EUSTACE'S DAD was truly eager to ask questions despite his weak body. Sa kabila nang bagal nitong magsalita, I listened patiently.

I understand that perhaps, there was a time he wanted Eustace to end up with that woman he once had introduced to him.

He must be referring to Avie. May kumurot sa dibdib ko.

"Gustav s-said... he w-wanted... to d-date a woman. That i-is you, i-is t-that r-right?"

Alam ko naman ang rason. Avie has an innate strong personality and it radiates when she's part of a business organization. For sure, nakita iyon ng Dad ni Eustace.

Narinig ko ang ilang kuwento ni Avie na mabait daw ang Dad ni Eustace at napakagaling sa negosyo. Isa ito sa mga pinapayag ni Eustace na tumulong sa kanya noong bago pa lang sa Michigan.

"Hindi po ako sigurado." Pumikit ako matapos magsalita.

Sa kaba ay nakapagtagalog ako bigla. It was part of my upbringing. My mother always said that we talk in Filipino inside our household. Ayaw niyang magmukha akong ewan habang lumalaki at hindi na makaintindi ng Filipino. Iyon pa naman ang paraan ng pakikipag-usap sa mga relatives namin. Mama always reminded me that. Few of her teachings though occur to me in sudden triggers of fear.

Avie once said the man has a territorial aura, that of a Filipino. Sabi pa niya ay palangiti daw katulad ni Eustace, but I am not seeing that this time.

Naguguluhan lang ang dad ni Eustace at hindi matanggap na ako ang nasa harapan niya ngayon.

"You're... a F-Filipina?"

"I was born in the Philippines and my parents immigrated in Livonia when I was 10 years old... sir."

I looked for any change in Eustace's dad's facial expression pero halos hindi rin iyon makikita dahil na-stroke nga ito.

"Kasama... k-ka ng a-anak ko? H-hindi ka... n-niya g-girlfriend?"

He got an accent with when he shifted with talking in tagalog.

Sa pagkakaalam ko... "Hindi po."

Kung matawag niyang anak si Eustace para bang itinuring niya talaga itong totoong anak niya. Does he truly care for him or he's worried about other things?

"B-baka... ang habol mo... l-lang ay m-magpabuntis? K-katulad... n-ng Nanay n-niya."

Kumuyom ang kamao ko. Kahit pa matagal bago niya natapos ang sinabi ay kanina pa namuo ang galit sa loob ko. How can he talk disrespectfully to Eustace's Mom?

"With all due respect, sir. That was an absurd assumption. You just disrespected Eustace's mother."

I saw his gaze stiffened, his eyes shocked.

"Y-yo-you..." Biglaan siyang nahirapan na magsalita at sinubukan pang itaas ang mga daliri. Pero nahirapan lang siya. Nanlamig ako sa nakikita. He urged himself to talk because he couldn't anymore.

Humakbang ako ng isang beses. Tumingin ako sa hospital equipments, gumagapang ang kaba sa dibdib ko na halos nahihirapan akong huminga.

"S-sir, calm down," saad ko pero pumiyok ang boses.

I didn't know what to do. I pressed the button near the bed, perhaps to signal the nurse desk that the patient is having attacks or something.

Natakpan ko ang bibig at natuod sa kinatatayuan.

Bumukas ang pinto ng hospital room. Akala ko nurse ang dumating pero si Eustace iyon, ngumiti nang makita ako.

"I'm back—" But his gaze fell on his Dad. "What happened?"

"We were just talking..." saad ko, mahina ang boses at nanginig ang mga kamay. "I didn't do anything, I swear."

"Y-yo-you're... a b-bitch."

I stood there shocked to my system. Words of Eustace's dad hurt like knives pierced deep on my chest. I couldn't even have the chance to explain myself. Nahusgahan na agad.

Pero sino ba naman ako? Wala naman akong mapapatunayan.

Ikinagulat din ni Eustace ang narinig.

Umatras ako nang lumapit si Eustace sa Dad niya, he was about to press the button near his bed too.

"Pinindot ko na," I said.

Then several nurses arrived.

Tumayo si Eustace sa isang gilid habang ako ay hindi man lang nakakilos.

"What happened?" tanong ng isang nurse.

Lumingon sa akin si Eustace. "Nothing. Dad just behaved like that..." Eustace's gaze didn't leave me, his eyes searched for mine—asking and wondering.

Humakbang ako paatras.

His Dad was cruel to think that way about me... Tapos iniisip din ba niya na si Eustace ay naghahanap lang ng iba-ibang babae kasi walang magawa sa buhay, walang pangarap?

Hindi na ba sapat na maging kaibigan lang ang isang lalaki? Kailangan ba agad na may hidden agenda?

I feel bad for Eustace. He was the obedient type of a son—a loving and caring person. Gusto lang makinig sa kung ano'ng sasabihin ng pamilya.

"Lienna..." Sinubukan niyang sumunod sa akin pero pinihit ko na ang siradura ng pinto.

Tinawag siya ng isang nurse at nagmadali naman akong umalis. Halos lakad-takbo ang ginawa makalabas lang ng ospital.

