Skylar

Skylar coughed as she took a sip from her water pouch. She had to finish at least two a day for her body to cope with the medicine and painkillers in her system. Otherwise she would dehydrate so fast that she'd be sent to Lar'ja-thwei for another extended period of time. Frankly she would rather suffer the pain than his silence. It was the only period of time where she couldn't seem to fade into her own mind. She was too afraid to slip away. But safe inside Kayla and H'chakde's room the hours just seemed to pass without reason since... they had completed their chiva. She stared at the silver walls inside her place of stolen comfort. They were silver like Kweide's room but the comparison's ended there. H'chakde's own style had too much of an effect on the space around her.

"You almost ready Sky?" Kayla asked, fastening her newly sewn shirt tighter around her waist. It had been her busy work, making the new clothing item while she tended to Skylar and worked on healing her own wounds.

"Yes," she smiled as she stood. It wasn't easy considering the fact that the queen had completely shattered her tibia, but if there was ever a moment she was thankful for the Yautja's medical knowledge it was now. Her leg would heal in half a year at most. If she played it right she might even be able to jog or run one day although most of her movement would be reduced to a walk. She wasn't sure how to explain the metal tech they had inserted into her leg to the government though. If she was allowed to keep it. It sent her stomach rolling at the thought that they might remove it from her leg before she went home.

Kayla moved closer to Skylar's side, her arm extended out as an offer of help. "If you need to stop, or lean on me on the way there feel free to Sky." Kayla's own leg was already healed due to the help of the yautja's medicine but Skylar worried still about those injuries. What aches they may be causing her friend.

She took Kayla's offer to steady herself as she slipped her crutches under her arm, they were fashioned from a lightweight metal and padded with leather. "I'll let you know, I promise". It slipped from her mouth very easily but actually doing so was an entirely different matter. "Let's go," she tried to smile more but the strain hurt her face so she started focusing on moving forward instead. Her foot thumped heavily against the ground as she embarked on the farthest walk she had taken since returning to the ship.

Kayla nodded, remaining by her side as Skylar headed for the medbay. She hadn't been too keen on allowing Skylar to go back to her room after but Skylar had told her she would be fine and Kayla believed in free will more than anyone Skylar knew. It helped that N'kai offered to shadow her there after the checkup.

She would be glad when she could just go home. She wanted to be coddled, to be held by her father the same way he always did when she was hurt as a child. No matter the pains she faced, her father's arms were there waiting for her. They were her safety bars in a scary world. She hated that she was losing the other half of her stability in the process. "Thank you for helping me back," she smiled gentler at Kayla this time as she stood in front of the doorway to the medical center. It was a clear enough message of parting despite how much Skylar wanted Kayla to stay. She knew she would, Kayla had asked her many times if she was prepared for that walk back and if her leg would permit it. But it didn't seem right to rely on her anymore than she already had.

"No problem Sky, I'll be sure to bring dinner to you tonight. I can even leave it outside the door if you don't want to chat any."

Skylar nodded, staring with both anxiety and a smile. Part of her wondered if Kayla wanted to say more, she had such a hesitant look about her lately. Her actions were sure and her words were too, but the way her body moved and how her eyes looked after her, always softened, confused, and awkward. Maybe she didn't know what to do with Skylar or the situation she was going through, there was no manual for this. No joke that could land without shattering the fragile mask around her heart. An impasse. Skylar wondered if the distance between them was something they both were too afraid to cross.

Kayla walked away in silence after that short exchange, there was a strength and confidence to her walk that Skylar envied and admired. But she was flightless, she could only watch Kayla take flight or look away. She didn't want to watch people leave anymore. With a deep inhale she turned, stepping forward and opening the door to the medbay.

Across from her instead of the emptiness she expected to see, N'kai huffed, tapping his clawed feet."Why have you not healed?" He glared at her leg, as if it was a personal offense from the limb.

She gave a half smile. He was much earlier than she would have thought he'd be. "We humans don't heal that fast, even with Yautja technology".

