Here Book_Girl_09 thank you SO much for all the extra time!!

To Feel When You're Only Barely Touching

"Have you ridden them since... since, you know?" She asks, not quite looking at me. Instead, she runs her hands through Silveny's mane, pulling out the knots and leaves. I don't look up at her. I just continue to stare at a certain shiny part of my boot. "Keefe?" She says my name again, expectantly this time.

I sigh and kick a rock by my shoe. "I don't know," I reply. I don't know how I got talked into this, honestly. I would much rather be in my room doing another painting of Sophie to add to my ever growing collection. If I told them that, though, they'd only see it as proof that they're right. She doesn't say anything in response and I know she's waiting for me to elaborate. I look up at her, finally. Linh watches me, her eyes searching mine.

"What are you hoping to find?" I ask. She seems a little shocked that I've acknowledged her presence. Linh presses her pink lips in a thin line and thinks for a moment. Her eyes flicker down for a moment, and then meet mine again.

"Anything," she tells me, "I just want to find something in your eyes."

I laugh bitterly, "you're not gonna."

She's quiet, then she leaves her position by Silveny and walks a little closer to me. "I think you're wrong."

"I wouldn't put it past me." I feel bad taking out my anger, sadness, and insecurities on Linh, but there's nothing stopping me. No one to impress. Nothing to live for.

Not since last spring.

"C'mon," She declares suddenly, "get on Greyfell. We're going riding." The way she says it leaves no room for discussion, but I protest anyways.

"No thanks."

"It wasn't an option, Keefe. Please, we're all worried about you. We know you're taking it harder than others, but we're devastated as well. You aren't the only one hurt by... it."

"Just say it! Why won't you say it?! Nobody will! It's like her name is a curse and it's bad luck to say it aloud." She doesn't respond. I didn't think she would. She just watches me, her silvery eyes judging my every movement. We both know that I don't like saying it either.

I get on Greyfell.

*********

I pull the grass out of the ground in clumps and then rip each blade individually. Linh sits next to me quietly, watching the sunset. If it was Dex or Fitz or Biana they would have kept pestering me to talk. Linh seems to understand that talking isn't going to solve anything, at least not if it's forced.

"It's pretty, huh?" I ask, motioning to the purpling sky.

"Yeah. I like to sketch it." I look over at her, not bothering to hide the surprise on my face.

"You do art?"

"I have, for a while. I started when my parents would fight with me and Tam. It was sort of an outlet for my anger. I'm not very good," she smiles slightly to herself, "but it's calming."

We're seated on a cliff overlooking the ocean. I'm not sure where exactly we are on Earth, but I don't mind. Our feet dangle precariously of the precipice, but I wouldn't mind if I fell. "Have you ever felt like jumping?" I say quietly.

If Linh's alarmed by my question she doesn't show it. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you think it'd be exhilarating to fall? For so long? Sophie told me," I look over at Linh after saying Sophie's name, she doesn't flinch, not like the rest of them, "Sophie told me about how humans have these rides called rollercoasters. They go really fast and are measured by something called G's which they also use to measure the speed rocket ships go. I guess they get your adrenaline really high and you don't think about anything else but the thrill."

Linh smiles softly, "I could see you enjoying that." I look at her.

"You wouldn't?" She laughs. Her laugh is like Sophie's in a way, light, melodic.

"Oh, no. I don't like heights."

"But you rode Silveny. Wouldn't that make you uncomfortable?"

"It did. Very much."

"Well then why'd you ride her?"

"Because I knew you wanted to." She glances at my shocked expression. "Oh, don't act so surprised, Keefe. You've made enough sacrifices to know it's worth it." I don't respond.

FInally, I ask, "do you miss her?"

"Sophie?" She responds, "Of course. But I also know that what happened was what she wanted. Sophie knew a lot about sacrifices as well. She left her human life behind to come to the lost cities, only to find that she wasn't necessarily welcomed here and that she was the creation of a rebel organization who was counting on her to save the world." Linh pulls her legs up from over the ledge and tucks them underneath her instead. "I like to think that she's happier now," Linh remarks, "without all the stress and weight on her shoulders."

"I guess." I can't really think of anything smart to say. I don't think I need to. With Sophie, I always felt a need to impress her and make her see me, but with Linh, I don't have to do anything and she understands. I don't know if I'll ever be over Sophie, and I think Linh understands that, but having her next to me is more of a comfort than I'd ever admit. "Do you think... do you think we could come here again sometime?" I ask hesitantly.

Linh only responds by putting her hand over mine. We don't kiss. We don't hug or embrace. We don't even hold hands really.

We just sit in a silent understanding of each other. Two broken souls who have just enough matching pieces to fit together.

At the edge of my vision I can see Linh smiling. She nods her head a little, just once, but I see it clearly. With her hand over mine I'm hyper aware of her emotions. "Yeah," she says quietly, "I'd like that."

I smile to myself. "Me too." 

It's a strange thing, to feel, when you're only barely touching.