Hi I'm Jade and I have a problem. No, let me rephrase that.

Hi I'm Jade and I think I am the problem. You see or read rather, I'm an NBSB, yeah the so-called "No Boyfriend since Birth". Some people think that I'm lucky, those people are the ones who had a failed relationship, maswerte daw ako kasi wala pa akong boyfriend, wala daw akong sakit sa ulo, stess, wala akong iniisip.

You see, young girls tend to make decisions without even thinking about it, kaya my friends told me, and oh they had exes or ex-boyfriends, I'm so lucky daw because I can reserve my firsts to the one who deserves it.

Am I really lucky? I don't think so.

Cut the dramas, marami na nga akong problema, sasamahan ko pa ng drama?

Problem #1: I have no right to sing "Shout out to my ex" by Littlemix

Well, it's a nice song! The musicality, the lyrics, the tune and everything! But the problem is uhm, basically I can't relate. HELLO! NBSB HERE!!!

"HERE'S TO MY EX! HEY LOOK AT ME NOW! I'M ALL THE WAY UP I SWEAR YOU'LL NEVER BRING ME DOOOOWN!!!"

"MAY EX KA? MAY EX KA? KANTA KA NG KANTA AKALA MO NAMAN NAKAKARELATE KA"

Burn Niggah, burn!!!

Ok shut up na lang me huhuhu

Problem #2: Akala ng pamilya ko, lesbian ako!

Porket wala lang boyfriend or manliligaw, lesbian agad? Ako lesbian? Babaeng babae ako eh!

"ano ba Jade, may boyfriend ka ba?"

"wala"

"manliligaw?"

"wala"

"umamin ka nga, tomboy ka ba? Bakit wala kang manliligaw?"

*face palm*

"TOMBOY SI JADE!!!" *cries* *hagulgol*

"BAKIT JADE? PINALAKI KA NAMING MAAYOS! HINDI KO AKALAING TOMBOY KA!"

Bakit ba ang baliw ng pamilya ko?

*cries*

"HINDI AKO TOMBOY OK! PANGIT AKO! KAYA WALA AKONG BOYFRIEND, KAYA WALA AKONG MANLILIGAW!"

Problem #3 Hindi ako makarelate sa mga movies na love story

"oi showing yung Me Before You, nood tayo?"

"sige"

*at movie house*

Lahat sila umiiyak na, pero heto ako, nga-nga. Bakit ba nila iniiyak yung movie?! Nagsasayang lang sila ng luha.

*after the movie*

"grabe Jade ang ganda ng movie"

"nagmamaga na ata yung mata ko"

"maganda yung movie di ba Jade?"

And the most awaited answer of the year...

"hindi ko alam, natulog lang ako eh"

Problem #4 Professional Third Wheel FOR FREE

"Jade, samahan mo naman ako"

"saan?"

"sa mall, may bibilhin lang. Dalhin mo yung camera mo ah"

Huh? Bakit ko dadalhin yung camera sa mall? Pustahan gagawin lang akong photographer nito, bihis na bihis ang bruha eh.

*at mall*

"Jade, kuhanan mo kami, yung parang relationship goals sa facebook"

Hays, hindi lang ako ginawang third wheel, ginawa pa akong photographer nakakainis! Of course NBSB here! Totally not familiar with the word 'kilig' that's why naiinis ako.
Feeling ko sinasamantala nila yung pagiging NBSB ko. whatever at least naging useful naman ako for once in my life, but it totally sucks to be third wheel tapos NBSB ka pa, mapapatanong ka na lang kung anong feeling nung ikaw naman yung kukuhan ng picture with your boyfriend.

Gusto ko ng umuwi.

Problem #5 Of course bukod sa pagiging third wheel, napagkakamalan din akong THIRD PARTY.

"nag-break na daw yung pinsan mo tas yung boyfriend nya ah?"

"oh talaga?"

"grabe ka Jade!"

"sabi may third party daw"

Silence***

Nagulat na lang ako nakatingin silang lahat sa akin.

