"She's not eating."

"Can't you just...like...push it out?"

Harry stares at Louis dully. "Push it out? You want me to push the milk out? How would one go about that, Louis?"

"Y'know, like," Louis pushes his shoulders forward. Harry blinks. "I don't know!"

"Maybe we should just give her the formula," Harry sighs, bouncing Layla a little as she fusses. He's exhausted, he doesn't think he's ever been this tired. "I just want her to eat."

"It's up to you, love," Louis mumbles, running his hand over his face, careful not to hit his oxygen tubes as he does. Harry pouts a little.

"Do you not care whether your daughter eats or not?" He asks, voice trembling, eyes shiny. Louis furrows his eyebrows.

"What? No, that's not what I'm saying," He assures quickly, fixing the beanie he's wearing. "I just mean, if you wanna keep trying, it's your body. I wouldn't want to make you do something if it's uncomfortable for you."

"Oh," Harry smiles. "Okay. Thanks."

Louis just blinks at him, raising his eyebrows. Harry's been, like, crazy mood-swingy and hormonal ever since she was born. Louis thought that was supposed to happen beforehand. He wouldn't dare say anything, though, that would just set Harry off all over again.

A nurse knocks on the door lightly before coming in. It's one of Louis' nurses. "Just coming to check up on you, love," She says, giving Harry a smile as he pulls his hospital gown back up. Layla continues to fuss. "She's beautiful."

"Thank you," Louis grins, proud. The nurse checks his oxygen tank, frowning a little.

"I think you should go back to your room and lay down for a bit, Louis," She says gently. "You're almost out, n' you look a little pale."

"Might be because I haven't been outside in three months," He grumbles. "Can't you just, like, bring me more?"

"I think you should lay down," The nurse says again, sterner this time. "You can come back later, okay?"

Louis sighs a little, standing up out of his seat and leaning down to kiss the top of Harry's head. "I'll come back as soon as I can, okay?" He assures. Harry smiles at him weakly and nods, and the nurse takes Louis out of the room.

So. He's alone with the baby for the first time. He looks down at Layla, who's still fussing, and pulls his hospital gown down again. "I know you're hungry," He says softly. "Just eat, please."

Layla calms down a little when he speaks to her, blinking up at him with big, blue eyes. Harry can feel himself smile a little. "You can have a bottle if you really want," He continues gently. "But I'd like you to try this, please?"

He tries again. Layla does it. She latches on. Harry beams, his first instinct to turn and tell Louis, but, oh, he's not there. Right. He's on his own for now. Probably for a while. He deflates a little, but picks up his phone from the bedside table to text Louis anyways.

Harry: SHES DOING IT

Louis: doing what

Harry: SHE LATCHED ON

Harry: I GOT HER TO EAT

Louis: WOOO

Louis: THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!

♛

"Hey, love," Jay greets as she walks into the room, closing the door behind her gently. Harry gives her a sleepy smile as she sits down on the edge of the bed, peering over at Layla. "How's she doing?"

"I got her to eat a while ago," Harry says, fixing the tiny knit hat keeping her little ears warm. "She's been pretty good all day."

"That's good," Jay smiles. "Maybe she didn't get her dad's troublemaker gene."

Harry giggles, adjusting Layla a bit so she's closer to his chest. "This is how it's gonna be most of the time, isn't it?" He says softly. Jay furrows her eyebrows. "Me and Layla, together, without him."

Jay sighs quietly. "I think so, pumpkin," She admits. Harry keeps his eyes down on Layla, afraid if he looks up and faces Jay he won't be able to keep it together. "I'm so sorry, love."

"Why?" Harry shakes his head. "You warned us it would be like this. We should've listened."

"I know, but," Jay tucks her hair behind her ear, trying to think of what to say, it seems. "I'm sure you never expected it to be like this. To be perfectly honest, neither did I."

Harry can feel his eyes fill with tears as he sighs. "Do you think the surgery will help?" He asks. Jay twists her mouth. "Be honest with me."

"I don't know," She admits. "They think, maybe. They might be able to get all the cancer out," Harry looks up at her, hopeful. "But they might not. We'll just have to see."

Harry nods, sniffling. "I miss him," He says softly. And, he knows he just saw him, but he knows that Jay knows that's not what he meant. He misses having Louis around all the time. He misses how it used to be.

"I know, love," Jay says softly. "I do too."

Harry twists his mouth. "I know it's not entirely the same," He says quietly. "But...how'd you do it when Louis was a baby? When you were alone?"

"It was hard," Jay admits, quiet. "But, I'm going to make sure it's not the same for you. Y've got me, and Dan, and Lottie, and everyone else. We can help you if you need it, babes."

Harry sucks in a harsh, shaky breath. "I'm so scared," He admits, and he can't help the tears rolling down his cheeks, his bottom lip trembling. Jay's eyes soften. Cautiously, she goes to take Layla from him, laying her down in her little cot before sitting next to Harry and bringing him into her arms. Harry loves Jay. But, he can't help but wish his own mum would do this for him. Jay's incredible, but she's not his mum.

"Oh, sweet boy," Jay murmurs, running her fingers through Harry's curls. Harry hiccups as she kisses his forehead. "Everything's going to be okay. Louis' very strong, and so are you."

"I don't think I'm strong enough for this," Harry whimpers.

"Of course you are," Jay assures. "You're going to be incredible, Harry. You already have been."

The door swings open, and in walks Louis, wearing some different clothes. "I'm back!" He announces before frowning. "Hey, what's the matter?"

"Nothing," Harry assures, forcing a smile for Louis and wiping his eyes. "Just hormones, 's all."

Louis doesn't look convinced, but he walks up to the cot and peers down at Layla, grinning wide. "What'd the doctor say, boo?" Jay asks, her fingers still in Harry's hair.

"Hm? Oh, I dunno," Louis replies, mesmerised by Layla as he reaches into the cot and touches her face gently. Jay shakes her head, rolling her eyes before getting up and smacking a kiss to Louis' cheek. Louis doesn't react, too busy with Layla, and Harry can't help but smile weakly.

this is not v good sorry :/