I WAS HUGGING Avie while crying. Nagtaas-baba ang balikat ko pero tahimik akong umiyak. Marahan niyang hinahaplos ang likod ko habang mahinang bumubulong: tahan na.

"Alam na ba ni Eustace?" tanong ko, sa bawat salita ay napapalunok para hindi mas mapahikbi.

"What do you mean?"

"Does he know that I am pregnant?" I asked again.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-iling niya.

"I didn't tell him, Lienna."

Humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya. The warmth from her embrace kept my courage strong. "I don't want him to look for me just because I am pregnant with his child."

"Lienna..."

"I don't intend to drag him and set him up into my life by carrying his child."

"No one is thinking that you are, Lienna."

I kept quiet then nodded.

"Lienna, it seems something is really bothering you. Hindi mo pa sinasabi kung bakit ka umalis ng Michigan." Kumalas siya sa yakap tapos ay hinawakan ako sa balikat. "You can trust me."

I was still sobbing nang umayos ako ng upo. Si Heiro ay nasa sala ngayon habang kausap si Dad. Habang kaming dalawa ni Avie ay nasa loob ng bakanteng kwarto sa bahay ni Dad. It was small but cozy. Maliit lang pero sapat na ang laki ng kama para sa dalawang taong pwede matulog. Both of me and Avie were sitting at the edge of the bed.

"What truly happened, Lienna?"

Tumango ako, thinking how I could start telling Avie about what really happened. I know I have to tell her in no time...

I gathered my strength and faced her, then I started to talk about what had happened in the last couple of days.

"Eustace and I are dating... for a few months now."

Tumango si Avie, mataman na nakikinig. "I knew it." She gave me a small sheepish smile. "But where is he now?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. "The night before I found out that I was pregnant, he proposed to me."

Avie's lips formed into an 'O'. 

I palmed my face. "But I didn't give him an answer yet because I was not feeling well, and shocked, and overwhelmed. I said to him, I need time to rest and think."

"Oh—" Natakpan ni Avie ang bibig sabay tango. "Tapos what happened next?"

"I told him that I will give him an answer. And promised that I would. But I couldn't reach him by phone the next morning. Wala rin siya sa unit niya. I looked for him by asking his Dad... and that was when things have gotten more chaotic. Pinaratangan ako ng Dad niya na dumidikit lang ako kay Eustace dahil gusto kong magpabuntis. Sa tingin niya, habol ko lang ang pera ng anak niya. Perhaps, because I resemble a woman who would do everything to get a man's attention and because I couldn't make him stay with my own qualities—tingnan mo nga ako, hindi ako professional, hindi nakatapos ng pag-aaral, what could I give to someone else?"

Natakpan ko ang mukha at tumutulo na naman ang mga luha ko. "And even when his Dad's judgement wasn't the truth, buntis na ako ngayon. He knew that nang magtanong ako kung nasaan si Eustace and I couldn't deny when he asked. Hiyang-hiya ako, Avie."

"Lienna..."

"Tumalikod ako sa harapan ng Dad niya at umalis nang walang ibang sinasabi. I was still hoping Eustace would be home already dahil pinuntahan ko lang ang Dad niya sa ospital dahil na-confine iyon doon. Pero wala si Eustace. Hindi umuwi."

Nanunubig ang mga mata ni Avie habang nakatitig sa akin.

"I was again, alone... hindi ako takot at nasasaktan para sa sarili ko. But I am already carrying a part of me inside my womb, and a part of someone I love, I might mess up. I might not know what to do. I could endure being alone for years but right at that moment, I needed support. So I wouldn't mess up."

She smiled. "We'll be here giving our full support. And to tell you, you don't mess up all the time. Sadyang lahat tayo nagkakamali lang talaga, Lienna."

"I can feel all your support, Avie. Thank you."

"You couldn't say a response when Eustace proposed to you..."

Tumango ako. Bumalik sa isipan ko ang nangyari. Inside my mind, I was crying and would kneel in front of him too. Would kiss him as he would slip the beautiful ring he got on my finger and he'd be with me amid what's going on right now. Because I couldn't admit it but I know that I feel something more for Eustace...

"I love him, Avie. I was just afraid that I might not be deserving of him. Na baka hindi ako sapat. Baka naguguluhan lang siya."

A glint of sadness lingered in Avie's eyes.

Mas lalong nanikip ang dibdib ko. "Thinking about the past days, and really deciphering how he had shown his care for me, I realized he loves me too, but I couldn't be so sure to what extent. I opened my messenger just yesterday, that's when I realized he was leaving messages for me in there..."

Hinagod ni Avie ang likod ko. "He proposed to you, Lienna. It means that he wanted you. And sure of you. Si Eustace... hindi madaling magdesisyon 'yan. Pero once na nagdesisyon siya, iyon na talaga ang gusto niyang gawin."

Niyakap ko nang mahigpit si Lienna. "Do you wanna call him? He just texted me. He arrived at the airport 10 minutes ago. I gave him the address here... mahaba ang byahe pero sabi niya pupunta siya rito agad."

Namumugto ang mga mata nang tumango ako. 

Agad kinuha ni Avie ang cellphone sa bulsa. Segundo lang at inilapit niya ang cellphone sa tenga niya. Tapos ay nagsalita. "Hey, Eustace. Ayos lang ba ang lahat? Nakasakay ka na ba ng bus? I'm with Lienna right now. Gusto mo ba siyang makausap?"

