Title: YAGA

Author: makovea

Genre: Fantasy/Short Story

Hello! It's time for another review, so let's just get to it. This story is based in Slavic legend, so it's a story I'm not otherwise familiar with. However, I'm glad that this was my first exposure to the tale. It's very clear that you put a lot of work and effort into this, and from a reader's standpoint, I enjoyed the story thoroughly.

My first comment has to be about your beautiful writing style. You are incredibly descriptive throughout the entirety of the story, which is great for the gore effect that you were going for. I appreciate that you know the proper balance of the parts of speech. While adjectives and adverbs aren't necessarily evil, it's a lot better to use strong verbs and nouns to tell a story, and you have a gift at choosing words that paint pictures in minds.  You have small details that mean a lot in the story, like the color red and the symbolism of physical beauty, which really elevates the story. My only complaint is on occasion, you use words like making, causing, etc., etc. They really don't do justice to the rest of your writing, which is so elegant and fun to read. Those words seem a little detached, so I would suggest rewording it in a more active way, like The cat meowed, making Kennedy heart warm to The cat meowed, and Kennedy's heart warmed. That was a bad example, but I hope it gets the point across.

My second note is that it's a little difficult to keep track of who is who in some places, just because there are a lot of characters but not a lot of time to get to know each one. It's a short story, and you cram a lot of action into not a lot of words (which is done well, so that's not the problem), but not all of the characters necessarily play a role in that. It's just easy to forget who is who, so some characters could probably be identified only by their relationships with the important characters or not mentioned at all. Or you could give us a brief reminder who is who when you reintroduce them for the second time. It'll just make it a little easier on the reader.

In regard to your prologue, I think it is actually handled pretty well. A lot of times I think prologues are lazy or there to woo us with elegant writing that never shows up again, but yours has a direct purpose to the story, since it introduces a character that's really important. I can't think of a better way to introduce her, so the prologue works for me. Nice job.

My favorite aspect of the book is that there are so many different ways to interpret the characters. Is Dimitri a good guy? Who is worse, Milena or Yaga, or are they both victims? There's not a single way to read the story, which makes it a lot of fun. Personally, I like Dimitri, since he tries to do what he thinks is right (and he deserved better!!!), but I also like Yaga, who puts up with a lot just because of her "curse."

The conclusion seemed a little rushed with Milena and Yaga, since Milena had just spent a bunch of time thinking about how much she can't stand Yaga's perfection and her belief that she is anything but weak, but I think that if you worked on that dialogue just a little more and added a little more verbal conflict, it would seem more satisfying. 

Final Assessment: Overall, I really like your take on this legend, and there really isn't much I can tell you to improve. Maybe a reduction in the number of names in the story would make it easier to follow, but honestly, it's not the most confusing thing I've reviewed. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, and the few things I pointed out are because I know you have the talent to pull it off. I wish you all the best with your future endeavors.

I would recommend this to anyone who's looking for a quick fantasy read that has multiple interpretations.