Chapter 18-Thanksgiving Hell
A/N: It's Thanksgiving and it is a time when family and friends come together to eat, be thankful and spend time with one another. However it isn't always a great time, especially for Keith.
*Contains Bulimia and Purging-self-induced vomiting*
It was only two days ago that Hunk announced to everyone in the castle that he was going to be throwing a Thanksgiving dinner. Both Allura and Coran knew nothing about this holiday but seemed very thrilled to be apart of it once told what it was about .
Everyone seemed happy, all but Keith.
As soon as Hunk announced that Thanksgiving was going to be celebrated this week did it effect Keith's eating disorder.
He was bulimic and just the thought of Thanksgiving triggered him, causing his mind to race. At first he didn't think it was going to be a big deal, he hadn't purged in a while, but he was wrong.
That next morning as the green food goo was being served to them did Keith freeze up and glance down at it. His heart began to race at just the thought of eating the goo. He looked over at the others and saw smiles upon their faces as they ate and chatted with one another. Hunk then began describing what he was going to try to make for their first Thanksgiving in space. Lance looked over at him and smiled. Keith inhaled sharply and tried to shake the feeling he was feeling. He began to slowly to get his goo but as soon as his bowl was empty did the sudden feeling of being nauseous attack Keith.
He knew what his mind wanted him to do, he knew what that would lead to. He swallowed down the panic but no matter how hard he tried to focus on anything else it didn't work. His panic grew within him and he quickly made his way out of the dinning room and dashed quickly off towards his bedroom.
He felt like his feet couldn't carry him fast enough towards his room, towards the bathroom where the toilet laid. The panic increased along with his breathing as he race down the hall.
He soon arrived towards his bedroom door and hurried inside quickly, not even taking a moments pause he went straight into his bathroom. Keith slammed the door closed behind him and collapsed down upon his knees. His hands were shaking as his panic grew along with the urge, the need to throw up, to get rid of it all and that's exactly what he did.
He harshly shoved his fingers down his throat, pressing down hard, forcing everything up. He continued to do this until his vision was blurry from purging and the tears that fell from his violet eyes. His whole body was shaking as he drew a breath in and moved back from the toilet. He tried to slow down his breathing but just the attempt of doing so made his breathing pick up as the realization of what just occurred.
He relapsed.
He purged and he knew that the moment he shoved his fingers down his throat was the second he was trapped in that cycle again.
Keith pulled his knees towards his chest, wrapped his arms tightly around them and buried his head as he began to sob out all the pain he was holding within himself for years now.
He eventually clean himself and the bathroom up and then crawled slowly into be, skipping out on all the day's meals plus interactions with his friends.
The next day came and Keith knew that if he did decide to eat that he would 100% throw it back up, but he tried to over come that thought and feeling and do his best to push through it, however that didn't work out for him.
As soon as he had finished breakfast with the others he quickly made his way towards his room and proceeded to shove his fingers down his throat, afterwards he went to the training deck to distract himself, which ended up working in his favor for missing lunch.
Sadly dinner came and Shiro and Lance came looking for him. Everyone else was already in the dinning hall, they all were just waiting for him to arrive, it was time for the Thanksgiving dinner.
Keith nodded his head and agreed to come. He forced a smile but he just couldn't feel it, feel the happiness that everyone else was showing. At first he told everyone that he was simply tired and wasn't hungry but it looked as if Hunk was slightly disappointed in the fact that he wasn't eating his food that he spent hours upon.
So guilt filled up inside Keith.
He inhaled sharply and made a small plate for himself and smiled at how the food tasted. It was wonderful and Keith for a split second allowed himself to enjoy this dinner, enjoy this holiday. Back on Earth, Keith never had a Thanksgiving, he was always shipped to foster home, to foster home, to group home etc. and even if he was with a family they most of the time didn't allow him to join in part taking in their meal.
Making Keith so much worst about himself.
But that second of enjoying it all faded away and the same panic he always felt rise within his chest was back, knotting up his stomach as his mind screamed at him that he needed it gone. He tried to focus on the others, their conversations and the whole holiday in general but he just couldn't.
As everyone was busy and not paying any attention to him, Keith slowly raised up from his seat and made his exit as quite as possible for he didn't want anyone to stop him because the need and the panic of having all that inside him was becoming too strong, too unbearable for him at this moment.
As soon as the doors swooshed shut behind him did Keith begin to sprint down the hallway and off towards his room. He made it faster than any time before. As his knees his the cool tile flooring and he rolled up his sleeves and prepared himself to stick his fingers down his throat did a sigh of relief wash over him. Keith half closed his eyes as he inhaled sharply before he shoved his two fingers inside his mouth and down his throat.
He continued to purge until he was coughing from the lack of air and was super lightheaded with his nose slowly bleeding from all the pressure he had caused. He clean up slowly and made it towards the mirror to see that his face was red and slightly pale and that he had burst a few blood vessels around his eyes. Keith sighed and tilted his head backwards. He was so upset with himself, so disappointed in who he was and the things he did.
The feeling of being lost and drowning took over him, causing him to break down once again all alone within his bathroom. He thought he was in control but he truly wasn't and he was once again lost within all his struggles.
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