chapter 32: butterflies
location: philadelphia, pennsylvania

When Namjoon woke up, he was not in the van; he was in a hotel room. And a very fancy hotel room at that.

He stretched and looked around. The room was a suite; it reminded him of the days spent traveling with his father. The walls were a dark red, with matching curtains drawn open on the huge window. The sheets were bamboo, he could tell from how they felt on his skin. He could lay back and stare at the canopy above his head for hours if he wanted to.

He realized his suitcase was on the luggage rack, then roused himself from bed and threw on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. It was great that he was awake and all, but he needed to know where the others were. And when he entered the suite's common area, he saw none of his brothers, but Sara Dinah LaPostale herself, kicked up at the table with a coffee reading a magazine. She was still wearing the same blue dress and black Converse Highs.

"Good morning," he made his presence known.

"Good morning." Sara put her coffee down. "I was expecting you. The others are fine, by the way. We have four or five suites in this hotel. Minty is in the other room." She gestured. "He's your favorite, isn't he?"

Namjoon felt his face flush. "What - I guess."

"Mmm, I don't judge. I rolled with those crowds once upon a time." Sara took another drag of coffee. "You have questions."

"I have lots of questions."

"You're the one from Baepsae. Kim Youngsik, that was his name, you must be his grandson."

"Are you really dead?" Namjoon asked. "Because that's a lot of old information to know."

"Okay, I'll spill some. You're right in that I'm a LaPostale. But I have no clue why the Internet has me listed as dead. I learned about the Mikrokosmos Project from my father. I'm surprised you don't know about it. It's certainly not public information, but all of the higher ups at LaPostale had to sign non-disclosure agreements about it so that if we got questioned, we would know what not to say. Clearly your father trusts you with so much confidential company information."

"But if your father is Hubert LaPostale, that would make you...fifty something years old? Roughly?"

Sara giggled. "Do I look like a fifty year old? Anyway, why do you boys keep following me around? You have your answers, you have your magic purple van, and in theory you know how to fix it if you need to again. Why do you all have the gringles over me?"

Namjoon had no clue what gringles were. "You were saying so yourself, last night. Something about your destiny being intertwined with ours."

Sara put the coffee mug down. "I would rather not be intertwined with anything at all," she murmured.

"Well, it's kind of late for that. Taehyung's taken a liking to you, and the rest of the boys have taken a liking to the van. I mean, we pushed the button three or four times in a row just so Taehyung could find you --"

"That's what that was?" Sara asked, so in shock she knocked her empty coffee mug over. "You just kept pushing it until --" Then, she broke face, her voice cracked, and she looked away. Namjoon could tell Sara was fighting back tears with everything she had.

"I'm not the one to have a meltdown on," he said. "You've got some beef with my family or something. But I'm sure Taehyung will want to talk to you about this. You're more welcome here than you think, Sara. I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, or really your story, but you're welcome here."

"I guess." Sara walked away before she could cry. "I'm gonna go check on V. I'm obviously not from Rochester, but I legitimately know this area. There's a place I want to take you guys later. Maybe if V can convince me, then I'll tell you about myself there."

But when the seven boys arrived at the bar Sara had decided to take them to, it looked nothing like she had described. They were expecting a small dive bar where artists would hang out, performing their works in shady corners while having a beer. Some place where you could also get a coffee if you played your cards just right, or just sat in the corner listening to a jazz band or someone reading poetry.

They had not been expecting a gay club.

"This is not the Shady Oak," Sara muttered as they parked the magic purple van out front. She crossed her arms in disapproval. "This is not the Shady Oak, and I am about to go ape on this bash."

Jimin was drooling as he got out of the car. "I should have brought a crop top."

"Why did you bring us here?" Namjoon asked as everybody got out.

"I didn't." Sara walked right in without showing her ID. "Where's Leonard?"

"Who?" the bouncer asked.

"The owner. Where's Leonard at? He said he wouldn't give this place up for anything, not in a million years. The Shady Oak Bar." Sara peered over at the bouncer. "You're just the help, aren't you? Get me the owner."

"Look, lady," the bouncer said, "before this was Club Spontaneity, it was a vegan restaurant, and before that I think it was a chain coffee store. I don't remember before that, but I got no clue what this Shady Ash place is you're talking about. If it was here, it would have been decades ago. Before you were born."

When Sara walked out, tears were in her eyes. "I could have sworn he would be the one to stay," she murmured. "The squares got him, too. They won't even let me in without an ID."

"You don't have an ID?" Taehyung asked, but honestly, it didn't surprise him. Nobody really knew who or what Sara Dinah was. "I can sit out here with you, if you want. Going into a gay club doesn't sound like fun."

"Can I go?" Jimin asked, bouncing up and down on his soles. "Please, please, please? I wanna dance and maybe make out with someone and just have fun."

In the end, Hoseok, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin went into the bar. Hoseok's fake ID got him in with no problems, and he handed off fake IDs to the rest of the group. True to form, the idiot white bouncer took one look at a fake ID with an Asian man on it, and didn't even think twice.

Surprisingly enough, it was not eurobeat night. Zhané was playing over the sound system when they walked in. There were good looking men everywhere, of every race, dancing all up on one another, drinking and having a good time. "Don't get lost," Namjoon told the group (but mostly told Jimin and Hoseok). "We gotta all stay together. My guess is that Sara and the others will be back later, so you can drink, but no getting drunk."

"Yeah!" Hoseok yelled, going immediately to the bar to order everybody shots.

"That is NOT what I meant," Namjoon said as the music changed to The Notorious B.I.G. -- why was this hip-hop night? What kind of a gay bar even had a hip-hop night?!? "I don't even know anymore. Jimin, are you --" He was talking to thin air; Jimin was already talking with three different men.

