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Khushi was mechanically slicing veggies for salad on the chopping board in the kitchen.

Her hands were as usual deftly working but her mind was nowhere in sync with her hands.

The unwavering thoughts & flashes of her husband with his ex girlfriend Sheetal & her son Arav who is exact replica of him, all three of them together laughing, talking freely, happily remembering their college days, spending quality time by playing basketball & chess, late night chats without worrying for his own wife who is waiting for him in their room, going to & coming from office together, Arav & her husband playing drums together in a school function & then Arav calling him dad & hugging him & her husband not objecting to that....

All these flashes were squeezing her heart in a painful grip.

Painful enough to choke her to death.

But the cause of that choking pain, her husband is nowhere near to realize the hurt & trauma his actions & unaffected behaviour are causing to his wife whom he once claimed to be his world.

To be the reason of his survival. Whom he claimed to love beyond limits.

Whose one tear would burn his insides.

He isn't anymore bothered of that same wife's agony, hurt, pain, tears, requests, pleadings, longings & her entire being.

As if she doesn't exist for him at all.

Its been more then a month he has spared a glance to that same wife whom he use to admire all day long.

Its been more then a month he has called out her name softly, lovingly whom he use to call for every small thing.

Its been more then a month he has touched her whom he use to keep awake till dawn showering his love & passion.

Its been more then a month he has conversed with that same wife with whom he use to share every single happenings of the day.

Its been more then a month that same wife is longing for his one look, yearning to hear her name from him, craving for his one touch.

But that's not the case with him.

It feels he doesn't need her at all.

He is no more interested in her at all.

Now he isn't affected by her at all.

It feels like they never got married again. They were still in the contract marriage period & the period has ended a month back. So now she no more holds the place of his wife.

Of Mrs. Arnav Singh Raizada.

Has he already given her place in his heart to Sheetal - his ex, just the way he has given the chair to her besides him on the dining table, the place besides him on the passenger seat in his car, the place besides him on the couch during family time!!

Has he fallen out of love with his wife who has taught him the meaning of love??

Has he realized that what he thought as love, may be was his mere attraction for a 19 year old teenager??

Has he realized that his ex Sheetal is a perfect match for him in every way??

All his anger, aloofness, nonchalant & unaffected behaviour, lack of interest & above all the distance between them are enough of indications for only one thing,

SEPERATION!!

NO, no, no, no. Her heart cried out painstakingly.

'Khushi, mujhe kabhi chhod ke mat jaana. Tumhare bina mein jee nahin paunga.' ('Khushi, never leave me. I won't be able to live without you.')

This were his words he had said to her on the most beautiful night of their life. Words which had compelled her to throw all her beliefs & morals regarding no physical intimacy before marriage & she had succumb to his desires leading to their consummation before marriage.

'Hamne apke saath aisa koi pal guzara hi nahin jiska hame afsos ho. Balke har ek pal jee uthe hai.' ('There isn't a single moment I regret spending with you. Infact I have fully lived only in them')

True to her words she hasn't regretted a single moment lived with him. Specially after they confessed their love to each other.

Neither she has regretted then nor she is regretting now.

Her love for him is still the same.

Deep. Dense. True. Pure.

But can it be said the same for him??

Because its been more then a month she has seen any signs of his love which were the significance of his feelings for her.

That he was madly, crazily, deeply, passionately, possesively & irrevocably in love with her.

No. Not a single emotion surfacing in his eyes or gestures.

Nothing she could latch on to, for her own assurance that she is wrong in her thoughts.

He is still hers.

He still belongs to her only.

Her TRUST on him is not wrong.

T. R. U. S. T.

This five letter word has always been a major issue in their relationship since the beginning.

She has suffered a lot. They have been through a lot due to his lack of trust in people apart from his family.

But eventually she had managed to gain his trust along with his love.

But their love was tested time & again.

But they had passed all the hurdles & their love had won binding them together once again.

In their journey together till now he has shown her too many shades of his love.

Anger, hatred, abuses, distrust, regrets, possesiveness, passion.

She had bore everything. But his DISTRUST & REGRETS had always pinched her soul.

His DISTRUST had made her feel lower in her own eyes then & now as well.

Like before during Shyam's fiasco, this time too he didn't TRUST her words regarding his & Arav's DNA reports.

So truth to be told, this DISTRUST had never exited from their relationship. It was very much there covered under their new found love & now it has come to the fore.

His REGRETFUL words had wavered her own TRUST in their relationship.

'Tum meri zindagi mein ayi hi kyun?? Tum nahin thi to sab kuch kitna achchha tha.' ('Why did you come into my life?? Everything was so good when you weren't there.')

Yes. He had hurled these painful words to her once before, regretting her existence in his life.

