IT'S THE SECOND day of the trip. And I woke as early as dawn. Pagod man dahil sa gala kahapon, I have had enough rest dahil maaga din naman akong nakatulog.

Umupo ako sa upuan malapit sa bintana ng maliit kong kwarto. Eustace's room looked like mine at magkaharap lang ang room naming dalawa. Kita ang hamog sa labas at ang madilim na paligid mula sa bintana. The scenery outside at this point was filled with the shadow of the trees. I just got off the phone from Avie after she called to tell me if I remember what today is and what it means to Eustace.

Ngumiti ako. Their friendship is really solid. Hindi man katulad noon na panay magkasama silang lumabas, I know Avie deeply cares for Eustace at ganoon din si Eustace sa pinsan ko.

I never told Eustace that I was aware that today's his birthday. Kaya nga noong sinabi ko sa kanyang May 13 ang alis at May 14-16 ako gagala ay medyo nagulat pa ako kasi agad siyang pumayag. In between those days will be his birthday, at ngayon na nga iyon.

Wala ba siyang plano ngayong birthday niya? But he said he wanted to visit a place ngayong second day ng trip. I would be glad to tag along with him today, if that would somehow ease the feeling of celebrating his birthday alone. Naranasan ko na rin iyon. Parang nasanay na. Pero malungkot pa rin.

Nagbasa ako ng libro malapit sa bintana hanggang sa unti-unting sumikat ang araw.

Around 6 am, lumabas na ako ng kwarto para maligo. Eustace was already inside the bathroom brushing his teeth.

"Good morning," bati ko at isinukbit sa balikat ang robe at towel na dala. Hindi pa ako pumasok at nanatili sa labas ng pinto.

Tumango siya Eustace, saglit na bumaling sa akin tapos ay muling bumaling sa harapan para magmumog.

Hindi ko malalaman na nakatitig na ako sa kanya kung hindi siya nagsalita. "Maaga ka yata nagising."

"Nahimbing agad ako kagabi dahil sa pagod," saad ko at kaunting tumawa.

I gazed at him and he grabbed his towel, drying his hair while making a way for me to step inside the bathroom and him taking steps to leave.

I gazed at him.

Would he tell me that it's his birthday today?

Eustace said nothing. Tumitig ako sa repleksyon ko sa salamin tapos ay ininara na ang pintuan sa bathroom.

I took a quick shower at nagbihis na. Naabutan na lang si Eustace na nasa living room, nanonood ng palabas sa TV.

Akala ko may lakad ulit ngayong araw?

Naramdaman niya siguro na nakamasid ako sa kanya ng ilang segundo kaya lumingon siya sa akin habang nakadantay ang braso sa sandalan ng couch. "The festival will start around 10 in the morning."

I nodded. "Saan naman iyon, Eustace?

"Lake Michigan..."

Tumango-tango ako. "Whoa," I mumbled. "The place is not new to me pero iyong festival... parang hindi ko yata matandaan."

"It's the Kite Festival, Lienna. Ayos lang ba iyon sa 'yo?"

"S'yempre."

I saw him smile yet his eyes somehow showed sadness. Then he kept quiet once again.

"Labas muna ako." Paalam ko at lumabas ng cabin.

I was greeted with the well-groomed plants in the small frontyard. Lumapit ako doon at nagtitingin habang sa harapan ay nakikita ko ang mga taong nagca-camping sa national park sa tapat na nagkakainan.

Most were families and friends. Michiganders have an adventurous spirit indeed. Madalas silang gumala outdoors especially now that it's spring season and the good weather was to die for.

I started preparing for later as soon as the clock hit 8:30 am. At ganoon rin si Eustace. I wore faded jeans and paired them with sneakers. I wanna go for a streetstyle look today since sa lake Michigan ang festival at siguro kadalasan ng mga tao na manonood ay nasa sidewalk. Isinuot ko na rin ang halter top at pinatungan ng manipis na cardigan. I added some accessories and wore my glasses atop my head.

I smiled when I saw my reflection in the mirror. The genuine smile I had that reached my eyes was the best accessory I could wear, I looked fine. Like I figured out how my life should be. Way to go, Lienna.

