A/N: Keith is struggling.
*Contains mentions of depression, self harm, suicide, anxiety, an eating disorder, child abuse, nightmares.*

The halls of the castle still glowed their nightly glow for the night cycle as Keith left the training deck. He sighed as he made his way to the kitchen. The doors slowly slid open and he froze in the doorway. Standing in the barely lit kitchen was Lance. He turned around quickly and hid a container behind his back.

"Oh...it's just you" said Lance.

"Yeah, just me" said Keith as he walked slowly into the room and grabbed the smallest water pouch there was, he didn't want to take the large ones because he didn't want to waste it on himself.

"Soo...what are you doing up?" questioned Lance as he slid the container back into the fridge like thing, after taking one more of whatever was in it out.

"Training'' Keith stated and took a sip of his water and turned to leave but before he could get too far, a hand stopped him. He flinched at the touch, which he hated himself for. He has been trying to get himself to stop that for sometime now. Keith saw the way Lance pulled his hand back away from him as if he was the one who felt the pin and needles running through his skin. 

"Keith-" began Lance.

"Don't." Keith said and before Lance could get another word out, he was already out the door and walking down the hall.
He glanced at the training deck for a second, his mind telling him that he should go back out there and train. A piece of himself feeling like he needed to punish himself for the way he just was with Lance. Keith closed his eyes. He knew thinking that way wasn't going to fix anything and it wasn't going to make him feel any better. So he shook his head and kept going to his room. He needed a shower and to catch a few hours of sleep before it was time to get up.

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The warm water was beating gently down upon his tired and sore skin in a soothing rhythm. He stood in the stream of the warm water for a while, losing track of time. Eventually, Keith's legs were growing tired and numb so he quickly turn the water off with some force behind it. He stepped out, grabbing a towel for his hair and one for his body. His violet eyes sadly caught a glimpse of himself within the fogged up mirror. He always tries his best to avoid it. The mirror.

Keith sighs and makes his way to the mirror. He doesn't really need to look into the mirror, he just simply has to look down at his own skin to see the disgusting-ness that is there. He brushes his hand quickly over the cool glass and looks down at his pale skin. Down at his fat skin. Down at his scars, some that were put there by others and some that were put there by himself. He touches his wrist, touches the last scar, the one were he tried to kill himself and closes his eyes. And he for a moment is taken back to that time, but without even knowing it Keith digs his nails into that scar. Revisiting that memory and revisiting that pain and darkness. When a sharp pain run through him, it shocks him back to the now and he looks down at what he has done. Anger flows over him. His arm is red, sore and close to bleeding. Keith yanks the towel from his head and throws it. He is so angry that he wants to punch the mirror but he knows inside that he'll just be hurting himself more and if he sees that broken bits of that glass right now, there is no telling if he will be able to stop himself from cutting right now. 

With angered steps he moves out of the bathroom and into his room, he gets dressed and shuts the lights off in his room, shutting him in complete darkness. He crumbles upon his bed and curls up into a tight and little ball. Keith hides his head in his knees, his arms wrapped tightly around them and the blanket completely covering him. A piece of himself just really wants to at this point to disappoint. He closes his eyes and allows his tired and worn out body to drag him off to sleep, it will only be a few hours he knows. He spent most of the entire evening in the training deck but he just couldn't sleep, he was feeling too much of the anxiety crawling up his back, plus the edge of an attack along with a nightmare of his past. He couldn't sleep and the training deck was his only answer. 

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The crashing sound of thunder in his dream sends Keith sitting up in his bed, panting for air. He glances around his room and tries to calm down his breathing. 

"I'm in the castle. I'm in the castle. I'm safe" he tells himself as he breaths.

Keith runs a hand through his hair before tossing the blanket off of himself. He grabs his knife before heading for the door. He makes his way to the dinning room even though he knows that he isn't going to eat, he doesn't feel up to it. He just isn't in the right head space right now. Last night was a mess and today doesn't seem to be any better so why making things worst by forcing himself to eat. But he has to keep the act up so he doesn't tip Shiro off, for Shiro is the only one in this place that truly knows Keith and his issues.

Keith has major depression, an eating disorder and anxiety along with childhood trauma from growing up in many foster homes that weren't the best. 

Keith makes it to the dinning room and everyone else is already there. Pidge, Shiro and Lance all glance over at him when the doors slides open, allowing him in. Pidge nods their head in their way of say 'Good Morning' as they go back to typing on their computer.

"Morning Keith" says Shiro with a smile.

Keith smiles back and his eyes meets Lance's and he sees lance give him a small smile but not one of his bright ones. His ocean blue eyes linger a little bit longer before they look away and Keith knows it is because of what went on last night but he doesn't do anything to bring it up. He goes over to where Hunk is.

"Hi Keith'' says Hunk as he scoops some kind of something out of a large pot and plops in down into a small bowl. He hands it to Keith with a smile. 

"Thanks" Keith says as he takes it. He sits a seat away from Lance and stares down at whatever is in the bowl, then he looks up at everyone else. 

