The one thing I have come to realize over the last couple weeks, is that the higher you've built your walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone finally breaks them down. This organ inside of me, the one that was made to make me feel, is completely and utterly smitten, which only made its beats intensify every time he so much as even smiled. He didn't even have to be smiling at me for me to fall deeper, just the fact that he was smiling, knowing he was happy, did it for me. 

I was a goner. And there was no coming back from it.

I've never been in love before. Not once in my life has anyone ever captivated me the way he does. And when I look back to the beginning of all of this, I think a part of me always knew this was going to happen. I could see it coming a mile away. Could feel how deep I was in it from that very first day, despite my reluctance towards him. I could sense that he was going to be important to me somehow. Play a role in my life that would make me see the world differently. And I think that's why, with him, I always tried so hard. 

Where we are now, there's no need to try. There's nothing that we need to prove to each other anymore. Everything flows smoothly, making everything between us, happen so effortlessly. I never thought that I would ever feel the way I do, the way I do about Harry. How lucky I know I am, to have what I have with him, even if I haven't got the slightest idea if he feels the same way about me.

"Stop staring at me, love," Harry says, not taking his eyes off the book in front of him. He has a pencil clasped between his teeth, and the serious look on his face, as he studies, leaning against the book shelf across from me, is distracting me from studying for exams that I really should be focused on. "You're distracting and I really need to focus. And so do you. So, would you please just divert your attention to the books, instead of me."

"I don't want to be stuck in the library today, Harry," I groan, not hiding my annoyance. "We've been coming to the library for almost two weeks to study. Can't we at least study somewhere else?"

"I like to study in the library," he states. "You know that." 

I roll my eyes, knowing very well that he does. He has come to sit in the same place in the library, leaning against the same book shelf hidden in the many rows of books, every time there's been a test to study for. Looking at him, you could never tell that he'd take school as seriously as he does, but as soon as he speaks, and it has been very clear since the day I met him, that inside of him, is just a nerdy school boy who takes classes far too seriously. He just plays it off well with his cocky know-it-all persona.

"I know you do, but it's Valentine's Day," I whine. "We shouldn't even be studying today. I should be getting flowers and a nicely written out card expressing your undying love for me and I should be giving you chocolates and an overwhelming amount of kisses."

This finally catches his attention, enough for him to look away from the book on his lap and peer over at me through his long lashes. He raises his eyebrows, with the pencil still clasped between his teeth. "Sorry love, I don't do Valentine's Day."

Although it's well into the afternoon and he hasn't said one thing about the holiday, hearing this actually surprises me. After all the times he has taken me on sweet dates and no matter what, always said the right things, I know he has a romantic side to him. I wasn't really expecting him to do the whole flowers and candy ordeal, knowing it's a bit too much on the obvious side for him to want to do that for me, but to hear he just doesn't do Valentine's Day at all, is definitely not what I thought I was going to hear.

"Oh—Okay, that's cool," I say, picking up the first book I see on the floor and opening it.

"Love?" he says quietly, making my eyes revert back over to him. "Do you want to do something for Valentine's Day?"

"Oh—No. If you don't do Valentine's Day, I don't either. It's just another day, right?"

"Right," he agrees, looking back down at his book. "Good, now can we please get back to studying? We need to ace these exams."

I can't help the smile that forms on my face. "You're such a nerd. You can never hide that fact from me. It's cute!"

"Paisley, please." With the annoyed tone in his voice and the way he looks at me, I know that he's being serious. "I really need to study. History of Photography is going to kick my ass tomorrow."

"Okay, well I can't sit here anymore," I start, standing up from my spot on the floor, gathering my things. "I'll let you study in peace."

"Where are you going?" he asks, as I lean down to kiss him a small peck on the lips.

"Anywhere but here," I answer, rolling my eyes, before starting to walk away. "I'll see you later."

"And I'm not a nerd, love," he says. "Don't you even dare say that."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, nerd." I laugh.

It's not that I'm disappointed in the fact that he apparently doesn't do Valentine's Day, because I don't think I am. I have never done anything on Valentine's Day. Never had someone special enough to even care about it in the slightest. But here I am, so very in love with the most amazing person, and hoping that something great might happen today, to say that I understand why this holiday exists.

I decide to take some time to work on Harry's present some more, even though by the time he gets it, it wont be considered a birthday present anymore. With my luck, he wont be getting it until next Christmas, because studying has taken up so much time, I feel like I've barely even began. Before heading to the computer lab, I head to the cafeteria to get a coffee.

"Paisley!" I hear from across the room. I look to see Astrid and Blake sitting at a table and she's waving me over.