I met Eustace in the living room kneeling on the floor with one knee as he fixed his shoe laces. Tumingala siya para matingnan ako.

He wore jeans like me, and I noticed they contained the very same chain that he uses hanging on his side.

"You look great," he said softly as he stood up.

I gazed at him carefully. "You look cool," I finally conceded to that part of me who's full of praises for him. He deserved it. "And great. You always do."

Yumuko siya tapos ay tumikhim. "Salamat. Ako lang 'to."

I burst out laughing. Tumampal ang kamay ko sa noo. "As always. Indeed, you're Eustace."

We left the kabin at exactly 9 am. And when we arrive at Michigan Lake which was far from the cabin where we had been staying, nagutom kami parehas kaya bumili kami ng hotdog in a bun. As I was eating my food, I kept gazing at Eustace and at the people slowly crowding the massive space in front of Michigan Lake.

Should I greet him with a happy birthday now?

Mamaya na siguro...

Kailangan ba ang tamang timing?

"Ako na magbabayad ng orders natin," sabi ko. Libre ko na.

Tumitig siya sa akin. "You have ketchup on the side of your lips."

"Saan? Left side or right?"

"Here," Itinuro niya kung saan. Natigilan pa ako dahil akala ko siya na mismo ang magpapahid. Inside my mind, I was already rolling my eyes annoyed with myself. Paano ko ba nagagawang mag-isip ng ganito ngayong kaharap ko pa talaga mismo si Eustace?

Kumuha ko ng tissue at pinahiran ang kanang gilid ng labi ko. "I would die of shame if you wiped it for me." Then I laughed. Oh, shit. Did I just say that aloud?

Eustace was about to bite on his hotdog bun—oh god, my thoughts. Tama na.

I saw him pause then blinked. Once followed by another.

"I could do that if you're comfortable or if we're more than friends."

Boom. Inside my mind, I felt a bubble bursting above my head and a cold water of shame showered me without warning. Parang nawalan ng dugo ang mukha ko at umabot pa sa balikat.

"Hehe," I mumbled. Pilit na tawa. Kasi hindi ako makatawa nang maayos dahil sa hiya.

Natawa na rin si Eustace at ikiniling pa ang ulo. "Namula ka bigla na parang nagka-allergy." He was leaning in a bench, ang isang braso ay nakadantay sa sandalan ng bench na inuupuan ko.

"Gago 'to. Tawang-tawa talaga?" I retorted. "Kapag inatake ako ng allergies, baka manlamig ka sa bigla."

Seryoso niya akong binalingan. "May food allergy ka? Sa aling mga pagkain?" I saw concern linger in his eyes, I prevented myself to smile sheepishly.

Umiling ako at parang nakahinga siya nang maluwag.

As we've agreed, for the second day of our trip, napagmasdan namin ang Kite Festival sa Lake Michigan. Maraming mga taong nakamasid at nakisali na rin.

"Lipat tayo ng upuan?" ani Eustace. I followed him as he sat on the next bench almost near at the Lake. Sa paligid ay nagsimula na ang pagpapalipad ng mga saranggola.

I gazed at the clear blue sky and settled my focus on the fascincating object floating freely in the air.

"If today is someone's birthday, siguro masayang dalhin siya rito no?"

Ramdam ko ang paglingon sa akin ni Eustace pero nanatili akong nakatitig sa langit. Thanks to my sunglasses, hindi ako nasisilaw sa tingkad ng sikat ng araw.

"Siguro," ani Eustace at tumingin sa kung saan din ako nakatingin. "Pero paano kung hindi saya ang maramdaman niya kapag nakikita mismo 'to ngayon?"

Nanatili akong nakikinig.

He heaved a breath. "Sinabi ba ni Aeyzha sa 'yo?"

"Ha?" Hindi ako sigurado sa kung ano'ng ibig sabihin niya.

"Did she tell you what today is?"

Napamaang ako, pero tumango. "She did tell me it is your birthday."

He didn't say anything. Only smiled a bit.

