"Gentlemen," a suave, French accent spoke from the darkness in the far corner of the meeting room, "I thank you all for coming so quickly. This is of utmost urgency." The faint glow of a cigarette gently illuminated the blue mask concealing the figure's face.

"You know, Spy, it'd be a little easier to have a meeting if you showed up at the same time as the rest of us," Scout complained. The entire group had been waiting for the meeting to start for the last twenty minutes, but in truth it was Scout who had been the late one.

"I wanted to make sure everyone was here before we began. And to correct you, sir, I have been standing here the whole time, unlike you," Spy explained in annoyance, "Anyway, I have brought you all here for a very important reason–,"

"A bear has taken the base and we must defend against it!" Soldier announced, interrupting Spy through gritted teeth.

Spy's expression of seriousness quickly dissolved into one of bewilderment. "What? No."

"The bear is a communist and trying to convert us to its dystopian, socialist ways!" Soldier continued, now shaking a fist angrily.

Spy heaved out a sigh, "No."

Soldier slammed a hand into the table in front of him and jabbed a finger in Heavy's direction, "Heavy is a bear!"

Spy shook his head in confusion, insisting, "Heavy is not a bear! There is no– where are you getting this?"

Just as Soldier began to shout another absurd claim, Demoman pulled the rumor-spreading man off the table by the back of his shirt and instructed, "Let the man finish, lad."

"Thank you, Tavish," Spy muttered, massaging his temples. As Soldier returned to his seat and Spy was sure he would cause no further interruptions, Spy continued his previous speech, "Now, as I was saying. We have received word that Red's Engineer has been developing a new weapon. However, this is no ordinary weapon. Our sources say it holds the firepower to wipe out all of Blu in one press of a button," he explained, slowly pacing the meeting room.

"Geez," Scout winced, "What's it do?"

"That–," Spy paused, taking a slow drag of his cigarette, "–we do not know," he admitted with a puff of smoke, "However, what we do know is that it is incredibly dangerous. And for this reason, we have been instructed to ensure this weapon cannot be used by Red."

"Well what do we know? That's in the realm of useful, I should say," Sniper asked, leaning forward onto the table.

"Well to start, we know it has yet to be built," Spy answered, "But that comes with both good and bad news. The good news is that Red cannot use their little device against us as we attempt to capture it since it is currently a mere blueprint. The bad news: if it is not built then this means we cannot simply destroy it."

"So, we must steal device that is not yet device. If Heavy understands this correct, then mission is not possible, no?" the large man wondered aloud.

"Sadly, yes. But fortunately, no!" Spy exclaimed, "That brings us to the plan. We will infiltrate the Red base and take the design straight from the source. If we kidnap Red's Engineer and force him to finish his design here, we can take the device. Once it is built, Mr. Dell, here, will be working alongside the kidnapped Engineer to fully understand and improve the design so we can use it as our own. Then, to ensure it cannot be recreated for Red afterward, we will hand him off to you, dear Medic. You get to brain-scoop the information from his mind and experiment on him to your heart's content. But before we can get there, we must first infiltrate the Red base and kidnap him."

Finishing his monologue, Spy rolled a map of the Red Base out onto the large meeting table, along with a pile of scale figures of each Blu and Red mercenary.

"Engie and I have been monitoring Mr. Conagher's activity for the last few days. I'll allow him to give you the briefing. Mr. Dell, if you would, sir." Spy gestured at his blue overalled coworker with a riding crop he'd discreetly stolen from Soldier's belt.

Engineer nodded, standing from his seat to lean over the table and took the crop from Spy. In his signature Texan accent, he began, "Our Red pal's been spending every night for the last four nights in his workshop working on his little contraption 'til about three or four in the morning before passing out at his desk. Odds are best if y'all strike around 3:30; that way everyone else in the base will be asleep. If I've paid enough attention, he should be asleep by then too since he's been passing out earlier and earlier every night. Y'all'll have the best chance to catch him if you come in from inside the base though. Last night he had one of his buddies come in from the hallway and he had no clue 'til his buddy tapped him on the shoulder. Plus, the mandoor's too loud and'll wake him up, and trust me you do not want that. He about knocked that poor Medic's head off with a wrench, so be careful if he's up. Y'all should know not to be on the business end of one of those, especially not the big ones like he's got, some of y'all from experience," Engineer explained, gesturing at locations across the map with the riding crop as he spoke.