"So, what does Harry have up his sleeve for Valentine's Day?" she asks, when I finally reach their table after paying for my coffee.

"Oh, we're not doing anything," I tell her.

Blake laughs in an unbelieving tone. "I doubt that. That guy always has something up his sleeve. He makes the rest of us look like bad boyfriends."

Astrid giggles as I look between the two of them. "He's right. The amount of whining I do to Blake because he doesn't do sweet things like Harry does—"

"It's annoying," Blake groans. "Honestly, that guy needs to tone it down so I can breathe."

"Or you could just step up your game, hunny!" Astrid jokes.

"Well, what are you guys doing?" I ask. I'm interested in knowing what real couples do. Maybe I can think of something to do for Harry, even though he apparently doesn't want to do anything.

"Blake's taking me to a fancy restaurant for dinner," Astrid smiles, "And he got me a cute stuffed animal, so that Hospie has a friend!"

Dinner and a stuffed animal. Okay. Guess I'm not getting any ideas from them. It sounds like them. But I don't think Harry would like a stuffed bear. I sigh to myself, but smile at them, seeing how happy Astrid is.

"That's cute!" I say. "You two have fun. I'm on my way to work on Harry's present."

"Not done yet, huh?" Astrid asks.

"Harry's been making me study like mad," I whine. "I've had no time. So, have fun tonight!"

Surprisingly, there are a few people from class in the computer lab, working on assignments. I say hi to them before pulling my headphones over my ears to get started. I need to concentrate and just lose myself in working on this with no distractions, hoping that I can get a good chunk of it done while I have the time.

As I'm looking through the pictures I want to add to the specific pages I'm working on, the smile on my face only grows, making my cheeks hurt. The great thing about being a photographer, is that you always have a camera with you and can capture all the moments you want to remember. We've only known each other for five months, and yet, we have more memories caught on camera than I've had from over the last two years of my life. And in this case, the pages I'm putting together, are that of the weekend we road tripped it to San Francisco to see 5 Seconds of Summer. We look so incredibly happy together in all of the pictures we have taken together, and this trip's pictures shows exactly how we feel when we're together, making my heart burst with so much more love for him.

It's in this moment, that I know exactly what I want to do for Harry for Valentine's Day. Even if he doesn't want to do anything for me, the least I can do, is something for him. After all, Valentine's Day is to show someone how much you love them, and there's no better way to show him, than what I have in mind.

As much as I want to continue working on Harry's present, there are now much more important things on my mind. I take the time to finish what I've started, but soon after, I'm darting out of the computer lab to my dorm, feeling excited and nervous all at the same time.

I told myself that I was waiting to have sex with Harry until I knew that I was in love with him. And I know for a fact, that the way I feel for him, is nothing like I've ever felt before. He makes me feel like a better person. Stronger and happier, and I've never felt more alive in my life. Knowing that he has been waiting patiently and not pushing me to get to this point, just makes this decision easier for me.

I want him to know how much I love him, and I've never been so sure about anything in my life. This is the last thing I need to do, the one thing that has been so terrifying to think about happening. Because after all I have been through in my life, I can't help but be proud of myself for even thinking that I want to do this. It's scary to think about. Remembering how I thought that I would never get better. Thinking that I would always be afraid and would never be able to have anything, like I do with Harry.

Am I ready for this? Before I can even answer myself, I find myself knocking on the door next to mine, hoping to find Nova on the other side. And it seems I'm in luck when she appears in the doorway.

"Hey babe! What's up?"

I don't answer her. I just push past her and look around the room. I can feel their eyes on me, as I start to grab all the candles I can find around the room in a panic.

"Hey!" Niall calls out. "What are you doing? Those are ours!"

I glare are Niall without even meaning to do so, and I can see Nova in my peripheral vision smiling like a lunatic with her hands over her cheeks and slightly bopping up and down. It's clear that she knows why I'm stealing all their candles—at least the ones that look like they'll still light—but she's trying to contain her excitement and I'm just waiting for her to open her mouth.

"I'm just borrowing them for tonight," I finally say. "You can have them back tomorrow."

And that's when Nova starts squealing and Niall looks at her confused. 

"Would you just calm yourself?" I ask, rolling my eyes and trying not to drop all the candles in my arms. "And I swear to God, you better not tell Harry about this if you see him before I do."

"I'm just so excited!" Nova screeches. "I feel like my girl is all grown up now!"

I roll my eyes again, and I think this is when Niall clues in, because he starts laughing. "Just open the fucking door, would you?" I look back at her as I walk through to the hallway. "And not a word to Harry. I mean it."

"I wouldn't dare!"

