Before the War

I hand my homework in, just as the bell signalling the end of the school day rings out. A smirk spreads across my face. Avoided detention by mere seconds.

Mrs Germain looks down at me with pursed lips, clearly unhappy that I've outsmarted her. She has no way to prove that this is what I've been doing for the entire past hour. After all, she doesn't know that Rosie, the girl beside me, did the class work for me. And even if she does, she can't prove it.

"Thanks for a great lesson, Miss." I smile at her before sweeping out off of my stool. She doesn't say a word so I widen my grin before closing my Science book and sweeping it into my bag. "See you next week."

Barely even glancing at any of my classmates, I head for the exit, ducking out of the lab and starting down the corridor. My heeled slip-on black shoes clack loudly against the linoleum floor as my black pleated skirt swings around my legs. It's rolled up at the waist, only falling to mid-thigh, despite the knee length rule. If I see any senior management, I'll tug it down. Not that they ever care. They have bigger fish to fry. Worse kids to worry about. 

Only last week a boy threw a stool through the Science lab window. It only took them two days to fix the entire thing. Sweep it under the rug. Pretend it didn't happen. Mrs Germain is good at doing that. She enjoys it.

Clearing up the mess and pretending that it never existed in the first place. Moving on and reasserting herself as more important than before. I'm surprised that she hasn't overthrown Mr McCready for headteacher yet. Give it time...

I'm one of the first students out in the corridor and I sweep past the hordes that start pouring out of every doorway, ready to get outside and find my boyfriend.

We have plans this evening. There's a new horror film on at the cinema and he promised to come with me. None of my friends would agree, so I turned to him. I wasn't even surprised when he said yes. This weekend is our five month anniversary.

Smiling to myself, I stop off in the ladies toilets and re-apply some lipgloss before plumping up my blonde, shoulder length hair.

"Let's go, Kayla." I give myself a quiet pep talk before leaving the bathroom and heading towards the entrance of the school.

It's sunny, a bright, clear day and I smile at the warmth that instantly covers my skin. Shifting my hands, I push the sleeves of my jumper up to my elbows and coil my fingers around the straps of my bag, holding it in place on my shoulder. I didn't bring a change of clothes today. I don't care about going to the cinema in my uniform. I'm more excited about seeing him...

Rayden promised to meet me at the bike racks so I head left, following the edge of the main building before turning the corner in anticipation.

I stop with a start.

Freeze. 

My lips part.

My hand drops from my bag. Jaw clenches. Eyes blaze.

I'm dreaming. I must be. Having a freaking nightmare.

Because there's absolutely no way that this is happening again.

"What the hell are you doing?" I snap, forcing my feet forward and quickly approaching the intertwined couple.

The blonde haired, doe eyed Rayden instantly springs back, his eyes wide as they look at me.

The blonde girl on the other hand... she slowly withdraws her face from his neck, turning to look at me with a smug smile pasted across her face. Her tongue slips out across her lips. Taunting me. She's a freaking bitch.

"Kayla," Rayden stutters. "It's not what it looks like, I didn't—"

"You," I seethe, narrowing my eyes at Emilia Burton. Her hands finally fall from his shoulders and she turns her entire body towards me. I don't miss the way her eyes trail up my body, analysing me. As if we haven't seen one another before.

Despite the fact that this happens almost three times a year.

"Me," she hums before smirking and tilting her head to the side.

"How could you?" I snap, whirling back to the blue-eyed boy. He's a deer caught in headlights, spluttering and blinking at me, unable to come up with a reasonable response.

"In his defence, I'm the one who hunted him down," Emilia pipes up in her sickly sweet voice.

"Of course you did," I retort with a glare.

She just cocks a brow and shrugs. "Whatever." Flipping her long hair over her shoulder, she reaches out and runs her hands down my boyfriend's right bicep. "Give me a call when you decide you're bored of her, Ray."

Stepping away from him, she makes a move to step around me, her eyes already focused on something over my head. I grind my teeth together and my hand shoots out, curling around her wrist. She stops, lifting one perfect eyebrow as she peers down at me. I look up at the tall, blonde model and attempt to swallow down my insecurities.

"Stay away from him," I hiss.

Emilia smirks, tugging her hand out of my grip and crossing her arms across her chest. "I would," she says. "If he told me too."

I inhale sharply at the words, reality seeping through my pores. Rayden hasn't made his intentions clear. Sure, we're together, but he hasn't spurned her. He hasn't told her to get lost. That he's happy with me. He hasn't said a single thing to her about leaving him alone. Just  like last time.

"We're in a relationship," I spit out. "That should tell you enough."

She cocks her head. "That didn't stop you six months ago," she comments. I purse my lips. It's true. 

Emilia hums at my lack of response, shooting Rayden a final, gorgeous smile before turning, storming away in her six-inch-heeled black boots. I have no idea how she gets away with them at school...

She's not phased by the turmoil she's just caused me, not once looking back at us as she stalks towards the main entrance. Instead, she walks over to the girl and boy she's always hanging out with, the three of them laughing together before disappearing among the throng of students.

"Kay—"

"Don't!" I hold my hand up, silencing Rayden. 

"I didn't want—"

"If that were true, you would have pushed her away," I snap. He shakes his head, stepping towards me. Lifting his hand, he gently caresses my cheek. My eyes close instinctively and I let out a shuddered breath as his fingers tickle my skin, igniting the desperation inside me. I want him to want me.

"I'm so sorry," he murmurs. He's struggling to get the words out, and I'm struggling to hear them — everything's so difficult, just like every. Other. Time. There's sincerity in his voice, an honest regret that has me wanting to lean my cheek into his touch and tell him that it's okay.

Instead, I choke out, "You still like her."

He sighs before letting his hand slip from my face. "I like you both," he admits, honestly.

I bite my lip, struggling to keep the tears at bay as I nod. It's the same answer as always. Only six months ago, I was in Emilia's position.

"I can't do this anymore, Rayden," I tell him. "I won't. Not anymore."

I'm a liar. We both know it.

Time after time, I return to him. I need  him. He's all I know.

"Kayla, I lo—"

"Don't," I plead, cutting him off. "Just let me leave. Please."

I don't say another word as his head drops to his chest, defeated. Instead, I turn on my heel and wrap my arms around myself, heading away from my now four times ex-boyfriend for what I'm determined will be the last time.

But it won't be. It never is.

He means so much to me, and I'm addicted.

I'm desperate. I need the... love.

But this isn't the way to get it, I know that. I'm caught in a no-win-triangle, but I don't have the strength inside me to battle out of it.

So instead, I just tell myself that I'm unlucky in love. Convince myself that it isn't  my fault.

And that surely, one day everything will change. 

At some point in the future, my luck will change. And when it does... I'll have everything.

But most of all, I'll be loved.