"what?"

"ikaw yung huling kasama nung nagdate sila di ba? Photographer ka pa nga"

"sabi na fell out of love daw yung guy at na-in love with someone new"

"hindi ibig sabihin nun ako yun"

Seriously? Paanong magiging ako yung third party?! Third wheel lang ako people! THIRD WHEEL! And to be honest wala akong pakialam sa kanila, its their problem not mine. Nakakainis lang na everytime na may naghihiwalay na sinasamahan ko noon as third wheel nila napupunta sa akin yung sisi nung break up! I mean come on people! I don't deserve a second hand!!!

Problem #6 nagiging bitter (akala mo naman may naging boyfriend na)

"ang sweet nila"

"maghihiwalay din yan"

"ang cute nilang dalawa"

"wala pa ring forever"

"bitter nito! Inggit ka lang eh!"

And that hit me like a train. Sapul na sapul, naghihingalo pa. Well, truth hurts like hell. As a NBSB annoying para sa akin makakita ng mag-jowang naglalandian sa harap ko. Parang pinapamukha nilang...

"magisa ka lang"

"mamatay ka sa inggit"

"poor Jade, walang boyfriend"

And it sucks! Mapapasabi ka na lang na...

"shut up! Maghihiwalay din kayo"

"kinaganda mo ba pagkakaroon ng boyfriend?" (well kung mukhang paa yung jowa mo, kinaganda mo nga yun pero kung pareho lang kayong mukhang paa, ay teh! IT'S A TIE!)

Oops! Hindi lang ako nagiging bitter medyo nagiging maldita pa or it naturally comes out na lang everytime na may annoying sa harap ko? But I realized sino ba sila? They're totally not worth my time or my attention. Pero dahil NBSB ako at walang magawa sa buhay, observing couples at mall, at park or kahit sa labas lang ng bahay became my thing and I need to erase that.

Problem #7 when it comes to giving advices, I'm not the perfect person to ask for

"it hurts like hell, Jade! Pinagpalit nya ako sa mukhang bisugo!"

"ok lang yan, mas angat ka pa rin. Mas mahal kaya yung sugpo sa bisugo"

"wow, very helpful"

"no problem, pansin ko lang ang hilig ng jowa mo sa sea food"

"hmp! Dyan ka na nga you're not helping *cries*"

Oh well, I can't give her advices because technically hindi pa naman ako nakaka-experience ng break up, or kahit ipagpalit ako sa bisugo. So wala talaga akong maitutulong, especially tungkol sa love love na yan. Experience is the best teacher, so isa akong hamak na mangmang don't ask me for advices, but I can still listen to your dramas, promise I'll try to shut my mouth.

"bakit mo naman pinaiyak yung pinsan mo?"

"wala akong ginawa"

"heartbroken yung tao, grabe ka talaga Jade"

"wala naman akong maitutulong eh"

"oh talaga? Naging brokenhearted ka din noon di ba? She's experiencing the same. Baka matulungan mo sya kung paano mag move on"

"she's not, I can't help her. She may be brokenhearted, she may have wounds but it's not as deep as mine. So don't compare me to her"

Hindi mo matuturuan ang isang tao na mag move on. Moving on is not as easy as it says, it's hard—so hard to the point na up until now, I can't even help myself.

Problem #8 Little by little nagiging Anti-social

"Jade, lumabas ka naman ng bahay, sumama ka sa mga pinsan mo"

"para ano? Maging third wheel ulit? Tsss. Dito na lang ako sa bahay"

"eh yung mga friends mo? Mabubulok ka dito, bakasyon pa naman"

"ok lang ma, mas gugustuhin ko na lang matulog at least nakatipid pa ako"

Being a NBSB is quite boring lalo na kung yung mga friends mo may nag-gagandahang love life and you're just uhm...whatever.

Minsan nakakatamad na din magreply or mang-seen sa groupchat, when you're friends are talking about guys, boys, guys, boys and their dates, relationship chu chu and such.

