THE ENTIRE night passed by and I found myself starting another day without a text or a call from Eustace the other night. Waking up felt hollow and I was partly wondering why he didn't when he told me sincerely yesterday that he will.

I prepared for my shift and put on A-line hipster jeans and a halter blouse on top with strings encircled around my stomach. It was warm outside and these clothes were perfect for the get-go.

The grill didn't have many costumers for the day. Nililibang ko ang sarili sa pakikipag-usap sa iba pang staff dahil hindi ko mapigilang magtanong nang hindi ko yata napansin si Danica kaninang umaga. 

It was supposed to be her shift. Sabi ng iba ay on-leave na daw ito simula kahapon. 

Hindi na talaga tulad ng dati ang mga bagay. Adulting responsibilities have affected our communication. But I know that the friendship is still there...

Halfway towards my shift when I thought of Rhyl... but never about us. Rather about our friend, I have to ask him... he might know some things about what happened to Danica. Dahil sa kanya siya huling nanghingi ng tulong. Because I too, couldn't offer any help other than my presence. It wasn't what was needed.

Matapos maibigay ang ikalimang order sa nakalipas na isang oras ay nagpaalam muna akong para pumunta sa bathroom. I fished my phone from the back of my jeans and dialed a number—it wasn't saved on my contacts anymore. Tanging ang message na lang ni Rhyl ang naiwan sa cellphone ko, his number's still unregistered.

"Hello?"

"I never thought you'd call me in any circumstance, Creslienna."

"Rhyl, we have already talked about us. It was clear. We're cool, but will never be like before."

"I'm aware of that. That's why I am wondering why you're calling..." banayad ang boses ni Rhyl sa kabilang linya, nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

"I was gonna ask about Danica if you ever know something... everyone said here in the grill that she took a leave."

"She needed to go back home."

"To the Philippines? Why? Did something happen?"

"I don't know. Perhaps she didn't think it was necessary to share."

"Why would Danica think that way?"

"She said you don't have to share with the struggles she's going through because you already had suffered enough. But she had always been glad to you."

"She's my friend, I wouldn't mind."

"She said you came back stronger when you went back to the Philippines even when you had gone through things alone. She wanted to do the same."

"Why didn't she say these to me..." halos mabasag ang boses ko nang nagsalita. "But she told you."

"I don't know. I reckon to add up to my misery?" pabiro siyang tumawa. "It was because she wanted me to know that it's okay to feel the pain and expect no one else to ease it for you. Like what I had been doing. That strength comes after enduring as we keep going."

"She understood your situation after all."

"That's what I'd like to think."

Huminga ako nang malalim. Pinakinggan ang tahimik na paligid pati na ang paghinga ni Rhyl sa kabilang linya. It was calm... and there was sublte noise of clammering of woods and sharp objects.

I smiled to myself. He's sculpting once again.

"Thanks for answering my call."

"Anytime," he said.

"Continue to be well. Stay safe, Rhyl."

I imagined him nodding his head with a wide smile.

"Don't end the call yet..."

Natigilan ako, ilang minuto ang lumipas at naghintay ako sa sasabihin niya.

"Happy Birthday," he greeted and warmth lingered in his voice. I paused, hindi inasahan na siya mismo ang unang babate sa akin sa araw na 'to. 

Alam ko agad na nakangiti siya ngayon. When we were still together, Rhyl and I used to smile and laugh a lot, even at silly things. Hearing his voice now with a hint of a smile on his lips as I imagine it inside my head, it felt the purest form of closure.

A smile stretched on my lips as I nodded my head. Buong akala ko ako na lang ang nakakaalala kung ano'ng meron sa araw na 'to.

"Thank you, Rhyl."

Tapos ay natahimik ulit kaming dalawa.

"Let's see each other around."

I cleared my throat. "Hopefully so..." I said, then ended the call. 

Hours went on and I was just doing my job. Thoughts about Eustace crossed my mind occasionally. Hindi rin siya umuwi kagabi para matulog sa unit niya. Siguro siya na naman ang nagbabantay sa Dad niya sa ospital dahil panay reklamo ang totoong pamilya nito.

Bandang hapon ay nakauwi na ako sa unit ko. Bago tuluyang pumasok ay binalingan ko muna ng tingin ang unit ni Eustace. It took me minutes to convince myself not to knock on his door yet. Kung nakauwi na siya ay siguro tatawagan niya ako para magtanong kung nakauwi na rin ba ako.

I remember the last time when I saw him waiting for me in front of my unit, kumakatok at nag-aalala kung sinasadya ko ba na hindi siya pagbuksan.

A pang of pain lingered inside my heart but I kept the smile on my lips while thinking of him.

I slept on the couch while waiting... Nagising ako nang dalawang beses na tumunog ang doorbell. Kinusot ko ang mga mata at dahan-dahang bumangon. Could this me Eustace? Umuwi na ba siya?