"We're gonna have to drag them both out of the club," Yoongi said, crossing his arms.

"Do you need another drink?"

"Nah, not now. I think I'm good with that one shot I took, to be honest. I've had enough drinking for a while." He laughed; Namjoon had to remind himself that Yoongi still didn't remember that Fireball night in Rochester. "So now what do we do?"

"I don't know. We kind of have to babysit those two. You could always dance with me."

Yoongi's face lit up; thank God it was dark in the club. "Excuse me?"

"Hey, you don't want to dance with a stranger." Namjoon winked at Yoongi. "Am I a stranger?"

"Oh. No." Yoongi looked away. "I guess not. Okay, so you protect me from all of the creepers out there on the dance floor -"

Namjoon grabbed Yoongi by the waist, pulling him close. "Exactly. I can tell you're not the most comfortable here, so just focus on me, okay?"

Yoongi's hands fell into Namjoon's chest; he nodded, and then the beat changed. Namjoon wrapped his arms around Yoongi's waist, gentle, not grinding like most of the people on the floor. They simply swayed to the music, some club thumping hip-hop track that Yoongi had never heard before.

"Beastie Boys," Namjoon told him. "From our city."

"How'd you know who these guys were?"

"Do you?"

"No...I've never heard any of this before. I'm kinda more of a classical music guy, you know this. I don't even know who's playing on the radio half the time."

"I know, I know." The song changed again. Namjoon locked his hands behind Yoongi's back, keeping him safe. "And now we're back over to Nas. I think they're seriously just gonna play New York acts all night tonight." He smiled. "It takes me back."

"Oh, you miss New York?"

It takes me back further than that, Namjoon thought to himself, but he could never tell Yoongi that. "Yeah, I guess. I prefer having you here."

Yoongi didn't answer him after that, so Namjoon just held him close and swayed on the dance floor. The music was so loud it could burst eardrums, the partygoers cheering and spilling beer everywhere, strobe lights flashing, but all that mattered to Namjoon was that Yoongi was safe in his arms. Jimin and Hoseok could watch out for each other for a little while. For now, Yoongi was Namjoon's and Namjoon's alone.

The song switched on a dime, and Namjoon recognized the sample of Agust D's piano immediately. They were playing his music in the club? It had been so long since he had heard it. The masters had been destroyed years ago. He looked down at Yoongi and noticed Yoongi was looking up at him, stars in his eyes. There was something about this song, this moment, that had him entranced.

"You know this one?" Namjoon asked.

"Moonchild," Yoongi said. "By Runch Randa."

And Namjoon kissed him.

He leaned down and kissed Yoongi before he could object, before he could run away, drawn in by the magnetic power of the stars in his eyes. He kissed him the same way that he had hoped Yoongi would have remembered that Fireball night, simple, pure, standing out from the crowd.

And he was about to pull away when Yoongi wrapped his arms around Namjoon's neck and kissed him back.

The song continued to play in the background, Agust D's piano sample merging with Runch Randa's vocals, backed by drums and bass and a few record scratches along the way. The rest of the world was lost to Namjoon's fingers on Yoongi's hips, Yoongi's hands in Namjoon's pink hair, their lips on each other, both knowing how to kiss and jumping, leaping into each other.

Yoongi pulled Namjoon closer, two hands now on Namjoon's belt loops, when Namjoon pulled away, just for a second. "This way," he said, and he took Yoongi's hand and pulled him off the dance floor.

The bathrooms in the club were single stall only for a reason. Namjoon had Yoongi inside in two seconds, and he locked the door, pressing Yoongi up against it and eating his face. Yoongi's moaning was much more audible here, the Runch Randa song fading into the background as his tongue met Namjoon's.

Namjoon's own hands wandered down to Yoongi's belt loops. "Yoongi --"

"God, please, just don't stop --" Yoongi got his back up off the wall and dove for Namjoon again, kissing him in the middle of the stall.

Namjoon kissed back, then pulled away. "Yoongi, darling, you're out of breath."

"I...I don't know..."

"Do you want help?" Namjoon lowered his voice. "Do you need help with that?"

Yoongi had no clue what Namjoon was talking about until he knew what Namjoon was talking about. "No, wait, I —" He backed away from Namjoon, suddenly, bumping up against the mirror. He couldn't be doing this. He had to admit, he wanted to be doing this, but he couldn't be doing this. Not yet.

He took a couple of deep breaths. He had to get his head on straight. This was great -- this felt right, like he had never known what he had really wanted until he had it. Like his silly crush on Namjoon was something real. But there were other real things he had to take care of first.

"Yoongi..."

Yoongi looked up into Namjoon's eyes. He looked hurt...heartbroken, even. He hated that. "Namjoon, I —"

"It's okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you, I was in the moment —"

"Namjoon," Yoongi said, and then it slipped out, "I like you."

Namjoon froze.

"I like you," Yoongi repeated, "and I like this. I really, really like this. But...I have to tell him no first. My first love. I'm still hung up on this idea that I have to say goodbye to him. I just...I have to. Then I can be done with it, and move on, and —"

"Yoongi." Namjoon was smiling now. He had been so scared he had hurt Yoongi, but no, this made sense. "You think I'm mad at you? I'm not. Tell you what, you write that letter and I'll help you send it wherever it needs to go. I'll find a way. Then you can be at peace."

Yoongi nodded.

"And, for what it's worth," Namjoon said. He put an arm around Yoongi and pulled him in for a quick hug. "I like you, too. But no more of this funny business until you're comfortable with it. And we both get tested as soon as Sara can find us a place. Ok?"

Yoongi nodded, burying his face into the crook of Namjoon's neck. "Ok."