I grabbed a coat and immediately glanced at Eustace who was waiting for me to say something after answering the call with Rhyl.

"He wants to talk with me about what happened that night."

"Ikaw lang mag-isa?" tanong ni Eustace at humakbang palapit sa akin. "What if that incident would happen again?"

"He acted crazy, Eustace. Alam ko. Pero parang may problema yata siya."

"And then? You are the solution?"

"Never," saad ko at imismid.

Binuksan ko ang pinto at malungkot na ngumiti sa kanya. "Let us talk when I come back?"

But instead of giving me a nod or a simple answer he just stared at me. As if in a conflict with himself inside his mind. Sa paraan nang pagtitig niya ay parang kitang-kita ko kung paano siya mag-isip ng desisyon. His eyes speak so much of his emotions even when he hadn't opened his lips just yet.

Tinitigan ko rin siya pabalik. I took in the sight in front of me. His stance in the middle of the living room. Tall, appealing, and gorgeous. Gusto kong titigan na lang siya sa sitwasyon na ito. God, Eustace. Ano'ng nangyayari sa akin dahil sa 'yo?

Iminuwestra ko ang nakabukas na pinto para kalmadong ipapaalala sa kanya na kailangan ko nang umalis.

"Would you mind if I want to go with you?"

Parang nagtuyo ang laway ko sa bibig. Eustace looks defenseless in front of me. Gone was his restriction and confusion that were evident in his eyes seconds ago.

"Why would you bother, Eustace?"

"It is not a bother, Lienna," seryoso niyang sagot sa akin, ang mga mata ay hindi niya makitaan nang padadalawang isip. "You aren't a bother."

"Why?"

Katulad ng mga nakalipas na mga araw na tinatanong ko siya kung bakit... hindi niya ulit ako masagot.

Maski ako hind ko masagot ang sarili kung bakit bumibilis ang pagtambol ng dibdib sa tuwing ganito ang asta namin sa isa't-isa.

"No one would drive you to that apartment," bawi ni Eustace.

Tinitigan ko pa rin siya. Umaasa na may mahinuha mula sa kalmado niyang paghinga at mga mata na maya't-mayang dumadapo sa paligid at sa akin.

Ganito ba ang pakiramdam na may kaibigan na gustong magmalasakit? I only have one friend which is Danica. She cares for me. She had been with me during my tough battles and even cried with me during my disappointments and frustrations.

But Eustace? As he stood in front of me with eyes almost wanting to claim my gaze the entire time while my heart continues to drum in furious beats and my lips fiddling worked I couldn't mutter loudly.

I am rendered weak every time despite my stubborn and insisting personality.

Inayos ko ang coats sa nakapatong sa balikat tapos ay tumango.

"Ihahatid mo ako?"

Tumango si Eustace. He adjusted his polo and nodded his head. "I will get my coat."

At pinagmasdan ko siyang lumabas ng unit ko habang malalaki ang mga hakbang. I locked the door and gaze at his unit until he went out wearing a black winter coat and boots.

I maintained a composed stance despite my emotions hitting the hilt upon seeing him-no matter what he wears he always looks attractive.

We walked side by side then settled inside his car. Minutes after we are now roaming the roads as we took in the daytime scenery of Livonia to Detroit. The streets weren't empty but it wasn't too swamped also.

My eyes wandered to the mesmerizing sight in front of us, snow glistening in the air as it fell from the sky, stocking up on the road, gently and subtlely tinting the roads white.

"Halos nakalimutan ko na kung gaano kaganda ang Livonia kapag winter," I whispered partly to myelf-yet a portion of me hopes that Eustace might have heard it too.

But he was focused on the road that I just nodded to myself to contain the bittersweet sensation that lingered in my throat.

Pumikit ako at ngumiti. It's fine.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone mula sa purse na dala at nagtipa ng message para kay Rhyl.

Only to gaze at the screen surprised.

I have received 5 messages from him that I didn't realize had arrived 10 minutes ago.

But those were empty messages. Walang laman ni isang letter o kahit punctuation man lang.

Something is really up with him.

I have to know.

