She thought no one's capable of loving her.

She thought no one will ever come and make her feel wanted.

Then I came and made her felt everything.

We almost happened.

Almost, but not quite.

It all started when I first met her that night. I caught her staring at the full moon, sad, lonely and expressionless yet so beautiful. From that very moment, I had the urge to know her, especially she's my neighbor.

At a broad daylight, I didn't get the chance to see her, I always see her at night, at their balcony, staring into to nothingness.

Their balcony is close to ours, it's the fences that only separate us, and I could climb the fence if I want to, but that would be rude and ungentlemanly, baka isipin nya pang rapist ako.

I started to stay at our balcony too at night. She's staring at the sky and I'm staring at her. It sounded like I'm a creep, but she's the kind of view you wouldn't want to take your eyes off.

"Hey, stranger, am I not capable of being loved?"

For the first time, I got the chance to hear her sweet voice, after how many nights I stayed at our balcony, doing nothing but to stare at her.

"Ako ba kinakausap mo?" I asked.

She turn her gaze at me, and god, she's breathtaking. Hindi ko na tuloy alam kung alin sa kanila yung buwan, she's as beautiful as the full moon or even more beautiful.

"Hindi, yung buwan yung kausap ko, don't mind me" she said with a faint smile.

Silence engulfs the air once again.

"Who told you that? That you weren't capable of being loved?" I asked.

"Ako ba yung kinakausap mo?" she asked and she smiled while staring at the full moon.

"I'm actually talking to the moon" I said.

Dead silence.

How will I make our conversation going? God, she's the first one who talked and I would really want to talk to her.

"Me, I think no one's capable of loving me. No one tried, no one even dared" she said with a faint smile again.

I stared at her. Why would she think of that? She's beautiful and she seems so nice. Who wouldn't love her?

"Your family loves you" I said.

"I don't think so" she said.

My forehead creased. Hindi ko sya maintindihan, hindi talaga.

Natahimik ulit kami.

"I'm curious. How does it feel to love and to be love back? Better yet how does it feel to be in love?" she asked while staring at me.

Honestly, I don't know. I never had a girlfriend, hindi ko sya masagot.

She smiled.

"It's nice talking to you, stranger" she said.

Then I was left there, dumbfounded.

Her question kept me up all night. I couldn't sleep by just thinking about her smile. Damn it.

Those night talks, nasundan pa yun ng maraming beses. I get to know her more, she still calls me 'stranger' and I still don't know her name. But I do know, she's an amazing person, she's fun to be with. There's neither a dull night nor moment when I'm with her.

"Hi stranger" she said.

"How many times do I have to tell you, my name is Zion" I said.

She laughed.

"Whatever you say, stranger" she said.

This night aamin na ako. I like her, I really do. I want to court her, to make her feel love. I want her to feel special, to feel that she's important, that I want to take care of her.

"Hey" I said.

"What stranger?" she asked.

Kinakabahan ako.

She turns her gaze at me.

"anong sasabihin mo?" natatawang sabi nya.

I took a deep breath. So ganito pala yung feeling na mag-confess. Nakakakaba.

"Can I ask something crazy?" I aksed.

She stared at me like I'm some kind of an alien or something. Hindi sya nagsasalita and so do i. Parang ayoko ng ituloy, nakakatorpe sya.

"So you're a fan of Frozen huh?" she asked while smiling at me.

Sht. Sasabihin ko na.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" I said.

SHT!

SHT!

SHT!

Stupid Zion!

I thought you're ready. You practiced the lines all night long! Tapos mali yung nasabi mo?! You should have asked 'can I court you?' not 'WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?' so stupid of you, Zion.

"Can I say something even crazier?" she asked while grinning at me.

Is it normal to guy to feel like this? To feel the so called 'kilig'? baka naman nababakla na ako? Nakakahiya talaga!

"Yes" she said.

She said the three letter word. It's funny to think na ako pa yung nagulat, like she's the one confessing her feelings to me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Goodnight, Stranger" she said while smiling.

From that day, she's mine and I'm hers. I made her feel special, she always want to receive flowers, lagi kaming sabay mag-simba. She's always preparing a sandwich for me, para baon ko sa school. The funny thing is, she's my girlfriend but I don't know her name. She doesn't want me to know her name, hindi naman ako makapagtanong sa parents nya kasi hindi naman nila alam yung tungkol sa amin.

I have so many things I learned about her, she likes to paint and she likes to sing but I think singing doesn't like her that much.

Each passing days and nights with her are perfect, how come no one ever tried to love her when she's everything you would want to a woman?

For our third month, I gave her a necklace with a moon pendant, she liked it. She always wants simple things, mababaw lang yung kaligayahan nya, me talking to her every night is more than enough for her.

"anong plano mo?" she asked.

"marami" I answered.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Maka-graduate, magkaroon ng trabaho, mabigyan ng magandang buhay yung parents ko" I said.

