Percy Jackson

Zeus really just can't understand the fact that I don't want to be a god.

Like, I told him no. I insisited that I won't do it. I've seen the difference in somebody becoming immortal and I won't do it.

I won't leave my family and my friends and my boyfriend like that.

After that, they left, no longer having any good points to try to persuade me into listening to them or play into their hands or whatever.

"Hey, Percy, wh—"

"I don't have the patience to have a conversation with you right now," I told my bio dad. "The other three have left, you should go catch up with them."

So he does as I requested and with Mom taking care of Estelle in her room and Paul being on the phone by the looks of things, I was...

Not alone.

Why the hell are other mortals here right now?

Furthermore, it's a couple of my friends, my boyfriend, his mom (she's a teacher so I guess) and the teacher who's class I had that episode in today, Mr. Thine.

I fucking hate it here.

"H— hi." I didn't know how long they've been here, though, because of course my ADHD only let me focus on one thing at a time and that had been the gods being here. "i uh... I'm sorry. That you had to... See however much of that that you did. What brings you all here?"

"We just wanted to make sure you were okay after leaving early," Basil assured me, which was nice to hear but it wasn't a great time. "um..."

"Was that your dad that just left?" It was Remington that had the nerve to ask about it. "the dude who was not dressed for the season? At all?"

Shit shit shit shit shit.

Fuck me, I guess.

"I mean... Yeah," I couldn't just lie now, though. It's the gods faults for being here and like... Wanting to talk business even after the mortals arrived because they definitely would've noticed. "That would be him. We uh... We don't really talk much, which is why you don't hear about him much. Uh... Yeah. Do you... Do you guys want something to drink?"

They did take something to drink.

I think when Thine, the teachers who's class I had my anxiety attack in today, asked for water, I think he expected me to use my powers to get it.

he almost seemed let down when I gave him water just from the sink.

"So your dad... I mean, you two do look a lot alike." Basil remarked, which was true.

So I nodded my head.

"Yeah, we do," I agreed.

"He looked nice at least," Mattheo's mom remarked. "I know you guys don't talk much, but still."

I shrugged.

"He's not argumentative or anything," I sort of agreed. "i wouldn't call him a good person, but he's not mean, yeah... Sorry, I never really know what to say about him. We talk like maybe a couple times a year and it's never for long and like... Yeah. I like Paul better than him."

Of course that had Thine's attention because while the myth is 90% accurate, it's altered a little because they didn't know my internal monologue or reasoning for what I did.

They assumed I went on that quest to restore the bolt, not because I just wanted my mom back. So that's what's written, and it's wrong.

The gods released the version of me that people assume exist. The selfless, proud demigod.

As much as my selflessness is very true, it's like my fatal flaw or whatever, my lack of self care. But I'm not...

I'm not proud to be his son.

"Paul's pretty cool, though," Remington at least didn't try to defend Poseidon because he's my bio dad. "i like my step mom more than my mom, so I get it. She's nicer than my bio mom."

So after another minute or so of this weird anxiousness, most of the others leave. Mattheo's mom insisited she'd be back for dinner since I guess we made those plans, Mattheo asked if it was okay if he took a shower so I said yeah, of course.

Everyone else was gone so I just took to cleaning everyone's glasses from their drinks and it was weird and kind of made me anxious.

As everyone was leaving, Thine had left after saying something to Paul and he like...

Looking over, I saw him grab the handle of the door knob and there was a stillness about him. This sort of hesitant approach of leaving our apartment.

Gods I hope he didn't connect the dots.

Even though he knows everything that happened and he saw the gods and...

All of it. Even though Thine saw all of it and basically had it confirmed for him, I don't know if I can handle people from the outside knowing right now.

Is it bad that I hope the gods will wipe their memories?

I appreciate Mattheo and Reyna's (his mom's) support of me literally constantly and even his Grandma is nice to be around and I don't want him to find out and get scared and...

For so long I've lead this double life and I'm terrified of them blending together.

"By the way," Paul said as he walked over, putting a hand on my shoulder. "If you want to, you can take a free period during that class. Henry mentioned it to Reyna already to write you a dismissal for the next couple weeks until the unit is done. He'll meet you tomorrow in my class before the day starts to discuss a makeup project."

"Oh, okay," I said, trying to think of any of the looks Henry Thine gave me after my tangent. After the gods left.

But if he made any indications that he knows, I couldn't read it.

"Do—" I started off, holding onto a breathe as the thought foight it's way out. Manifesting, terrifyingly enough as it was. "Do you think he knows?"

Paul sighing in response wasn't much of a reassurance, though.

"I think he has an idea," my step-dad was honest about the topic, at least, as much as I didn't want to accept the potential outcome of my future at Goode High School. "I think you saying Mr. D threw him off a bit, though, but just... Be careful, okay? Your mom isn't the only one that wants you home for longer than a few months at a time."

Nodding my head, Paul told me he'd be in his room if I needed anything and a few minutes later Mattheo emerged from his shower wearing one of my sweaters, which was a really sweet sight.

I like seeing him in my clothes. He almost drowns in them, it's cute.

"Hey, I'm back!" My boyfriend announced as he snuck up from behind me, wrapping his arms around me in a hug which made me smile a little. "Are we still going to watch a movie before dinner?"

"Are we—" I started off before it hits me as I turn around to look at Mattheo, who didn't look nearly as concerned as he did earlier.

They already erased the incident from his memory.

Because we definitely didnt talk a movie before dinner. We didn't talk about anything planned before dinner, but still.

His lack of... Worry, maybe? Mattheo just looked like he was in a good mood and like he was here like it was literally any of day of us hanging out after school.

Not as if he was here because I had a mental breakdown.

They must've erased that, too.

