There's something amazing about being on campus when there's hardly a soul around. It's quiet and peaceful, adding to the already safe feeling I have felt since Harry and I left Vancouver. I feel like I can breathe properly again, being back here. And to think that there's no one around to interrupt some much needed time alone with Harry, no questions to be answered right now about where he was before the holidays and how we got back together. It makes being here with him even better. After everything that's happened with us, this time is needed, and I am going to enjoy it.

Coming back here this time around, it's very clear to me how much things have changed since the first time I got here. The transition into the person I am now has been hard, but it's more than noticeable to me now that I have left and come back. It's hard to look back and remember the person I was the first time I set foot on this campus. How afraid of everything I was. How small I felt. So unaware, that everything I ever needed, was going to be looking me straight in the face and help me overcome my fears and become so important to me, without him even having to try.

I wondered if, after we left Vancouver and I had opened up a little bit to Harry about the life I lived there, if he could sense that things had shifted within me. Because, as afraid as I was, just being in the city and apparently having to face my past in the smallest of ways, being able to leave the way I did, caused a wave of confidence to flow through me. I don't know if telling Harry a small portion of the truth helped me feel this way, but I can feel the change in me so strongly that I'm sure he can tell there is something slightly different about me.

I feel lighter and happier and self-assured, much like the person I remember being, once upon a time.

Despite having this new found sense of being, so many questions were circulating in my head after seeing Ivy and Hunter. Were they lying about Ryan? Although none of it really mattered anymore, because I am here and they don't know where that is, I still couldn't stop myself from wondering about it all. Hunter claims that Ryan is still looking for me. It doesn't surprise me in the least. Ryan had other girls before me, but for some reason he stuck to me like glue and wanted me around a lot longer than any other girl he'd previously had. Even if he had some other girl, he'd probably be looking for me for a while. The only thing I need to do, is stay away from Vancouver for as long as possible, and I'll be safe. He has to forget about me eventually, right? 

One can only hope.

But I don't want to think about Ryan. I don't want to think about my run in with Hunter and Ivy, and the last thing I want to do, is question anything. I don't need to think about them, now that I'm back in California where I'm safe. I'm safe here with Harry and he's all that I want to surround myself with. I want to absorb my every thought into him. Breathe him in the way I always do, hold him closer than I ever have before and show him how certain I am, that with everything I am, I trust him and I'm ready to show him that without letting anything falter. 

Because, unlike everything else in my life, with Harry, I know I don't have to ask questions anymore. With all the ups and downs that we've been through, knowing how we fall back together every time we fall apart, gives me a sense that there's a reason for it all. There's a reason we always find our way back to each other, because every time, we come out stronger than we were before, and I can't help but think it's because we are meant to be together.

He makes me a better person in all the right ways, and I know that I do the same for him. He stuck by me and was there each step of the way. All the while, without even realizing it, we were proving to each other that no matter what, everything we've done since meeting each other, was so we could get to this particular moment. A moment where I'm not afraid anymore. A moment where he's not having to try to win my trust. It's a moment where we're together simply because it's the only place we want to be.

We drove all the way home without stopping to sleep, like the first time around. We took turns driving, and while it was my turn to drive through the night, he stayed awake with me. And so the first thing we did when we got back to campus, was climb into my bed, snuggle up close to each other to take a much needed nap after our long nineteen hour drive, even though it was ten a.m and we should've been starting our day.

Waking up next to him is something that I've longed for. It's been a while since I've had him sleep next to me, and I love that the second I open my eyes, he is there, close to me, with his arm wrapped around me tightly, exactly where he's always supposed to have been. I'm not ever letting him get away from me this time. There is not a day in my life, that I want to wake up and not have him there. I will do just about anything to make sure of that.

When I shift to my stomach to lean up on my elbows, he moves in his sleep to lay on his back, giving me a view of his upper body and all the glory that he is. I run my fingers slowly down his chest, over his perfectly toned abs, watching goosebumps rise on his skin as I do so, and stopping just above the waistline of his boxers to rest my hand there. He is so unbelievably desirable, I can't for the life of me, believe I've held out for so long, not touching him the way he's deserved. I understand the reason I couldn't, but there's no reason to stop myself now. I contemplate my next move, feeling my heart pick up its pace, as it's been a long time since I've been in this position, willing for our relationship to move forward. Willing myself to try new things with him. To try things I have never experienced, with someone I want to experience them with.

It was normal for me to feel scared, but this was the good kind of fear I only ever felt with Harry. The kind of fear I want to push through, because I want more than anything to be able to please him, to prove to him that I'm finally okay with moving our relationship to the next level, but afraid I'm not going to be good enough for him. I know he's had a lot of experience with things I have only done while being forced to. I won't let my nerves get the best of me though, because I know that if I just push past this little bit of fear, I won't be the only one who's happy about it.