And you're just like...

Problem #9 akala ng lahat tatanda akong dalaga

"Eto si Jade, hindi malabong tumandang dalaga"

"paano kasi ang sungit sungit"

"Jade, naman pag naging 25 ka na mahihirapan ka ng maghanap ng boyfriend"

Seriously people? Anong gusto nyong gawin ko?! Manliligaw na ba ako?

People around me are so annoying, nagmamadali sila well sa totoo lang I want to have a love life too pero anong magagawa ko kung wala talaga? I'm still young and yet iniisip na nilang tatanda akong dalaga. Hay my dear family, aawayin ko kayo pag nagkatotoo yan dahil sa paulit ulit nyong pagsasabing tatanda akong dalaga.

Problem #10 pressure is real

Halos kaming magpipinsan are all girls and of course ako na lang yung namumukodtanging walang boyfriend or manliligaw, some of them are married, malapit ng ikasal, legal na sa family and may boyfriend, kahit pa yung mas bata sa akin may love life, may manliligaw and I'm like....

"kalian mo isasama yung boyfriend mo dito?"

"baka sa next family gathering po tita"

"kalian yung kasal nyo?"

"next year pa po tito, may inaayos pa"

"kalian ka manganganak?"

"sa june na po, lola"

"kalian mo sasagutin yung manliligaw mo?"

"next year pa, magdusa sya no"

Everyone is having a great time and then they all looked at me.

"Jade, kalian ka magboboyfriend?"

"may nanliligaw na ba sayo?"

"kamusta love life apo?"

Silence***

"people ang mahalaga is healthy tayo and complete"

Problem #11 overthinking + anxiety + insecurity = HELL

I'm an absolute overthinker (if there's such word that exist) that leads me to anxiety and then came insecurity so basically my life is a hell—my love life rather, I don't even know if it's still existing?

All that pressure leads me to overthinking. Mapapaisip na lang ako bakit nga ba wala akong love life? Am I not worthy of having one? Then of course insecurity came down on me like a flood and I'm like, pangit ba ako? mataba? Maitim? Mukha ba akong palaka? Mukha ba akong baka? Baboy? Kalabaw?

Am I not worthy of being loved?

Problem #12 questioning everyone, even yourself. In short nababaliw na.

"guys pangit ba ako?"

"guys may kulang ba sa akin?"

"guys may problema ba sa akin?"

"answer meeeeeeee!"

"Jade itulog mo lang yan."

"puyat ka lang sa kakasulat mo ng kwento"

"nababaliw ka na naman"

Hays, I feel like there's something wrong with me.

"Jade, wala namang ginawa si Lord na pangit"

"so gawa ako ni satan, ganon?"

"magayos ka kasi!!!"

For me mahirap yung mag-ayos lalo na kung wala namang reason. Bakit ako mageeffort na magpaganda? Sayang lang time and pera, wala naman akong pinapagandahan.

Still I tried fixing myself up, bumili ng damit, tried putting some make up on and this is not what I'm expecting!

Problem #13 crazily imagining about my future

"yep I'm gonna grow old alone"

"I'm gonna die alone"

"I'll be forever alone"

Sooner or later, makukuha ko na lahat ng gusto probably because I'll be working my arse off so makukuha ko yung dream house, dream car and all the money that I've been working for. But sinong makakasama ko sa isang malaking bahay? Who would drive my dream car for me? Sinong katulong ko sa pag finance ng pera ko? Wala, 'coz I only have myself.

My point is yes sooner or later, I'll be financially stable probably happy because of the material things that my money can buy but am I really going to be happy because of all that?

My future maids would probably be talking about me like

"ang daming pera ni Ms. Jade pero walang boyfriend"

"aanhin nya yung dami ng pera nya kung hindi naman nya mabibili yung talagang magpapasaya sa kanya?"

I don't want my future to be like that. I want to spend my every moment with someone special to me. I want to travel the whole world with that special someone. I want to be happy with him.

