I think now it's about time for me
To tell you something about myself
Because I'm just talking about my problems
And the guys involved in my life
But I never really told you
Anything about me
So here it is
Just a little summary
To help you understand my poems better
To help you deal with me

Let's start with when I was born
My star sign is a Leo
Which doesn't matter at all
But it kind of could help you
To understand why I love drama
Why I'm so proud and naive
And why I make stupid decisions

I'm a Leo born in the country
Which symbol is a lion
My name means "positive, spiritual light" in latin
My star sign, nation, name
All conected with fire
Such a coincidence that my soul's burning all the time

My country has a country code
That every stoner remembers
420 it is
That's cool you might think
Until you realise most of my nation smokes
Most of the people around me drink
Drink a lot
Cause our beer's the best in the world
And it's cheeper than water
And also, you can't live here
Without being either high, drunk or depressed

The girls of my nation are told to be the prettiest
A perfect mixture of eastern beauty and wilderness
And weastern style and elegance
And our capital city is considered the most beautiful of all Europe
But none of us really appreciates that
And it hurts me
Knowing our culture is great
Our girls are pretty
But we're all fucked up at high school
Told by our teachers we're never gonna make it

I don't trust many people
Because people always leave
Telling me they got burned with me
I never know if that's true
I always think they just can't stand me
Because I say it how it is
And in fact
I'm not afraid of commitment
And I know that scares them
But I can't help
Can't leave the things just said
Undone

I've had few boyfriends
Maybe a little more than I should've had
None of them treated me badly
They never did anything to hurt me
All appreciated me and were proud to date me
Cause I don't date everyone
But at some point
They all had to let me go
Because I wasn't enough
Wasn't able to love them
Because I love this guy
You know so much about

I'm 5'7 tall and I hate my body
Although I try to live in it
And I want a tattoo or two
Or maybe even more
And I know one of them
Will be on my inner thigh
It'll be a crown
A crown for king
Cause only king can see that crown
And I know I want a belly button piercing
And a tattoo of a celtic symbol of fire
And it's pretty obvious why

I'm seventeen and I've considered suicide
And that, unluckily, was not once
But I always found out
That there were my parents
And I couldn't dissapoint them
Not more than I ever have

My bestfriend is a boy
And he has an obvious crush on me
We go to the same class
And I love talking to him
But at the same time I'm scared
Scared of spending time alone with him
Cause I don't want to give him fake hope
And I'm kind of hoping he'll find a girlfriend soon

Although I hate myself
And I'm pretty sure most of my classmates hate me too
There are these two other guys
One's the class clown
The other's the bad guy
These two always try to talk to me
Smile at me
Compliment me
Ask me about homework and stuff like that
Although I know they don't care at all about school
And something makes me feel
Like they're trying to get me
As some stupid bet
And that's one of the reasons I hate my school
And I get sick very often
Because I'm nervous
I'm nervous of what could happen
I wonder what's going on
I hate the feeling of obviously being the only one
Who doesn't know it for sure

My biggest problem is my classteacher
Who hates me for missing a lot of school
Although I'm still a straight A student
And I have no problems with other teachers but him
Who sometimes even dares to touch me inappropriately
Like putting his hand around my shoulder
Which I don't usually mind
But from him it's disgusting

I have to persuade myself to eat
Cause I suffer from a food disorder
Only my best friends know about
I'm even too scared to tell my mom
Because her sister went through that too
And I'm pretty sure she would be depressed
And also I know
That I can fight it on my own
Controlled by my friends

And that's pretty much me
I love a boy I've never met
I'm always down for a bet
My soul is burning all the time
My life is mainly made of fun
But there are some problems
I really need to solve
And that's why I'm writing these poems
And that's pretty much all

I think everything has been explained already, but if you still have questions feel free to ask. Also, if you have any problems you'd like me to help you with, I'm down whenever. I don't bite. And I know sometimes an internet convo with a stranger is much more helpful than discussing your problems with someone you know.
I hope you're having a great time on this planet.
Love,
S. D.