I seem to have woken Harry up with my hand movements on his body, because when I'm finally able to remove my eyes from his chest to look at his face, he's already looking at me. "Hi," he smiles, sleepily.

"Good morning," I whisper. "Or afternoon. Or whatever it is."

I giggle as he pulls me into him, and he brushes his lips against mine. Our eyes stay locked, as my hand roams down his chest, and stops at the waist band of his boxers again, running my finger along his stomach. He looks down at my lips as he inches forward to gently press his lips to mine. When I slide my hand inside of his boxers, he pulls away and looks at me with wide eyes. "Paise—"

I don't say anything. I don't want to say anything. I lean in and press my lips to his with force, knowing this will give him the hint that I don't want to talk to right now, but when my hand moves to his already hard length, he pulls away from the kiss again.

"Sorry," he says, seriously. "I just—are you sure?"

I shake my head and breathe out, trying not to laugh. I like that he is making sure I'm okay with what he knows I'm thinking about doing, but I'm surprised that he isn't just letting me without questioning me, knowing how long I've made him wait for anything like this. To give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm sure, I grip my hand around him and smile, deviously. "Oh, I'm sure—"

The words are barely out my mouth, when he firmly presses his lips to mine. Clearly unable to wait for my complete answer, as his hands find their way to my hair. And although he is kissing me hard, I stroke him slowly, wanting to savor the moment for just a small second that I've accomplished this feat, willingly.

"Don't be a tease, love," he says, moving his lips to my jaw and down to my collarbone.

I take my hand away from him, moving slowly to sit on him, straddling his waist, and lean down to kiss his neck. My hands are shaking and it's clear in my uneven breaths that I'm nervous, but I'm not going to stop what I want to do for him. He deserves this. He's been so patient with me to get to this point, I want to make him feel good.

He pushes himself up to a sitting position and looks me in the eyes, intently. "You don't have to do anything, love," he whispers, moving my hair from my neck. When he starts kissing just under my jaw, my head automatically moves to allow him full access to it.

"I want to," I tell him. His mouth on me feels good. The way he licks that one spot that I never knew could cause me to feel like I'm on fire, makes my wanting to make him feel good soar through me.

"You're nervous," he says, quietly. "Let me calm you down first."

I know what he means when he says this, and although I am craving for him to touch me, I don't want this moment to be about me. I want to show him how much he means to me. To give him what I know I can give him right now, nervous or not. As I push him back to lay down, I hover over him and brush my lips against his, gazing into his eyes. 

"Trust me, Harry," I say, using his own words against him. I know how much those words effect me, I can only hope they do the same thing to him, and he allows me to get past my nerves without him having to to do anything to calm me first.

His eyes flick back and forth between mine a few times, taking me in. Before he can say anything, I press my lips to his gently, before kissing along his prominent jaw, and down his neck. His skin is soft against my lips and I can feel how hard he is between my legs, waiting for me to please him in a way I haven't been able to do before.

As I start to kiss down his chest, stopping and tracing over some of his tattoos with my tongue, the closer I get to the waistline of his boxers, he's tenses up.

"Are you sure—"

"Stop asking questions and enjoy this," I breathe out. By now I just want to see his face as I please him, and hear him moan. I want to know that I'm the one making him feel good. As I take his boxers off of him, I look up to see he's looking at me with a satisfied smirk on his face. As nervous as I am, seeing him look at me this way, sends a wave of confidence through me. I don't dare take my eyes off of him the whole time, because seeing him in this pure state of bliss, is the reason I wanted to do this.

**

"Okay, spill!" Nova screeches, when Harry leaves our dorm to get ready for the new years eve party at the pub.

Everyone got back from holidays this afternoon, leaving mine and Harry's alone time to come to an abrupt end. It had been a fun couple of quiet days, spent just the two of us. As much as I missed my friends, nothing could compare to being alone with Harry, and I never wanted that time to end. We spent many hours laying in my bed. We listened to music, with one headphone in my ear and the other in his, and  he even rolled Niall's tv into my room to watch Netflix, but we ended up making out more than actually watching anything. He got his chance to calm me down, quite a few times, leaving us both feeling satisfied that our relationship was finally moving along to something more than it ever was. 

He was always so perfectly in the moment with me, making me feel on top of the world the whole time. He's the only person who's ever looked me in the eyes the way he does. It's as if I can feel the way he feels about me, just by the way he looks at me. I know I'm as important to him as he says I am. I can tell that everything he's ever told me, is true. That I'm the only girl who's ever meant anything to him, and the only girl who will. I can sense how true it is, because I know, in every fiber of my being, that no girl has ever experienced Harry the way I have, in that gentle, I can't seem to be close enough to you, way, that he gets with me. And with knowing this, I will never take that for granted.

"What are you talking about?" I ask. I know exactly what she's talking about, but I'm going to play stupid with her.