I felt something tug inside my chest.

"Hindi ka raw niya ma-contact kaya she wants me to send her greeting for you."

"I changed my number."

"Oh," I said in a soft tone.

"Happy Birthday," saad ko matapos ang ilang minutong katahimikan. "Pinapasabi ni Avie."

"Salamat," he said, nothing more.

Was he still hurting because of what happened between the two of them?

Parang my bumara sa lalamunan ko kaya tumikhim ako.

Napansin ko si Eustace na nakayuko na sa tabi ko. Mabilis na kinuha ang panyo sa likod ng pantalon at nagpahid ng noo. Hindi niya alam pero napansin kong mabilis niya rin pinahiran ang mga mata niya na nakatago sa sunglasses na suot.

Nakatingin siya sa mismong lake at hindi na sa mga kakaibang saranggola na ngayon ay lumilipad sa langit.

The vibrant, clear, and blue sky was glowing as I gaze at it near the lake that was then filled with colorful kites. I searched for some details about this festival and I discovered that this festival happens on a single weekend around May. It's one of a kind moment to see kites (huge, colorful, and creative ones).

Luminga-linga ako sa paligid at naroon pa rin si Eustace parang nakatulala na.

"It would have been ecstatic to celebrate a birthday while joining this festival." Nagsimulang magsalita si Eustace, mahina ang boses na ano mang oras ay mababasag na.

"Remember the time when we first had known each other?"

Tumango ako. "We were young back then."

Yet I could recall his soft laugh when we had the chance to get along with each other at Livonia's famous park. It was one of those unexpected coincidences but Eustace and his Mom rented a house near our neighborhood for some time. Ang tanging dahilan kung bakit nagkausap kami dati ay dahil pinoy siya, a teen, at wala ring ibang makausap.

Nang magkita ulit kami ay sa Pilipinas na at napagtantong magkaibigan pala sila ng pinsan ko, parang nakatadhana ang mga bagay. Namukhaan ko agad siya. His soft manly features didn't change yet only matured. But back then I could only give him a smile, dahil baka isipin niyang feeling close ako. I could merely address him as an acquaintance. Yet this time, I could now call him a friend.

"I lost my mother because of a car accident. On my birthday. At this exact place."

"Eustace..." A tear fell from my eyes.

"Today's my mother's death anniversary," mahina niyang sabi. "I thought, I could finally replace the memory of my mother's death. Dinudurog ako ng alaalang iyon. I thought I could be here and create a new memory that's filled with happiness, not torture."

No amount of vibrance along with the bustling noise of the cheering crowd present in today's celebration could outweigh the pain of recalling his childhood memories with his mother whom he had lost in this exact place. Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya.

We had an early dinner around 5 pm before we went back to the cabin. Eustace was silent most of the times, but I kept talking to him in subtle ways, kagaya ng kung ano'ng gusto niyang inumin ngayong gabi: beer o fruit juice ba.

The fireplace of the cabin was magnificient to watch. Imbes na magpahinga at pumasok agad sa kwarto ko para matulog na matapos maligo ay kumuha lang ako ng comforter at naupo sa harapan ng fireplace. I scooted near it until I could feel the heat warming up my skin amid the cold night.

Naririnig ko ang mga yabag ni Eustace na palabas ng banyo then I felt him stopped walking a meter away from me.

"You know what Eustace... bilib ako kasi ngayong araw sinubukan mo," I mumbled.

Hindi ako lumingon sa banda niya dahil alam kong yuyuko lang siya at hindi gustong ipakita ang panunubig ng mga mata. I knew because that's what he usually does.

"Pumunta ka doon kahit mahirap. You owe it to yourself to always appreciate your courage." I kept talking... soon I felt his footsteps near me then he occupied the empty spot beside me then sat.

"I kinda did the same." Pinahiran ko ang luhang tumulo sa pisngi ko tapos ay kinagat ang ibang labi. I kept my emotions at bay... I couldn't cry right now.