Hiningal ako nang malabas na ng ospital at binati ng malamyos na sikat ng araw dahil bandang hapon na pala.

I was about to contemplate kung saan na ako pupunta ngayon o kung uuwi ba ako sa apartment. But I felt so heavy in my chest that I couldn't think straight and I just wanna cry.

But my tears were too boastful to even show themselves. I guess I don't deserve to feel better yet.

Nanlalamig pa rin ang mga kamay ko at tumatambol pa rin ang didbib dahil sa kaba matapos ang nangyari sa loob ng hospital room.

I just said the truth earlier. But his Dad...

I may be trembling in fear and couldn't even deal with the current situation, but at the back of my head, I am praying for Eustace's Dad to be alright.

My phone vibrated at the back of my jeans. Dalawang messages ang natanggap ko. Isa mula kay Danica at isa galing sa isang unknown number. But both of the messages said the same things... meeting up with each other at a landmark I know so much years ago.

It wouldn't even need a second guessing for me to be certain that Rhyl was the one who sent that message from an unknown number.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Perhaps it's time to finally face him and confront him for the mischief he once had dragged me with for the past days.

I parked just outside the museum building that we frequently visit to avoid the loud and bizzare moments at the downtown.

Napagmasdan ko agad si Danica at Rhyl na nakatingin sa isang abstract painting—at first glance, the painting looks like shit and the color were like smashed all over the canvass, but when seen with intention and focus, you could see the essence of each wild stroke made with dark colors overwhelming the vibrant ones.

Lumapit ako at tumayo sa kanilang tabi.

"It didn't take you a while," ani Rhyl, pinagmasdan agad ako.

I still feel anger towards him, but time helped in keeping myself composed. Kahit pa noong una ay magagawa ko siyang sampalin nang paulit-ulit. Ngayon, habang nakatingin sa kanyang maamong mukha na nakatago sa isang sombrero, napapahugot ako nang malalim na hininga.

He looks healthy now, and didn't lack sleep. May kaunting buhay na rin ang mga mata kumpara noong huling pagkikita namin.

"I hope none of us have forgotten our friendship," Danica mumbled. "Years ago, when you two got together, it was still fun but I felt kinda alone. All these time, I thought I struggled more than the two of you. But nothing hurts more than failing at love and losing a friend at the same time," ani Danica.

Something tugged my heart, it hurt.

"I'm changing for the better, Lienna," ani Rhyl.

Bumaling ako kay Danica at tumango siya. "He introduced me to his friend which gave me a decent second job. He wasn't lying, Lienna."

Nanubig ang mga mata ko lalo na nang mapagmasdan ang nagmamakaawang mga mata ni Rhyl. "Take me back..."

Danica turned her back towards us, whether to give us privacy or to silently cry because Rhyl's voice broke as he said those words. Maski ako ay nanuyo rin ang lalamunan.

Huminga ako nang malalim at mas lalong naramdaman ang pag-iinit ng sulok ng mga mata.

"Rhyl... I knew I hurt you when I left. But you also put me into misery when I came back."

Lumunok ako para makapagsalita nang maayos dahil nagsimula na ring manginig ang boses ko.

"I am happy that you're changing for the better," I mumbled, and I stared at his eyes. The same eyes that I trusted most and loved when I was still young. "But I can't take you back."

Tumingin ako kay Danica. "I appreciate your effort to let us talk again, Danica. See you when we see each other at the grill."

And just like that, tumalikod ako sa kanila at naglakad paalis.

I drove anywhere while thinking about nothing else but myself. About the decision I was making and those that I have already made. Ang alam ko, malamig man ang naging pakikitungo sa kanila kanina, gumaan ang pakiramdaman ko. Dahil finally, hindi ko na kailangan dalhin ang galit at mga tanong.

With the pain that I caused Rhyl when I left, and him setting me up for the worst, we can call it quits. It was easier to accept and move forward that way.

Gabi na nang magdesisyon akong bumyahe pauwing Livonia. I carried the goods Eustace and I bought from the grocery na nasa sasakyan lang simula kaninang umaga. Ibibigay ko 'to sa kanya lahat dahil siya naman ang nagbayad.

Nang makaakyat sa apartment ay natigilan ako nang makita si Eustace na nakatungo sa harapan ng pinto ng unit ko.

"Eustace..." tawag ko sa kanya at agad siyang lumingon.

Napahawak siya sa likod ng ulo. "Akala ko nasa loob ka at ayaw akong pagbuksan..." mahina ang boses niyang sabi.

"Ha? Bakit naman—"

"Because of what happened at the hospital..."

"Ah, iyon..." Huminga ako nang malalim. "Sorry. I was a bitch." Like what your Dad said.

"Hindi—"

"I am truly sorry, Eustace."

"No, Lienna. I should be sorry. You were about to cry. Pain lingered in your eyes and you stood there with dread. Hindi dapat kita iniwan lang nang mag-isa sa ospital."

"Hindi naman ako tuluyang umiyak. Wala naman akong pakialam."