As soon as I'm back in my dorm, I decide I should probably text Harry and see how much longer he's going to be in the library. I'm sure he's just about done his studying for the day, since I've been gone for a couple hours now. But I want to make sure I have enough time before he comes back.

He replies telling me that he's still going to be at least an hour and asks if he should bring dinner back. I tell him I don't want anything, but he can get whatever for himself. I'm far too nervous to think about food right now. My heart is hammering in my chest and echoing through my ears and I'm pacing around the room, asking myself over and over again, if this is what I want to do. I know it's just one more thing that I just need to push through the fear. I've pushed through the fear with everything else that we've done. I'm not going to allow this to be any different, because I know that once he knows that I'm okay with this, there's no going back from it. It'll change everything, and things will be even better than they are now.

After placing the candles around the room, I step into the shower, hoping that the hot water will soothe my nerves, but all I can think about now, is how I'm going to tell him I love him. This in itself is making me nervous for a whole lot of other reasons, because I don't know if he's going to say it back, leaving me in a vulnerable situation I'm not sure I want to be in. Fucking hell. This whole night is leaving me in a vulnerable place. I just need to remember that I'm doing this because I'm in love. I'm madly in love with Harry, and I know that whatever I say or do, everything will be fine, because Harry always has a way of making everything better. He always makes me feel comfortable, and I just need to calm the fuck down and go for it. Everything will be fine.

I take the time to put on a little make up, make sure my scars are covered nicely and brush my teeth, before leaving the bathroom to get dressed. Not knowing what one is supposed to wear for this sort of thing, I decide on a pair of tight short shorts and a loose white tank, forgetting the bra completely. As I'm lighting the candles around the room, I laugh to myself at how obvious I'm being, and hope to God that it isn't too much. But I want, so badly, for my first time with Harry, to be perfect. Romantic. A night to remember as being someone's ideal first time. And in all honesty, in this moment, I feel like a virgin. And really thinking about it, this will be the first time I do this with someone I love. It's something special that I know this night should have always been the way my first time happened.

There's a knock at the door, and it's only now that I've realized I locked the door. I take a deep breath as I walk to it, trying to calm my nerves, and I can't help the smile on my face when I open it and Harry is standing on the other side.

"Why'd you lock the door?" he asks. He then peers past me, seeing that the room is dark, the only light coming from candles placed around the room, and I move so he can walk in and I can close the door. "What's all this?" He places his take away dinner on my desk, but a coffee remains in his grasp.

The smile on his face lets me know that he understands the gesture without having to say anything. His dimples are sticking out like sore thumbs pressed into his cheeks, and he looks happy, quite opposite to what I probably do, because I'm so nervous.

"I just—" I start. "I know that you don't do Valentine's Day, but I wanted to do something special for you anyways."

He looks around the room with his eyebrows raised, before his eyes meet mine, and he starts to walk over to me. "You sort of looked disappointed when I said I don't do Valentine's Day, so I got you a coffee. I know it's not much, especially compared to all of this, but I wrote something on the lid for you."

He hands me the coffee and I read 'P + H = 4ever' on the lid. A smile forms on my face instantly, as I look back at him. I can feel the beating of my heart start to slow down, and all the nerves in my body loosen. He's right, it isn't much, but it, for some reason, is exactly what I need to feel better about this.

I put the cup down next to his dinner and wrap my arms around his neck. My fingers tangling in the ends of his curls, as I look at him. His eyes are flicking back and forth between mine. The smile on his face has disappeared, but he looks so amazing, the way the lights from the candles dimly light up his face, and all I can do is kiss him. I press my lips gently against his, breathing him in as I do.

He parts his lips from mine, looking at me intently. "I've been wanting to tell you—"

"I love you, Harry."

He crashes his lips with mine with such force and passion, that he doesn't have to say anything, because even if he doesn't feel the same way, I know he feels something. That me telling him that I love him, means something to him, and that's all that matters.

He smiles at me when our lips part. He looks so unbelievably happy in this moment, and I don't care that he didn't say those words back to me. That kiss says so much more than words ever could. Although there's a chance he didn't say them because he doesn't feel that way, I know that he feels something.

"You don't need to say it back," I tell him, when I realize he is definitely not going to say it back to me. "I just wanted you to know that I fell for you."

He crashes his lips with mine once more, and I can feel the intensity in the way he kisses me. My heart starts to pound again, as we move slowly towards my bed, our lips never parting, and his hands wandering down my body. When I feel the end of the mattress against the back of my leg, indicating we've reached our destination, I don't hesitate to pull his shirt over his head and throw it on the floor before climbing onto the bed and holding my body up with my elbows. 