"Even still, there surely must be a way to aid your recovery better than this". He shook his head, walking towards her and squatting down to look at the boot on her leg. "How are you supposed to move with this?" She merely laughed quietly and allowed him to do as he pleased. "I shall wait here for you," he added, standing once more and going to recline against the hall of the medical bay.

"You don't- " she began to say, but her leg hurt and she knew it would be aching even more. Maybe having N'kai's help wouldn't be so bad. He wouldn't be around to help her much longer she remembered. "-thank you N'kai."

He puffed up, proud of himself she gathered by the way he stood taller. With a chuckle she wandered down the red connecting corridor to the last examination room where she knew Lar'ja-thwei would be. He was most always at the very end.

That last room was smaller, hosting two exam tables and mostly shelves of stored items that were still foreign to her despite the brief stint she had as a temporary medic. She'd been there plenty of times after but she had been in different rooms.

Lar'ja-thwei glanced at her before sending his new assistant medic away and gathering his items. The young trainee skittered, eyes narrowed on her before he disappeared from view. She shrugged it off as curiosity and pulled herself up onto the steel table, struggling at first but ultimately reaching a sitting position. "Hi," she gave a polite smile, nervously clasping her hands together as he came towards her.

Lar'ja-thwei said nothing at first, placing his scanner, knife and medicinal paste on the table beside her. He turned away to gather more items and her heart rate picked up in her chest. The thump thump was loud enough in her own ears that she knew he had to hear it too. Still, he said nothing about it so she kept her gaze averted to the counters and shelf lined walls around them. It had been like this for awhile, he'd not said a word beyond what he had to since her return. Her heart stuttered a bit, the rate irregular as her stomach clenched in knots.

"I am moving your leg," he looked at her first and when she nodded he jerked her leg up on the table and she gasped from the pain. Had that been on purpose? He moved it gently to the left this time though and when she still winced he said, "have you been exercising it like instructed?"

"Mostly-"

"- That is not good enough, you could leave your leg crippled in spite of all the pains we went through to heal it. You do realize this device will be removed and you will have only what results you have earned to show for it when you return to earth?"

"I know, I understand that". Her brows furrowed, frustration building in her chest although her tone remained calm.

"That would be a surgery and valuable technology wasted on you because you refuse to follow instructions." His voice was clipped as he pulled off the lightweight metal lined boot and began slicing through the unique green paste that had hardened over her wounds like a cast. It cracked with his strong precise movements and crumbled off onto the metal table.

She swallowed, blinking her eyes fast to stop the tears threatening to spill out. Her breaths were a little uneven at first as she stared at the dusty green crumble. "I'm doing my best. And it's healing, I know it is. Thank you for your hard work." Skylar's hands gripped each other tighter as she tried to think of what to say that wouldn't just irritate him further or send her into tears.

"I did nothing for you that wasn't my duty as a medic." He rinsed the wound with a pressurized water hose, it stung but he soon applied the fresh paste with a delicate touch. A touch that was perfectly controlled despite his mandibles flaring and his eyes burning with vitriol.

Her lips trembled but she kept her eyes on him, "I know but I truly wanted to say thank you..." She could only hope it would matter to him.

It was silent in the room for a moment as he stepped away to wash his hands. When he returned he applied a second layer. "I do not want your thanks."

Skylar inhaled sharply, confusion taking the breath out of her as she stared at him.

He glanced at her, a flash of something in his eyes before the anger returned, "you sit here with a broken limb while Kweide will never return, you do not listen and more than this you almost ruined his honor... He fought for that honor all his life. How could he-" He huffed, fists clenching as he turned his glare onto her face. "You ruined him. You may not have ruined his name but you destroyed him. You stole the recognition he deserved to have and I will never understand that. How he could throw everything away for you. I have no respect for either of you... you disgust me." Lar'ja-thwei was huffing and puffing at this point and Skylar imagined that if Yautja could show more feelings then he would be screaming and sobbing. But all Yautja seemed to know how to do was rage and all she could do was cry. So she let him glare at her with nothing but apologies on her tongue.

