i don't want to do anything anymore.

there's nothing in my normal, everyday life, that i want to do.

i want to read, yeah. i want to sleep, of course.

but anything that isn't mind numbing, or taking 100% of my focus, or even if it isn't incredibly simple, i do not want to do it.

i have no motivation for schoolwork anymore. i have no motivation to eat, either. the only reason i do either of those is the constant "you have to, emily."

like the only thing i actually, really, truly want to do, is write.

i want to write until my mind is blank and my fingers hurt and my vision is blurry and i am out of ideas.

i want to write until i have thousands of hundreds of pages, online or paper, written. fanfiction, original, poetry, books, shorts, anything writing. i want to write.

but no, i need to stay in school. i need to take care of myself, my dogs, my family.

i need to exist outside of my imagination and that has gotten so difficult lately.