This is probably the most awkward car ride Louis has ever been a part of.

To preface: Jay loves Harry. There have been times where she's told Louis to sit in the back so she can talk to Harry in the passenger seat. She loves talking to Harry, loves hearing about his plans for the future and what he wants to do when he's older and what he likes about school. So, usually, their car rides are always very talkative.

Right now, the car is silent. Harry is in the backseat. Louis has his arm stretched back, holding Harry's hand. His mum has barely said a word to him or Harry. Louis feels sick to his stomach, lungs burning with each breath.

He squeezes Harry's hand. Harry squeezes back. He knows he's going to end up crying today, and he won't be able to help it. He hates crying in front of both his mum and Harry.

With his mum, he's been the man of the house as long as he can remember. Even after she met Dan when he was 13, he still felt that way. He's the one she goes to when she's crying, not the other way around.

Harry's his baby, and he's already so emotional being pregnant. Louis doesn't want to trigger any hormones. But, Harry said he wanted to come, and Louis kind of needs him there, too.

"Are we playing the quiet game or something?" Louis tries his best to break the silence. Harry just snorts from the backseat. Louis thinks that's more of a reaction to his lame attempt at a joke rather than Harry actually finding it funny.

"Am I taking you home after this, love?" Jay asks, looking at Harry in the rearview mirror.

"I think so," Harry says. "'Ve got a lot of homework."

Louis blows a raspberry. "Nerd!" He exclaims.

"At least I'm not failing math."

"You're what?" Jay raises her voice a bit. "Louis, you told me you had plenty of time after practice to do your homework! That's why I let you join the demolition team!"

"Ball is life," Louis shrugs.

"Lord," Harry says from behind him.

They arrive to the doctor's office. A wave of anxiety hits Louis as soon as they step inside, and he reaches for Harry's hand. Harry looks up at Louis, eyebrows furrowed with worry, but Louis refuses to make eye contact with him. He doesn't want Harry to see the fear in his eyes.

"I'll go check you in, baby," Jay says, giving Louis a small smile. Louis just nods, and Harry has to physically pull him from where he's standing and walk him over to a chair.

"Hey," Harry says softly. Louis looks over at him. "I love you."

Louis smiles wearily. "I love you more," He replies.

"Oh yeah?" Harry teases. "Doubt it."

Louis is about to continue this argument, but his name is being called almost as soon as his mother sits down on the other side of him. That was fast. He stands up and walks over to the doctor, his mother and Harry towing behind him.

"Hi, I'm Louis," He walks right up to her and shakes her hand. Louis has never been shy. He feels like if he faces this problem with at least some courage it'll make it better.

"I'm Doctor Freeman," She says, shaking Louis' hand before introducing herself to Louis' mum. She then looks to Harry. "And you are...?"

"Harry," Louis says before Harry has the chance to. "My boyfriend. H-He's having a baby. My baby."

Harry just rolls his eyes as Doctor Freeman shakes his hand. It must register in her head that Louis is nervous, and that's why he's rambling like a bloody idiot. "Ah, nice to meet you, Harry," She says coolly. "Congratulations on the baby, let's head back to my office."

She turns around and leads them down the corridor. Harry looks up at Louis and gives him a "what the fuck is wrong with you?" sort of face. Harry gives him that face often. Louis just sighs and shrugs, slipping his hand into Harry's as they walk behind Doctor Freeman and his mum.

"Take a seat, everyone," Doctor Freeman says as soon as they reach her office. She walks to the other side of a desk, sitting down gracefully in an office chair. Louis pulls out chairs for his mother and Harry before sitting down himself.

"Okay, Louis," Doctor Freeman's calm tone soothes Louis' nerves just a bit. "How are you feeling about all of this?"

"Um," Louis looks down at his lap, shrugging. "I don't know. Just a little overwhelmed, I guess."

"That's completely normal," Doctor Freeman says, pulling out a manila folder from a drawer. "Stage 2 lung cancer. Okay. Now, Louis, do you play any sports?"

"Um, yeah," Louis says. "I play football and lacrosse."

Doctor Freeman gives Louis a sympathetic smile. "Well, for now, you're going to have to talk to your coaches and tell them you're taking a break," Doctor Freeman says. Louis deflates a little. He can live with not playing lacrosse, he supposes. That was really just to fill time after school, and he turned out being pretty good at it. But no football? There are supposed to be talent scouts from universities at upcoming games.