"I'm sorry Lar'ja-thwei, I am so sorry. I really tried to help him, I'd do anything to bring him back." She trembled, shame coursing through her as she stood underneath his blistering gaze . "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She had never meant to hurt Kweide, it was the last thing she had wanted to do. But he was dead now and both R'kadek'na and Lar'ja-thwei would never see their half sibling again. And it was Skylar's fault.

"You should heal as instructed or not at all. Do not waste any more of my time."

Skylar nodded as he strapped her boot back on and stepped away from her. She sat still as a rock, tears dripping down her face as she tried to get herself off the table without losing what little shattered pieces of her dignity she had.

Through the blur of hot tears and pain as she pushed herself forward she suddenly saw Lar'ja-thwei go flying into the other metal table nearby. She pushed herself further back onto the metal slab in a scramble. N'kai flung Lar'ja-thwei to the ground, dropping onto him as he bashed his fist against the medic's skull and the medic clawed his wounded arm. N'kai reared back, taking a punch from the medic to his gullet.

The roars of rage and the sound of breaking bone echoed and rang in her ears until it turned to a sharp ringing silence. Very few noises made it past as she watched them fight, like the world had suddenly been sunk underwater.She slid off the table and scrambled for the doorway. Both their several hundred pound bodies made their way around the room as they bounced from table edges to walls and cabinets. Supplies went flying as Lar'ja-thwei was dragged through them, over the counter, and thrown to the floor again. She ducked from what she could and ignored the rest of the objects as they hit her.

She hobbled for her life, dodging the metal being flung through the air as N'kai slammed into the trays. She kept hobbling, leaving the scene behind her as she headed back for her room. Her ears were still ringing, endlessly, as she glanced down the hallways. The only thought she had was to keep moving back to the room she used to occupy. Everything would be okay as soon as she could close the door and hide. She was a murderer. A poison. It was her fault that Yautja on this ship were hurting. It was her fault N'kai was even fighting for her right now.

Yautja in the halls spared her no more than glances, although some stared curiously at her and the area from which she came as she passed.

She choked on her own breath and spit and kept the fastest pace she could. A pathetic pace to anyone who saw her from the outside. But she kept going. She kept going like she couldn't stop. She was only twenty-four, she shouldn't be dealing with all this crap. Except, it struck her then, that she was no longer twenty-four. So much time had passed, months had gone by in a blur. She had to be... twenty-five, almost twenty-six. Unless she already was twenty-six.

Poor, poor, Atlas with no choice but to hold on. None ever really chose to be like that did they? The weight of the world just appeared before them and they held it for a moment, never to set it down again.

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Skylar didn't stop until she made it back to their door, panting and sweating as she stared at it. It was just a door in the end but it felt like much more than that. Like opening a tomb. So she waited outside for a moment, catching her ragged breaths and leaning against its frame until she heard more Yautja coming down the hall. She made sure to lock the door behind her just in case. He used to lean over her, a hair's breadth away to do it faster.

The room was exactly how she had last seen it. Furs were in a disarray and a trail of hastily changed clothes and armor lay across the floor as she traced their steps to the bed. The moment she reached out to touch the first fur her hands began to tremble. "Just grab it Skylar... it's just a blanket." But it wasn't just a blanket. It was their blanket, his. She gently picked it up and brought it to her nose, God, it still smelled like him. Earthy and odd like something she hadn't ever smelled before all of this. Something she may never smell again. Her heart ached as she breathed him in again and closed her eyes.

She liked to imagine the moment she pulled it away he'd be right in front of her, staring at her like she was strange and then she'd smile and they would continue on like that forever. But putting the blanket down didn't change anything. Tears dripped out of her eyes faster than she could stop them as she backed away from the bed and tried to blink them away. She took a deep breath and looked at the wall instead.

Her eyes widened as she caught sight of the items laying on the bottom shelf, her shelf. Her shelf had been empty before she had left for their last hunt. Now a bad leather imitation of a teddy bear leaned against her camera and a stack of photos. A spot in the center of her shelf was surrounded with various dried flowers, a setting for whatever prize he believed she would bring home. He had wanted to celebrate with her. To honor her.

