When you have a huge crush on your friend and she starts dating someone else in your friend group and you're trying to be supportive while your soul shatters into several pieces

;v; yes I'm okay why do you ask

And now for a rant:

I'm getting tired. Tired of shit. Tired of this hellhole. Tired of helping everyone. Tired of not helping myself. Tired of this fucking life. Tired of shitty sleep.

I just want to make myself feel better. I don't want to make everyone else feel great. I love doing that, but now I'm on the verge of crying over the dumbest things.

I'm ignored and treated like a child.

Or people put me up on a pedestal.

I hate it. Why can't I be on the same level as you? Can I just be fucking normal?

I think I'm slowly going crazy. I hear voices sometimes. I hear this horrid high-pitched screeching. And it's still there when I cover my ears. And then it disappears. I feel watched when there's no one there. I always feel like something is reaching out to grab me.

And then there's the mood swings. I'll be depressed and practically silent, then be sadistically happy the next moment. It's too confusing.

I don't know what's happening.