hello! thank you so much for checking Keep Me Closer! as of the moment, wala pa pong fixed schedule ang KMC but i will update it if i have written a chapter.

i'm planning to finish it offline before posting chapters para iwas bitin po at iba pa. but i will probably post the first five chapters then wait until i finish the entire story para isang bagsakan na lang.

whatever the case, sana ay ayos lang po iyon sa inyo. share your thoughts here ----->

note: Keep Me Closer's timeline is different from A Step Closer. Nagsimula ang KMC months after Heiro and Aeyzha got back together. Marami pong nangyari sa Epilogue ng ASC at nasa middle po noon ang simula ng timeline ng Keep Me Closer. but surely, things happened here in KMC before Aeyzha and Heiro got married and had a child.

maraming salamat po!

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IS DARKNESS REALLY THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT? Maybe yes, or not. Whatever. I was five years old when I discovered I'm fascinated with science and everything in it. Protons. Atoms. Molecules to name a few.

But like how the seasons change, how soon species have evolved, and our needs and wants are developing through the years-the only thing I know is that the light won't come if I'll choose to stay in the darkness.

Then I didn't know what happened. My focus just shifted onto something else. Something that doesn't concern much about academic intelligence. More likely, about myself. About the people around me. And if I'm to die tomorrow, but I'm able to keep a few of my memories, there'll surely be a few of them that will always be carved inside my head even when I'm already buried four feet below the ground.

But being so indecisive almost the majority of my life, I've learned how to make decisions with my eyes close, unmindful of what would be the costs of my reckless actions.

"What color would you like, little one?" An eight-year-old me stared at the pink one, the cotton candy was in various colors, wrapped in a long stick. It was simple. And it was what I wanted at that moment.

The kind woman had a huge smile on her lips, at that moment I just wanted to accept the cotton candy even when Mama glared at me multiple times.

"You won't have any sweets."

"But I want."

"Magsasayang ka lang ng pera."

Napatitig sa amin ang babae, her glossy cheeks glowed better as the sun shone on her porcelain white skin. I had almost the same skin color, it's just that my cheeks wouldn't be that pinkish when exposed to the sun.

Bumaling si Mama sa babae. "We're on budget. Hope you understand."

Still empathetic with my situation, the woman said, "I'm giving this to her for free."

Ngumiti ako nang malawak. "Really, ma'am?" I remembered how my eyes gleamed at that moment.

"Still no," was Mama's quick response.

Bumagsak ang balikat ko. Habang palayo, hindi nawala ang pagtitig ko sa cotton candy na libre na nga ipinagkait pa.

That was one of those many moments when I felt that I don't deserve to have anything that I wanted.

Obviously, that wouldn't be one of my treasured memories. Hindi naman kasi masaya. Hindi ko ugaling makalimot ng nangyari na, iniipon ko, inilalagay sa isang lugar sa puso kung kailangan pwede kong mahalungkat balang-araw.

Para saan? Para masaktan ulit? No. Para maalala ang aral.

Balik sa mga alaalang hindi ko makakalimutan hanggang sa huli-Maybe it was that moment. . . the way I titled my head and saw a familiar face at a distance, despite the bit of chaos happening in the make-shift dancefloor, I took all the guts to squeeze myself and walked out of the crowd where I've been trapped for an hour already.

Everyone's almost losing their sanity as the party reaches its peak, as I am too-too close to losing mine. I've been dragged by a friend to a corner of the club, where the blinding disco lights couldn't hurt my eyes anymore. We were dancing like crazy. I was screaming in tune with the bop music playing in the background.

"So much fun right?"

"Yeah," I said laughing. "I'd regret it if I had second thoughts in coming here with you tonight."

"Of course."

All I could remember was I haven't been that alive my whole life. I don't know. But I was glad I made choices: good or bad, that will haunt me forever.

Because of what had happened, I had the courage to claim my life before losing it to the hands of the people who were trying too hard to manipulate and mold me to become someone I am not.

"Rhyl," I called, intertwining our fingers together. I smiled at him before I closed my eyes. We remained so close to each other, touching and dancing 'till we both found ourselves in one of the darkest alleys of the club. His lips grazing on mine and me, moaning his name-screaming to the beat of the music as he whispered in my ear. . . telling me he loves me so much.

