When I was young and navigating my teenage years, I only had one relationship. It was the only love I have known when I was young—with Rhyl. I thought I can't forget him. That I can't let it go. It's the only time when I felt wanted and desired. 

But our love burned us and bruised us in ways that have destroyed our chances of love blooming in a healthy way. We succumb to bad habits—excessive alcohol consumption and partying all night. Years after, I wouldn't have thought that I'd be falling out of love, realizing it isn't worth it to settle for a love that destroys.

My mother's first love was my Dad. She turned her back to him. Look at what happened to our family. It was broken as fuck. All because she neglected what she felt about my Dad. She didn't believe that first love will not allow you to forget. She was miserable afterward. She regretted her decision but she had to live with it... 

When she died, she told me she still loved my father. She still treasured him. But she knew things were already different. She already messed things up by cheating. I don't want to make the same decisions. If I should love only one person, I will. Just so I won't have the same regrets when I die. 

The love I felt for Rhyl was already different when I came back years after.

Then I came to get closer to someone I had known before, loving someone new made me realize that love isn't supposed to drag you into a mess yet would accompany you towards healing and growth.

Gazing at Eustace right as we stood beside each other in front of our families, I couldn't help but feel warmth and gratitude inside my heart. I kept gazing at him with a wide smile on my lips. He looked at me too, admiring me. I wore the dress he bought for me—a baby bump showed on my belly.

"Ready?" He asked me then stared at the crowd.

They immediately shouted back. "3... 2... 1!" Eustace popped the party popper and a pink smoke came out from it.

"It's a girl!"

Hinawakan ko ang t'yan ko. Inside my womb is a girl. 

I will love you so much, so you won't have to be pressured and feel like a burden growing up. You can be anything you want as long as you're happy. And you won't have to endure hardships alone. 

Nakangiti kong pinagmasdan ang pagtalon ni Avie at ang pagpalakpak ni Heiro kasama ng mga kaibigan ni Eustace na sina Gwen at Dustin. Sa gilid nila ay naglalaro ang nasa 2 years old nilang anak na lalaki.

Lumapit sila sa amin. "Congrats, guys!"

"A girl, Eustace bro! Soon may makakalaro na si Kai."

"Hahabol kami," ani Avie sporting a speepish smile. "Huwag ninyong kakalimutan ang kasal namin ni Heiro next month."

"Naisingit pa talaga," ani Gwen, ang pinakamatalik na kaibigan nilang dalawa ni Eustace. Natawa kaming lahat.

Natatawa si Gwen habang lumalapit sa akin. "Ang blooming mo," sabi niya sabay yakap sa akin. Si Eustace naman ay nakipag-usap kay Dustin at kay Heiro. I was hanging out with the girls kasama si Avie at Gwen at iba pang kakilala ni Eustace.

I was also able to find Danica rito sa Pilipinas. I gave her an invitation at dumaan siya sa venue. Napasigaw pa ako kanina at agad siyang niyakap nang mahigpit. She is enjoying the island life, travelling from one place to another. Nag-iwan siya ng regalo para sa baby namin ni Eustace. She had to leave early to catch a flight at nagpalaam agad ako sa kanya. We will keep contact on Facebook and Instagram. I am truly happy and grateful how things turned out for Danica and me.

Lumapit sa akin sa Eustace at hinalikan ako sa labi, mabilis lang pero agad akong napangiti. His arms rested on my waist as his family approached us. Ang Tita niya ay agad na lumapit sa akin at ang Tito naman ni Eustace ay tinanguan siya. Everyone settled on their seats as the food was being served.

Currently, I am five months pregnant. The pregnancy experience was tough and still is, but Eustace never failed to show up for me when I needed him. Kahit pa sa mga araw na hindi ako nakakatulog na ako nang maayos, he would occasionally wake up in the middle of the night to talk to me or entertain me. At kapag nagigising ako, magtatanong agad siya kung may gusto ba akong kainin o gusto ko ng tubig.

He had been a good boyfriend... bilang lang yata ang mga raw na matagal siyang nakakauwi matapos makahanap ng trabaho dalawang linggo matapos makauwi sa Pilipinas. Ipinakilala niya ako sa pamilya niya—his Uncle was supported of Eustace and me slowly building our own family. Sabi ni Eustace, ang Uncle niya ang nagsilbing Tatay niya. Dito siya natuto tungkol sa hirap ng buhay at sa kahalagahan ng pag-aaral. His uncle's family supported him since his Mama died, hanggang sa makapagtapos. He's really accepting of us, dahil nakita niya raw na pursigudo si Eustace at naniniwala siya sa pamangkin niya.

Throughout the passed months, we bought a condo unit of our own. Tinatawagan ko si Dad sa probinsya at dumadalaw kaming dalawa ni Eustace limang beses sa isang buwan. We hired a private nurse for him to look at his condition. Maayos naman ang lagay niya sa nakalipas na mga buwan. 