"Please, Avie... ayos lang ba siya? Pakausap naman..." rinig ko ang boses ni Eustace sa speaker. Parang may humaplos sa dibdib ko nang marinig ulit ang boses niya. His voice sounded hoarse yet hoping...

Walang ingay kong pinahiran ang pisngi sabay hinga nang malalim.

Avie gave me her phone at tinapik ako sa balikat. "Take your time. You two really need to talk."

Tumango ako. I mumbled thank you to her again.

Ang paghinga ni Eustace at ang ingay ng bus ang unang narinig ko nang mailapit na ang cellphone sa tenga ko.

"Lienna?" tawag niya sa akin sa kabilang linya, mahina ang boses at mahinahon.

"I'm so sorry, Eustace," as soon as I said that, tears streamed on my cheeks as I struggled real hard to prevent my sobs to be heard on the other line. 

"Ayos ka lang ba ngayon? You didn't have to leave. I was so worried I couldn't see you at the apartment building. Akala ko kung napano kana."

"I went home..."

"Bakit hindi ka nagsabi?"

"I thought you didn't mind..."

"I do mind it, Lienna. Akala ko natakot kita sa proposal ko. Baka nagalit ka. Baka ayaw mo nang magpakita sa akin. May nagawa ba akong mali? Parating na ako d'yan. I want to see you. And talk to you. I hope you let me."

"Eustace..." I kept crying while talking to him. Ramdam ko rin ang mas paghina ng boses niya na halos mabasag na rin. "What about your Dad? He needs you."

"I talked with him. I already gave my resignation letter to his company a month before. Tinatapos ko lang ang huling project na kasali ako, iyon ang kasunduan namin. He needed me because he could make use of me. Ako ang sinamatala. Akala ko ako ang nakakalamang dahil hindi niya man lang binigyan ng respeto ang Nanay ko. Nakausap ko si Dad bago umalis, hindi madali ang lahat para sa akin rito sa Michigan. I thought I would make him regret never acknowledging my mother and me when I was young. I realized I was practically begging for his approval that I forgot to have my own dreams."

"Leaving Michigan means turning back from your dreams too, Eustace."

"How could you say that? My dream's not here anymore."

I cleared my throat. "Then nasaan, Eustace?"

"Nasa Pilipinas."

Naririnig ko ang pagwawala ng dibdib ko at napahawak ako doon.

"I miss you, Lienna. I want to see you again."'

"Sobrang na-miss rin kita Eustace..."

"Bakit ka umalis?" nabasag ang boses niya.

"Natakot ako na baka ako na lang mag-isa d'yan." I was afraid for our child too—and how he'll be perceived by your Dad.

"Did I ever make you feel that way?"

"I thought of things that way. But you proposed to me... natakot ako na baka naguguluhan ka lang kaya hindi ako nakasagot agad."

"Hindi ako naguguluhan, Lienna. You are my constant choice."

Oh, Eustace.

"As soon as I found out that you're in the Philippines, I decided fuck everything. I have to be there with you. Noong biglaan ang business trip ko, gusto kong magsabi sa 'yo pero hindi ko memoryado ang cellphone number mo. I can only reach out to you on messenger."

Tumango ako. I still have to tell him more things. Pero sa puntong 'to, aaminin ko sa sarili na gustong-gusto ko na siyang makita ulit.

"Be here then, Eustace."

"Wait for me, Lienna. I am almost there with you."

"I'll be right here."

I love you, Eustace... I'd like to add. Admitting to myself that I really do love him—there's nothng to fear in saying the truth now. Pero gusto kong sabihin iyon nang yakap-yakap na siya na at hindi sa sitwasyon ngayon.

Lumipas ang mga oras at nanatili si Avie at Heiro sa bahay ni Dad. We had lunch and then the evening came. Sabay kaming naghapunan. I was feeling tired and drowsy kaya ay nagpaalam muna akong sa kwarto muna ako para magpahinga... habang naghihintay.

Truth be told, I was fast asleep so easily.

Hanggang sa malalim na ang gabi at naramdaman ko ang marahang paglapat ng isang kamay sa balikat ko. I shifted from my position at dahan-dahang kumurapkurap.

I thought si Avie ang nasa loob ngayon ng kwarto ko pero umawang ang bibig ko nang makitang si Eustace iyon na may dalang travel backpack sa likod at sinalubong ako ng nag-aalalang mga mata.

"Have you been crying?" Eustace mumbled.

"You're here," I said as I immediately sat on the bed. Mahina ang boses ko pero unti-unti nang nagigising.

Tumabi siya sa akin.

Mabilis ko akong lumapit sa kanya para yakapin siya nang mahigpit. Unti-unti nang namumuo ang luha sa mga mata ko.

Hinaplos niya ang likod ako at hinalikan ang noo. "I'm here now."

"I love you, Eustace. I'm truly sorry."

Kumalas siya sa yakap at hinawakan ang magkabila kong pisngi. "Lienna..."

I gazed at his eyes sincerely. "I love you."

"Mahal din kita." Then he smiled—his charming and genuine smile. "What's there to be sorry about?" aniya tapos ay tahimik kaming umiyak. Pinahiran niya ang magkabila kong pisngi. "Mahal na mahal kita din, Lienna."