Skylar couldn't breathe, he was everywhere around her and yet he was gone. She gritted her teeth against a tide of rage as she lifted one of the pelts and threw it at the trophy shelf. It clattered against it, scattering the flowers and knocking one of his skulls loose. Much like the rest of her attempts to face anything so far, it was feeble and human and weak, "I hate you! I hate you so much!" her swollen throat could barely choke out the words as she curled up on herself, arms wrapping over her head as she cried on the bed.

"Croooo" Ferdinand came from wherever he had been hiding to press against her, his noises soft and mournful. She weeped like a child, rendered into nothing more than a pair of lungs and pain. And when a wave of recognition came over her she inhaled shakily, wanting to suck up every ounce of that scent for as long as she could. It would fade eventually and then she would forget one day what he smelled like, then his face would fade some, he'd become more foreign. A memory that blurred around the edges that she couldn't bring back to life. But she swore in that moment that she could still feel him as she cried herself to sleep.

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Skylar laid under the covers as another knock rang on her door. She wasn't sure who it was this time. She'd ignored everyone so far, taking the food left there and giving most of it to Ferdinand before slinking back to her bed. She wasn't sure really how many days she had spent laying in her room, leaving just to go to the bathroom. It wasn't like she was trying to deny herself food or water, it was just... she didn't have the energy to sit there and chew and drink when all she wanted to do was hide beneath the furs and keep the lights off.

"Croo?" Ferdinand slunk beneath the covers and into her arms.

She shook her head and held him tight to herself. "Not today buddy. We can see them some other time." Right now she just needed to rest and hold onto her small friend. They'd be parted soon too she knew. Ferdinand wouldn't be able to stay on earth anymore than Kayla could return to it. He warbled, pitch oscillating soothingly as he pressed into her hold.

"Sometimes... sometimes I wonder if it's me." She opened her tired eyes and stared down into his black ones. "Maybe everyone who got out while they could had a point. Like mom". Everyone she loved was the collateral for her happiness. "I don't even remember her but, she had to have made it right? She escaped me."

The odd white eye covering blinked over his eyes before he continued to stare at her. Soft confused noises emanated from him and she sighed, patting his head. "You're gonna get out too and be safe."

The door whooshed open and she shot up in bed, still clutching Ferdinand to herself as her eyes widened. Luar'ke stood before her. Porcupine. Sometimes it still confused her on what she felt comfortable enough to call him. It's not like she could pretend not to understand anymore, with all that had happened it seemed glaringly obvious that they were no more friends than she had been with Kweide. Whatever illusion she had been under had shattered and now she was so uncomfortable deciding what to do about that.

Nevertheless, there he stood, tall and imposing as always despite the elegant and genteel look on his face. She hadn't seen him since the day of her ceremony and now he came to her dressed in the softest outfit she had ever seen him wear. Golden robe garments flowed down to the floor. "I'm late it seems," he said.

"You have a habit of that". Skylar kept her voice soft, but the disappointment snuck its way in. Despite the horrible weariness coating her body she felt her shoulders relax. He was still calming. Still terribly good at soothing her by just standing there.

"My apologies, I was tending to some very serious matters and heard you were comatose for most of my absence."

Her eyebrows rose as if to say, so? And he tilted his head in reply. "I won't let that stop me again."

She smiled softly for a moment before setting Ferdinand down and sitting up straighter. "Then come see me". She hadn't realized how badly she had ached for the presence of someone she could talk to until her chest gave up some measure of relief. "You have a little time today right?" Everyone was being ripped away from Skylar in several different directions, she was trying so hard not to be selfish. But that loss had only made her want to hold onto everyone even more.

"Plenty, I have discarded my duties for the next few days. There is another Elder rank on our ship and I have done more than enough to warrant some... time off? That is how you would put it, yes?" He sat down on the bed near her feet.

She stared at him in confusion, hesitant to ask if he had done that for her. Partly hopeful that he would stay and partly scared for the effort it would take to pretend she was decently okay. "Well... what are you, what might you think you will do with your spare time?"