"Yeah!" But I like to think I'm a decent enough actor. After all, I've been doing this for a lot of years now. "Of course!"

Pretending.

But Mattheo knows me pretty well, all things considered. He knows a lot of my mannerisms. So my hesitance to respond about the movie... And I guess I probably look a little confused or like—

He frowned.

"Are you feeling okay?" My boyfriend asked which was a great question because I didn't have a solid answer to give him.

Because, upon the realization that he doesn't know what just happened, my heart sinked. Not just because he doesn't know what happened. That, in the short and long term was probably for the better.

But they weren't even really told what happened and...

I'm not going to get the chance to tell him even if I wanted to.

"Yeah," I don't think I even had a choice but to lie right now. "I'm okay."
•••

Dinner was weird but it was also so painfully normal, all things considered with Mattheo and Reyna there, that it made me actively feel like a bad boyfriend.

With Reyna having no memory of the panic attack or breakdown, we didn't get the chance to talk about a 504 Plan or a dismissal for me or anything.

Mattheo and his mom left together not long after dinner and the hug Mom gave me after they were gone, while well intended, just made me feel shittier about the entire situation.

So after dinner I just dismissed myself to my room and pulled out my phone because I need somebody that I can talk to about this.

Somebody that wasn't a demigod.

But somebody that knew.

Which really left me with one option: Rachel Elizabeth Dare.

Hoping and praying that it went through because Rachel isn't a demigod, I called her as I sat in bed with my sketchbook out, just making a lot of frustrated, vent art that I'll never let another person look at.

"Percy, hey!"

I've never been so relieved to hear Rachel's voice. Just hearing it akmost put me in tears which...

Says a lot about my current frustration.

"Hey!" I said in return. "you're not in Art Club right now, right? I don't want to like, interrupt anything important."

"Nope!" She insisted and I could almost see her shake her head. I missed the red head, who's now at a stupid finishing school. "That gets done by 6 most days. Why? What's up? It's been a while since we talked. I know you haven't been involved with the Apollo stuff but... Anything interesting going on? Anyone I can tease you about?"

Did I really not tell her about Mattheo?

"Oh um... Yeah," I don't think she actually exoected me to tell her about it, though. She knew about the breakup because the last time we hung out was like right after the break up before she has to pack for school because not only is it a finishing school, but it's a boarding school. She's upstate. "There is, actually."

Her jaw dropped and it was kind of relief to get the excitement out of her.

"Well who is it!?" She asked almost immediately and I smiled a little. Over the IM she was leaning over her chair backwards and I was worried it'd fall out and she'd hit her head on her desk or something. "when did you realize you liked them? Where have I been all this time?"

"Um, at a stupid boarding school," I reminded her and she rolled her eyes and groaned, making a remark about how she hated it tbere. "I guess I thought I told you but apparently I didn't. Do you remember Mattheo? Used to always third wheel Basil and Alex?"

"Mhm!"

"Yeah," I concluded, nodding my head and hating some of the thoughts I was having right now. "We're dating. We have been for a little while now"

"Ahh!" Rachel screamed as she did actually fall off her chair.

She got up, through, and sat back in it, so it was fine.

"I always thought he had a thing for you," the red head insisited, which, he did say that he's liked for for a while so she might not be that far off. "That's so cool, Percy! I didn't think you'd be one to date a mortal that like, didn't know."

But I shrugged because that the only response I could stifle for a while.

"Neither did I," I reassured Rachel, looking down for a second, trying to keep my composure as this ball that was just rolling around my stomach started to chain around my chest and not allow me to breathe. "um, I did, though. It's been..."

I stopped for a second as the tiredness of it started to sink in.

"Like, most days it's fine," I tried to explain because Rachel can't date but she can have friends and it's not the same but it has to be similar. She has to feel like this with her parents, who still somehow don't know. "It's just normal and normal is gone and we go on dates or hang out at each other's places but others day just..."

I stopped again.

"The day Jason died Mattheo was there when Nico told me and when he freaked out and wanted to make sure I was okay and that I was devastated," I prefaced. "i told him that I was pretty much fine because I was. Jason's death didn't but me that hard. It just was kind of numbing to hear and I told him that death isn't a thing that really bothers me and then I made this stupid remark about how I'd probably by the time I'm 25 and his parents heard I guess and..."

If I could redo any moment since coming back home, that would've been the moment.

"It's just things like that," I tried to explain something that I can barely put into words myself. "like, the gods put out new curriculum and it had all of the stuff from these last five years with the exception of this last hear. Like... The whole Luke thing, right? And I found out by sitting in Thine's class and hearing him read my own fucking muth and so like I had a panic attack and flashback and Paul called my dad about it and so after school the gods came over."

"To talk about revising it?"

I nodded my head.

"Yeah, also camp isn't working for Olympus until it's repealed and they've earned council respect back," I filled her in there. "Yeah, Chiron won't be at camp for a while I don't think. He was mad. But um... While they were here basically the whole gang showed up. Mattheo and his mom, Thine, Basil was here, Remington and Alex. But my ADHD didn't let me notice it so I got in a yelling match with Zeus in front of them and..."

"And what? Do they know?"

I shook my head this time. 

"They replaced their memories within ten minutes of leaving," I finished up the story of today. "Mattheo came back from a shower and be didn't know anything. Didn't even remember the panic attack of anything and like..."

I shrugged because it's frustrating and it's exhausting to live this life as if the other half doesn't exist. It doesn't happen.

Like I don't know my dad.

Like nothing ever happened ever.

"How am I supposed to sit through Thine's class for the next like two and a half weeks to hear about what I did and then leave and when he asks tell Mattheo that I'm fine and just..."

But it's the only way I could express it.

"I'm so tired of being a demigod, Rachel."