The intensity in his eyes burn into mine as he crawls across the bed and hovers over me. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks, quietly. "And don't tell me to not ask, because I really want to make sure you're okay with this."

I let out a giggle and pull him closer to me. "I want nothing more than to be with you, Harry," I answer, not taking my eyes off of his. I want to make sure that he knows I'm being one hundred percent serious and that I'm not afraid for this to happen, even though my heart is still racing. "I want to show you how I feel about you. All I want, is you and me forever."

"Forever?" he asks.

"Forever."

He doesn't hesitate to press his lips to mine, moving his body to lay between my legs. I quite like the way he's kissing me, so passionate and slow, and I know that this experience with him is going to be like nothing I've ever experienced. He's going to take his time and be gentle and loving in a way that I've never had anyone be with me. Because he knows that this moment is special. He knows that everything that's happened between us has led us up to this moment, to express how we feel about each other in a way that only we would understand.

And although he didn't say those three words back to me, there's no doubt in my mind that the way he feels for me is any different. I can feel it in the way he takes off my shirt, slowly running his hands down the expanse of my back as he kisses my neck. "You're so beautiful," he whispers, laying me back down on the bed. 

As I undo his pants, he looks at me, eyes flicking back and forth between mine again, a small smile graces his face. He awkwardly shifts to remove his pants, his boxers along with them, and lays himself back down between my legs, holding himself up as to not put his weight on me.

I love him. I love him with every fiber of my being. And even though my heart feels like it's going to explode, I know that I'm more than ready for this moment to happen. I'm ready to feel how he feels about me. For him to show me that words don't mean a thing right now, because I can feel just how much I mean to him in every single one of his touches.

When he gets up from the bed, to retrieve a condom from his wallet, I take that time to remove my shorts, and get under the covers, and wait for him to join me under them. As he does, he finds his way back on top of me, my legs automatically opening for him to rest comfortably between then. "You're sure?"

I smile at him, absolutely loving the way he is making sure again that I want this. I know that he's being this way because he thinks this is my first time, and because it's been so long since I've been treated so amazingly, it feels like it is, and I can't even begin to express how elated I am that I'm lucky enough for him to be this way with me. It doesn't surprise me in the least, because he has always been exceptionally cautious with me, allowing me to feel comfortable in situations I thought I would always have trouble with being in. "I'm sure, babe."

He kisses me with pressure this time, as he slides himself into me. He then looks at me seriously before moving his body. "You okay?" he asks.

I'm unsure as to what my face probably looks like right now, but apparently it makes him question if I'm alright. The feeling inside of me is exactly the opposite of what I'm used to in this very position, and it fills me up with happiness and relief that all I can do is nod, to tell him I'm okay. That I'm not changing my mind about this now.

His eyes don't leave mine the whole time, unless it is to kiss me. He is gentle in every thrust, in every touch and his kisses are exactly that. I can feel my nerves dwindle and my heart start to race for different reasons than being nervous. The way he makes me feel. The way his heart seems to beat the same rhythmic beat as mine. He is so in tune to what I'm feeling and what I want from this, and I've never felt so safe than I do in this moment.

He is everything I've ever needed. The only thing I can ever imagine ever wanting in my life. I don't ever want to experience this kind of passion with anyone else. He is it for me. He is and always will be, my perfect person. The one I want to share my life with. Nothing feels better than to be able to give him this. To finally give him me, in a way that I've always known he's wanted. And for as long as I made him wait, I know that he is feeling the same way I do. I can feel it in the way his eyes don't leave mine. He is taking this moment in, breathing it in, and understanding just how essential this moment is for both of us.

Because in this moment, for the first time, our hearts beat as one.

A/N: Oh my, this was a long one! It's so crazy that we're at this part of the book already. Paisley has finally overcome all of her fears and has completely fallen in love. I'm sorry Harry didn't say it back! That will be explained in the next chapter!

I know I said that I was possibly going to give you a double update, but unfortunately, this chapter took me a lot longer than I wanted it to. I have 3/4 of the next chapter written already, so it will be up very very soon!

I want to thank everyone who nominated me in the fanfiction awards. My heart is literally swelling from all the love I receive from you! It means the world to me, honestly! You have no idea how happy you have made me!

Thank you for 18.9K reads! I can't believe how close I am to 20K! You guys are incredible! Thank you for reading! I hope you will continue to vote, because I would love for Karma to grow even more so than it is!

Yesterday, Karma ranked for the first time! I am wanting it to stay ranked, so please, if you love this book, I would love for you to tell all your friends to read it!

I love you!

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