I just turned eighteen when I gave my all to someone who has said he cherishes me even when we'll both burn in hell for all the things we had done.

NAMALAYAN KONG nakatulala na pala ako habang nakaupo sa living room ng bahay nila Avie. Holding a half-full glass of water and staring into nothingness. Matapos ang libing, isinama na nila ako paluwas ng Maynila dahil nakapagbook na ako ng flight papuntang Michigan. I'm going back. Alone. Like I had always been.

She's been eyeing me for several moments but I just smiled and shrugged the thought that she's worried about how I feel. Losing my Mom and did not even see my Dad.

Noong nanghihina pa lang si Mama, akala ko unti-unti na kaming magkakaayos ni Papa. But it turned out I always fucked things up.

Dad was badly criticized by our relatives on my mother's side. They blamed him for what I had become. For turning his back on his wife and daughter-who has become a cheater, and her daughter, a fucking miserable human being. And then the stir went on which turned into serious arguments. Ngayon, pati si Papa hindi na dumalo sa libing. Kung kasalanan ko na ganito ang kinahantungan ng pamilya ko, hindi ko alam.

No one else would own up the blame. I had to.

It will not hurt me more than I am hurting now anyways.

Si Heiro ata ang nagluluto sa kusina habang si Avie ay paminsan-minsan na sumasaglit sa amin rito sa living room.

Nanatili akong nakaupo. Sapat lang siguro ang isang maleta na dadalhin ko pauwing Michigan. Wala rin naman akong ibang gamit. I had to go back here when Mama had too many problems and our relatives forced me to take care of her.

Payak na buhay. Walang ingay at gulo na nakasanayan ko. Pero sa sitwasyon na iyon, paulit-ulit ko na lang naiisip kung gaano ako hindi nararapat sa ganoong buhay. I don't belong to those prim and proper, daughter of the year material. Nor someone who could take care of a child and give him/her inspirations and guidance.

Hindi rin naman ako katulad ng iba na tatambay na lang sa kalye at napariwara na sa buhay. Gusto ko na lang na kasama ang mga kaibigan ko, kasi siguro puro saya lang. Magulo pero handa kang magpaalipin sa adrenaline.

Ilang beses ko sanang iniwasan ang tawag ng mga kamag-anak namin. Ilang beses na nagdahilan pero nang marinig ang nagmamakaawang boses ni Mama sa kabilang linya alam kong kailangan ko talagang umuwi. Especially after knowing about her affair with Tito Alwin, and them having a child. Everyone hated them. I did too. For what other reason could I be of use to her? Sa ganoong paraan lang naman. Ang tumulong, mag-alaga. That's what children are of use to their parents they say.

Those days, na alam ko mismo sa sarili ang nangyayari sa pagitan ni Mama at ni Tito hindi ko malunok ang kahihiyan na naramdaman. Pero nang makitang lumaki ang kapatid ko, kahit pa bunga ng isang pagkakamali, I knew I shouldn't blame the child. But after years... we had to let the adorable child go. Arwin, you'll forever be missed.

How long has it been since the whirlwind of events started?

Almost 5 years ago. . .

Indeed, a long time.

Nakatitig si Tita Emorie sa akin kaya ngumiti ako nang bahagya at umayos ng upo. I glance at her as she gave me a small smile. "Sigurado ka na sa balak mong pagpunta sa Michigan?" she asked, her gaze on me-subtle but insisting.

"Opo," nagbaba ako ng paningin. And even when I am acting insensitive in front of most people-like I'm guilty of something but I don't really give a damn-alam kong sobrang laki ng kasalanan ng pamilya ko sa pamilya nila ni Avie.

"You know you can stay with us right?" she said. "Hanggang sa magpakita na ulit si Simoun."

Nasa pamilya na nga siguro namin ang ugaling umaalis kapag ayaw ang sitwasyon. What can I do? It was already what I've learned as I was growing up.

Sometimes our upbringing influences us most as we become the person we wanted to be. But it's too hard to break the habits. The ways how we act on things which our subconscious partly takes the role. Some people are so lucky if they had broken free from the toxicity of their childhood and thus, become successful well-established people. With a better character.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimulang ayusin ang sarili kaya ayoko na lang gawin.

