I'm hugging my arms around myself, looking down at the wooden cross that's stuck into the mud below me.

My shoulder length blonde hair flutters around my face, picked up by the breeze and ripped back and forth.

It's a cold, late February day.

The grey clouds above me imply that it's going to rain any minute now, but I don't care. I'm not moving. I've been on my knees, here for over an hour, alternating my gaze between the two crosses, and the incredible landscape beyond. 

I'm as high up as is possible on the Calke Abbey estate, my hands shoved into the pockets of my black winter coat, keeping them safe from the chill. 

My eyes flutter closed and I let the wind whip around me, twisting my hair into a million knots, painting my cheeks red, stinging my eyes with tears.

I can't wait to see what this place is like in the summertime. When the sun is beating down onto the hill and I can sit on the grass beside them without getting a wet bum. 

I exhale, trailing my eyes over the cross on the left hand side for the sixteenth time.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper softly. Reaching out, I place my hand on top of the freshly dug mud and close my eyes, feeling the sorrow wash through me. "I'm so sorry, Pippa." I swallow the lump in my throat. "If I could go back and try again," I choke on my words, "I would."

"You were the friend I didn't know I needed, the one person who always appeared whenever I needed a laugh, a hug, a distraction. You saved me at times from the boys, wrenching me away for us to have girl time, and for that I'll always be grateful. You were an incredible fighter, and there's not a single doubt in my mind when I say we wouldn't have gotten this far without you. I'll never forget you," I promise.

Blinking away the tears, I shuffle to the right until I'm in front of the untouched grass, and second cross that's been shoved into the ground.

I breathe in shakily. "And, you? What the hell would you think of me right now?" I murmur. "I doubt you'd be impressed. Although... I guess I did warn you that I wouldn't be good at this. Back on that first day in the barn, when you helped me improve my punching skills." A small smile spreads across my face before it drops and I let my head drop to my chest.

"I did it again, Riley," I whisper. "I let my impulsive nature get to the better of me. Just like I did with Jace." My hand flies to my mouth, but the wretched sound of a sob breaks through anyway. "Only this time it was worse. I was worse. I got someone else killed."

I pause, looking up at the grey sky. Two birds are flying beneath the clouds, following one another as they head over our estate and out to the world beyond. They rise, disappearing into the depths of the cotton wool.

A shaky exhale leaves my lips as I drop my eyes back to the cross. "I acted even worse — even more impulsively — this time, because it was you," I admit softly. "I don't know how you did it, Riley Rivert, but you fucking destroyed me. We only ever managed one kiss... but my God was that enough to wreck my entire being into a million pieces." I bite down on my lip. "A million pieces that were held together by the promise of seeing you again. Feeling your arms around me. Your lips on mine," I murmur.

My hand rises to the chain around my neck and I wind my finger around it. "I hope you know how many times you've haunted my dreams. And surprisingly, it's always been in a good way. We haven't had many arguments, you haven't frustrated me. Well, not that much anyway." I smile softly before glancing up once more. "And wherever you are, I know that you've been grinning, with that cocky freaking smile, every damn time. Probably watching what happens whenever I dream of you as well. Or..." I trail off, running my lip through my teeth and smiling. "Maybe it's actually you. Visiting me as I sleep."

I lift the dog tags up and over my head. My body tips backwards slightly as I hold the tags in front of me, my fingers trailing over the inscription. "One kiss," I whisper. My eyes slam shut as they well with tears. "One fucking kiss, and look at the state of me."

Riley's face appears behind my eyelids — a concerned, ever so slightly worried look in his eyes before he reaches out, gently caressing a finger down my cheek. I choke on another sob.

"I'm such an idiot when it comes to love, Riley," I tell him. "I told you all about Rayden — how I kept going back to him, time and time again, desperate for him to love me. Choose me. Tell me that I was the only one. That I'd beaten Emilia," I pause. "I did love him... but it wasn't for any of the right reasons. He was my safety blanket."

I hug my arms around my legs. "And then there was Jace. My... husband." My teeth graze along the inside of my cheek. "I never really spoke to you about him. The thing is, Jace and I had nothing in common. We were fond of one another, sure... And he truly was the first family I'd experienced in five years. I was... desperate all over again. Desperate for him to provide a home. A place where I could feel safe. Protected." I swallow and my head drops. "But then he died, and an overwhelming emptiness filled me. I acted stupid. Impulsive. Wild. Out of control."

