Massive vent ahead with literally every TW possible. Read at your own risk.

Why is it so goddamn impossible for some people to say no. Why is it impossible for them to fight back. Why is it impossible for them to be happy in a relationship. Why do they always turn towards cheating. Why am I the one who has to talk to them about this. Why am I the one who they have to get mad at because I am so tired. I'm tired of babying them, of telling them "please, just try." I'm tired of holding their problems on top of my melting iceberg. Their fiery heart melts it even faster. What will I do once I have no more ground to stand on? Why oh why don't I fight back and tell them to stop, get some help. Some true help, not me, a puny middle schooler! How the hell am I supposed to help them if I can't even help myself?!

Please. Stop.

Why do they always come to me? What makes me so special, what makes me able to give them advice?

What the fuck am I supposed to say and do when I find my friend has been raped. When they slash their wrists. When they watch their father beat their mom every night? When they are bullied. When they nearly commit suicide. When they walk the thin tightrope over the rooftops every night while we try to sleep. Or when they burn their arms, kick another person down, date someone much older to replace those feelings of when their father left, or when their mother left! What do I do when they vape, when they smoke, when they beat themselves up every night because they hate everything about themselves!

I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid. Why the hell are all of these kids so fucked up? Why the fuck do we all think we deserve to go to hell?

Is anybody happy?

Is everyone just forcing a smile?

Is everyone depressed or anxious?

Why.

Why me?

Gods.

I have my own issues. I have my own problems. But I push them deeper and deeper until it eats me from inside out! All because instead of facing my own, I charge into battle against their demons instead of my own.

Did you know that i tried to commit suicide in 6th grade? That I tried to distance myself from everyone I knew in 7th so they wouldn't get hurt? That now, I'm 8th, I'm mortally afraid to go to school because of anxiety? I want to be homeschooled, but I know my parents will never allow it.

I want to distance myself from everything that made me this way.

But I can't. Because I do, then they will get hurt.

And it would be my fault.