Hindi pa ako nakakasagot sa sinabi ni Tita Emorie nang tumunong and doorbell.

"He's here," she announced.

Bastang nagwala ang dibdib ko sa kaba.

What does she mean? Sino ang nandito?

Could it be my Papa?

Hindi ako napalagay sa kinauupuan. Bumaling-baling ako sa labas na makikita galing sa nakabukas ngayong pinto.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman. My heart drummed in furious beats. Uminom ako ng tubig sa basong hawak-hawak.

Naghalo-halo ang pakiramdam ko. Kaba. Lungkot. Takot. Pagkamiss.

Kung totoo man-

Nang bumaling ulit ako sa pintuan, nag-uusap na si Tita Emorie at ang kung sinong dumating.

When they stepped inside the house, it's like the ringing inside my ears stopped.

No, the person wasn't my father.

"Avie, andito na si Eustace!" Tita Emorie shared in excitement. Sumulyap si Eustace sa akin at marahang tumango.

I was stunned. Ni hindi ko maikilos ang mga labi para ngumiti at bumati man lang.

I don't know if I was glad or disappointed that it wasn't my father that Tita Emorie was referring to.

"Hindi pa sila natatapos magluto. What will you be having for now, Hijo?"

Naupo si Eustace sa couch. Magkaharap kaming dalawa. Sa panibagong pagkakataon, nagtama ulit ang mga mata namin.

This time, he smiled.

He really did.

I cleared my throat. I'm supposed to smile back. But I can't.

Hindi nawala ang ngiti niya, siguro dahil hindi ako nakapagsalita.

He doesn't look like grinning. Nor teasing. He looks normal. He smiles like it's part of his menacing gesture.

Bakit parang hindi ako mapalagay habang nakatitig sa kanya? Obvious naman na hindi ito ang unang pagkikita namin.

Lumipat ang titig niya sa kamay ko. "Tubig na lang po muna, Tita. Katulad ng kay Lienna."

Nagbaba ako ng paningin. The way he said my name was like we had known each other for a long time.

Tumango si Tita at iniwan kami ni Eustace sa living room.

"I dropped by. May padinner daw kasi si Tita," casual na sabi ni Eustace.

Tumango ako. Tapos ay huminga nang malalim. Tumikhim ulit. Fortunately, nakapagsalita na ako. "More like a despidida."

"Ah," he said. "Para sa 'yo?"

Nahihiya mang aminin, tumango ako.

"Kailan ka aalis?" tanong niya.

"Mamayang madaling araw."

He nodded. "Alone?"

"Why not?"

He nodded again. "Sa apartment ka tutuloy?"

Ang dami niya atang tanong. "Wala akong ibang matutuluyan."

How disappointing was that for a response...

Doon na dahan-dahang kumunot ang noo niya.

Natawa ako.

"Sa bahay ng parents mo?"

Hindi ako sumagot.

I'm sure, he's been wondering kung saan ako tumutuloy buong pagkakataong noong nandoon pa ako. Hindi ko naman alam kung ano'ng rason. O kung worth it ba iyong pag-aksayahan ng oras.

"You know; Michigan is quite a big estate." Maraming pwedeng tulugan tuwing gabi at lugar kung saan gagala tuwing umaga. It might have been horrifying at night, but I had company to keep me safe.

"So..." Ako naman ang nagsalita. "Will you also be back to Michigan?"

Medyo naging seryoso ang pagtitig ni Eustace. "Not this month probably."

"Alright."

"Right," aniya.

Just that, our supposed to be a casual talk dissolved into a deafening silence.

When Tita Emorie came back to the living room, ibinigay niya kay Eustace ang baso ng tubig, nagpaliwanag kung bakit natagalan at nag-anunsyo na handa na ang pagkain.

The evening went on with small talks and several random gazes.

At dawn, I boarded the plane to Michigan-to the place where I've been my best and worst self.

But I don't feel like I am coming back home. . . it's just that, that's the only place I think I belong. Despite the odds and my past. I know there are people who'll be with me.

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Hi! I made some edits po in the old uploaded chapters of Keep Me Closer. This is the recent version. So far, this would be the final details included as I continue writing the story. Enjoyyy.