I found some freelance jobs online at doon ko inaabala ang sarili habang pumapasok sa trabaho si Eustace. Natanggap siya sa isang construction firm na matagal niya na palang pinangarap na makapagtrabaho. Pero pahirapan ang makapasok noon. Ngayong may work experience na siya sa ibang bansa, nagkainteres ang kompanya at naipasa nga ni Eustace screenings at interviews.

Now that we are living together... I have seen him both in highlight reels and in mundane circumstances. I am loving him, even more, each day. He always said he always looked forward to going home to me every day and watching me eat in from of him during dinner and in the middle of the night when I am having sudden food cravings. Hindi rin niya nakakalimutang mag-iwan ng text sa umaga at sa tanghali bago siya makauwi.

Life is simple yet it has never been this fulfilling.

Naupo na rin kami ni Eustace sa mesa naming dalawa. Ang mga matatanda ay kanya-kanya nang nag-uusap. Binalingan naman ako ni Eustace at hinawakan sa pisngi. "Are you feeling okay?"

Tumango ako.

"Pagod nang konti?"

"Very slight lang naman." Humilig ako sa balikat niya. "This baby shower is so lovely..."

He gave me a very quick peck on the lips. "All for you and our baby girl."

Mas lalo akong napangiti sa sinabi niya.

"I love you..." bulong ni Eustace. "Later, I have something for you."

"Hmm, ano?" I asked, mimicking his soft whisper. "I love you too."

***

The gender reveal party was organized in a hotel luxe room, at umabot nang mahigit tatlong oras ang celebration. We ate and catched up with our families and friends. Si Dad at ang kaibigan niya sa probinsya ay dumayo rin. Hinatid ni Eustace si Dad sa hotel room niya at nagsunod-sunod na rin magpaalam ang mga bisita.

Nagpaalam na rin sina Avie na pupunta na sa kanya-kanyang hotel rooms. Hanggang sa umalis na ang lahat at kami rin ni Eustace ay umakyat na sa room namin.

Pagkapasok sa kwarto ay nakangiti ko siyang hirap. He encircled his arms around my waist as he pressed his lips on mine.

As our lips danced against each other, naramdaman ko ang pagbaba ng kamay mula sa bewang ko.

"In case, you feel ready now to accept my love for you with marriage in mind. Not now, or too soon. We'll have the wedding when we are ready and financially prepared."

I gave him a smile while gazing at him kneeling on one knee in front of me.

"I love you, Eustace. I love you even when I could only offer you a coffee in the morning. At pagpupuyat tuwing gabi. Pasensya kong boring akong kasama."

"Lienna, I love you without conditions. I love you. There are no buts."

I smiled even more.

"Will you marry me, Creslienna Ann Benevente?"

I immediately nodded as my eyes shed tears. "Yes, Eustace. I accept it with all myself and my heart."

He slipped the ring on. Then kissed me once again. His hands roamed around my back as we continued to kiss passionately. I was practically smiling and crying and still in a trance.

"I have a question though," saad ko tapos ipinaglapat ang mga noo namin. "In our wedding... do you want me to dye my hair black?"

"You look fiery with your copper red hair."

"So..." saad ko, waiting for his next words. Nakatitig pa rin kami sa isa't-isa. Maya't-maya siyang napapatingin sa mga labi ko kaya dinampian ko siya ng mabilis na halik.

Eustace grinned. "The Lienna that I soon came to love has always dyed her hair red, I like it just the way you like it. And of course, your beauty stands out with just that. No matter its color, it's the entirety of you that I love."

"I'll keep it."

"And I'd keep you close too if the closer is too much."

"Closer..." I said as I snuggle further on his chest. Hugging him tightly. "Being this way..." I traced his shoulders to his chest. "—closer, will never be too much, Eustace."

Niyakap din niya ako pabalik.

"Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you dahil tinutulungan mo rin ako para sa mas ikabubuti nating dalawa," saad ko, nakahilig sa kanyang dibdib habang dahan-dahan akong sinasayaw ni Eustace kahit walang tugtog.

"Thank you because you wanted to be a great mother and a good wife soon enough. Thank you because you always wanted to learn things. . . now with me."

Nanubig ang mga mata ko, pero nakangti pa rin.

"Thank you for being strong for yourself, Lienna and for choosing to be with me after all we have to go through alone or together."

"I'm proud... of my growth. I'm proud of us."

"You should be. Dahil ako, napagmasdan ko ang hirap, pag-iisa, sakit, at takot, pero mas lalong minahal lang kita. You beyond made me proud."

I closed my eyes as I felt his lips pressed on mine once again. No matter the storm, the waves will always find the shore.

I may have witnessed the pain of messing up in this life, the weight of being lonely, and the intensity of loving and showing care. I may have felt lost, but I was found by Eustace. I found myself too. I am with him amid the chaos and smiles. And we stayed, for we will always come back to the home we built together in each other's arms.

— Creslienna Ann

END.