My chin rests on my knee as I stare at the roughly cut wooden cross. It has a piece of camo-printed material pinned to the back of it, floating in the breeze, no doubt courtesy of one of his crew. There's tattoo ink poured over one side, a large R carved into the middle, and a blank set of dog tags dropped at the base.

"Finally, there was you," I breathe out. "You who I never even thought I liked. You who irritated the hell out of me, who I never even noticed until we got to the farm. Looking back... I realise how much you were there though. Even when I didn't notice."

"You helped me at the Safe House, folded up the laundry whenever I was too overwhelmed to do it. You cracked absurd jokes whenever I was on the verge of having a panic attack, and you brought my food to my door when I was too upset to join everyone downstairs," I recall quietly. "I never thought you cared before the farm. But... I was just blind. Blinded by my desire for revenge."

I suck in a shaky breath. "A desire that you seemed to share. But... I feel like maybe we were getting better, Riley. We'd found one another and we were opening up. Indulging in the idea that maybe — one day — we could have found happiness with one another. That we could have seen this through to the end, together."

I lean forward, trailing my finger over the rough wood and smiling. "I was falling in love with you, Riley. I was falling, hard and fast, and then when you left, I did what I always do, and I became desperate," I admit. "Only this time, it felt different. I wasn't just desperate for you to choose me and only me. You weren't my safety blanket. I didn't care about any of the things I'd cared about previously."

"I was just desperate to see you again. To see you safe and well. For me to be able to keep you safe and well. For you to annoy the shit out of me. Pull that damn cocky face at me. Tell me that we'd done it — that we'd won. That we could get to know every inch of one another. Desperate for you to hug me. Kiss me. Love me." My voice cracks on the final word.

"But then all of that shattered and what did I do? I let the demon inside me win." I rock back onto my haunches and avert my gaze to Pippa's grave. "I acted worse than I ever have before, Riley. And that's unforgivable."

I flip the dog tags over in my hand before replacing them around my neck. "I'll never stop wearing these," I promise. "And I'll never stop trying to repent for what I've done," I tell Pippa. The wind whips at my hair. "I promise you both, that I will never lose control ever again," I announce to them both. "I can't. It isn't possible."

Rocking backwards, I rise to my feet before declaring, "Because I will never let myself fall in love again. I don't need to. I will always love you, Riley, and now... now I'll survive off the love I get from my people. The family that I lead." I bite my lip and nod. "It's all I need."

"Kayla!" A sudden call from down the hill captures my attention and I blow the two graves a final, heartbroken kiss, before turning and carefully making my way down, sidestepping the huge tufts of grass as I go.

"What's up?" I smile at Jesse the minute I reach flat ground. 

He returns my smile, turning and walking with me side by side, back towards the house. "You've been up there a while. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm okay," I tell him honestly. He doesn't look convinced, so I reach out, resting my hand on his cheek and giving him a warm smile. "I'm telling the truth, Jess. It's been three weeks since..." I trail off. Since Lewis. Since Pippa.

"There's no miracle cure, Kay," Jesse replies.

I smile at him, dropping my hand. "I know. But you and Carl are certainly making it feel like there is. And so are all the others." I gesture around us.

He gives in, letting me step away and head around to the stables. I take the horses out riding across the estate with Ryan and Annica. Afterwards, I join the men and ladies in the garden, planting more vegetables as they gossip, keeping me up to date on what's going on between everyone. I ravish Pete's dog with love on my way back before warning him that I'll be stealing her soon.

I check in with the three people working on the trucks, including Andy, complimenting them on how well they're working so far. I indulge in lunch in the kitchen with Connor, James, Sophie and Ed. I pour over the map in my living room for two hours, detailing further plans on my notepad. I have a bath. I dress in comfier clothes and head downstairs for dinner with everyone.

And every step of the way, I'm smiling.

Because I'm healing. With every day that passes, I'm coping better with everything that's happened.

And it helps that no-one here has ever held anything against me. Even Andy and Ryan, who were utterly obsessed with Pippa.

I think I hate myself more than they hate me. Want to punish myself more than they do.

They're having a poker night in the billiards room and I slide into one of the games, quickly losing most of my fake money, utterly useless at any of it. Slipping to the side of the room, I pour myself a small glass of wine, sipping it ever so slowly. I'm mindful of having too much.

It's never helped before. It's not going to help me now.

