Kevin

As happy as I was, the more I heard, the more confused I was.

I don't like being confused.

While Cecil didn't say much more about me, having to return home to his husband, Carlos. Leaving me with my thoughts on the ride back to the Bluffs.

Strex is an amazing family business that has done nothing but good for the community. But the good of a community comes with a personal cost of each citizen. A small price for a large prize.

Did they really take my memory?

Turning up the radio, I tried to drown out the thoughts. They were thoughts that only went in circles, surely they couldn't get productive. They certainly weren't happy, either.

No, they were confusing. Disheartening.

What really happened?

I used to be so grumpy, when I was younger. Running my show. Passionate, but a real grumpster. When Strex came into town... Well, at first I was skeptical. I was wary, and frankly, I didn't want them around my radio station.

Those were silly thoughts, though. Strex is...

Strex made me so happy. Strex made our perfect little community. Desert Bluffs. We work together. We work hard. Together, but also separately. With each other. Like how I work with Charles. Charles and Donovon make me so unconditionally happy.

I think they do, at least.

Sometimes I smile, but it's not real. It's a lie, I suppose. I don't think of it too much. I mean, who does? Cecil would, I suppose. He's always thinking of stuff like that.

It's just not productive. You smile, which means you're happy, and if you're happy, you can work. And work. And work.

And play.

Work hard, play hard. Work harder. Play harder.

That's what Strex swears by.

But to do that, you have to be happy. You can't be sad.

I don't think I'm sad, though.

There's so many times where I don't know what I feel. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad or angry.

I don't feel anything, most of the time.

A part of me wants to believe that it's normal, but the more dates I go on with Charles and the more days I spend with him and Donovon, the less I'm convinced.

What if Cecil's right?

What if this is all fake?

While I smiled and sang along to the hymns on the radio that they broadcast from The Church of The Smiling God 24/7, I wasn't feeling it.

I wasn't feeling much of anything.

The drive was peaceful, but seemed to go on for forever. If what Cecil said was true and I went to Desert Bluffs, how on Earth was I this patient. I haven't even crossed the old Desert Bluffs yet and it's been forever.

Time is weird, though. The last time I made this drive, just earlier in what I felt was today was only an hour. Only felt like an hour, at least. This time, however, seems endless.

I wonder if time is related to emotions. Going towards Night Vale, I was worried and certain in what I was feeling. However, time has slowed down, and I'm emotionless, confused.

Then again, who really has time to think of those things? There's work to be done. Always work to do.

Arriving home, I quickly went over my plan for tomorrow's show and fell asleep.

I can't recall the last time I had a dream.

•••

Cecil

"Welcome home, sweetheart," Carlos said as soon as I walked in the door, causing me to blush. It was Thursday, which is date night. My favorite night of the week, might I say, by far. He was wearing his date night lab coat, and it smelled like he took a shower. "How was work? The show really went off the script today, huh?"

"It's been a few years since we've had signals like that," I agreed and sighed, trying to stay hopeful that Kevin would come back. That he wouldn't talk about how crazy I must sound to him on his own show tomorrow. "It was alright, I guess. Uh... Yeah. Kevin actually stopped by the station afterwards. Which is why I'm late. Sorry about that."

Carlos smiled at me, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. There's no doubt that it would be obvious that I had cried for a while.

But can I really be blamed? I miss my brother.

"It's okay, Cecil," Carlos told me, which is something he says a lot, actually. "That's why I called, I wanted to make sure that you weren't taken for random investigation by the secret police or just feeling too bad to drive yourself home. He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"What? No." I insisted, placing my hand over his. Carlos isn't perfect, none of us really are, but he's pretty close, and I'm lucky to have him. That he hasn't tried to leave or gotten tired of me. That he agreed to marry me in the first place. "he didn't, he was actually... He was worried. Somehow we cut into each other's shows and I'm not sure what it was, something worried him, but..."

My voice drifted off, because it's there. He cares. Kevin was worried about me, and he came all the way from the other desert world that they call Desert Bluffs just to visit with me. To make sure I was doing alright, although I definitely am not.

"Oh, sweetie," Carlos remarked, pulling me into a hug.

Hugs are weird. It's a way of showing that you care about somebody by wrapping just your arms around them. I wasn't very familiar with it until Carlos and I started dating, truth be told. I think I remember being hugged by mom or Kevin when I was little, but the older I got, the less it happened. Mom became stressed, Abby was distant from me. That age gap between us of just four years, although with how weird time is it hardly means a thing anymore, kept her away from me.

When I first met Steve at Abby's wedding, which was the first time I had seen my sister in years, I wasn't sure how to react to the hug he gave me. It made me uneasy that he gave me one and that Abby hadn't.

So I decided that he was too easygoing. That he could chest on Abby. He was touchy. I didn't like him.

Nobody I had ever been with was like that. We kissed, we held hands. Drank too much or partied too hard sometimes. We fell in love and out of love.

But none of my previous partners were ever touchy. They weren't huggers.

That was, until I met Carlos. Carlos, who seemed to match who I was. Who always seemed to know not quite what I wanted, but what I needed at the time. That physical contact, it's something I'm still getting used to. Coming home and just giving him a hug or cuddling on the couch as he tells me about the really cool science things he did that day to make me feel better. To get my mind off of things.

"Hey, Carlos."

"Hm?"

"I love you."

I saw my husband smile, which made me smile in return. I'm a very lucky man, and unlucky all at once.

I had a family and I have a town that's very accepting of me. Of who I am. Being gay in night Vale hasn't caused controversy in probably 30 years. People have moved on and have learned to accept it.

I'm lucky to have Carlos, who seems to care for me unconditionally. If there are conditions, we haven't gotten that far. We'll cross that bridge when it comes.

On the other hand, my mom, my brother are already gone.

Death is just a part of life. We're born, we live for a while, and we die. It's natural, and it's how all things are just in general.

Maybe it's selfish thinking, but Mom went too soon. I wanted so much more time with her, and with Kevin. Before he left us, without any explanation.

We woke up, and he was gone. No note or anything.

I think about that a lot.

"Aw, sweetie," Carlos responded. "I love you, too. Let's go get some food."