Title: Fright School Book 1

Author: kacquah

Genre: Adventure

Hello! I'm so sorry this took a while. Forgive me? Now, moving on to your review.

I like the creativity that you put into your book. I like your take on vampires, and how you develop them in a different way than we are typically used to reading (for example, the sparkly hot mess Edward Cullen). And I also like that you fill us in on what exactly being a mummy entails in your story. I believe you wrote somewhere that you've been working on this for years, and it is evident that you've put a lot of thought into it. That's the first step, writing something you care about.

Your suspense and action writing skills are also pretty good. I like how you jump straight into the action in your story and let the reader figure bits and pieces out. It's much better than an information dump, and it leaves us wondering what happened and what's going to happen. Nice job with the suspense.

One thing that bothered me a little was that in a lot of cases, whoever is narrating the story speaks directly to the reader. In my opinion, it seems a little unrefined and unprofessional, but that's just a preference of mine.

I also was a little confused as to whose POV I was reading at times, too, especially in the beginning. Part of it was in the third person narrator, which is a solid option if the perspective is going to change frequently in the story. It just makes it a little easier for me to comprehend changes in perspective, and I think that might help your story flow a little more smoothly. 

Your story is much more action-driven rather than character-driven, and I think that your characters are suited for that kind of book. Once again, the constant POV switches (especially in the middle of a chapter) detract from that. However, a benefit to this style is that your paragraphs aren't dedicated to worthless description. You tell us what we need to know or to set the scene a little, and it doesn't overtake what's actually happening. 

I would also recommend withholding a character's backstory for a little bit while thee reader gets to know them. For me, if I don't know or care about a character yet, I just can't remember what kind of backstory they have. It's better to let us get an understanding of their personality and who they are now, then tell us why they are the way they are, if that makes sense. This would certainly help draw sympathy from the reader. Otherwise, I find it hard to relate to the characters.

In terms of grammar, I had a little bit of trouble following the story in places, since some of the sentences were run-ons. Long sentences are good a lot of times in writing as long as they are punctuated correctly, so the reader has mental breaks in their head as they read it. A way to fix this is with commas (anytime you have two complete sentences combined with a word like "and", "or", or "but", use a comma) or by breaking them into shorter sentences. Both would work in your case a lot of the time.

Final Assessment: This is a creative idea, and with the few suggestions I pointed out, I think it would make for a clearer, easier read. I like your action-filled, to-the-point writing style, and maybe shortening the sentences would help it come to life even more.