted my head with a hand under my chin.

Since I couldn't turn my head with Eros holding it in place, I just nodded.

"Well, if that's what you want I'm all for it. We don't have to rush anything, we can move at your pace since this is your first time" Eros explained and bent down to place a kiss on my forehead. The kiss was innocent enough but it still set off a reaction in me that I didn't know could happen.

From now on, I would have to do my best to get used to the intimate things that comes with being in a relationship. Hugging, hand holding, kissing, and...

Sex.

A topic that was going to come up sooner or later now that Eros and I are...dating. It feels weird to say that in my head but I've gotta face the reality.

And part of that reality was my cluelessness on sex. I was lost on sex with women so sex with a man? Yeah, I have not a single idea in the world how that would work. I knew pretty much the basics of masturbation and whatnot but as we are men, we don't have vaginas to participate in actual intercourse, so was that all it was? Helping one another masturbate?

I was having trouble putting 2 and 2 together, and honestly it was giving me a headache. Sighing, I decided not to rack my brain about it right now. That was just going to have to be a bridge I cross when the time comes...