"Oh," Louis says quietly. "Okay."

"Your type of cancer is what we usually refer to as 'Stage 2 Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer'," Doctor Freeman explains. "Or 'localized cancer'. That means it's present in the lung and has spread to the lymph nodes, but not any further. Part of your lung has collapsed. Your tumour in your lung is about four centimetres large."

"So, like," Louis leans forward in his seat a little. "What's the survival rate for this kind of cancer?"

"The survival rate for stage 2 lung cancer is 30%," Doctor Freeman says slowly.

"That's not a lot," Louis replies dully. He refuses to look at Harry or his mum.

"My team and I are going to try our best to make sure you're okay, Louis," Doctor Freeman assures gently. "We've had plenty of kids just like you walk out of our treatment centre perfectly okay after going through this. It just takes a little time."

Louis stops himself from asking how many kids never got to walk out of their treatment centre. "Now, I know you may not want to answer this with mum in the room, but I need you to be honest," Doctor Freeman says. "Do you smoke?"

"No," Louis says. "Not regularly, I mean. I've only ever smoked twice in my life, and it was, like, weed."

"Okay," Doctor Freeman nods. Louis can feel his mum's eyes shooting daggers at him from where she's sitting. "I feel like this is an obvious sort of thing to say, but you absolutely cannot smoke anything during this time. As your doctor, I recommend you never do it." Louis nods.

"Now, your best option at this point is surgery," Louis winces at the word. "I know, it sounds scary, and it can be. The type of surgery I'm suggesting is wedge resection. We'll remove the portion of your lung that includes the tumour, as well as some surrounding tissue. After surgery I recommend going through chemotherapy."

"Okay," Louis' voice breaks a little bit. He reaches for Harry's hand, and Harry intertwines their fingers before squeezing.

"Do you have any questions, Louis?" Doctor Freeman asks.

"How long will I have to do chemotherapy?" Louis asks shakily.

"It depends on how much progress you make," Doctor Freeman admits. "It's hard to say."

"Oh," Louis says. He wants to be there when the baby is born. He doesn't want to miss out.

"Do you have any questions, Mum?" Doctor Freeman asks Jay.

"Not at the moment," Jay says quietly. Doctor Freeman looks to Harry, who shakes his head immediately. She frowns.

"How far along are you, love?" She asks gently. Harry looks surprised by her question. He looks down at his lap, and Louis squeezes his hand.

"Twelve weeks," He whispers.

"I'm going to do my absolute best to make sure Louis doesn't miss out on a thing," She says, almost as though she read Louis' mind. "Okay?"

"Okay," Harry says, eyes stuck to his lap. Louis' frown deepens. He doesn't want this to break Harry, doesn't want everything to be cancer and tears and being scared for his whole pregnancy. He wants to do everything in his power to make sure Harry's okay.

♛

"How do you feel?" Harry asks gently, tracing shapes onto the bare skin of Louis' back. Louis' laying on his stomach, eyes closed as Harry sits up next to him. Having Harry next to him, Louis' decided, is exponentially comforting.

"I don't know," Louis says quietly. He turns his head so he's looking up at Harry. "Shit's going to be hard for a really long time, H."

"I know, babe," Harry nods. Louis looks Harry over for a moment. He looks tired. Louis can understand why. He looks down for any hint of a bump, but Harry's wearing one of Louis' jumpers, so he can't tell. Louis decides to just stick his hand up the jumper and rest his hand on Harry's middle. Harry raises his eyebrows.

"Oh yeah?" He questions.

"I'm praying," Louis explains. Harry's face softens. "Give me a second."

"Okay," Harry nods. Louis closes his eyes. He prays that the baby will turn out okay, and that he'll be a good dad. He prays that he and Harry find the strength to get through this. He prays for his mum, and that she doesn't get too overwhelmed. He prays that his little sisters and brother can get through this, too. That them and their daily lives won't be negatively effected any more than they have to be. Amen.

When he's done, he sits up a little and wraps his arms around Harry, pulling him close and kissing the top of his head. "I love you, Harry."

"I love you too," Harry says quietly. Louis coughs, and Harry frowns. "Wish I could take the pain away and experience it myself, L."

"You kidding me?" Louis lifts his arm and flexes. "Look at that shit. I can handle it."

"Lord," Harry sighs. Louis pouts, and Harry giggles. Louis smiles wearily. He's so in love with him.