Carl slips inside the doorway at that very moment. He's wearing a dark red jumper and black jeans, writhing his hands together as he stands tall, trailing his blue eyes around the entire room before finding me. A small smile graces his lips and I return it before sipping more of my drink, watching as he's pulled into one of the games.

I let myself sag against the window sill behind me, watching the room as they talk, laugh, joke, play games. There's over twenty people in here, and as I turn to look behind me, at the grounds below, I can see a small fire, and a smattering of lanterns along the pathway to the stables. Everyone is enjoying themselves, wherever they are tonight. Whether that be in their own rooms, in other's rooms, in here, around the fires, walking the grounds... everyone seems happy.

And that makes me happy.

I'm smiling, completely content, when Jesse sprints into the room, his eyes wild and panicked.

The smile slips from my face.

Standing from the sill, I discard my glass of wine before weaving my way through the crowd, heading for the breathless looking man. He doesn't say a word, just gestures for Carl and I to follow him out of the room.

I shoot Carl an uncertain look but he reaches out, squeezing my hand comfortingly.

Before long, we step into my living room and I furrow my brow at the sight of Bridget and Pete, already standing around my desk.

"What is it?" I ask. There's nothing on the actual desk to give anything away.

"Pamela and Joe got back half hour ago," Pete tells me. "With... news."

Carl frowns. "They were trying to get support south of the farm, yes?"

Pete nods. "And... Wes is also here."

"He's one of the five guarding the farm?" Jesse clarifies, leaning forward and pressing his hands to the wood.

Pete nods once more.

I swallow the lump in my throat and reply, "Then what's happened?"

Because, clearly, it's something big. 

Pete shoots a look at Bridget. Bridget averts her eyes to the floor before answering me, "When I was in the South, the leader there was... interested in doing something, but he wanted to investigate it further before... actioning it," she pauses. "But I have no idea if this is actually them who's done this or not."

"What the hell are you saying?" Carl asks through gritted teeth. Bridget runs her hands down her face.

"Spit. It. Out," I snap.

Pete nods his head. "Apparently it happened a few days ago. The minute they heard — well, Pamela and Joe saw it — they travelled here."

"For the love of God—"

Pete interrupts Carl. "The wall has been blown up."

My mouth drops open. "The... the wall?"

"The wall?" Jesse repeats.

Pete nods, his jaw tensed. "There's no border between us and the South anymore."

I suck in a breath, my panicked eyes meeting Carl's. There's nothing between us and the unruly South. Nothing to protect us, no-one to stop them.

The wall... gone.

"Fuck." Jesse sinks onto my desk chair, his expression fixed to the desk. Carl curses under his breath, lifting both hands to his hair. I just blink, eyes flicking between my two confidantes, begging for one of them to give me a solution. An answer. Some help.

They have nothing.

I have nothing.

Just a mansion. An estate filled with cattle and food. Over seventy people on these grounds. A further five down at the farm. Nine exploring south of here. And over sixty spread further north.

Over one hundred people for me to try and protect from the lawless South. And the Enforcers. And Mrs Germain. And Zac's sister, Gia.

We're fucked.

I swallow the lump in my throat and grit my teeth.

"Okay," I manage to say. "This might sound worse than it is. We just need to come up with a plan."

Not even I believe my own words.

Jesse lets his head hang, Carl covers his mouth with his hand, Pete grimaces.

Bridget is the only one to suck up the courage to respond to me. Her words are everything I've been trying to deny for the past minute and a half.

"No matter what we try and do, war is coming, Kayla."

War is coming.

Hello to all of you absolute angels! We made it — end of book 2.5!!! This one was never, ever planned, but having suffered from writer's block for two years on this series, somehow, seeing a couple of new readers popping up in my notifications and commenting as they read Tethered North and Broken South, it spurred me on.

Where Kayla's story came from is beyond me, but I managed to draft the entire thing in just over a month. 60,000 words.

Believe it or not, so far, this is the book that's made me cry the most while writing it. And on more than one occasion too. I think Kayla's story is tragic — but in an entirely different way to the others. After all... we all knew what happened to Riley from Broken South. 💔 Meanwhile, in the North, nothing really goes wrong for an oblivious Kayla — she has success after success, with only mild setbacks every now and again. Her tragedy comes once she's rallied the North and is ready for him to come home — except... he's not coming home.

God, I'm off to go cry again...

Nonetheless, I really hope you enjoyed this novella! Can't wait to see you all in book three 💚