"Just give it up!" She laughs. "You and Harry can't keep your hands off each other! You finally had sex, didn't you?"

I laugh, although it isn't true. "We didn't. We just got back together. I thought you knew me better that that!"

"I don't know why you just wont tell us the truth," Astrid adds. "Something happened. You guys were never like this before."

"Yeah, you were sort of looking like Astrid and Blake," Nova says. "So lovey and all. It's weird. Can't say I don't like it, because I do. I'm happy you guys seemed to have gotten past all that shit you two seem to be fond of, but I was getting used to you guys fighting all the time."

"I think we're done fighting," I say, looking through my drawers.

"So, you did have sex!"

"No, would you stop it?" I ask, rolling my eyes. "Do you want to know the truth?"

Nova and Astrid are looking at me with wide eyes and I can't help but laugh at how pathetic girls are to find out this kind of information. I never could have cared less to hear about their sex lives, but they talked about it anyways. I just don't understand why someone's sex life can't be a secret anymore. Sexual acts are personal. I will always think moments shared with someone you care about should always be something you don't share with others. Apparently people don't know how to keep secrets anymore, but I'm still not willing to give them any sort of information they are clearly looking for.

"I'm waiting until I know I love him," I explain. Although this is true, I know it's only half of the reason I won't have sex with Harry yet. I'm not ready for it. And the fact that he thinks I'm a virgin, only helps to keep the real reason behind the walls. Those walls are the only ones that are still up. And they will stay up as long as I can help it.

The way Nova and Astrid look at each other when I give them this answer, it's hard to tell if they think I'm joking or if I'm serious, but I honestly couldn't give a shit what they actually think about it. They should be happy I even gave them that much, knowing already the topic is never up for discussion with me.

"Sometimes I don't understand you," Nova sighs. "If I could sleep with Harry, I would have a long time ago! I don't know why you just don't jump on him. I'd never be able to wait."

I shake my head and laugh at her. She has never hid the way she sees Harry, despite being with one of his best friends. Everyone knew she'd never do a thing to hurt Niall though, so her words were always just that--words. And so they were okay to come out of her mouth whenever. Even Niall didn't mind. 

"Same," Astrid adds.

"Hey now, come on!" I laugh again. "That's my man you guys are talking about! You two have your own to do whatever you want to. Stop thinking about mine!"

The fact that it's new years eve, astounds me. This year has been one of the hardest years I think I have ever lived through, despite last year being a full year of Ryan. But a lot happened in just this one year, that I feel like I have so many reasons to celebrate tonight. How much courage it took me to finally leave Ryan for good, slipping out of his tight grip when I had the chance, even though I knew it could get me killed. Rejuvenating myself with therapy sessions and figuring out what I wanted out of life and leaving Canada to go to college. The person I am now, realizes that even when I got to college, I was just scratching the surface on becoming the person I wanted to be. But here I am, exactly the person I was striving to be. Still having a few things to work on, but knowing I'm almost there. I'm so close to it, I can taste it on the tip of my tongue, and nothing could make this night better for me, knowing that I deserve to be exactly where I am.

I can't help but think that this new years party isn't just a way to end a year that started out all wrong and only got better as the months passed. It's a way of showing me that this year to come, is only going to be the best year I've had in years. A year with no worries. Nothing to be afraid of. A year to fall in love and hopefully be loved. To be with someone I want to give the world to. I know we can only go up from here. I'm way up in the clouds and I don't ever want to come down. 

I can't remember a time that I have ever been as happy as I am right now, looking into Harry's eyes, surrounded by all the best friends I could ever ask for, with drinks in our hands, as we count down with the many drunk people in the place we've become so accustomed to being together. So many amazing times we've shared here, and so many more to come.

Life is good. Life is perfect.

"3—2—1—Happy New Year!"

I can't help but notice the smile on Harry's face when he pulls me in tightly, to kiss me this most amazing midnight kiss. Knowing he is just as happy as I am right now, only makes this moment a moment I want to keep forever. I can feel the way he breathes me in, the same way I do him, loving the way he cups my face with one hand as he puts his other in my back pocket and squeezes, pulling me closer to him. He is my everything, and I feel like I'm his. I'm his, in every sense of the word, and all I can think about, is how, no matter what, I want to keep him forever.

A/N: So sorry it took me forever to update (even though it's only been 5 days...feels so much longer than that! lol). Hope this chapter turned out alright. I have the worst cold imaginable, so my mind has been a little foggy while writing this.

I'm so happy Paisley has overcome her fears, finally! So happy we're at this part of the book! There's still so much to come, that I'm very excited about writing! And I can't wait for you to read!

Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for 16.4K reads! I love you all for reading my book! I know I say this every chapter, but I really do!

Hope you'll take the time to tell me your thoughts on this chapter! :) And if you like it, vote it!  :P
Love you!

Much love,
amberlove

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