Mahal mo pa ba?

Hindi ko masagot ang sarili kong tanong.

I don't know. I still think of him at times. I feel troubled when I could sense his presence. I still recall a portion of our past. And I still cry...

Sa harapan ng isang hindi kilalang apartment pumarada si Eustace at napagtanto kong tama nga ang pinuntahan naming address nang mabasa ang street sign na sinabi noon ni Rhyl sa akin sa tawag.

God, bakit ko pa ba 'to ginawa?

Then our call earlier resurfaced in my mind.

"Lienna... I don't know what to do. I think I'm slipping into a relapse. I couldn't tell anyone. You saw how I stayed away from alcohol before you left... I made it for your years but now-"

Rhyl's voice broke from that point and then I just found myself worried. I couldn't mutter anything else but ask where he is now. He told me his apartment's address before ending the call.

Magkasabay kami ni Eustace na lumabas ng sasakyan. Agad na dumapo ang mga mata ko sa paligid at sa stairs na agad naming napagmasdan sa bungad palang ng building.

"He might be drinking inside his unit-non-stop," saad ko.

Hinid inalis ni Eustace ang pagtitig sa akin na parang kailangan niyang memoryahin kung paano naglapat ang mga labi ko at napahawak sa noo habang nanunubig ang mga mata.

Nagsimula akong humakbang sa hagdanan at naramdaman agad ang pagsunod niya sa akin.

"Did he really say he wants to see you?"

"He did."

Natahimik ulit si Eustace habang natulala pero nagpatuloy pa rin siya sa paghakbang paakyat ng apartment, sinasabayan ako.

"Ayos ka lang ba?"

When he raised his brows and turned to face me, a small smile showed on his lips. Parang hindi man lang siya natulala kanina.

We stopped in from of a door, a unit number is displayed in front in silver metal. Si Eustase ay nakatayo iilang hakbang galing sa akin. I was about to press the doorbell when someone from the veranda saw us. "Are looking for the young man who stays in that unit?"

Dumukwang ako at inayos ang buhok na kumawala papunta sa mukha ko at inipit iyon sa likod ng tenga.

"RHYL?" ani nang may katandaan na Michiganian pero may friendly na ngiti?

"He's at his studio up the next floor. Unit 20. He didn't come down for two days now."

"Thank you so much. We appreciate it," sabi ko at hindi mabalewala ang pag-aalala na gumapang sa dibdib ko. It wasn't just me who had seen how Rhyl looks too bothered, confused. His health and enegy are deteriorating.

"It's time that young man should receive visits from his friends. Don't mention it."

Nilingon ko si Eustace at tinanguan. "Tara sa panibagong floor."

He nodded.

Nang humakbang akong muli sa hagdanan ay nasa likuran ko siya, marahan din ang bawat paghakabang.

Nilingon ko ulit siya pero saglit akong nawalan ng balanse kaya napahakbang ako ng isang beses pababa. Then I felt his hand on the side of my waist the other is gently held one corner of my hips.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at naramadaman ang pagtahip ng dibdib. His hands pressed on my body gently as he supported my weight to prevent me from rolling off to the rest of the stairs below.

"Dahan-dahan," boses iyon ni Eustace. Marahan. Kalmado.

Nang tiningnan ko siya ay ngumiti siya sa akin. "Sa hagdanan kasi tumingin. Huwag sa akin."

Tumikhim ako at tumayo nang maayos. Nang mawala na ang nakalapat niyang mga kamay sa tagiliran ko nakahinga ako nang maluwag pero nagwawala pa rin ang didbib.

"Grabe ka naman, medyo feeling ka do'n"

"Are you blushing, Lienna?"

"Huh?"

Mabilis kong hinawakan ang mga pisngi at nagmadaling humakbang sa hagdanan at hindi na siya hinintay pa.

Oh, goodness.

Am I?

By the time we had reached the next floor, my eyes gazed at a room-unit 20 like what is referred to by the old woman earlier. Nakabukas nang konti ang pintuan. Nang sinilip ko ay namataan ko ang isang bulto ng lalaki nakasalampak sa sahig. Sa harapan ay ang nagkalat na sculpting materials at isang kahoy na hindi pa natatapos ang paglilok.