I would also want you in it, every dreams and plans. I would love to share it with you.

"ikaw?" I asked.

"marami din" she said.

"Like what?" I asked.

Long silence

"inaantok na ako stranger" she said.

"It's Zion, ikaw dapat yung tinatawag kong stranger. I still don't know your name" I said.

"You don't have to" she said.

I froze. Why?

"Goodbye Zion" she said.

I couldn't sleep well, something's wrong, something's not right with her saying goodbye to me.

Every time I tried to replay that moment, the moment she bid her goodbye, it just breaks my heart. The next day, she actually left with her family to abroad.

She left without a reason why, she left me hanging alone, she just left with a single goodbye. I should be thankful right? She said goodbye.

It's been five months since she left me. Eight month na rin sana namin ngayon. We didn't actually break, right? Can I still celebrate? Even she's not here?

Every night, I would stay at our balcony, hoping that she will come back and do the same. We would stay up all night, just staring at the moon or into plain nothingness.

"Happy eight month" I said.

My gaze turns to our gate. A delivery guy? At this hour? Bumaba ako para tignan.

"Sir Zion?" he asked.

I nodded.

"paki-pirmahan na lang po" he said and I did.

Then he left.

Did mom ordered something online? But why does it named to me?

I went back to the balcony and opened the box. And I'm surprised, it really is for me.

HAPPY EIGHTH, STRANGER!

It's a box full of letters from her.

My hopes and dreams. My plans and goals

- To make stranger smile
- To prepare sandwich for stranger
- To stay up all night with stranger
- To stay with stranger a little bit longer
- To see him reach his dreams
- To see him happy
- To see him contented with life
- To see him happy and contended without me

Dear Stranger,

Happy eighth, sorry I didn't get the chance to bid my goodbyes properly, baka kasi hindi na ako tuluyang makaalis eh. I'm sorry if I left you hanging, I'm sorry for not being the great girlfriend for you, I'm sorry for not staying, I'm sorry for not saying my name, I just can't see the relevance of it when we would also be on our separate ways. I'm sorry for not being honest. I didn't actually go to school or homeschooling.

Remember when I ask you about, why no one is capable of loving me? I actually know the answer, it's because I don't let anyone to love me, it's actually my rule, I won't let anyone or even myself to fall in love. But to you, my rule is an exception, I let you love me, I let you care for me, I let you make me feel special and important.

Do you know why I created that rule? It's because I don't think I can reciprocate all the feelings and cares for that person, but to you I did, I care for you, you're special to me. Too bad I just can't stay any longer, that's the reason.

Napansin mo ba na wala akong masyadong tanong tungkol sayo? It's because I don't want to like you even more, each passing day I learned to like you that fast, you're not that hard to like or to love.

I'm sure you noticed that I have a weird skin color, I'm too pale, it's because I have leukemia, stage four na. I left for medication, my family and I went to Canada for my treatment because I want to stay with you, I want to live for you, I want to fight para naman makilala kita ng lubusan, but it failed, my treatment failed.

Actually kakatapos lang ng treatment ko, I'm not getting any well. Mahina na ako. I wrote this letter for our breakup, let's end this, Zion. I know it's a bit too late, umabot pa ng eigth months, matagal kasi makarating yung sulat dyan sa pilipinas eh. I actually counted the months, today is actually our fifth month tapos sabi after three months pa daw makakarating yung sulat dyan, so happy eight month?

I don't think you're happy and so do i. Hindi ako masaya, stranger. I can't be there for you, I can't see you and also I'm breaking up with you. Thank you for everything, thank you for that small span of time filled with happiness, thank you for letting me know how it feels to be in love.

Can I say something crazy?

I want you to forget about me, I want you to find a new one. Someone who will stay by your side, someone who will be with you while you reach your dreams, and someone who will love you endlessly. Can you do that for me? Will you do that for me?

By this time, as you read my letter, I'm already in paradise with Him.

I want you to be happy, Zion. Please be happy for me.

Do you know why "almost" is the saddest word in the dictionary?

I almost have you.

You almost have me.

You almost waited.

I almost fight, but failed.

We almost happened.

Almost.

You will always be my almost, Zion.

I like you, I almost love you, and too bad time won't let me like you more, I could have loved you, but time is so cruel.

-Jasmine Ferrer

Jasmine, her name suits her, right?

It's been one year since I last read the letter. It's been one year since I started talking to the moon because I have no one to talk to at night and I have no one to share my thoughts with. I don't have Jasmine.

It's funny to know that she doesn't have a Facebook account but she has a Twitter account. Every time, I'm bored, I would just tweet her, too bad she can't answer my tweets. I read her old tweets, I never thought she'd tweet something about me. I never thought I'd cry like this. I never thought I'd be hopelessly in love with her.

Jazz @jasmineferrer

I miss you, stranger.

Zion Ramirez @ramirez_zion

@jasmineferrer Ikaw pa rin <3

~END~