Pero pagkabukas ko sa pinto ay bumangad sa akin ang isang package delivery. "Parcel for Ms. Benevente."

Kumunot ang noo ko at sinilip ang address at pangalan nang nagpadala at parang may humaplos sa dibdib ko nang mabasa ang pangalan ni Danica. 

I immediately signed the paper that the delivery guy handed to me and then he immediately left.

Inilock ko ang pinto at tumitig sa parcel habang pabalik sa couch.

"Danica you're mean..." Pinahiran ko ang pisngi nang tumulo ang mga luha ko. I heaved a breath to prevent myself to sob. 

Inside the box was a gift, a bodycon dress that is exactly my size. Above it was a card and a greeting...

Tumutulo na ang luha ko nang basahin ang sulat. She wrote it by hand. She'd always has better penmanship between us.

I am really hoping the weather's warm and great today so you won't have to feel cold in case you wanna cry after receiving this little gift to you. Happy birthday, my dear friend, Creslienna. I know I'm not there for you around this time, but know that I have been thinking of your birthday (and you) this early as I was writing and sending this gift.

By the time you're reading this, I might not be in Michigan anymore. I didn't tell you. I know. That's because I don't want to bid goodbye. This isn't me leaving as your friend for good. I'd like to say it's a journey I am taking with myself and entice you for the stories I'll share with you one day as you once did... I'm going back to the Philippines. I'll take the journey amid the struggle. It's my turn now. Until then.

I am wishing you the best of happiness because you deserve it, Lienna. Happy Birthday!

Hugs and cries,

Dani

Tinakpan ko ang mukha at tahimik na himikbi. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam na umalis ang isang kaibigan... perhaps this was what she felt when I left before. Mabilis lang akong nagsabi na aalis ako pagkatapos ay wala na. I have never sent a gift for her.

I should have shown her how I value our friendship. I should have done more...

Napatitig ako sa TV habang mugto ang mga mata matapos ang isang oras na pag-iyak. It felt different after crying the pain I had felt earlier. Hindi nawala lahat... pero nakakahinga na ako ngayon nang maayos.

Huminga ako nang malalim at naghilamos sa banyo.

The silence in the entire unit was deafening once again.

I kept Danica's gift beside my bed. She was right, I will be crying today because it's my birthday. Payapa ang langit at pansin pa ang sikat ng araw sa labas habang nakatitig ako galing sa balcony. Somehow the weather calmed my heart.

Sa nakalipas na mga taon ay hindi ko naman talaga sine-celebrate ang birthday ko. Since our family had been wrecked, June 10 had been a normal day for me, except sa dapat kung tandaan na tumanda na ako ng isang taon. I'm finally twenty-six now.

Masaya na akong may dalawang taong nakaalala sa birthday ko. Si Danica... at si Rhyl.

Nakalimutan na rin siguro ni Avie. Ayos lang naman.

Hindi na ako nag-abala pa na magluto ng kakaiba, I just cooked spam and paired it with rice. Around 7 in the evening when I prepared the table for myself... not expecting Eustace to be back soon.

Inilalagay ko pa lang ang pagkain sa mesa nang tumunog ang doorbell.

Mabagal ang bawat paghakbang ko, disappointment had clouded my heart at this point as I thought about Eustace.

Nang pinihit ang siradura ay halos mapugto ang paghinga ko nang makitang si Eustace ang naghihintay sa labas.

"Join me for dinner?" casual niyang tanong.

Hindi ako nakasagot, natigilan lang.

Annoyance started rushing into my system.

Hindi siya nagparamdam ng buong gabi at ngayong araw tapos ganyan lang ang sasabihin niya sa akin?

What about him calling? Or even just sending a text? Mahirap ba 'yon? Bakit sobrang dali lang niyang harapin ako? Ni hindi man lang agad humingi ng sorry o nagpaliwanag.

I sighed, then paused. I didn't do anything and just stared at him. "Hindi ka nagparamdam."

Tumango si Eustace, napahawak sa likod ng batok. "A lot of things happened."

Sa halip na magtanong pa ay hindi na ako nagsalita.

Lumungkot ang mga mata niya tapos ay humakbang papasok sa unit ko.

Then I felt his hands roam at the small of my back as he pulled me closer to his body, then his arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace.

My shoulders begin to shake as I started to cry: "Akala ko, nagbago isip mo."

"Paanong magbabago?"

"Na baka hindi mo na ako gusto kasi nagustuhan na kita pabalik."

Kumawala siya sa pagyakap sa akin tapos ay tinitigan ako nang maayos.

He teased the tip of my nose. Tapos ay hinaplos ang pisngi ko. I closed my eyes as I felt his soft touch against my skin.

"That won't happen." Hindi niya inalis ang pagtitig sa akin. "You hear me? I'm all yours."