Rhyl truly has a passion for sculpting. Since we had been together years ago, I have known that he is into arts and sculpting is part of his daily routine. He gets lost in it, at times he spends night after night just so he could finish his artwork on time.

I was with him when he tried to get into art school but failed to pass the entrance exam. He didn't give up easily though.

Hindi pa rin ako gumagalaw sa puwesto hanggang sa lumapit na si Eustace sa akin marahan akong tinapik sa balikat. "Ito na ba ang unit?"

Tumango ako at mahinang nagsalita. "Ayan siya sa loob."

Dahan-dahan na kumatok si Eustace. Nang parang walang narinig si Rhyl na nanatiling nakasalampak sa sahig at hindi pa rin kumikilos, huminga na ako nang malalim.

Eustace gripped the doorknob and pushed the door open, I immediately took a step inside.

"Rhyl?" tawag ko at nagpatuloy sa pagpasok. "It's Lienna."

He was still sitting on the floor staring at the ceiling but when he heard my name he flinched then blinked. Once. Twice. Then his gaze remained at me and then his eyes lit up slowly before he stood up then scrambled his way towards me.

A lone tear flowed from my eyes as I opened my arms to receive his attempt of hugging me. He didn't mutter any words and immediately encircled his arms around me.

Lumapat ang mga palad ko sa malamig niyang likod, he didn't wear a shirt at sobrang lamig ng aircon ng unit na ito kaya malalamigan talaga siya.

"Lienna..."

"You don't have to do anything. I'm right here."

As he buried his face on the crook of my neck and held me tighter, huminga ako nang malalim at marahan na hinagod ang likod niya.

Nang lumandas ang paningin ko sa paligid ko ay ay nagtama ang mga mga mata naming ni Eustace. Mataman siyang nakatingin sa akin.

Blanko ang ekspresyon sa mukha. Ang mga kamay ay nakatago sa bulsa ng pantalon na suot. That familiar silver chain hanging on the side of jeans caught my eyes like it had always been.

As I was embracing Rhyl in broken pieces, holding him close and him whispering why it took me a long time to be this close to him once again... I could only freeze in my spot while I gaze at Eustace-remembering the days that had passed-being with him in random moments yet bursting in laughter too.

Hindi niya inawas ang titig sa akin kahit pa nagbaba na ako nang paningin. He held my gaze as if wanted to say something that he couldn't put into words, nor do imply it through actions. I was holding another man in my arms, but I was drowning in his gaze, his eyes, his calm aura-him.

Umatras ako ng isang beses pero mas niyakap lang ako ni Rhyl.

"Rhyl?" Sinubukan kong kumawala sa yakap niya pero umiling-iling siya at walang ibang sinabi. Halos manginig siya sa yakap ko, pinipiling kumuha ng lakas mula sa akin dahil wala nang natira sa kanya.

Unti-unti nang luminaw ay kanina hindi mapangalanan na nararamdaman habang nakatitig kay Eustace.

I don't know why...

But I think I just felt a pang of pain in my heart while staring at Eustace.

Iba ang pagtitig niya sa akin ngayon kumpara sa nakalipas na mga araw.

At alam kong ganoon din ako.

Napagmasdan kong tumalikod si Eustace at hinugot ang cellphone mula sa loob ng bulsa. Ilang minuto siyang nanatiling nakatalikod sa amin ni Rhyl. Kausap ang tumawag sa kanya sa cellphone. Pero hindi ko man lang marinig ang boses niya kahit kaunti.

Ayaw pa rin akong bitiwan ni Rhyl kaya hindi na ako nakakilos pa.

Nang ibinababa na ni Eustace ang tawag ay tumingin ulit siya sa akin pero walang sinabi. Mabilis lang din ang pagsulyap niya sa akin tapos ay humakbang na siya palabas ng pinto.

"Eustace!" tawag ko. "Aalis ka? Saan ka pupunta?"

Hindi niya ba ako narinig? O pinili niyang hindi ako pakinggan?