"Thank you, Mr. Dell, that should suffice," Spy affirmed the blue overalled man, "Now, as you know this will be a stealth based mission. For this reason, I have picked two of you I see best fit to accompany me. Sniper–" he turned to face his Australian colleague as he continued, "–your ability when it comes to staying out of sight almost rivals my own, and I commend you for it. You will be in charge of keeping watch and neutralizing any hostiles we may encounter. I assume I can entrust you with that."

Sniper tipped his hat. "Understood, you can count on me," he replied.

Spy gave a smile, "Appreciated, Mr. Mundy," he thanked before turning to his next pick. "Scout–," Spy started, but was quickly interrupted.

"I accept this mission!" Soldier barked, saluting his suited coworker, "It is an honor!"

"I didn't even say your name," Spy groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You did not! Not yet! But by the look on your face I could tell you were going to! And I accept!" Soldier persisted.

Spy rolled his eyes, dragging a hand down his face. "No, Mr. Doe, I was not," he huffed, but took a moment to look between the two. "Well, I suppose this may take some brute strength if he is awake," Spy pondered quietly. Another moment of thought allowed the well dressed man to decide. "Alright, fine. Soldier, you will take the second position. However! If we are caught and it ends up being your fault, I assure you that you will never be assigned a stealth mission again, especially after that incident last February in Morocco with the explosives delivery. That should be enough persuasion for me to keep you off of this assignment, but I am allowing you this one last chance simply out of the kindness of my heart. Do I make myself clear?"

"Affirmative, sir! You will not be let down!" Soldier shouted eagerly.

"Uh, no offense Spy, but no way this is fair," Scout complained, "This is stealth! That's, like, my whole gig! You're gonna replace me with Soldier? You know he's, like, the least stealthy of all of us right? Even Fatso here is stealthier than him and his whole freaking job is to be seen. Come on, Spy, you're supposed to be the smart guy, remember? This is stupid."

"Scout, stealth is a key component in this mission, but so is strength. That is something you lack," Spy explained, matter of factly.

"What? I'm plenty strong! Look at these guns!" Scout yelled, insistently flexing his biceps unimpressively.

"Whatever your desired effect is from that pitiful display, it's not helping you. You were not my first choice. I highly considered both Heavy and Soldier over you. You were going to fill the job I gave Sniper, but I ultimately decided against it because if we were together I could cover that fat blabber mouth of yours when needed," Spy scoffed.

"I can be quiet when I got to! What makes either of thems any better than me, huh? I'm strong, lemme take the job, Spy!" Scout whined, "I can go out there and do better than Soldier any day, this is bogus!"

"Let me make myself clear," Spy growled, "If I take you, you will have to carry Red's Engineer while he is unconscious. Engineer is a stout man. If you can carry Mr. Dell down the hall and back while he is limp, nay, merely pick him up, I'll let you come. If you cannot, you stay here and you will not complain," he decided, "Understood?"

Scout jumped up excitedly. "Say, you got it, boss!" he exclaimed, cracking his knuckles as he strode confidently to where Engineer was sitting, and gave a sly glance to the rest of the team. "Watch and learn, gents," he boasted. Scout wrapped his arms around a thoroughly annoyed Engineer and struggled to pull him from his seat to no avail. After a first attempt, he let go and wiped his brow. "I'm just messing around you guys, seriously, watch," he laughed nervously, before making his second attempt.

Scout strained to lift Engineer from his seat once again, squeaking quietly due to his struggle, but Spy put up a hand to stop him. "You've proven my point," he declared, "Thank you, Scout, you can sit back down."

Scout folded his arms angrily and sulked back to his seat. "Fine, whatever, I don't wanna go on your freaking mission anyway, this is stupid," he pouted.

"Now, gentlemen, we have a mission to complete. All of you are dismissed. Sniper? Soldier? We leave for the Red Base tonight at 3 A.M. sharp. We have a man that needs kidnapping," Spy announced, a threatening grin spreading thinly across his face.