He reached out and touched her curls, holding their delicate pattern between his clawed fingers before letting them go. "I thought it might be obvious but I seem to be mistaken often with you". The mirth in his tone faded into something more warm as he offered her his hand, "you need to be taken care of and I will do that".

"You?" She tilted her head, "you want to take care of me?" It was like a shock of cold water to her system. Which was odd since he always stepped up the moment she faltered. It shouldn't surprise her. But it did. With all his culture's rules here he stood.

"Yes, I want to take care of you Skylar, and I will be here until you are well". He helped her from the bed as she stood there, legs shaking for a moment from lack of use.

Skylar stared at him, waiting for him to look her in the eye, "I think I loved him".

Luar'ke did not reply for a moment, his mournful golden gaze held her in place. "I know". They stared at each other, one gaze hesitant and afraid and the other sure and steady. In that moment she knew he cared for her deeply. He was not going to be cowed by the reality that she loved kweide, that she may never recover from that. He was there beside her for whatever she needed. He led her from her room to his and despite the painstakingly slow pace he never once made her hurry as they walked down the halls. It was a path she knew well by now, a path that had become comfort to her overwhelmed mind. She held his hand tightly, not so much afraid of being lost as she was that he would disappear. Too much loss had touched her.

He prepared a bath for her, delicately washing her hair as he had once done before. As he had done when she was no one and so alone.

"Are you going to scold me over what happened in the medbay the other day?" She asked as he rinsed the suds from her hair. Part of her wanted to laugh for a brief moment, she was almost sure she would, but she didn't. This care was not unique from him but it felt good to be pampered. It felt better than any dose of reality she had dealt with thus far.

"No little bird, you did nothing wrong that day and will not receive what they have." he let out a chitter of amusement, running his hands over her head and scalp before shutting the water off and bringing a towel-like item for her.

"What did they receive?" Worry gnawed at her but it was dull from tiredness as she pulled herself up from the tub and wrapped herself in the offered item.

"Oh the worst thing to a Yautja".

"Which is?"

"Hurt pride". He chittered again, helping her from the tub and onto the golden floor, she headed towards the air dryer. "They beat each other well enough that I saw no need for further punishment, less we wish to lose them both to the black warrior."

"He's taken enough". She paused, staring at him. Her reply seemed to have sobered him and he nodded to her once before leaving. She dried herself off and then padded out into the bedroom. Her clothes were laid out for her and she changed into them while she waited to see where Luar'ke had gone. Had she upset him? She worried more as she climbed onto his large bed. She did not want to be alone tonight, not when she had tasted company after so long. Self isolation was her fault but no one seemed to understand what she needed and she had no right to ask them for help. The sooner she was wiped from their lives the better. But she could not stop herself with Luar'ke. He had shouldered her every emotion since the start, partially from fascination and quickly from affection. She was drowning and he glimmered like a buoy in a storm, her only hope.

A greed had taken root within her, it had planted itself so deep in her heart. She did not want to lose anyone else. No more sacrifices from anyone. The suffering had been unbearable and she could take no more of it. She held her head in her hands, frightened by her own thoughts. Could she really ask Luar'ke to save her? Could she be so selfish when she hurt everyone around her? Could she fix her mistakes if she just held on tighter? Her chest burned at the thought.

It was at least another ten minutes until he returned with food on a tray. He set it before her, staring her down as she looked at him. She picked up one of the bowls of mushy red roots and blew slightly to cool it down. It felt horribly selfish. She could not even offer him good company in return for the food, for the ability to feel hungry and want to laugh. But she took what he gave with hunger. And when they laid down for sleep that night some part of her boiled inside. The part that sought to keep it all.

"Good night little bird".

Maybe she could. Maybe she never had to lose anything else. If only she got up to fight one more time, hold onto this life kicking and screaming and accept nothing short of that. She beat the Queen, breaking her own body in the process, but she still killed her and destroyed the hive that took Kweide from her. She still learned the Yautja language before the Yautja had ever thought her worthy of a translator. She still survived. Now she wanted to live. "Goodnight Luar'ke".