But then he had apologized for the same & had put efforts to make up for the hurt those words had caused to her.

Has the REGRET too made a comeback with his ex girlfriend's comeback??

Is he regretting for giving me place in his heart??

Is he regretting for falling in love with me??

Is he regretting for marrying me again??

Is he regretting for our relationship??

Because only then he can be so casual, so uninterested, so nonchalant, so unaffected & so distant from me.

REGRET.

Yes. May be he is regretting.

The mere thought of him regretting their love, their relation, their marriage & above all HIM regretting HER was what she would not even want to imagine in her worst nightmare.

But is it the truth??

Is he actually regretting??

Her body was trembling with fear of her thoughts turning to be true.

She started hyperventilating. Her heartbeats accelerated. Sweat beads formed on her face. Unknown to her, tears rolled down from her eyes falling on the veggies & she heard herself sobbing.

Khushiiii

Her jiji's scream startled her & she realised she was crying.

Payal walked in the kitchen to take the vessels filled with the cooked food out & arrange on the dining table for lunch.

But she saw her sister sobbing & literally shaking on her place.

But what shocked her more was the colour of the salad cut on the chopping board which was blood red.

Khushi had cut her finger & blood was oozing from the cut.

Payal hurried towards Khushi. Throwing the knife away from her hands, helding her wounded finger she pulled Khushi towards the sink & held her finger under the running tap water.

Quickly fetching the first-aid box from a nearby drawer Payal applied some ointment, blowing air from her mouth on the cut to soothe her, covering the wound with cotton, wrapped a gauge carefully around the finger.

But during this whole process Khushi was completely unaffected to the pain due to the cut because it was no where near to the pain her heart was enduring.

But seeing her tear striken face Payal thought it to be due to the cut.

Khushi, dhyan kahan tha tera?? Salad kaat te kaat te ungli hi kaat li. Kitna khoon beh gaya aur tujhe hosh bhi nahin tha. Hua kya hai tujhe?? Aisi khoi khoi si kyun rehti hai tu aaj kal?? Koi pareshani hai to mujhe bata. Main hoon na. Bata kya baat hai?? (Khushi, where were you lost?? You had cut you finger while cutting the Salad. So much of blood had oozed out but you didn't even realize. What is wrong with you?? Why are you so lost nowadays?? If there's any problem then tell me. I am there na. Tell me what is it.)

But Khushi remained silent looking at the floor.

Leaving Khushi's hand, caressing her head, Payal moved towards the fridge & fetching a water bottle from it poured some cold water in a glass & held it to Khushi.

But Khushi didn't move to take it.

Jiji, what would you have done when you had brought your husband's friend & her son to your house to stay for a few days lending a helping hand but they become  permanant members of your family??

Jiji, how would you feel when your family gets busy to make them feel at home ignoring your own existence??

Jiji, how would you feel when whole day all you get to hear is how good of friends your husband & that girl were back in college??

How would you feel when whole family along with your sister are hell bent on comparing your husband & his friends son?? How they both look alike?? How alike their food habits, their actions, their behaviour, their attitude, their mannerisms are?? All these is done infront of your own eyes to the extent that they tell you that if you had a son he would be just like that boy.

How would you react when your husband makes fun of your lack of knowledge in games infront of that same friend & her son??

How would you feel when your husband makes awesome threesome group with his friend & her son & you are nowhere included??

How would you feel when your family & your own sister forgets you completely for an outsider??

How would you feel when your husband enjoys spending time with his friend & her son ignoring your entire existence??

With every question of Khushi, Payal's grip on the glass was loosening & her heart was falling into the pit of her stomach feeling the ache behind her sister's every question asked.

Taking a deep breath Khushi started to move out of the kitchen. Stopping near the door, turning around she asked one last question to her jiji.

Jiji, how would you control your sanity when that same friend had been your husband's girlfriend in college days??

Payal's eyes widened in shock & with a gasp her hold on the glass loosened completely & it broke into pieces near her feet.

Jiji, be careful. Don't let these glass shards pierce you. Beleive me they stung more painfully then the cut from a knife.

Gulping through her constricted throat, turning around Khushi moved out of the kitchen completely missing the figure hiding behind the door who had heard & felt every bit of Khushi's pain behind her questions.

Payal stood rooted to the spot analysing her baby sister's words.

She was right. The glass shards might stung her more then the cut from a knife. But even that pain would have been nothing in comparison to the pain she was feeling right now for not understanding the pain & trauma her baby sister was going through since days.

Unknowingly though, she too is responsible for her sister's painful predicament.

But now when the realization has hit her hard she would now very well take the responsibility of an elder sister.

Of Khushi's jiji.

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