Huminga ako nang malalim at nagpatuloy. "I chose this cabin because it had the same interior and design with what my parents had rented when we had a short spring vacation when I was still a kid. Hindi ko alam kung saang lugar iyon. Pero ang alam ko maraming puno sa paligid ng cabin at may mini backyard kung saan gumawa ng campfire si Dad at nag-ihaw pa ako ng malalaking marshmallows."

For a moment, there was silence between us.

"It seems we both have difficult memories with our parents that we still struggle to accept and let go of," ani Eustace.

Agad naman akong tumango.

"Tama ka. Dahil hanggang ngayon, binabalikan ko pa rin ang mga iyon kahit sa alaala. My family and I spent a weekend trip before with only us—my mother baked cookies during those time because she couldn't when busy with work that she lost time for me. My dad had also been occupied for an entire year for his and Tito Alwin's business—traveling and closing deals. I purposely decided to rent a cabin hoping I could feel the emotions I once felt with them during that time in the past. And wishing that reminiscing about family memories would feel real."

Umayos ng upo si Eustace sa tabi ko at naramdaman ang mahina niyang paghagod sa likod ko.

Magaan pala sa pakiramdam kahit paano.

"Salamat sa pagku-kuwento. Alam kong hindi rin 'to madali para sa 'yo, Lienna."

Tumango ako tapos ay ngumiti.

"At ngayong araw nga ako ipinanganak," aniya, malungkot ang boses pero parang nagkaroon na ng tapang. "It's my fucking 27th birthday."

"Birthday," I said.

Nilingon niya ako, kunot noo. Naguguluhan.

"Hindi ka happy eh."

"You're cruel, Lienna." Pero natawa siya.

"I don't want you to pretend that you're happy."

"Thank you for not forcing me to."

I tapped his shoulder. "Basta ikaw."

Gumalaw siya. May kinuha siya sa bulsa. Isang pocket watch na naka-attach sa isang maliit na silver chain. "Regalo ni Mama sa akin."

A tear started flooding my eyes once again. I realized something about him. That chain he usually hung on the side of his jeans was never just a mere chain. It was a chain with a pocket watch attached to it. He kept it hidden inside and never revealed it until this day.

"I only had the courage to share this with you today."

I gulped to prevent my tears from falling. "It looks elegant and vintage."

"Ito lang ang regalong natanggap ko galing kay Mama."

We remained on the spot for minutes and tried to be there for each other amid the sadness engulfing us with the memories about our respective parents.

Pero hindi ko inasahan ang sunod niyang sinabi, "This day hadn't been so lonely as I expect it to be."

"Welcome to another year of adulting—another episode of finding out who comes out sane amid the existential crisis we go through from time to time."

Natawa si Eustace sa sinabi ko. "How old are you, Lienna?"

"Guess..."

"Beyond eighteen," agad niyang sagot.

Ngumiwi ako. "Halata naman."

"Though you look youthful."

"Ows."

"Hehe."

Natakpan ko ang bibig at natawa nang malakas. That was the second time we had mimic each other's awkward reactions for fun.

"So?"

"I'm already 25."

He gazed at me carefully. "I couldn't tell."

"Well, thank you at hindi ako natablan ng matinding stress kaya hindi agad nagmukhang mature."

Eustace smiled, not tearing his gaze from my eyes.

At hindi ko inasahan na ganoon din ako.

The distance between us wasn't a hindrance and the solemnity of the surroundings made us focus in each other's eyes even more.

Until I felt both of his hands cup the side of my face and his lips met mine.

I leaned in towards him. When I felt his lips move, I angled my face better and started kissing him back.

Soft and gentle kisses landed on my lips as I grabbed Eustace's nape to return the kisses he's been giving me. It was slow, moving, tormenting.

A loud noise broke the silence of the living room when his phone rang.

Agad kaming napalayo sa isa't-isa.

Yumuko ako, mabigat ang paghinga noong una matapos kumawala sa—oh, shit did we really kiss?

Nasulpayan ko si Eustace na nagmamadaling tumayo at inilapit ang cell phone sa tenga para sagutin ang tawag.

He remained talking on the phone for minutes.

"Dad was rushed to the hospital. I have to be home by tomorrow," he said when he faced me after the call.