Problem #14 nagiging emotionless

Of course napapagod din akong umasa, napapagod din akong magdrama and napapagod na din akong magtanong ng mga tanong na hindi ko naman masagot.

For once ayoko ng makaramdam ng kahit ano. Sa kakaasa ko sinasaktan ko lang yung sarili ko, sa kakadrama ko pinapaiyak ko lang yung sarili ko, sa kakahanap ko ng sagot sa tanong pinapagod ko lang yung sarili ko.

"Jade, ano labas-labas din ng kwarto"

"dito na lang ako"

"miss ka na namin"

"miss ko na din yung dating ako"

Silence***

"ayokong lumabas"

Little by little I shut everyone off and I don't know why? I just wanted to be alone, no dramas, no shts, just me alone.

Problem #15 kuntento na sa pagiging magisa (biggest problem of all)

I shut everyone off. Mga pinsan ko and my friends even my family. Lately I've been doing things on my own. Nanonood ng movie magisa, kakain sa labas ng magisa, magpupunta sa mall magisa and now I've been thinking about traveling on my own.

It's like maayos na yung buhay ko kahit mag isa ako and the other side of me is scared because of the fact that I can live on my own.

"Jade, san ka pupunta?"

"sa mall lang po manonood ng sine"

"sinong kasama mo"

"ako lang, kaya ko namang magisa"

"Jade, alam mo bang nakakatakot na masanay kang magisa?"

Hindi ko pinansin yung sinabi ni mama but it kept on bugging me. Yung movie yung tinutukoy nya di ba? But why do I feel like it's something deep?

So I can't help but think about what she said at the movie house.

Why would I be scared of the fact that I can live alone? I'm just being independent. Bakit nakakatakot na masanay magisa?

Was it because kuntento na ako without having someone special with me?

Was it because may chance na tumanda akong magisa?

"why would I be scared of being alone?"

"is life worth living when you're alone?"

That question hit me like a lightning bolt.

"nasasanay ka ng magisa Jade and that's wrong because no man is an island, everyone needs someone in their lives. Aminin mo, kahit ikaw gusto mong makilala yung someone na yun"

"you're too young to live life alone, dapat kasama mo yung mga friends mo kahit pa may boyfriend sila at ikaw wala, problema ba yun? Edi isama mo si Mr. nice guy who broke your heart"

"ma naman eh!"

"he really is that important huh? He's the reason why you're like this right?"

"kung ano ano sinasabi mo"

"sagot!"

"oo na oo na!"

"natatakot ka ng masaktan? Natatakot ka na baka maulit ulit? That's why you chose being alone"

"whatever ma"

"there's a reason why kung bakit hindi ka maka move on"

"move forward lang kasi, walang kami"

"I'm so thankful na NBSB ka, nakafocus ka sa studies mo, nagkaroon ka ng madaming friends, mas naging close ka sa mga pinsan mo and mas gumaling ka sa pagsusulat"

"nagbabasa ka sa wattpad?!"

"bawal ba?"

"just know that, you're still young madami ka pang makikilala, madami pang darating sa buhay mo pero si Mr. nice guy pa rin talaga, ligawan mo na kaya?"

"nababaliw ka na naman ma, ewan ko sayo"

My mom's right, I don't have to explain what she said. I'm still young and these problems are nothing compare to the future problems that I may face.

So what If I'm a NBSB? Ikamamatay ko ba yun? Nah. I think being a NBSB is a blessing, I may not have a love life as beautiful as theirs, well at least I'm free. I can do things on my own or with my friends. I'm sure darating din yung special someone ko. Probably busy sa studies, may work or natraffic sa edsa, who knows? Baka nakikilala ko na pala sya.

*post*

"TAMA NA YUNG PAGSUSULAT JADE!"

"opo mama!"

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AnonyMouse: Sometimes the person you fall for isn't ready to catch you, so wait for me huh?

~end~

An*

Annyeonghaseyo!