"Back then... when I saw you again after years, I admired how you carelessly cried in front of Aeyzha. You plead. You asked for her help. Your heart is bigger than you think, Lienna. Umiiyak ka."

I bit my lip to prevent saying anything and ended up bursting into tears.

"May pakialam, Lienna."

This time, I gritted my teeth para hindi tumulo ang mga luha ko.

"I know how you rushed back to the Philippines because your Mom was dying."

Tinitigan ko siya.

"You even swallowed your pride and asked for help from Heiro..."

I couldn'r deny, everything he said was true.

"Why do I feel like you're just acting?"

"What do you mean, Eustace?"

"Acting like you're a different person. This time. You certainly are."

"I am not—" Umiling-iling ako pero nag-unahan nang tumulo ang mga luha. "Eustace... no one would like someone who's too weak. Too emotional. Too dependent."

Instead of making me feel bad about what I did, or what I haven't shared, humakbang siya palapit as akin. He rested his forehead on mine and we breathed in the same rhythm.

"You know, we can talk about what happened earlier... I could feel your care towards me and my Dad. I certainly do."

Hahawakan niya na rin sana ang mga kamay ko, pero mabilis akong pumiglas.

"There were moments when I think that you just confessed to me 'cause there's a bigger chance that I might like you back. I care for you..." I laughed. "O baka naman iniisip mo ngayon na may gusto ako sa 'yo? You don't want any bruises to your ego. Kaya hindi ka nagtapat sa pinsan ko. Tama 'di ba? Pwede mo bang sabihin kung bakit hindi ka natakot umamin sa akin?"

"You only risk on things that will be beneficial to you too, Eustace. Iyong sigurado kasi ayaw mong maiwan."

"Saan mo ba narinig 'yan, Lienna? Saan ba ang lahat ng 'to nanggagaling? I respect your opinion, but I humbly disagree. Tungkol kay Aeyzha... tanggap kong wala akong laban. That there's no greatness in being someone who blatantly makes himself a hindrance for other people's relationship."

"You do know that I'm currently with someone." I blurted out. Pinaniniwala maski ang sarili sa kasinungalingan ko ngayon.

"You don't love him."

"I do like him!" Rhyl... He's changing for the better now.

"That's a given, Lienna. You did before. And you loved him. Because he somehow made you feel that you belong in someone's life."

Eustace...

Seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin, nanunubig din ang mga mata. Na parang gusto niyang magpalinawag hanggang sa maintindihan ko siya. "Eustace... why do you wanna still talk to me after what happened to your Dad? Did you wait for in here? For how many hours? Why are you doing this?"

"I want to be here for you and to listen to your explanation, Lienna. You won't have to keep it all to yourself. Alam ko may dahilan kung bakit nangyari iyong kanina kay Dad. Know that I don't blame you. I'm here for you... Because when I look into your eyes, it tells me you wanted to be happy. But you just can't trust and allow yourself to grab the chance. With me."

"No... Eustace—"

"Yet you casually talk about someone else. You don't deserve to seek for home in someone else's arms who's only aim is to drown you with him!"

"Oo na gusto kita!" Tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko. Pinigilan ang sariling humikbi dahil sa pagsuko sa totoong nararamdaman. "And I also don't deserve to be a diversion of your feelings for Avie and be compared to her which I could never win!"

"Nagustuhan ko lang siya noon kasi nakita ko sa kanya ang Mama ko!"

"Now, do you see me? I won't be anything better than her. I am the worst."

"You only thought you are. That's not the truth."

I scoffed.

"Gusto mo ako kasi gusto kita?"

He laughed in disbelief, tapos ay hinawakan ako sa magkabilang-balikat. "Gusto kita kahit hindi mo ako gusto pabalik."

Natulala ako sa mga mata niya at sa mga labing pwedeng lumapat sa labi ko kung lalapit ako kahit konti.

"Pero hindi ako magre-reklamo kung gusto natin ang isa't-isa."

"Kung binigyan ka ng pagkakataon ni Avie. At kung hindi ka naging torpe at nagsabi ng nararamdaman mo, do you think marriage will cross your mind?"

"Probably."

"Because I don't date for fun."

"Pero alam kong kung nangyari man 'yon, malabong magkatuluyan kami. Hindi siya, Lienna."

"Buong pagkakataon, siya lang ang inisip ni Heiro. At lahat ng mga iyon nakikita ni Aeyzha. She had witnessed how the man sacrificed for her. How he helped her family. How he waited. Hindi ko iyon mapapantayan."

Pinahiran ko ang pisngi ko.

"Love shouldn't be a competition," he added.

"Hindi rin dapat pinipilit."

Yumuko si Eustace, dahan-dahang lumuhod sa harapan.

"I know... I'm sorry, Lienna." saad niya at huminga nang malalim. "But if there is even a small voice at the back of your mind that tells you feel something for me in return.... like you said, you l-like me too. Can you listen to it? Maybe it's time to be kinder to yourself who also wants to have another chance at love."

Huminga ako nang malalim at tinitigan siya sa mga mata. "Gusto rin kita... hindi ko lang maamin sa sarili ko."