"It tastes like oatmeal...kinda'' Lance says in a hush tone next to him and Keith kinda jumps at his voice. Keith nods his head and moves the spoon around but never brings it up towards him mouth. Coran and Allura are sat at one end of the table talking to each other, eating and drinking some Altean tea. Pidge is beside Shiro as they shovel the oatmeal like food into their mouth while they type at not human like speed on their computer. Shiro is eating and joining the conversation with Hunk and Lance who are on the same side of the table as Keith. Keith looks around, he tunes out all the sounds and just watches. Everyone is happy and okay. None of them notice him or care that something maybe not okay. Shiro is smiling, Lance is laughing and Pidge is now pointing their finger at them. Keith smiles a sad smile, he feels so alone right now even though he is in a full room with all the people he cares about.

He slowly stands up and makes his way towards the trash can. He scraps the food into, walks to the sink and makes his way to the exit. He looks back over his shoulder before he leaves to see if anyone has notice but sadly they haven't, anyhow why would they? He's the loner, the outcast. Always has been and always will be. He's nothing special, he's not worth anything, he is only important when and where he can be useful. They don't need him fighting or piloting right now, so there is absolutely no need for him. Keith sighs and leaves.

He makes his way to the only place where he can be useful at, the training deck. He needs to make himself good enough for them so that he doesn't keep letting them down. Keith closes his eyes for a second. His mind going down a dark path and he feels the darkness creeping up inside him, he knows a depression episode is coming, it is going to swallow him up soon and take his fight. But right now he has to shove it back and push himself. So he enters the training deck and begins to fight, not just the robots but his thoughts and self as well.

Black spots began to fill his vision and he felt unsteady on his feet. His heart was pounding within his chest and he felt like his lungs couldn't catch a single breath of air. 

He didn't want to sit down or take a break, he began to pace around the room for a moment just trying to catch his breath before he start training up again. He was dizzy and felt like passing out and it sounded bad but Keith actually liked that feeling, it made him feel strong and proud of himself. He felt proud that he had pushed his weak and pathetic body, that he was making himself better.

Keith drew in a deep breath as he pulled out his knife. 
"Begin training simulation 15" Keith called out as he got into his fighting stance. 

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"-ITH! KEITH!"

Keith's eyes began to flutter open and right away shut from the blinding lights of the training deck. He heard someone voice and he cracked his opened his eyes slowly to see that the blinding lights were less now. He felt pressure on his shoulder and turned his head in that direction and saw a blurry sight of Lance.

'' 'ance?" question Keith, '' What... what 'appened?"

"I could ask you that mullet!" shouted Lance and Keith closed his eyes at the noise.

"We don't have time for this" shouted someone who sounded like Pidge.

The next thing he knew was that he felt like he was being lifted up and pain was being shot throughout his whole body. Keith hissed in pain and tried to push whomever was holding him to put him back down, he was much better off on the ground, less pain.

"I'm sorry buddy, but we gotta get you to the med bay" said someone in a nervous voice and Keith opened his eyes to see Hunk's face above him.

"Hunk" whispered Keith before a sharp pain flared up in his side and he cried out and curled up into Hunk's chest.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry" Hunk spoke as he moved faster down the hallway.

Keith opened his eyes and looked around, he hadn't even realized that they had made it to the med bay already. Hands were now upon him and he was weakly trying to push them off of him, his mind didn't understand what they were doing. 

"Muller stop! We got to get the pod suit on ya" shouted Lance. Keith shook his head, no he tried to say but nothing came out. He pushed and kicked but that only caused more pain and he cried out, and more black spots came.

"Shiro!" Keith shouted as he pushed hands away. He wanted Shiro, he wanted his big brother.

"Pidge went to go find him and Allura. It's going to be okay. Keith it's....Yes Coran hold on" Hunk said.

He felt the cool air hit his skin and he scrunched up his face and he tried to curl up into a ball. He was in pain and he just wanted to hide. 

"H-Hunk" Lance said and Keith felt his breath freeze within his chest as he knew they found them.

"They found them! They found them, they hate you! They hate you!! You Are Disgusting!" Keith's thoughts screamed at him. Tears began to pour down his face and his chest tighten even more. He couldn't breathe.

"Boys!" Shouted Coran.

"Keith?!" Cried Shiro as he exploded into the room. He made a bee line to the table, Hunk and Lance just moved as Shiro pulled Keith to his chest.

"Breathe Ototo (little brother), breathe" Shiro said as he cradled Keith, running his human hand down his back and the other holding his head. Keith was having an anxiety attack right now and Shiro needed to calm him down so he could get him into the pod so he could heal. "Breathe I got you, it's okay" whispered Shiro. It took a few moments but finally Keith's breathing returned to normal. Shiro quickly got Keith dressed in the pod suit, he carried him over to the pod and placed him inside. The door closed quickly on Keith and his pained and worried face relaxed as the fog covered the glass. Shiro sighed and placed his hand upon the glass and a single tear fell from his eye.

*There probably will be a part 2 of this*